i am out of shape. and this is my manifesto.

so i need a change, i need some motivation, i need to alter my routine. i received a free 30 day pass to a gym and i'm going to use it. i ordered a workout video (5 star reviews on amazon!) and i'm going to use it. i read up on some typical "healthy" daily menus, and i'm going to take them into consideration. i'm drinking more water. i'm walking a little bit more. i'm going to be leaner by the time my wedding anniversary trip comes around. i will do it. watch me.

i also joined the self challenge...i know it is super cheezy, but it makes me write things down, keep myself in check, makes it harder to cheat and draws my attention to my increasingly terribly unhealthy habits (so THAT's where all of those calories are coming from...) my weight and physical fitness have been something i've struggled with all my life, and i realized a few things while walking home thinking about it last night:

1) i love food. i love to cook, i love to eat, i love to enjoy everything that goes into my mouth. i'm not one of those people who can just grab whatever is laying around to curb their hunger. i evaluate and plan nearly ever piece of food that i ingest. and if it tastes good to me, i'm going to eat it. luckily i crave healthier items most of the time (sushi, veggies, fruit), but every once in a while i have to have a cheeseburger. or coconut curry. or creme brulee. this is not going to change. i'm not going to start eating pre-packaged low fat low calorie meals or eliminate pasta and rice from my diet. i'm not going to order one hard boiled egg and fruit salad when i go out for brunch. i'm going to have eggs benedict. with bacon. i'm going to continue to go out to eat and i'm going to continue to enjoy it. so something else needs to change instead.

2) i'm not going to be an exercise nut. i'm just not. i'm lazy and i'm busy and it takes a lot to motivate me. what i need is routine, something fun, and i need to be able to notice that what i'm doing makes a difference. so the free gym membership...it's free, so that's motivation to use it. it's new, and i'm stubborn to let things go before i've tried them. and it right off the train line i can take from work. easy, and it can be routine on the way home. the video...it got great reviews for being fun, fast, and for delivering results. cardio and toning. exactly what i need.

3) i can't pinpoint a time that i've been in "the best shape of my life", mostly because i've never really been "in shape." i've been quite a bit thinner, but even when i weighed my personal lowest (on my wedding day), i still felt out of shape. i'm beginning to think about kids (in 5 years or so...don't get excited) and i want to be "in the best shape of my life" before i sacrifice my body to producing offspring. and i want to be able to enjoy it for a while. so i'm getting started now.

4) i don't need someone to keep track of me, i need someone to listen to me. to motivate me not with a watchful eye or reminders of "the rules", but rather with words of encouragement, believing that i will do this thing and that i will win the struggle i've had against my body for my whole life.

5) i'm ready.

why this sudden shift in my attitude? i tried on, for the last time, a shirt that i hadn't worn in a while, only to discover that it was too tight. i thought about wearing summer clothes and i shuddered to imaging how much i'd have to spend for a wardrobe that actually fits me. and i got home to a postcard in my mailbox inviting me to a free trial gym membership. i've been ignoring it for a few months, but it's time to quit being a baby (or look like i'm having one...)

i feel much better now that it's written down.

What is making me sad/upset/grumpy:
1. taxes. oh my god taxes make me cry.
2. potato chips. they keep turning up in my hands and my mouth.
3. which leads to....my favorite jeans that are slowly working on a hole in the inner thigh.
4. people who don't trust me.
5. waking up in the morning for work after a totally unsatisfying night of waking up every hour.

What has been cheering me up:
1. eating duck. thank you g and s.
2. drinking entirely too much wine.
3. babies.
4. sewing things.
5. girl time.

What would finish the job of turning my frown upside down:
1. a staple remover that looks like a crocodile.
2. kung fu movies.
3. some nice fabric to sew more things.
4. fresh flowers in my kitchen.
5. repainting the canvas in our bedroom.

8 things.

1. I used to sweat girl time, and now I'm getting more than I ever have before. Yay for that! And yay for girls who like to eat and understand my shopping style (and even better...my sale rack addiction.)

2. Sew Betsy Ross. Yay for patterns of adorable easily customized skirts and cute shirts that I can make out of a $4 satin sale skirt.

3. De Martino. My new favorite wine: the organic cabernet.

4. I honestly nearly cried during last week's Project Runway. I'm so thrilled my boy Daniel made it to the final 3. I am such a nerd.

5. It is review time at work and I'm worried more about the people I'm reviewing than about my own review. Which is good, I guess.

6. Making something "your bitch" is a phrase that isn't nearly used widely enough these days. That complicated chicken recipe...I will make it my bitch. Taxes....they will totally be my bitch. That bottle of wine I've been meaning to open....my bitch all the way.

7. My butt is sore from walking and stretching and the bastardized yoga thing I do every once in a while, but I got a wonderful 30 minute massage yesterday at work (yes...at work!) that totally made my day. My office can really rule sometimes.

8. Am I or am I not a cowboy boot girl? I have yet to decide. I nearly bought a pair last weekend, changed my mind, and have been thinking about them ever since. Yay or nay? Poll?

Random Friday things, in no particular order:

1. I've been dreaming quite a bit recently about getting a raise / getting a bonus / winning money / finding money. I dont' know where this stems from, but I'm sure it means that my finely tuned foresight is telling me that my net worth will increase shortly. I should probably trust in this and go shopping soon.

2. I've recently discovered Widgets and I love them. Yes, I am a bit late for the technology train, but I do have a ticket. Really.

3. I'm feeling in a rut with my wardrobe right now, and I really want to initiate a total style makeover. Maybe if I start dressing really really poorly someone will recommend me to What Not To Wear and I'll get some new hip clothes. Like these:

Although I realize that with the exception of the skirt and the cute tweed jacket, I sort of dress like this now. Maybe just not as sleek and sophisticated, though. Sigh.

Happy Heart Day.

So. Last night I got together with a girlfriend for wine and caprese salad and clam chowder and shopping and it was so much fun I almost kissed her on the mouth when we said goodbye. And I didn't even buy anything, which is a very different behavior for me. And then I went home and fell into a serious headachey/crampy/sleepy coma and watched half of The Grizzly Man which freaked me out/fascinated me/disturbed me so much that I can't wait to watch the rest of it tonight after a nice raw meaty dinner. That man...is totally bizarre. And the narrator's name is Werner Herzog and he has this fantastic accent that I want to listen to/want to turn off at the same time. Maybe it's the grizzly bears, but I'm all about the slash slash today.

I've been drinking lots of liquids, like a good healthy girl, and my little water jug is leaking every time I take a sip. I hate that.

It is snowing in swirls outside, a snowglobe of a city, and I forgot a hat.

I've had this sinus/cold thing for a couple of days, and though I'm feeling much better during the day, at night I get much much worse. I don't understand the deal with that, as I'm not taking any medication to ease my symptoms that could be wearing off, so I'll go ahead and attribute it to the need for a nightcap. Blackberry brandy worked like a charm last night, knocked me the hell out, so hard that I could barely wake up today. I fell back asleep sitting upright at the foot of the bed watching Fox news.

Why does time move so much slower as the day goes on? Seriously, is it 6:00 yet?

Everyone should subscribe to Wholphin. My god McSweeney's is genious. I promise you will not be disappointed. Pure pleasure, I tell you.

I've been busy.

I wrote an article. I got sick. I danced a bit. I cooked some. I paid a flurry of bills. I watched the SuperBowl. I bought a vegetarian cookbook for my little brother. I also bought some shoes.

Comfortable wonderful adorable shoes.

I've also been amazed. At life, at the continuing cycle of mine. The length of my hair, the style of my dress, the size of my pants....they vary, but like clockwork. Every season seems to repeat itself. I need a jolt to break free. It is boring, yet I am amazed at how precisely I follow the same path over and over. I've been thinking about that alot lately.

I've also decided to finally get healthy. Not that I am currently considerably UNhealthy, but I have habits and I follow routines that may not be the best for my body. I'm starting today by increasing my liquid intake, at least 64 ounces of water a day. At least. And less carbs. More veggies. Less dairy. More fiber. Less laziness. More walking. Less alcohol... in baby steps. I do enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings. And how.

Tonight: a drink date with my girlfriend.

This weekend: Off to Atlanta to be with my very best girlfriend in the whole world. The only girl I will kiss on the mouth. The only girl I will walk around in my underwear in front of. The only girl I have no trouble falling asleep next to. The only girl I would drop everything for. The only girl who has ever loved every thing about me, every time it has changed, during every cycle, every time.

I miss my camera. I'm suddenly awash in longing, sadness, dispair even. Well maybe not despair, but something close to it when I see that perfect shot, have the energy to tackle photographing my jewelry that I've been putting off for so long, or want to capture a moment and I don't have a camera in sight. It's so sad. I feel like I'm letting all sorts of wonderful things slip away.

As long as I have it back in time for our California Adventure planned for two months from now, I'll be fine.

The California Adventure. Here's the plan: Fly to LA, stay with my aunt and uncle for a few days, explore LA, get sick of LA, leave LA and drive up the coast at a leisurely pace (2 days) to San Francisco. See wonderful things, breathe fresh air, fear falling over the cliffs. Enjoy San Francisco, Napa, the bay. Eat lots of seafood, ride a cable car. Celebrate our three year wedding anniversary. Stay at an artsy hotel. Come back to Chicago. I absolutely can't wait. I've already made the excel spreadsheet of our time, researched hundreds of flight options, car options, hotel options, received the tourist packets, read articles, websites, recommendations. And I still have a ton of planning to do. I love vacations.

I am sort of grumpy this week, but I can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it's the bills, the impending afternoon doing taxes, the wet cold outside. The teeth grinding I can't stop myself from doing. I'm restless.

And hungry for lunch. Leftover crab stuffed flounder del ray from Cafe Laguardia. My absolute favorite thing to eat. Ever.

What I am NOT doing right now:

1. Taking photos. My Canon is in the process of being re-cased due to a weird black spot issue. So of course, as soon as I send it in, I start getting all kinds of inspired and am forced to pass up countless opportunities to take amazing photos. The camera phone just does not produce the same quality images.

2. Losing weight. I tried starting a low fat low calorie breakfast shake, but I'm starving by 10. Those pesky 5-10 pounds have declared permanent residence around my midsection, I'm afraid. So be it.

3. Drinking a glass of wine wearing my pyjamas watching Law and Order reruns. As much as I would like to be...

4. Simply waiting for the day to be over. Really.

Seven years ago today Hubb and I went on our very first date. Seven years! It was the Waffle House in Christiansburg, Virginia. Nothing but the best. Hubb won my heart, opening doors, helping me over a puddle, sharing his vanilla coke. And staying up until the wee hours of the morning just talking. Getting to know each other. We knew right away that we had something special. Happy anniversary, Hubby!

Hubb was in NYC this past weekend visiting his little brother, so I had the weekend to myself and my girlfriends. I went to bed early, drank wine and ate thai, and hosted a slumber party for a couple of late 20-somethings. Drinking, Pass the Pigs, pizza, girlie movies...it was so much fun. We were loud and obnoxious, and had bellinis and bacon the next morning. I'd forgotten how much fun girls can be. And I'm not embarassed at all to admit that I had a sleepover. Sometimes you have to relive your youth.

Hubb bought me a wonderful little clutch from Bleibtreu (blibe-troy) while in NYC. Hubb has the best sense of gifting things that I wouldn't necessarily buy for myself. It is part of why I love him so.

I'm working on creating many pairs of earrings, and plan to take some photos this weekend and get a website started. emilyb designs. Simplicity. I'll keep you posted.

So I decided it was time for something other than a list. So here is an attempt at writing something substantial, unnumbered, paragraphed and cohesive.

I've been stressing lately; about what, I don't know. I'm clenching my jaw every time I stop consciously trying not to. I'm slouching, sort of cowering every time I stop consciously trying to sit up straight. Chewing my lip whenever there's not food in my mouth. And I think I may be starting to get migraines. Slight and as of yet, tolerable, but still. The light from my computer screen makes me squint to ease the pain behind my eyes.

I'm dreaming of going on a spending spree for a new wardrobe, and then skip out on the bills and travel the country with a totally new image. Skirts and high heels and lipstick. No more flats or tennis shoes or tee shirts. Wearing a silk scarf over my hair to protect it from being windblown. Big sunglasses and large floral print suitcases. Me and the world. I'm clenching again.

Nothing tragic is happening to me right now, so I don't understand my current tenseness. Life is, as a matter of fact, going quite well. I'm busy and having fun and becoming closer to friends and Hubb and I are wonderful. I just can't shake this thing that is pestering me. Neither can I pinpoint it. It's like an itch on an amputated finger. I can't find it and I don't know what is causing it and I can't do anything but let it annoy me.

Maybe it is the slowdown at work that is making me itchy. Maybe it is the thoughts and plans for trips out of the state, out of the country. Maybe I need a vacation earlier than I think. And some new dresses.

So I'm going to Atlanta in three weeks. Three weeks from today. To be with my best friend of more than 20 years, her brother, his wife. See their mom. Relax, shop a little bit, hang out with my girlfriend. Get to know her again, as her life has changed so dramatically since I saw her last in April. In Hawaii.

There is a girl I see almost every day walking to the train. She is adorable and petite and always looks so hip and put together with bright red lipstick, sharp jackets, skirts and patterned stockings. Big trendy purses. I want to be her some days. Or at least be her friend. Laughing out loud for hours on end in a hip bar drinking martinis. In another place.

Then I realize that my busy happy life is good and wonderful and real. And this is exactly where I have always wanted to be. I keep expecting tragedy, something tremendous and remarkable to send me on my way, to change the way things are. It's good and it's ok to be solid, steady, trusting of the now. But it's oh so difficult for me. And it is a struggle I can't keep myself from returning to again and again.

random nothingness:

- so my wonderful brother in law gave me a cooking.com gift certificate for christmas. perfect. so i got a new calphalon omelette pan and nigella lawson measuring spoons. the pan is fabulous and amazing, and the measuring spoons are just about the most precious things i have ever seen in my life. i want to carry them with me wherever i go and eat with them and measure out everything i put in my mouth. this picture does them no justice. you have to feel the weight and the comfort and the cuteness in your hand for yourself.

- i have a pimple in a dimple on my cheek. and i can't stop saying that in my head.

- i'm getting matching red fiesta ware pie plates. this excites me to no end. now my quiche and my apple pie can wear the same cooking dish.

- i need a drink tonight. 35 minutes and counting....

Best. Weekend. Ever. I mean it. I got better (yay), and....

1. warm cuddly date with the hubb, watching March of the Penguins, eating popcorn, drinking streuss, sleeping in.

2. dinner and a party, fun times, getting to know people better, wearing pants that didn't fit quite right two weeks ago. and...jello shot birthday cake. best idea, really.

3. shopping! overhearing this comment, which for some reason made me smile for about 45 minutes: "I've come to the conclusion that I really like Starbucks. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's true; I love it." seeing a grammatical error on a billboard for a hospital "its", not "it's". signing a petition to treat elephants better in illinois. compliments on nearly every part of my ensemble, making me want to wear that outfit every single day. odwalla for lunch, ginger chews to ease my belly, and.....

i am beautiful at state and washington.

and....

jeans story: i entered a little boutique to see what their sale was like. i tried on $160 jeans marked down 1/2 price. they fit dreamily, make my ass look amazing, elongated my legs. but...they were about two feet too long. i decided that i shouldn'd have to hem $160 jeans, and tearfully put them back. onwward. stopped by another store, tried on $110 jeans with a terrible shredded hem that were marked down to $30. they fit dreamily, were funky but not too funky that i couldn't wear them, were too long, but the hem was terrible so i wouldn't mind hemming them. i bought them. and to my surprise, they rang up for $20. so perfect. i hemmed them and dremmeled them and have been wearing them ever since.

4. dinner and monopoly with friends. the best chicken pot pie that i have ever eaten. ever. and i owned all of the railroads. it was a golden evening.

So I've been battling this cold/flu thing for the last week; no appetite, no energy, constant headache...I've been concentrating on comfort and warmth. My bed, comfy pants, tea, tea, tea.

I'm suddenly enamored with anything and everything apricot. Dried apricots, apricot tea, apricot sauces, apricot jelly. It is a fruit that I had never paid much attention to, but have decided might be one of my favorites. It's so interesting how my tastes keep changing as I age.

I have backlogs of cooking and decorating magazines to read, but even with time off from work, my headache is keeping me from doing anything productive. I paid two bills and I had to take a nap.

Nothing is sexier than a man who knows food. Which is why I adore Jamie Oliver, Tyler Florence, and despite his chain smoking, and subtle resemblance to a turtle, Anthony Bourdain. And although I've fought it for years, it is extremely satisfying to let my husband take control of the kitchen. Heaven is having your man cook for you. We'll be making this a regular occurrence, believe you me.

Time for another nap.

I'm increasingly listy, so here's another, albeit short, one:

a. Celebrity news reporter sighting! I saw Ana Belaval at Habit yesterday morning. I saw her on TV, then I go to catch the bus and she's totally there! She is by far my favorite WGN reporter. I have a mild crush on her and her adorable Puerto Rican accent.

b. I am going to Paris next winter for a girls' trip. It is destined to be amazing and I can't wait to eat crepes, visit the Louvre, and drink plenty of wine with my girlfriends.

c. My mom is an incredibly spiritual, holistic, all natural kind of woman, and she keeps telling me about how fasting for a day can give you all kinds of both physical and mental health benefits. And after slowly growing into my "fat pants" this winter, I think I may try it.

d. I'm still in love with Small Things. This necklace in particular, in a red cherry blossom, please.

The last few days, a review:

:( Hubb got hit by a car. He's ok, but we're both shaken up by it.

:( Dentist appointment. I need a night guard. How sexy is that?

:) Gallery openings on Friday, inspiration by ceramics and book crafts. Names of artists I can't remember...visiting a friend's beautiful studio and gaping like a fool at the ceramics tools, wheel and kiln. Dreaming of getting something started. Handbuild in my basement? I need to buy a used wheel.

:) Shopping, museuming, dinnering, drinking with the Hubb. An all day date. Discovering Herman Yu, inspiring graphics. Absolutely stunning, and right up my alley. I want to wear his calendar instead of just using it at my desk at work. Then...dance hall party and Red Stripe. A burrito and passing out at 4am. I had never really been a night owl until very recently.

:) Trying on bridesmaid dresses for a wedding I am not in. It was fun, and I felt wonderful and frilly and girlie and I need more of that sometimes. I fell in love with a party dress, and next time I need to be semi-formal and cute, I might consider buying it.

:) Shopping and finding pants that fit! And the most wonderfully comfortable underwear and great sweaters, and buying more wine glasses, and tumblers that match. I've recently been obsessed with things matching. Now my wine glasses and daily glassware are by the same manufacturer, and follow the lines of my new dishes quite nicely. Matchy.

:( Being terribly tired today and wearing heels and walking too much already and my feet still hurt from a) new year's and b) dancing too much on Saturday. Dinner tonight, new restaurant, friends and martinis.

:) Busy week and finally meeting up with friends. Sewing. Beading. Cooking. Warm and fuzzy and not too cold outside. Winter...what?

Top 5 things I learned in 2005
1. It is ok for me to be snobby about a) cooking, b) wine, and c) decorating.
2. I will never stop buying shoes. But better to waste money on shoes than crack, I say.
3. How to make delicious potstickers.
4. I can make jewelry.
5. How to play mah jongg.

Top 5 most wonderful foods I ate in 2005
1. Lasagna roll thing that isn't on the menu anymore at Settimana.
2. Eggs benedict on a risotto cake at Settimana's brunch. Oh. My. God.
3. Mascarpone mac and cheese at Mod. (rip)
4. Kalua pork in Hawaii.
5. Roast duck with apricots at Francesca's Forno.

Top 5 things I am embarrassed about doing in 2005
1. Drinking too much on New Year's Eve 2004-5.
2. Eating close to 3 dozen homemade potstickers in one sitting.
3. Saying things I shouldn't have. (on more than one occasion)
4. Finally owning more shoes than will fit in my closet.
5. Watching Episode 1 of Party/Party and enjoying it. A total train wreck, that show.

Top 5 events participated in in 2005
1. Linny and Glenn's wedding.
2. Family reunion.
3. Trip to Hawaii to spend a week with my best friend.
4. Caribou at the Empty Bottle.
5. Preparing my first Thanksgiving dinner in my own home.

Top 5 terrible things that happened to me in 2005
1. Losing our 93 year old Nana, October.
2. Losing my dog, Chester, November.
3. Learning of my Great Aunt's lung cancer.
4. Losing track of two old friends.
5. Finding out that we owed a crapload of money to the IRS.

Top 5 wonderful things that happened to me in 2005
1. Landing a new job that I adore.
2. Welcoming a new little nephew into our family, July.
3. Exciting news of 2 more babies on the way, via my two cousins.
4. Selling the car.
5. Winning an iPod Nano.

Top 5 discoveries of 2005
1. Sudoku.
2. Angelic Organics.
3. Taylor Street Cheese Sprinkle.
4. Santa Ema 60/40 Cab/Merlot.
5. Philosophy The Present.

In 2005 I vowed to:

1. Get in shape.
2. Be less judgmental and less critical.
3. Spend more money paying off loans and less on new crap.
4. Be more crafty.
5. Be less controlling of my kitchen domain, and let Hubb do some cooking.

In 2005 I actually:

1. Gained 10 pounds.
2. Got in trouble with my judgmental and critical self, hurt some feelings, and made a total ass of myself.
3. Bought lots and lots of new crap, and paid the loans down just a little bit. Saved nothing.
4. Started making jewelry!
5. Let Hubb cook maybe one meal. When I wasn't home.

In 2006 I vow to:

1. Can you guess it? Lose 10 pounds.
2. Drop the snotty attitude and just plain enjoy people. I was pleasantly surprised by a turnaround in my opinions on one or two people last year, and I find that I enjoy people a lot more when I'm not trying to find faults in them.
3. Buy fewer things, but nicer things. Bargains are great, but they usually fall apart quickly. I also vow to make more of an effort to choose independent and local over chain and mass produced. And take more pictures. And post them. Ok, we're getting carried away here...
4. Make more jewelry and sell some of it. Depart-ment is calling my name.
5. Learn how to cook something fancy. Something with duck. And invite friends over to eat it.

Apparently I tend to repeat myself every year, so I'm obviously pretty bad with this whole New Year's Resolution thing.

Today is the first day of winter. As if it hasn't been winter for the last month. cold. bitter. chapped. I finally got some great non-sausagey long johns, just in time for it to warm up above freezing. They come up to my armpits for super cold days, and can easily and comfortable fold down below the waist of my low rise jeans. Comfy and soft and warm. Take that, winter!

Today was also pretty much the best day ever. Bonuses at work...really wonderful bonuses at work, a bottle of wine, a sushi lunch...my company loves me. That makes me happy. I'm also putting together a Muji order for my Japanese coworker to fulfill during his holiday trip home next week. Japanese Ikea. Love it.

I want this purse.

And this belt.

And a small side table. And some silverware. And a lamp. And tons of other things I won't subject him to bring home to me. But the purse and the belt I must have. Happy bonus!

BEST WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVER

I have already received everything I wanted...including a protective sheath for my nano, a wonderful new case for my camera, and a fabulous romantic weekend of relaxation with the Hubb. Christmas has officially begun.

- a successful work holiday party last night. people stumbling into work late this morning, me included. ate too little and drank too much. i can still taste the liquor infused in my tongue. a fun fun time was had by all. especially by me. i love paying for things when the money's not mine.

- i have astigmatism and i need new glasses. so i got some.

they're sassy. mine are red. i will have them in two weeks. i am a little bit embarassed to admit that i totally wanted to get the prada frames, just because.

- i think i am done with my christmas shopping, which is good. but also a little bit sad because it is one of my favorite things to do; buy presents for other people. i'm sure i'll come up with a few extra goodies to purchase for hubb, though.

- i'm getting a cheeseburger for lunch. and the delivery guy just got here. thank god.

Things I am preoccupying myself with right now:

1. the baby in the office. she is soft, sweet, smiley, and adorably wonderful and warm. no matter how upset, angry, stressed, or sad, she brightens my day incredibly by smiling at me every time i say hi.

2. thoughts of my new oven. delivered this morning, she promises to cheer me up when i get home. and she is gorgeous.

3. shoes. for new year's eve.

they are quite beautiful, no?

Amidst shopping, drinking and eating during one of the busiest and most fulfilling weekends I've had in a while, I received two incredibly sad and difficult to handle pieces of bad news: a family member with a likely terminal illness and the loss of someone near and dear to my heart. I'm struggling to make sense of it all, and am having trouble keeping my mind on anything remotely resembling work. I'm trying to distract my brain with Christmas plans and end of year office comings and goings, but it's tough. Here I am worrying about little things, being superficial and materialistic, wasting my thoughts on shoes and a chubby midsection and a new oven and holiday decorations...all while others are frightened and hurting.

My instinct is to dive full into these silly trivial things, ignore the weight on my heart, keep concentrating on being happy and carefree. Survival mode for me. I can't fully comprehend the gravity of it all. This will take some time.

I'm on a path of destruction with my wardrobe right now...a grease stain on my favorite peacock blue deep v tee shirt, a pull in my brand new purple sweater, unattractive stretchiness in my favorite cardigan, a hole forming in my favorite jeans, pilling on my favorite black sweater. It makes me sad to see clothes go, especially when I'm not particularly in the mood to go shopping to replace them.

I made the most wonderful pair of earrings last night, all dangly and sparkly and wonderful opalescent glass bead beautiful. I will photograph them and post them soon. Along with some of my other pieces, I swear! Or maybe I'll just have Hubb do it with his brand new birthday camera.

I've about half of my Christmas shopping finished, and the rest of it selected and planned. I'm sending many people Frango mints, to celebrate the last Christmas of Marshall Field's. The limited edition peppermint bark mints are heavenly. This year is going to be rustic and understated and warm fuzziness, both in the gifts I am giving and the packaging I am giving them in. Brown paper and ribbon and twine. And simple graphic holiday cards. Lovely.

So today is Hubb's birthday; Happy Birthday, Hubb! We shall celebrate with margarits and guac.

I won a Nano! At the Wired event Wednesday at Enclave, I won the iPod Nano! Hurray for me! It is so precious, tiny and smooth and wonderful and light. I love it. Now Hubb and I have more iPods than people in our house. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Dressing up as a Nano for Halloween paid off! Next year I'm dressing up as a house. Or a private jet. Or a million dollars.

I'm sorry.

It has been brought to my attention that I may have said some things in this blog in the past about people that may be hurtful. My intention has never been to harm people's feelings, or to cause stress or tension between others, and I apologize. I am embarrassed and ashamed for complaining so openly about these people, and I know I would be incredibly hurt if someone said the same things about me. I'm sorry and I have deleted those comments.

That said, this blog is a place for self expression, for venting and for sharing, for being vague and at the same time being completely honest about who and what I am. I am not a mean spirited person, though I may come across that way sometimes. I don't want to turn this into a self-defensive rant.

I don't mention names, I don't mention places. If you know me, you know what I do, where I work, who I am friends with. You know where I live. I would be an idiot to think that my friends and coworkers wouldn't know this site was mine if they came across it, and apparently I have been pretty stupid by thinking that it was safe from the people I was talking about.

I'm sorry.

I've had a headache all day, Hubb thinks it is because my computer monitor is too far away and I think it is from MSG or allergies or else I'm beginning to get migraines. Ouch. Maybe drinks will help me. Free drinks.

I'd forgotten about my obsession with Kai perfume...I went through three or four samples when it first came out, and just received another sample in the mail yesterday. I finally splurged and got myself a vial. It makes me feel simply, cleanly, naturally good. In a wonderful delicious way. Like I just want to go home and lay in bed with my head under the covers and smell the way it interacts with my body chemistry.

Christmas is in full swing and we still have a month to go. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I'm just busy thinking about New Year's.

He's finally gone. My beloved Chester passed away on Friday. I don't go home for Thanksgiving and my dog dies. Shows me. I miss him. We have known he was on his last leg for a while now...I got to see him twice in a month this fall, to say goodbye, even though I didn't really believe it. I was planning on doing the last and final farewell at Christmas but he couldn't hold on that long. My poor baby booper boy. But, as Hubb reassured me, Chester most definitely made it to doggy heaven. He was the best dog. Such a good dog.

I am sort of afraid to ever get another canine, because I'll expect it to live up to what Chester was. Smart, energetic, but still always ready to lay down and groan and sigh and put his head on my pillow. Always excited to see me, the only other man allowed between myself and Hubb in bed. My Chester bester booper boy. He will always be My Dog. Nobody will ever replace him.

1. My oven broke on Thanksgiving. No joke. As soon as the turkey was finished (timing which I am forever thankful for) the oven started wailing a god awful siren and flashing "F3! F3! F3!" in giant red terribleness. It was like a terrible sitcom as we ran up and down the stairs to my angel of a neighbor's oven to tend to the dressing, and watched the rolls expand in the toaster oven. I won't get a properly working oven for almost two weeks...so the turkey pot pie will have to remain a dream this year.

2. We still have at least 15 pounds of turkey left. And with no oven to make a casserole, and no taste for soup, I'm going to have to get creative.

3. I got a new cell phone. It is a camera phone. It is fun. And I get to keep the chirping birds ring tone. Fabulous.

4. I also got an absolutely fantastic vintage wool peacoat with fur trim. I checked it out a week ago at Una Mae's Freak Boutique, put it on hold, never returned to buy it, and returned to find it was still there on the rack a week later. It was a sign. I had to have this coat. It is fabulous.

5. Hubb and my brother found a huge stash of firewood, which we immediately began pilfering for ourselves. This winter is saved from a diminishing firewood supply! Yay!

5. And I got to spend a week with my brother and my mom, visit the Robie house, see a wonderful play, eat way too much food, buy tons of Frango mints, decorate my house for Christmas with my mom, and have lots of fires. It was the perfect Thanksgiving. And I'm thankful for that.

Oh my god, so we were given the BIGGEST DAMN TURKEY THAT EVER LIVED in a wonderful serendipitous turn of events, and it is living in my fridge, frozen, hulking, no doubt frightening the carrots and the kale. I, too, am slightly afraid of this thing, this gigantic bird that will probably take ten hours to cook, and make enough drippings for seventeen gallons of delicious gravy. I can't even fit anything else in my oven when he's in there. Oh my god I can't wait. I'm sort of worried that I will a) drop him as I am transferring him into/out of the oven and ruin Thanksgiving; b) not have enough time for him to cook all of the way through and ruin Thanksgiving; and/or c) get completely sick of turkey before Thanksgiving dinner is even finished, and 20+ pounds of bird will end up rotting in my fridge until New Year's. But I'm also terribly excited. What a way to kick of being a "grown up" and hosting our first major holiday! With a huge fucking bird! I believe I will call him Archibald, Archie for short.

Thank you for your life, Archie. I will enjoy you, my guests (except for the vegetarians) will enjoy you. And Hubb and I will enjoy you in countless sandwiches, casseroles, soups, and stews for quite some time. Thank you for your sacrifice to make my holiday special.

Now I'm going home to begin cleaning and cooking. Yes, it is Monday and I'm already starting to cook dinner for Thursday. I LOVE this holiday!

Happy Turkey Day y'all.

Winter is here...in case you haven't noticed. I've been wearing more clothes, enjoying my new earwarmers, drinking more in the evenings to warm myself up, and slowly fattening up to protect myself from the elements. Ah winter. How I've missed thee. And how I wish I hadn't gotten rid of all of my fat pants.

I'm antsy for a pair of suede pointy-toe wedge-heel boots but I can't find any anywhere. And I really really want them. I saw an incredibly large woman on the bus wearing them, and I swear I can do them better justice. Even though they were still super cute clinging tightly to her rather large ankles.

Although I hate the whole Ugg thing, and I'm not one for cowboy boots in the city, I am liking these right now:

I can't really explain it.

Tonight is full of social obligations, drinks with a former coworker who I miss terribly, dinner date at a new restaurant with the Hubb, bars with friends, etc. Sleeping in tomorrow is the gold at the end of this rainbow of a winter Friday evening.

So you know how every once in a while it seems like your attention it constantly drawn to something you've never really paid much attention to, like a certain type of food, a color, a word you never use but suddenly hear everywhere? Like there is a sudden surge of this thing, your mind catches every single instance of it, you feel like it is following you everywhere?

• Instance 1: when I learned that I didn't really like riesling, and suddenly everybody is giving it to us and bringing it to dinner parties and serving it to me everywhere I go. So I politely drink it, and in the end, wind up appreciating it a little bit more than when I decided I didn't like it at all.
• Instance 2: how in the past couple of weeks I can't escape the reference of "Small Wonder", that mid-80's sitcom about a robotic girl. She's everywhere! Referenced in bars, at parties, on television shows, myspace friend requests...I can't get away from the sudden and slightly disturbing Small Wonder resurfacing.

Random warm spot: I just realized that when my step-mother said "I love you" as I was leaving to come back to Chicago after her mother's funeral, it was the first time she had ever said it out loud to me. I am touched as I think about that.

Hubb and I spent the weekend with his parents, visiting the Farnsworth house, taking a Chicago Gangster bus tour, and eating out a lot. I also got to cook two wonderfully delicious meals (if I do say so myself) for them, which was an absolute pleasure. I love to cook to impress, especially when it is for the parents. In the process I came up with a recipe for cornbread stuffing that I plan to include in the Thanksgiving menu. Delish.

This week is cold, and slow, and unplanned...I ordered beads to make more necklaces for Christmas, and I have some pants I need to hem. I'd like to have the first fire of the season tonight, but Hubb won't be home until late, so I would end up getting drunk on hot brandy cider in front of the fire all by myself. Which wouldn't be entirely that bad, but not something I want to get in the habit of doing on a regular basis. It is a blessing that this week is so lame, I think I need some r&r in preparation for a week of my mom and my brother visiting for the holiday.

It is snowing and my nose is cold.

nonsense:

i have had a twitch on the lower lid of my right eye for three days. i haven't quite figured out what induces these things, these nervous stressed out ticks of mine, but there it is. it will probably go away sometime in january.

i've been a slacker, and, i admit, quite boring. nothing new. nothing of note. nothing fun. not exactly true, but i'm sticking with that excuse for not posting anything in some time. i have photos on my camera that deperately want to be transferred somewhere else...i just don't have the energy. i am at the computer all day long at work. the last thing i want to do when i get home is to-dos that make me sit at the desk. yep, pretty boring.

i'm excited at the upcoming winter months. i've pulled out the scarves and the knee high socks and stockings and even the boots. i'm totally ready except for the fact that i need a new cute coat. which will have to wait due to a suprise financial dilemma. but no worries.

my inlaws are coming tonight and i'm cooking them dinner. and we plan to drive to a cheese factory in wisconsin. and see the robey house. and visit a blues club. and hopefully relax a little bit this weekend. should be nice.

i got a new little moleskine datebook for 2006, and i've just finished transferring all of the birthdays, holidays and anniversaries that are meaningful to me. i love doing this silly little task because it makes me reflect on how lucky i am to have so many wonderful friends and family. and i love sending cards. it gives me reason to buy tons of stationary.

enough nonsense for now. maybe i'll post something of substance before another month goes by. maybe.

oooOOoooh...pretty

A girl can never have enough bags.

I am officially lazy. I tried to go to bed at 9 last night. I haven't uploaded any photos to flickr since July. I haven't cooked more than 1 or 2 decent meals in the last month. I've stopped reading, making jewelry, and even watching my beloved cooking shows. What HAVE I been doing? I have no idea. Working, I guess. And eating out. This needs to stop.

I got the BEST fortune last night with our thai food: "Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you." I tured to my left and smiled at the hubb. Yes indeed.

I found the BEST shoe site: solestruck.com. Cute cute cute. Though I'm once again on a shoe diet. On my birthday I bought a wonderful pair of exposed seam orange loafers. I'm really into orange everything right now. I want pumpkin colored sheets for my bed, orange serving dishes for Thanksgiving, orange pillows for the couch. Orange.

I'm preparing the menu for my first Thanksgiving in my own home. I think I'm serving only 6, which is a nice size for a practice Thanksgiving dinner. Here's what I have so far:

• pumpkin and butternut squash soup
• roasted turkey and homemade gravy
• ginger cranberry orange sauce
• apple sage stuffing
• roasted sweet potatoes with candied ginger
• garlic sage mashed potatoes
• sauteed kale with caramelized onions
• arugula, parmesan and cranberry salad with balsamic dressing
• ginger carrots
• a gingerale apple cider punch

For dessert I'm thinking either apple pie or pumpkin creme brulee. I'm leaning towards the creme brulee. Start and end the meal with pumpkin. Perfect.

Hubb treated me fabulously on my birthday this year, with a watch I desperately wanted, a tee shirt I didn't know I wanted, and a wallet I knew I needed but didn't know I'd love so much. Hubb is a wonderful gift giver, as is his little brother who sent me a delicious smoked salmon from Seattle. Best. Birthday. Ever.

Oh, and happy birthday to work in progress. Two years old on Sunday. Still a bit awkward, but surely growing into its own.

Nana's funeral was nice. Short and sweet, and funny and solemn and tearful, and full of love and life. It is hard to talk about this woman without cracking a joke. She was full of the piss and vinegar, misunderstandings and teasable situations that old age can bring. It was lovely to catch up with some family members I rarely get to see, and to meet others for the very first time. And to spend an entire weekend cuddling with my baby nephew Justin, pretending he was mine. Until his diaper needed to be changed. Then it was back to mom.

I also got to meet my mom's new boyfriend, who I adore already. He has the same name as my little brother, and he has a daughter named Emily. Bizarre.

My birthday is Sunday, and I'm starting my oh-my-gosh-I'm-another-year-older-and-what-have-I-accomplished-since-last-year train of thought. And it is better than last year. This year I've accomplished alot. And I'm happier than I was last year. And more secure in who I am and what I am becoming. I have a lot going for me and I finally feel right about it. Like I deserve it.

In year 25 I:
got a new job that I adore. began working with my husband, who I adore. gained a new little nephew, who I adore. got a little bit more out of debt. went carless and loved it. helped a friend get married. lost a nana. gained a new hobby in making jewelry. bought lots of shoes. found an incredible hair dresser and an even more incredible doctor. saw nyc for the first time ever. saw hawaii for the first time ever. supported a friend through a divorce. learned how to go to sleep when my husband isn't there. finally purchased a real, grown up couch. got an ipod. celebrated two wonderful years with the hubb. began painting again. realized that being happy is ok.

My step-mother's mother passed away early this morning. We've all known this was going to happen for quite a long time. I saw her two weekends ago, bedridden, skin and bones, mumbling, unable to eat, barely alive. She had moments of lucidity, however, beaming and incredibly happy when introduced to her new baby great-grandson two weeks ago; telling her daughter, fully aware of what was happening: "I'm dying, aren't I? But I'm OK with that, I've made peace, I can go now." and "I can go now because I've paid my bills." and "I don't know what He is waiting for, I'm ready to go now." and "I'll tell your dad you say hello. I can carry a message from earth to heaven. I like that."

Now she's gone.

So another trip to the east coast, another visit with my family who is still living. Another celebration of this 90+ year old woman's life. Stories of Nana. Like when she said, in her southern drawl, "Emily, I didn't know YOU were going to be here!" to me at my own wedding. And when she asked who my handsom boyfriend was when I showed up to her house with my little brother. And when she would drink a holiday liquor and fall asleep on the couch with the TV blaring away at the loudest possible level. And when she would put shrimp and ham and biscuits in a napkin to feed to her little pomeranian, CB, who Nana referred to as "him" even though the dog was a girl.

She passed in peace, on her own time, from only her own body's refusal to keep living. In her own home. Surrounded by her family. Cared for by her children and grandchildren. Exactly the way she wanted.

it has been busy, and i have been uninspired, at least in the words department. i spent the weekend with my family in the mountains of virginia, and i'm still recovering from the love and the food and the lack of sleep. i love my relatives. that's a nice feeling.

my cousins carey and laura are both pregnant, so we had a surprise baby shower. i gave them both little tiny virginia tech onesies and tiny hokie bird booties to celebrate our alma mater. i can't get over how little babies are. except for my new nephew on my step-family's side. he is a huge fat little two and a half month old man. i just wanted to shove him in my suitcase and bring him back to chicago with me, how cute he was in his little cable knit sweater vest and cargo shorts. which reminds me: i don't understand the purpose of pockets on baby clothes. do they need a place to put their wallets and keys and spare change?

my favorite verbal exchange of the weekend: (backstory: laura is pregnant. she has two kids, 5 year old jake and 3 year old grace. their aunt is also pregnant.)

grace: (looking at her mom and her aunt) "you don't have a baby."
emily: "no, you are right, i don't have a baby."
jake: (evaluating me with a furrowed brow) "yeah, you are WAY too thin."

this will leave me with smiles for weeks, i tell you. except that today while holding my coworker's 4 month old, i realized that i kind of want a baby. a little bit. sort of. but at least after a weekend of eating and drinking too much toddlers don't mistake me for being pregnant.

i am obsessed with little comfy ballet flats and mocassins right now. i'm working on wearing my bronx flats out:

and i'm thinking about something new now....or else the same shoes in tan:

i plan to spend some time this weekend taking pictures of the dozens of necklaces and earrings i've made over the past few weeks. i have way too many to do anything with, so i may end up trying to get a booth at one of the many chicago craft fairs to sell some of it. i ordered some new beads yesterday, some pearls, more agate, jasper and amazonite. i can't stop.

vows i've made in the past week:
1. to never book a 6:30 am flight again.
2. to drink more water.
3. to dress my children well.
4. to bring a flask and some sedatives next time i travel, just in case my flight is delayed THREE FREAKING HOURS.
5. to overreact less.

In addition to being best friends, roommates, lovers, husband and wife, and parents to our future children, (among all sorts of other things to each other), Hubb and I now face the challenge of becoming co-workers. My small (20) person company has hired my husband (we're now 21). He starts on the 17th.

1. I'm thrilled to have this chance to get to know him in a different way. A professional relationship to tack onto all of the other kinds of relationships we have.

2. This is a great step for Hubb's career. I'm very happy for him, and for my company. We're happy to have him join the team.

3. All of our eggs are in one basket. Although I'm feeling positive about everything else, this is going to take come mental massaging to work through.

Congratulations, Hubb!

I just received my most recent jewelry supply order. Pretty pretty natural agate, fancy jasper and black onyx. And some silver chain, and gorgeous ghostly white tube beads, and silver 2 mm rounds. I can't wait to go home and play.

10 Things

1. Francesca's Forno is amazing. Simple, delicious, fun, beautiful and amazing. If you haven't been yet, go now. The risotto is divine.

2. Puppets are incredibly cool. Puppeteers on Milwaukee Avenue on a Friday night, even more so. I wish more street performers included puppets. It is a quickly disappearing art.

3. Weird coincidence: Last weekend I tripped on Damen Avenue's inconsistent east sidewalk. While walking home from dinner Friday, I noted to Hubb"Hey, this is where I fell last weekend," at exactly the same moment that another unsuspecting (and perfectly sober) girl took a spill on the same piece of pavement. We were all a little shocked at the bizarre coincidence of it all. I told her the bruised would heal in about a week.

4. Allergies and sniffly sinus crap has got to go.

5. In the days before we know where our future lies for sure (can't talk about it now, maybe tomorrow. And no, I'm not pregnant.) I cook for some relaxation and comfort. Tapioca pudding, cornbread, pumpkin butternut squash soup, and the stuffing and apricot bourbon barbecue sauce for my southern stuffed chicken. I cut up so much pumpkin and squash that I gave myself a blister. It was worth it, though. And I hope my dinner guests tonight will agree.

6. La Creperie is delicious. It inspires me to make more thick flavorful sauces. And learn to speak French again. And wear little berets, full skirts, and striped sweaters.

7. I thought summer was over? WTF?

8. After more than a year, I am still in love with this simple graphic jewelry. (hint hint)

9. Spring vacation: Southwest USA, Spain, Australia, or....?

10. My new centerpiece for my dining room table:

Aardvarks are freaky

Like Star Wars suck your brain freaky. Just look at those fingers. They have fingers!

So...I hear that Chicago may be smoke free come Spring. I have four words to say about that: IT'S ABOUT F@$%ING TIME! Breathing! It's going to be fun again!

I just peeled and segmented three oranges and my hands smell heavenly. And it's Friday. And we have a busy busy wonderfully fun weekend planned. VIP party tonight. At least two different dinner dates, one of which I get to host which means using my china! And I got a new cute tee shirt last night. With a little bird on it. And I fit into my old favorite jeans today a little better than I did two weeks ago. And my bruised knees are rapidly healing. And I get to see my entire family next weekend: my dad, step-mom, brother, grandmother, great aunt, aunt (x2), uncle (x2), step-sister, step-brother-in-law, pregnant cousin (x2), cousin-in-law (x2), and second cousin (x2). Then I get to see my mom. Hurrah! Celebration and parties and fun and family. All is well in the land of emily.

Today is absolutely the best weather EVER! I love fall, the crisp, the cool, the sweaters, the knee high socks. It invigorates me and makes me want to take long walks in the evening and cuddle up by the fire with the Hubb and the kitties with a stomach warming shot of brandy. I am all orange and brown today. Comfortable and cozy, ready for the smell of leaves and pumpkin.

Speaking of pumpkin, Hubb and I are hosting a dinner party this Monday night, and I plan to make a yummy pumpkin and acorn squash soup. I have fresh sage that I've been dying to use, and now that soup season is finally here, I'm on it. Yay for pumpkin soup!

So I ran an errand for the Hubb last night, and in the process fell in love with a fabulous sexy red dress. I bought it with plans to wear it to Christmas parties, and maybe even a New Year's bash this year. I can't believe I'm already thinking about the holidays. But at least I'm going to look damn good.

Fashion, crafts, dancing and drinks sums up my weekend. Fabulous independent designer duds on Friday, a huge impressive representation of the Chicago (and more) craft scene on Saturday (before the rain), Cut Copy, Hot Chip, Fourtet, $2 PBRs and lots and lots of fun. Oh, and completely wiping out on the uneven sidewalk on Damen Avenue. Yep, I walked away with terribly bruised knees and bruised ego. I hadn't even had a drink yet.

Hot Chip is awesome and is pretty much my new favorite band. So much energy! Wee-ooo-wee-ooo keyboards, handclaps, harmonizing, drum machines and members that look like my friends and family (seriously, the drum machine guy looks sort of like my father in law.) Perfect.

So, it has been a stressful couple of weeks in my household, and the weekend was a perfect way to unwind and forget about life for a while. I'm looking forward to the unknown being known again . . . I hate being in limbo. And I love being vague.

Today = Perfect. For many reasons:

1. Perfect walk-to-work weather. Cool, but not cold. Sunny, but not hot.
2. Birthdays at work and The Best Birthday Cake Ever. Whole Foods Bakery is my absolute favorite.
3. Good hair day (the wave is behaving), good shoe day (cute pointy moccasins), good pants day (new jeans).
4. GenArt Shop CHICago event tonight. I don't feel I even need to explain my thrill about this one.
5. Busy busy busy. And a busy social calendar for the weekend. Fabulous.

I'm planning on sleeping VERY well this weekend, to make up for lost beauty rest over the last couple of weeks of my suddenly busy and anxiety-prone life. Suddenly...that's a lie, really. It's pretty much always been this way. I just refuse to believe it.

I sort of miss being in college; I miss my girlfriends, the naps in the middle of the day, the complete lack of "plans" except to spend time with the boy. Lounging and carefree and $210 a month rent and pizza at 2am with no worries of weight gain. sigh.

All summer long I've been in denial, wearing pants and sweaters to work, refusing to acknowledge that it is hot out. Now that it is almost October (can you believe it?!) I'm having trouble thinking about putting away the flipflops and packing up the swimsuits for another 9 months. Not that I swam at all this summer, but still...waking up in the dark is always the "wrong side of the bed" for me.

My feet are blistered and angry with me for wearing shoes today. I wear flip flops from the first signs of spring to the first signs of autumn, and today decided to try the confined footwear thing to get back into the swing of things. My feet need pampering in order to go through the seasons.

I am finally accepting the fact that life is full of drama. Period. Something is always happening to someone....babies are born, grandparents pass, people get new jobs and get married and there will always be a new pair of shoes to buy and a new restaurant to try. I tend to get stuck in this ridiculous idea that I have a calm group of family and friends, that I'm getting to a point in my life where things will remain the same, safe, normal. There is no such thing. And I am full of lies and hypocrisy.

I'm into the lists today...I'm not very busy.

What I'm currently into:

1. Matthew Herbert. Making music out of food = simply awesome. And in Hubb's words, Herbert's food-music is "a lot more accessible than I expected." If you're half the food freak I am, you'll be amazed. Promise.

2. These shoes, because they're cute, but not too cute:

3. This phone, because it is super sexy:

4. Drinking sake before bed.

5. Leeks.

Unimportant things I have noticed at my office:

The Studio:
1. If I wear a sweater, the office is inevitably warm. If I wear thin clothing, it will be cold.
2. If music is playing, I am happier than if it is not.
3. For having 20 people working in the same room, The Studio is surprisingly quiet.
4. I can't stop myself from eavesdropping, which makes me incredibly paranoid when making my own doctor's appointments and scheduling get-togethers with friends.

The Kitchen:
1. If there is food on the counter, it will be eaten.
2. If I want to save communal food for myself, all I have to do it place it at the back of the top shelf.
3. Quite a few people have no idea that they are allowed to place their coffee mugs in the dishwasher by themselves.
4. If I wear a white shirt, coffee will splatter on to my chest at some point throughout the day.

The Bathroom:
1. The light in the women's restroom is incredibly flattering, even on my most bloated and terrible hair days.
2. Two of the tiles in front of the left most stall come together to look like a giant penis.
3. The lock on the left most stall does not always close properly.
4. The left most stall is my stall of choice. Mostly because of the penis-tiles.

I love weddings. Almost as much as I love babies. And I'm getting two new baby cousins this coming spring! I have two pregnant cousins right now; sisters; due in March and April. I get to see them both next month at my family reunion. Lives, thay are a'changing. I love it!

Not much else going on. I have cramps. And I feel like it is still Monday.

Time is flying and I can't believe it is September already. I didn't even go to the beach. Not once. I'm a terrible Chicagoan.

Life has somehow slipped into a comfortable easy thing recently...which I suppose is actually a good thing. It is just difficult for me to get used to. I'm content and happy and settled. Life is good.

Sometimes I feel like a broken record.

One of my best girlfriends is getting married this Saturday, so I head out to Jersey for a whilrwind wedding weekend in a few days. I get to participate in the wedding as a bridesmaid (or matron, I guess would be more appropriate.) I am thrilled and excited and so so happy for her and her beau. I have never known them well as a couple, because they started dating after I left college, and then the groom-to-be nearly started a fist fight at my wedding defending the honor of his soon-to-be-bride, but I've gotten to know him since then and have absolutely fallen in love with him. Slicing me a plate full of tuna sashimi that you caught yourself is a surefire way to win my heart. Congratulations Lin and Glenn!

Exciting changes for hubb and I may be in store for the near future, so for the fear of a jinx I keep my mouth shut and my fingers crossed for everything to turn out they way we hope. And you should too.

Thanks.

685 miles of driving + fried cheese curds + Lakefront brewery tour + meeting up with friends across state lines even though they live blocks away from us + Motel 6 + the coolest t-shirt ever + wine and cheese + the hardest bar to find in Milwaukee = a damned good Labor Day get away.

Hubb and I dubbed our trip "Come on, get out of Illinoise". It was spectacular. I'm not generally strong on spontaneity, but this weekend I enjoyed every wonderful minute of it. We drove all the way up Sheridan Road from Chicago to Milwaukee, watching the scenery change from downtown to upscale suburb to tiny hole in the wall town to hip neighborhood to downtown again. It was an incredibly interesting social experience, watching one road change so drastically up the lakeshore. We definitely got our unlimited miles out of the rental car. Money incredibly well spent.

Once back we attended not one, but TWO! Labor Day weekend bbqs, ate a lot, drank a lot, and relaxed and enjoyed the fact that we had Monday off work. Now it is back to the ratrace, with quite possibly the busiest week I've had in a very very long time. (not obvious by the fact that I'm posting today...)

And today, as I wear my totally awesome souvenir from my trip (a pale green t-shirt with dollar signs screened on the inside, so they ever-so-subtly show through), I get a bonus! My first ever bonus! It's been a great month so far.

So, my step-brother-in-law was bitten by a rattle snake on Sunday, and nearly died. He was finally sent home from the hospital today, but for a while we didn't know if he was going to live, die, end up permanently brain damaged or lose his arm. He'll be fine, we think, but not until after 4-5 weeks of intense pain and sickness, a result of an incredibly lethal dose of rattle snake venom and three bags of anti-venom. Right now we're just happy he's alive.

He and his wife (my step-sister) just had a baby two months ago.

Life is fragile, people. A lesson which has been bored into my head this week with the incredibly sadness and tragedy Katrina has left behind and the near loss of a family member.

My boy, my baby, my love, my puppy, my Booper, my Chester-bester boy. He may not be around much longer. News broken to me by my dad while I am at work. I cried. I looked up plane ticket prices. I cried some more. Even if you can't wait until I'm home in October, I'll be there, Chester. I need to say goodbye to you. You'll always be my boy. I love you, Booper.

It is one of those days that never ends, when you have something to look forward to (Star Wars, yay!) and nothing to keep you busy until it begins. I am spending my time daydreaming: earrings to make, books to read, unwatched CSI episodes, imagining myself as a student at Kendall College...our visit Saturday has left me in complete awe and envy. Now I REALLY want to go to school there, I want to fondle the fryers, stroke the marble pastry countertops, poke around the walk in fridges. I want to cook in one of the teaching kitchens just once, prepare one meal on the gorgeous state of the art 8-burner ranges. I want to spend my time with hundreds of passionate chefs-to-be, learn how to make a good souffle, watch someone mold fondant. I want access to unlimited resources and ingredients, an insiders knowledge to every meal I eat out, a justified snobbiness from years of education and experience. But at over a $200k price tag, maybe I'll just keep teaching myself...learning by doing. After viewing the facilities at Kendall, I have designed my dream kitchen in my head. At least I have that.

Seriously, the spice lecture was fascinating, and if you ever get a chance to visit the Spice House or go to one of their lectures, take it! Tom and Patty are both hilarious and knowledgeable, and incredibly entertaining. They told us many things that I already knew, but much much more that I didn't. They also inspired me to completely clean out my spice and herb cabinet and spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on fresh ones.

I went shopping last night; 8 stores, 5 purchases, 4 espresso mugs, 1 coffee mug, 1 pair of jeans, a pair of earrings and a jacket, and one purchase for the kitchen at work. Success. Pending Hubb's opinion I may return the jacket, a funky white blazer with big brown buttons, but I really like it, so I'll probably end up keeping it. I can't wait for Fall.

I bought a new pair of jeans to help manage my increasing sensitivity to the size of my ass...I'm taking a medication that has helped me to gain 5 pounds in the past few weeks. For petite little me, that's a pound a foot! Not fun. Now, I'm not incredibly abnormal, but I have never been able to find a high end pair of jeans that fit me correctly. I guess that's because they're all made for tall skinny women, and I don't fit into that category so much. I went out last night fully intent on spending upwards of $100 on some quality denim, and ended up buying a perfect pair of jeans for $19.99. In the past year, all of the best pants I've owned have been under $50. I'd love to wear Chip & Pepper, Citizens of Humanity, Seven, Joes and Paper Denim Cloth, but they honestly don't fit my body type. I guess I'll just have to spend the other $100 on other things. Like beads. And shoes.

The weekend is looking promising, with a housewarming with friends, a tour of Kendall College (yay!) and some rest and relaxation. I may finally get a nice romantic date with the Hubb tonight, a rooftop grilling and some movie-time cuddling. Or some sushi. It's been too long, sashimi.

I wish I had a bottle of sake at work.

Ok, ok, so I know it is only August, but I am already having a winter shoe dilemma. I now work in an extremely casual, comfortable environment, so my past pointy high heeled winter boots aren't going to be as appropriate this year. I'm searching for something funky, fun, slightly dressy and warm for this year's fashion, and so far I'm drawn to these three:

Yes, they are all the same brand, and yes, they would be black. I can't decide. Even though I have two to three months to do so.

I just realized that I have been wearing strictly flip flops for almost 6 weeks straight.

Yay, shoes are back at work in progress!

So I broke down and wore my swimsuit (nearly naked!) in front of my coworkers over the weekend at The Office Barbecue. It took some convincing, but I did it. And I swam in a lake. And went for a boat ride. And saw a turtle. And didn't mind getting rained on because I was already wet with lake. I miss nature.

I also hung out with kids and ate delicious foods and drank a little too much too early in the day. But it was fun and rewarding and a huge relief because it was I who planned the event. I feel like I accomplished something grand and magnificent and made 25 other people's lives that much richer and fuller. But it was just a barbecue. In Indiana.

I pull out my tackle box of beads and wire nearly every night now, and have at least a dozen pairs of earrings and a few necklaces to show for it. And the ideas keep coming. It is incredibly relaxing to have something productive to do in the evenings. As opposed to cooking, which is consumed and gone in a matter of minutes, making things that will be there tomorrow gives me a sense of something heavy and solid. I guess that's why I like to cook in big batches. Leftovers. A reminder of the time and energy involved.

Hubb and I received out first box of organic veggies from our Angelic Organics share this weekend, and are left with quite a few veggies to cook this week. We have some mixed greens, eggplant, basil, dill, kale, fennel, carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, corn and garlic. I made eggplant parm last night, with my own tomato sauce. It always feels good to eat homemade. I will learn to use fennel later this week. That's one of the perks, at least in my eyes, to the veggie box: I will need to learn how to cook a few new things. I'm absolutely thrilled about that opportunity. And the fact that until Christmas I'll have plenty of fresh produce around.

Heirloom tomatoes and carrots with the tops on make me happy.

I am almost over the shock of The Best Bachelorette Party Ever, and my eyes are still adjusting from the mayhem and outrageous debauchery they witnessed. They hurt a little. Incredible fun was had by all, and I think I may have seen more boobs than weenies...which says something about the friends I have. I miss them terribly sometimes. And I get to see them again in a month! Woo! More boobs! And a wedding! Yay! Three cheers for matrimony and gratuitous nudity!

I'm wearing a pair of matching earrings and a necklace that I made with the beautiful amber and yellow jade beads I bought a few weeks ago. I am a nerd and I like to match. I also just purchased some pretty jade, jasper and aventurine beads today. I like the word aventurine. It makes me think that when I make that pretty green necklace I will be filled with an insatiable urge to try some new wild and crazy thing. I've been totally bitten by the bead bug. I really like pretty heavy things.

I had a wonderful experience last week meeting and falling in love with (for my hair's sake) a new hairdresser. I finally received a good haircut in Chicago! Yay! I did not go home and cry, as I have been known to do after every haircut I've had in the past three years, but instead went home and jumped up and down and flipped my hair in the mirror and giggled and had a glass of wine in celebration. I finally found someone who understands curly wavy frizzy locks such as mine and I absolutely love him for it. In between calling everything "bitches" and discussing The Cure and other bands we both have loved for years, he raved about my "curly as shit" hair, and how he thinks my look is a great one. Nice. I very much enjoyed the ego stroking. And the haircut. I can't even communicate how thrilled I am. I am slightly obsessed with my hair, if you haven't already figured that out. Woo! Hair!

And now to drastically change the mood: I had two incredibly vivid apocalyptic dreams last night, which sort of freaked me out. In one I was driving with my mom down the highway somewhere, when out of nowhere all of these grey WWI-style airplanes and helicopters started coming out of the sky and crashing into the traffic. I knew right away it was the end of the world, and I immediately prayed that one would hit our car so that I would die instantly rather than live through the intense horror of Armageddon. As if it heard my thoughts, a plane headed straight toward me and I dreamed that I died. The pain was real and intense, and as I knew it was only a second or two, it felt like an hour before I thought to myself, "And...I die..." in a Shakespeare inspired fashion. It was very strange and I am deeply disturbed by the possible meanings. I'm not depressed, much less suicidal... I am not quite sure where this thing came from.

In the other apocalyptic nightmare I was in a city with lots of churches, big heavy stone churches with iron gates. There were dinosaur-like creatures, huge and looming, tearing through the city and I was trying to convince someone (Hubb?) that we had to get to the outer edges of the city and hide in the basement of one of the old churches. The whole dream was a struggle trying to convince this person to go with me, but for some reason they didn't want to leave the center of the city. Meanwhile the monster things were getting closer and closer, and I imagined our doom as the buildings around us began to crumble. This one probably has to do with recent conversations between Hubb and I about moving to the suburbs someday, his violent opposition to the idea, and my openness to it.

What is freaking me out the most is the incredibly vivid quality of both dreams. I've never dreamed like that before. I'm curious to see if this vividness transfers to good dreams as well.

So I've found a few fantastic sites for beads and jewelry supplies, and I've taken the plunge and placed a few orders. That, combined with a trip to Pearl, will begin a new chapter in my crafting experience. I'm thrilled to begin creating my own earrings and necklaces, and plan to make a multitude of gifts for every woman in my life. I don't think I'll even try to break into the money-making side of this new venture; Chicago has enough jewelry crafts-persons as it is. It's just that I always want what's not out there ... and I get such a good feeling out of saying "Oh, thank you. I made it myself!" I'll post my progress. I've ordered some gorgeous yellow jade, aventurine, amazonite and ambronite beads, enough earring hooks, hoops, wire and pins to last a decade, and the tools to manipulate it all. After spending what I have on supplies, I sure hope this isn't one of those fleeting interests of mine. But I'm incredibly excited, and have tons of ideas that I can't wait to execute.

This weekend I head to Atlantic City for a bachelorette party with my college girlfriends. I can't wait to have some quality girl time of drinking, playing dirty party games, teasing the bachelorette about the imagined perils of married life, and having lingerie-clad pillowfights. I miss girl time. I was kidding about the pillowfights, by the way.

I'm finally relaxing and getting used to this summer heat and humidity. I've grown accustom the thin film of sweat that consistently envelops my skin, the slow and sleepy way in which I walk to and from the bus and the train, and the sauna that my apartment has turned into. It is sort of refreshing sweating all the time. I feel cleansed and healthy. Sweat. Sweat is good.

Too much information to follow. I'm feeling personal and I don't mind sharing.

Why is it that whenever I am just starting to feel settled, happy, content and final things get all fucked up again? Hormones, weight, relationships, emotional health, energy level, my bank account...why can't these things just STAY THE SAME FOREVER? No ups and downs, no roller coasters of happiness and sorrow...just one straight line from here to eternity. Wouldn't that be swell? And seriously unrealistic? Yeah. Shopping isn't even helping. Blah.

So, I feel all kinds of high-school girlish, being all emotional and grumpy and crampy. I used to get cramps so bad in high school that I would stay home from school for days at a time curled into a ball taking serious prescription pain killers more often than prescribed. As I matured they went away, but suddenly, without notice they are back. Not as bad, but getting there...

I still love my new job, quite a bit, actually. I'm feeling terrific about my position, comfortable and settled and like I belong here. I'm planning our company picnic in two weeks, which is giving me a serious dose of organizational comfort.

I'm not really as down as I sound, so no worries, my friends. I'm just going through my quarterly frump. I'm pretty predictable. And help is on the way... in the form of new hormone help, an upcoming bachelorette party in Atlantic City with my college girlfriends, and possible a visit to my favorite restaurant for a comforting mojito and some cuban cuisine.

My ipod battery is dying. Just another kick to the broken ribs of my emotional state. Blah.

You know how when you're on vacation or you have guests and you eat out a whole bunch, ingesting tons of unhealthy and large portions of food that you wouldn't normally eat, and drink lots more beer than you would normally drink? And then it is super hard to break the habit because once you've started eating fries and tacos and two dinners a night you sort of get used to it and you keep craving it? And then you eat your "healthy" lunch at 10am at work and are starving for the rest of the day and eat anything and everything in your sight, wishing all the time that you just had an entire pizza to rub all over your face? Yeah? That's me today.

So I spent all sticky nasty hot weekend outdoors at the Intonation fest, and I must say, the festival just may have been the epitome of outdoor festivals. Except for the unemptied porta-potties. And the insufficient food vendors. And the dust. Otherwise it was fantastic. And whoever had the idea to add Depart-ment to the fest...pure genius. Shopping! Music! People watching! Sweating! I got a fabulous pair of earrings, a wonderful necklace, and a killer cute t-shirt. I love to support the indie crafters. Speaking of which: The Chicago Craft Mafia is having the Summer Shakedown this Friday. Everyone should come and buy some wonderful fabulous items. Do it.

I finally posted a few pictures in my flickr account...and went against everything I believed about keeping myself anonymous and put up a few pictures of myself. So there I am. Although, probably 99% of the people who read this know exactly what I look like anyway...

This one is my favorite: walking west on Chicago avenue to the Black Beetle the other night, we passed this guitar store/restaurant. The best part was the gravy sandwich. If they were open I would have gone in, sat at the counter and ordered one just to see what the deal is. I mean, for $0.89, why not?

I mangled my feet "breaking in" a pair of shoes at a wedding three weeks ago, and have been sentenced to flip flops while they have been healing. Now that they are as good as new, I can finally wear closed-toed shoes again! Yay!

I saw a girl on the train today with the cutest t-shirt, and not an hour after I get to work I have one being shipped to me as well. I love the internet.

I also love cooking mexican-style rice, now that I've finally learned how to! Yay for me! I made a big old batch last night, and have eaten it for both dinner and breakfast. If I wasn't going to lunch with some coworkers today, I'd be eating it a third time in a row as well. Peas and corn and tomato and yum.

I might give up on posting photos soon. I'm just too lazy.

I'm researching caterers for work, and have been thoroughly entertained at the incorrect grammar, terrible punctuation and creative verbiage used in descriptions. By "olive oil poached" do you mean fried?

I am also entertained by the dozens of ideas for new recipes running through my head. Roast chicken with apple and grape stuffing. Oh my!

I'm a little bummed today because I don't get summer hours tomorrow. I don't think I've mentioned that before; it is one of the wonderful perks of my new job. There are many wonderful perks of my new job. Many reasons why you should be jealous. Here are the top 5 reasons I love my job:

1. A two thousand dollar coffee machine in our kitchen that grinds and brews per cup. My coffee consumption has gone up considerably in the past three weeks. Whoo!
2. Summer hours! Whoo! 1:00 Friday and I'm home on the roof. Except this week, of course.
3. 100% paid health and dental premium. Whoo!
4. Fruit, sparkling water and Diet Coke always on hand. Ahhh.
5. Flip flops! Jeans! T-shirts! At work! I wore a skirt today and had four comments on how "nice" I was dressed. Dude, I'm wearing flip flops. I don't think they'd recognize me if I wore a suit.

However, I am still getting used to a couple of things here, as working at a small creative company is MUCH different than working for a large educational institution. I'm still adjusting, but it is going quite well. Change is great.

Next post I promise to get off the job topic. And pictures? Soon!!

Ok, so I've been away and slacking and boring here, but I'm alive and well and my brain is overflowing because I haven't put anything down in writing in a very long time. I seem to have forgotten how to break up a run on sentence as well. I have a ton of pictures to upload, send to friends, share...I'm just so busy and preoccupied with everything else to take the time to do it. But that's ok, because I'm keeping busy.

Lately I've been feeling more and more settled, more and more real, if that makes sense. I'm feeling like I've actually become emily, and am not always waiting for the next change. Things are falling into place and solidifying, and I really really like it that way. I feel correct, in tune, real. You know?

I am thoroughly enjoying the summer, with skirts and my big pink sunglasses and three different sets of tan lines. Laying on the deck for an hour is my new all time favorite weekend activity. I look a lot healthier with a tan. I'm gearing up for visitors (as always), fairs, festivals, and music. I know I keep harping on this, but I'm incredibly happy. Things are just going perfectly. This very well may be the very best summer of my life. Wow. That feels great to be able to say. *sigh*

I wrote this nearly a month ago, after a visit from some college friends. Considering food is one of my all time favorite topics, I don't know why I saved it as a draft for so long, but here it is nonetheless:

What is it about having guests in town that make me overeat like crazy? I am a planner, and have a phobia about starving to death, so I always plan my weekends with visitors around the food we will eat and the places we will eat it. We wanted to show our guests all of the delicious eateries that our neighborhood has to offer, and a few homemade meals to boot.

I got a recipe from a magazine my boss brought in for Southern Stuffed Chicken with Apricot Rum BBQ Sauce, and I (as always) altered it to fit the ingredients I had and the skills I thought I could master. The original recipe called for chicken hindquarters, the thigh of which was to be deboned and pounded thin for stuffing while still attached to the leg. This didn't look too bad, but it seemed like an awful lot of food for one person, so I opted for boneless skinless chicken breasts and thighs instead. The stuffing was a combination of greens (I used mustard greens), bacon, fresh corn, jalapeno, cayenne pepper, onion and crumbled cornbread. I have some left over which I plan to eat straight out of the tupperware. It also called for red bell pepper, but I left that part out. The BBQ sauce was onion, ginger, garlic, apricot preserves, and I substituted brandy for the dark rum. It was really sweet, but complimented the spicy stuffing perfectly. I pounded the chicken thin, stuffed it, tied it up and grilled away. The sauce was basted on right at the end of cooking, so it wouldn't burn. We served it with fresh grilled corn on the cob and my brussel sprouts, halved and sauteed with bacon. I kept patting myself on the back for this one...it turned out pretty damned good if I do say so myself. If you want the full recipe, let me know. (although I seem to have summed it up pretty well right here.)

We had a terrific weekend, with music, food, art and lots of walking. I always enjoy having visitors, especially ones we don't have a chance to spend time with all that often.

I'm in a whirlwind. And I love it. I love my new job, I love the fact that I've been inspired to begin painting again, and I love that crafty ideas are running all through my thick skull. I love that I work in a warm and inviting and comfortable environment where people eat cereal out of real bowls at their desks in the morning. I love that my boss has a toddler son who comes to the office and who has told me that he loves me, that he likes my curly hair, and that he wants me to stay here forever. I love that I have things in common with people. I love that I've found my element. It is nice.

So in the past week I've made two paintings/collages and I promise to take some photos soon. Two pieces of art! More on that later.

I'm just happy. Things are good.

I've been terribly slacking in the photo department, but I hope that that change of scenery that my new job will bring will freshen my perspective and open my eyes. A day and a half left of my old job, and it looks like I will end up quietly slipping out. Which is fine.

Friday I am officially unemployed, and plan to paint my toenails, drink wine on the roof, and get a haircut. Pampering and relaxing for emily day. I absolutely can't wait. We're getting a new patio table and chairs tonight so we have something decent to eat our summer dinners on. And somewhere to place our wine when we're relaxing on our day off.

I've been decidedly less shoppy lately, as I discovered that I am transitioning from bi-weekly to monthly paychecks. This means that I may not get my first paycheck for 6 weeks. That may put a cramp in the bill paying situation.

My lunch date is late and I'm starving. Eh.

I have guests in town, and am barely surviving off a week of 5 hours of sleep per night. My usual 7 to 8 are not in the cards right now, and my body is definitely suffering. My lack of rest got in the way of my feet this morning on the steps up to the train as I tripped over my toenails, half ripping my left big toenail off my foot. It was a spectacular performance. I barely even broke my stride. Once I got to the office and assessed the damage, I craftily used some white-out tape to repair the rip and simulate the french pedicure I had so carefully labored over not once, but twice this week. You can barely tell. I am such an artist. And a priss.

I've been obsessed with phobias lately, and for some time have been working on a list of things I am afraid of. After finishing Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, I am also obsessed with alphabetical lists, hence the following alphabetical list of my fears.

A
alone, being

accidentally falling down

airplane landings

B
blood

birth, giving

breaking bones

C
car accidents

cutting myself

choking in a restaurant

computers crashing

D
death

dogs of very very large stature

E

earthquakes

everyone seeing me fall down

embarrassing myself in front of a lot of people

F
falling down

foot, breaking my

forgetting how to cook

food poisoning

falling out, the diamond in my engagement ring

G

giant spiders

grates in the sidewalk

H
horse hooves, being trampled by

heights (a little bit)

I
injections

ice skating on natural ice (not in a rink)

J
jinxing things

K

kids, ending up with bad

L
losing my mind

losing loved ones

losing my hair

M
mind readers

maxing out my credit card

N
needles

naked people, crazy

O
overestimating my own ability

operations, surgical

P

peeing my pants

putting my foot in my mouth

passing out at an inopportune time

Q
quantities of blood, losing large

R
rejection

realizing it's all just a dream

S
stairs, falling down

severing a finger

spilling drinks on people

spiders with long hairy legs

T
tripping (...and consequently falling)

trust broken, having my

U
upside-down, being trapped

underwear, not having enough clean

V
vehicle maintenance, the cost of

W
weighing much more than I should

writer's block

X
????

Y
young republicans

Z
zoot suit riot, a

zombies

Oh my god it's summer and I couldn't be more thrilled. Well, I probably could be a little bit more thrilled, say, if I won the lottery and my dog cured himself of Addison's disease, and I didn't have blisters on my left foot. I would be a little more thrilled then. But I'm thrilled all the same.

Summer has made my apartment quite uncomfortably oven-like, which made me wish 1) it was still spring. We didn't seem to have a sufficient spring this year, and that sucks. 2) I had short hair. The wave is obnoxiously warm. 3) I had central air conditioning. We have some window units, but they are heavy and I am very very busy. And I like to complain. 4) I could take frozen margaritas with me everywhere I went.

Hubb and I visited an antique sale on Friday and came home with a beautiful antique pressed tin ceiling tile that now graces the freshly painted space above my couch. It is a beautiful organgey-pinky-rusty-tinny gorgeousness, and I honestly don't know how I ever lived without it. I'll take a picture soon. My house now feels complete, more complete than I ever thought it would feel. It's amazing how adding a few pieces of art on the wall can make you feel at home. I really need to get started on my canvas.

Last night I received another Poise creation, an altered Lacey Clutch with pretty pink lining and proportioned just right for my petite frame. It is perfect and I love Cinnamon for being so talented and wonderful and for being my own personal purse-maker. I have a secret plan to have her perpetually working on something for me. I hope she doesn't mind. Having Cinnamon make a purse specifically for me is way better than shopping for one, hands down.

Dear Hubb,

Thank you for dealing with my bullshit, letting me be a control freak, eating anything I put in front of you, and for letting me display those rooster plates that I know you secretly hate. And thank you for sticking up for me and for pushing me to do what I really want to do, and for letting me get those red pointy shoes. I really love those shoes. And thank you for not making me feel stupid and slothy when I watch four episodes of Law and Order in a row.

And thank you for not being jealous, and for giving me a thumbs up and a pat on the back when I think I deserve it, even when you don't agree. And for letting me gloat. And for not getting upset when I point out that I am better at something than you are. I can't help it. Thank you for being better than me at the things I don't want to do anyway.

And thank you for the good times and the bad, the sickness and the health, the richer and the poorer. And for really meaning it when you said "always and forever."

Thank you for taking me out to dinner this Friday. I would like to try some place new.

I forgive you for that one time you called me by your mother's dog's name. And the other time that you told me that I didn't "need" ice cream. At the time I really didn't "need" it.

I love you.

Always and forever,
em