I am almost over the shock of The Best Bachelorette Party Ever, and my eyes are still adjusting from the mayhem and outrageous debauchery they witnessed. They hurt a little. Incredible fun was had by all, and I think I may have seen more boobs than weenies...which says something about the friends I have. I miss them terribly sometimes. And I get to see them again in a month! Woo! More boobs! And a wedding! Yay! Three cheers for matrimony and gratuitous nudity!

I'm wearing a pair of matching earrings and a necklace that I made with the beautiful amber and yellow jade beads I bought a few weeks ago. I am a nerd and I like to match. I also just purchased some pretty jade, jasper and aventurine beads today. I like the word aventurine. It makes me think that when I make that pretty green necklace I will be filled with an insatiable urge to try some new wild and crazy thing. I've been totally bitten by the bead bug. I really like pretty heavy things.

I had a wonderful experience last week meeting and falling in love with (for my hair's sake) a new hairdresser. I finally received a good haircut in Chicago! Yay! I did not go home and cry, as I have been known to do after every haircut I've had in the past three years, but instead went home and jumped up and down and flipped my hair in the mirror and giggled and had a glass of wine in celebration. I finally found someone who understands curly wavy frizzy locks such as mine and I absolutely love him for it. In between calling everything "bitches" and discussing The Cure and other bands we both have loved for years, he raved about my "curly as shit" hair, and how he thinks my look is a great one. Nice. I very much enjoyed the ego stroking. And the haircut. I can't even communicate how thrilled I am. I am slightly obsessed with my hair, if you haven't already figured that out. Woo! Hair!

And now to drastically change the mood: I had two incredibly vivid apocalyptic dreams last night, which sort of freaked me out. In one I was driving with my mom down the highway somewhere, when out of nowhere all of these grey WWI-style airplanes and helicopters started coming out of the sky and crashing into the traffic. I knew right away it was the end of the world, and I immediately prayed that one would hit our car so that I would die instantly rather than live through the intense horror of Armageddon. As if it heard my thoughts, a plane headed straight toward me and I dreamed that I died. The pain was real and intense, and as I knew it was only a second or two, it felt like an hour before I thought to myself, "And...I die..." in a Shakespeare inspired fashion. It was very strange and I am deeply disturbed by the possible meanings. I'm not depressed, much less suicidal... I am not quite sure where this thing came from.

In the other apocalyptic nightmare I was in a city with lots of churches, big heavy stone churches with iron gates. There were dinosaur-like creatures, huge and looming, tearing through the city and I was trying to convince someone (Hubb?) that we had to get to the outer edges of the city and hide in the basement of one of the old churches. The whole dream was a struggle trying to convince this person to go with me, but for some reason they didn't want to leave the center of the city. Meanwhile the monster things were getting closer and closer, and I imagined our doom as the buildings around us began to crumble. This one probably has to do with recent conversations between Hubb and I about moving to the suburbs someday, his violent opposition to the idea, and my openness to it.

What is freaking me out the most is the incredibly vivid quality of both dreams. I've never dreamed like that before. I'm curious to see if this vividness transfers to good dreams as well.

So I've found a few fantastic sites for beads and jewelry supplies, and I've taken the plunge and placed a few orders. That, combined with a trip to Pearl, will begin a new chapter in my crafting experience. I'm thrilled to begin creating my own earrings and necklaces, and plan to make a multitude of gifts for every woman in my life. I don't think I'll even try to break into the money-making side of this new venture; Chicago has enough jewelry crafts-persons as it is. It's just that I always want what's not out there ... and I get such a good feeling out of saying "Oh, thank you. I made it myself!" I'll post my progress. I've ordered some gorgeous yellow jade, aventurine, amazonite and ambronite beads, enough earring hooks, hoops, wire and pins to last a decade, and the tools to manipulate it all. After spending what I have on supplies, I sure hope this isn't one of those fleeting interests of mine. But I'm incredibly excited, and have tons of ideas that I can't wait to execute.

This weekend I head to Atlantic City for a bachelorette party with my college girlfriends. I can't wait to have some quality girl time of drinking, playing dirty party games, teasing the bachelorette about the imagined perils of married life, and having lingerie-clad pillowfights. I miss girl time. I was kidding about the pillowfights, by the way.

I'm finally relaxing and getting used to this summer heat and humidity. I've grown accustom the thin film of sweat that consistently envelops my skin, the slow and sleepy way in which I walk to and from the bus and the train, and the sauna that my apartment has turned into. It is sort of refreshing sweating all the time. I feel cleansed and healthy. Sweat. Sweat is good.

Too much information to follow. I'm feeling personal and I don't mind sharing.

Why is it that whenever I am just starting to feel settled, happy, content and final things get all fucked up again? Hormones, weight, relationships, emotional health, energy level, my bank account...why can't these things just STAY THE SAME FOREVER? No ups and downs, no roller coasters of happiness and sorrow...just one straight line from here to eternity. Wouldn't that be swell? And seriously unrealistic? Yeah. Shopping isn't even helping. Blah.

So, I feel all kinds of high-school girlish, being all emotional and grumpy and crampy. I used to get cramps so bad in high school that I would stay home from school for days at a time curled into a ball taking serious prescription pain killers more often than prescribed. As I matured they went away, but suddenly, without notice they are back. Not as bad, but getting there...

I still love my new job, quite a bit, actually. I'm feeling terrific about my position, comfortable and settled and like I belong here. I'm planning our company picnic in two weeks, which is giving me a serious dose of organizational comfort.

I'm not really as down as I sound, so no worries, my friends. I'm just going through my quarterly frump. I'm pretty predictable. And help is on the way... in the form of new hormone help, an upcoming bachelorette party in Atlantic City with my college girlfriends, and possible a visit to my favorite restaurant for a comforting mojito and some cuban cuisine.

My ipod battery is dying. Just another kick to the broken ribs of my emotional state. Blah.

You know how when you're on vacation or you have guests and you eat out a whole bunch, ingesting tons of unhealthy and large portions of food that you wouldn't normally eat, and drink lots more beer than you would normally drink? And then it is super hard to break the habit because once you've started eating fries and tacos and two dinners a night you sort of get used to it and you keep craving it? And then you eat your "healthy" lunch at 10am at work and are starving for the rest of the day and eat anything and everything in your sight, wishing all the time that you just had an entire pizza to rub all over your face? Yeah? That's me today.

So I spent all sticky nasty hot weekend outdoors at the Intonation fest, and I must say, the festival just may have been the epitome of outdoor festivals. Except for the unemptied porta-potties. And the insufficient food vendors. And the dust. Otherwise it was fantastic. And whoever had the idea to add Depart-ment to the fest...pure genius. Shopping! Music! People watching! Sweating! I got a fabulous pair of earrings, a wonderful necklace, and a killer cute t-shirt. I love to support the indie crafters. Speaking of which: The Chicago Craft Mafia is having the Summer Shakedown this Friday. Everyone should come and buy some wonderful fabulous items. Do it.

I finally posted a few pictures in my flickr account...and went against everything I believed about keeping myself anonymous and put up a few pictures of myself. So there I am. Although, probably 99% of the people who read this know exactly what I look like anyway...

This one is my favorite: walking west on Chicago avenue to the Black Beetle the other night, we passed this guitar store/restaurant. The best part was the gravy sandwich. If they were open I would have gone in, sat at the counter and ordered one just to see what the deal is. I mean, for $0.89, why not?

I mangled my feet "breaking in" a pair of shoes at a wedding three weeks ago, and have been sentenced to flip flops while they have been healing. Now that they are as good as new, I can finally wear closed-toed shoes again! Yay!

I saw a girl on the train today with the cutest t-shirt, and not an hour after I get to work I have one being shipped to me as well. I love the internet.

I also love cooking mexican-style rice, now that I've finally learned how to! Yay for me! I made a big old batch last night, and have eaten it for both dinner and breakfast. If I wasn't going to lunch with some coworkers today, I'd be eating it a third time in a row as well. Peas and corn and tomato and yum.

I might give up on posting photos soon. I'm just too lazy.

I'm researching caterers for work, and have been thoroughly entertained at the incorrect grammar, terrible punctuation and creative verbiage used in descriptions. By "olive oil poached" do you mean fried?

I am also entertained by the dozens of ideas for new recipes running through my head. Roast chicken with apple and grape stuffing. Oh my!

I'm a little bummed today because I don't get summer hours tomorrow. I don't think I've mentioned that before; it is one of the wonderful perks of my new job. There are many wonderful perks of my new job. Many reasons why you should be jealous. Here are the top 5 reasons I love my job:

1. A two thousand dollar coffee machine in our kitchen that grinds and brews per cup. My coffee consumption has gone up considerably in the past three weeks. Whoo!
2. Summer hours! Whoo! 1:00 Friday and I'm home on the roof. Except this week, of course.
3. 100% paid health and dental premium. Whoo!
4. Fruit, sparkling water and Diet Coke always on hand. Ahhh.
5. Flip flops! Jeans! T-shirts! At work! I wore a skirt today and had four comments on how "nice" I was dressed. Dude, I'm wearing flip flops. I don't think they'd recognize me if I wore a suit.

However, I am still getting used to a couple of things here, as working at a small creative company is MUCH different than working for a large educational institution. I'm still adjusting, but it is going quite well. Change is great.

Next post I promise to get off the job topic. And pictures? Soon!!

Ok, so I've been away and slacking and boring here, but I'm alive and well and my brain is overflowing because I haven't put anything down in writing in a very long time. I seem to have forgotten how to break up a run on sentence as well. I have a ton of pictures to upload, send to friends, share...I'm just so busy and preoccupied with everything else to take the time to do it. But that's ok, because I'm keeping busy.

Lately I've been feeling more and more settled, more and more real, if that makes sense. I'm feeling like I've actually become emily, and am not always waiting for the next change. Things are falling into place and solidifying, and I really really like it that way. I feel correct, in tune, real. You know?

I am thoroughly enjoying the summer, with skirts and my big pink sunglasses and three different sets of tan lines. Laying on the deck for an hour is my new all time favorite weekend activity. I look a lot healthier with a tan. I'm gearing up for visitors (as always), fairs, festivals, and music. I know I keep harping on this, but I'm incredibly happy. Things are just going perfectly. This very well may be the very best summer of my life. Wow. That feels great to be able to say. *sigh*

I wrote this nearly a month ago, after a visit from some college friends. Considering food is one of my all time favorite topics, I don't know why I saved it as a draft for so long, but here it is nonetheless:

What is it about having guests in town that make me overeat like crazy? I am a planner, and have a phobia about starving to death, so I always plan my weekends with visitors around the food we will eat and the places we will eat it. We wanted to show our guests all of the delicious eateries that our neighborhood has to offer, and a few homemade meals to boot.

I got a recipe from a magazine my boss brought in for Southern Stuffed Chicken with Apricot Rum BBQ Sauce, and I (as always) altered it to fit the ingredients I had and the skills I thought I could master. The original recipe called for chicken hindquarters, the thigh of which was to be deboned and pounded thin for stuffing while still attached to the leg. This didn't look too bad, but it seemed like an awful lot of food for one person, so I opted for boneless skinless chicken breasts and thighs instead. The stuffing was a combination of greens (I used mustard greens), bacon, fresh corn, jalapeno, cayenne pepper, onion and crumbled cornbread. I have some left over which I plan to eat straight out of the tupperware. It also called for red bell pepper, but I left that part out. The BBQ sauce was onion, ginger, garlic, apricot preserves, and I substituted brandy for the dark rum. It was really sweet, but complimented the spicy stuffing perfectly. I pounded the chicken thin, stuffed it, tied it up and grilled away. The sauce was basted on right at the end of cooking, so it wouldn't burn. We served it with fresh grilled corn on the cob and my brussel sprouts, halved and sauteed with bacon. I kept patting myself on the back for this one...it turned out pretty damned good if I do say so myself. If you want the full recipe, let me know. (although I seem to have summed it up pretty well right here.)

We had a terrific weekend, with music, food, art and lots of walking. I always enjoy having visitors, especially ones we don't have a chance to spend time with all that often.

I'm in a whirlwind. And I love it. I love my new job, I love the fact that I've been inspired to begin painting again, and I love that crafty ideas are running all through my thick skull. I love that I work in a warm and inviting and comfortable environment where people eat cereal out of real bowls at their desks in the morning. I love that my boss has a toddler son who comes to the office and who has told me that he loves me, that he likes my curly hair, and that he wants me to stay here forever. I love that I have things in common with people. I love that I've found my element. It is nice.

So in the past week I've made two paintings/collages and I promise to take some photos soon. Two pieces of art! More on that later.

I'm just happy. Things are good.

I've been terribly slacking in the photo department, but I hope that that change of scenery that my new job will bring will freshen my perspective and open my eyes. A day and a half left of my old job, and it looks like I will end up quietly slipping out. Which is fine.

Friday I am officially unemployed, and plan to paint my toenails, drink wine on the roof, and get a haircut. Pampering and relaxing for emily day. I absolutely can't wait. We're getting a new patio table and chairs tonight so we have something decent to eat our summer dinners on. And somewhere to place our wine when we're relaxing on our day off.

I've been decidedly less shoppy lately, as I discovered that I am transitioning from bi-weekly to monthly paychecks. This means that I may not get my first paycheck for 6 weeks. That may put a cramp in the bill paying situation.

My lunch date is late and I'm starving. Eh.

I have guests in town, and am barely surviving off a week of 5 hours of sleep per night. My usual 7 to 8 are not in the cards right now, and my body is definitely suffering. My lack of rest got in the way of my feet this morning on the steps up to the train as I tripped over my toenails, half ripping my left big toenail off my foot. It was a spectacular performance. I barely even broke my stride. Once I got to the office and assessed the damage, I craftily used some white-out tape to repair the rip and simulate the french pedicure I had so carefully labored over not once, but twice this week. You can barely tell. I am such an artist. And a priss.

I've been obsessed with phobias lately, and for some time have been working on a list of things I am afraid of. After finishing Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, I am also obsessed with alphabetical lists, hence the following alphabetical list of my fears.

A
alone, being

accidentally falling down

airplane landings

B
blood

birth, giving

breaking bones

C
car accidents

cutting myself

choking in a restaurant

computers crashing

D
death

dogs of very very large stature

E

earthquakes

everyone seeing me fall down

embarrassing myself in front of a lot of people

F
falling down

foot, breaking my

forgetting how to cook

food poisoning

falling out, the diamond in my engagement ring

G

giant spiders

grates in the sidewalk

H
horse hooves, being trampled by

heights (a little bit)

I
injections

ice skating on natural ice (not in a rink)

J
jinxing things

K

kids, ending up with bad

L
losing my mind

losing loved ones

losing my hair

M
mind readers

maxing out my credit card

N
needles

naked people, crazy

O
overestimating my own ability

operations, surgical

P

peeing my pants

putting my foot in my mouth

passing out at an inopportune time

Q
quantities of blood, losing large

R
rejection

realizing it's all just a dream

S
stairs, falling down

severing a finger

spilling drinks on people

spiders with long hairy legs

T
tripping (...and consequently falling)

trust broken, having my

U
upside-down, being trapped

underwear, not having enough clean

V
vehicle maintenance, the cost of

W
weighing much more than I should

writer's block

X
????

Y
young republicans

Z
zoot suit riot, a

zombies

Oh my god it's summer and I couldn't be more thrilled. Well, I probably could be a little bit more thrilled, say, if I won the lottery and my dog cured himself of Addison's disease, and I didn't have blisters on my left foot. I would be a little more thrilled then. But I'm thrilled all the same.

Summer has made my apartment quite uncomfortably oven-like, which made me wish 1) it was still spring. We didn't seem to have a sufficient spring this year, and that sucks. 2) I had short hair. The wave is obnoxiously warm. 3) I had central air conditioning. We have some window units, but they are heavy and I am very very busy. And I like to complain. 4) I could take frozen margaritas with me everywhere I went.

Hubb and I visited an antique sale on Friday and came home with a beautiful antique pressed tin ceiling tile that now graces the freshly painted space above my couch. It is a beautiful organgey-pinky-rusty-tinny gorgeousness, and I honestly don't know how I ever lived without it. I'll take a picture soon. My house now feels complete, more complete than I ever thought it would feel. It's amazing how adding a few pieces of art on the wall can make you feel at home. I really need to get started on my canvas.

Last night I received another Poise creation, an altered Lacey Clutch with pretty pink lining and proportioned just right for my petite frame. It is perfect and I love Cinnamon for being so talented and wonderful and for being my own personal purse-maker. I have a secret plan to have her perpetually working on something for me. I hope she doesn't mind. Having Cinnamon make a purse specifically for me is way better than shopping for one, hands down.

Dear Hubb,

Thank you for dealing with my bullshit, letting me be a control freak, eating anything I put in front of you, and for letting me display those rooster plates that I know you secretly hate. And thank you for sticking up for me and for pushing me to do what I really want to do, and for letting me get those red pointy shoes. I really love those shoes. And thank you for not making me feel stupid and slothy when I watch four episodes of Law and Order in a row.

And thank you for not being jealous, and for giving me a thumbs up and a pat on the back when I think I deserve it, even when you don't agree. And for letting me gloat. And for not getting upset when I point out that I am better at something than you are. I can't help it. Thank you for being better than me at the things I don't want to do anyway.

And thank you for the good times and the bad, the sickness and the health, the richer and the poorer. And for really meaning it when you said "always and forever."

Thank you for taking me out to dinner this Friday. I would like to try some place new.

I forgive you for that one time you called me by your mother's dog's name. And the other time that you told me that I didn't "need" ice cream. At the time I really didn't "need" it.

I love you.

Always and forever,
em

I am on the cusp of a new and exciting me...I think it's safe and unjinxable at this point to announce that I will be starting a new job later this month. I've finally broken into the creative world and will be working for an innovative and rapidly growing design firm. I'm leaving corporate political institutional employment behind and am taking on the exciting and intimate world of a small firm. I am thrilled beyond words, and have been on edge for nearly a month during interviews, lunches, negotiations and contracts. (Negotiations. I feel like a terrorist.) (deleted)

As the excitement builds and I sit and daydream about my new opportunity, I absolutely can't wait to start. And wear flip flops to work again. And jeans. And have "summer hours" and work with people who are passionate and energetic and creative. Oh my god!

My parents were in for the Memorial Day weekend, and we had an amazingly fun time. I realize how much I miss my family every time we part. I am such a daddy's girl.

A silly little additional excitement about my new employment is that my route to work won't change much; I'll just be getting off and on the bus closer to home. So I still get to walk down Damen Avenue to Chicago to catch the bus, past a coffee shop that promises to be "coming soon!". I am excited to have a coffee shop located directly along my route, but the name is giving me second thoughts about becoming a patron. "Barista Coffee House." Now isn't that ironic and redundant and just about the stupidest name for a coffee shop, ever? I bet the same marketing genius can come up with great names like "Chef Restaurant", "Hair Stylist Salon", "Surgeon Hospital", and "Surly Cashier Bargain Store." I just feel like they could have been a tiny bit more creative and inventive to come up with a name that is a little less forgettable.

Hubb and I spent our day off work on our deck, enjoying the sun and the clear sky, and partaking in the very first grilled meal of the season. It was phenomenal. I haven't eaten a steak in who knows how long, and I had forgotten how incredibly delicious grilled corn on the cob can be. I made my special butter blend, asparagus and spring onion bundles, and we even purchased a brand new tablecloth for the event.

What with the new job on the horizon, the sun outside, and the sleep deprivation of the last month, I am having incredible trouble paying attention to anything at work this morning.

Dearest Phone Call (I feel that we are so intimately close now...may I call you Phone Call?),

You tested me and teased me, not arriving until oh so late, but like the reliable and wonderful thing that you are, you came through in the end. I am sorry I ever doubted your loyalty to me. And I'm sorry I called you a bitch.

You totally made my day, Phone Call. I owe you a drink.

Love,
emily

P.S. - Would you mind telling The E-mail That I am Desperately Waiting For to hurry her little electronic ass up so I can get on with the wonderful changes that are in store for me? Thanks. Love ya.

I'm a big fan of the open letter concept. Whenever I 'm feeling like a giggle and a laugh, and have a couple of minutes to spare, I meander over to McSweeney's. The concept of writing a letter to unknowing people, places, and things just tickles me pink. I've been known to take a stab at it, at this very site, talking to my future neighborhood, an ex boyfriend...and I have at least a dozen open letter drafts saved for other times. Ramsin of GB really made my day with the most recent Revenge. Open letters are fun fun fun.

So without further adieu, Open Letter to the Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For:

Dear Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For,

I want you. I need you. I am lost without you. I want nothing more than to be with you, right now, alone, with a glass of champagne and a smile on my face. I would give anything to hear your sweet yet slightly annoying ring in my ears, to feel the cool beige handset of hope against my head, to hear the words I so desperately yearn for. You've been a long time coming, Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For, and I am tickled with anticipation for your arrival. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even explain to you how impossible it is to keep my cool. And wait. We all know I hate waiting, yet you continue to leave me sitting with no word...wait a minute, is this a test? To see if and when I will break down and cry? To see if I will go stark raving mad? To see if I will break all of the unspoken rules and do something inappropriate? Well, screw you, then, Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For. Screw. You.

What's that? The phone is ringing, oh my god it could be you I might throw up my hands are shaking I can't believe it holy crap I am so nervous and excited!

It wasn't you, as I'm sure you are aware. I bet you set that guy up to call me, just to trick me into getting all adrenaline-rushed and dry-mouthed and stuttery. Did you know that I ate at least 5000 calories yesterday, in an attempt to ease the tension in my stomach? Yeah, you're right. It didn't work. I only feel fat and bloated and even more uncomfortable today because of it. You are a tricky little bitch, Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For. You are making me turn on my own body, making me reevaluate my worth, stress over whether you have the correct phone number, if you ever made it into a calendar or a to-do list, if you were lost in the busy comings and goings of daily office life. I hope you weren't.

I forgive you for making me wait, my dearest Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For. More honestly, I WILL forgive you if you arrive soon. But if you wait until 6:00 this evening, I might slit my wrists in agony and self-justified imagined defeat. Not really, but I might end up with an ulcer by then, and I might eat the huge box of Mrs. Field's cookies sitting on our small conference table, conveniently located right in front of my desk. They look disgustingly greasy and fat laden to me now, but I may be hopelessly lacking in the self esteem and self restraint departments by the end of the day. So it's up to you, Phone Call I'm Desperately Waiting For, to save me from myself. I'm here, waiting. For you.

Love always (unless I don't hear from you soon),

emily

As I play the waiting game to see what my future will hold, I am feeling rather listy. So here it goes.

Things I hate yet secretly love anyway just because they give me something to complain about:
1. Waiting for things. Important lovely incredibly exciting things in particular.
2. Being consistently 5 pounds over my goal weight.
3. Being tired.

Things I am afraid of, in theory; I don't really know how afraid I actually am because I've never been faced with any of them:
1. Killer bees.
2. Being mauled by a bear.
3. Tumbling head-first down the stairs to my building at the start of a weekend when coincidentally all of my neighbors are out of town, to lay limp and broken with no hope of being found before tragically dying of thirst.
4. Being fired from a job because of too much solitaire and pop&drop playing.
5. Giving birth.

My favorite song of the moment:
"Sunshowers" by M.I.A.. I think I listened to it 7 times on the bus this morning.

Reasons I could never run for president:
1. I was bad in high school. Real bad.
2. I get flustered when given too much responsibility.
3. I have no desire to live in DC.
4. I tend to take things a little bit too personally.

Things that irritate me:
1. Ignorance.
2. The Vast Unknown.
3. Loud background music when I'm trying to sleep, work, watch CSI, read, or take a bath.
4. Movies with indecipherable dialogue.
5. The strap on that one black bra that I still insist on wearing because it was expensive and of good quality.

Things I'd rather be doing right now:
1. Not waiting.
2. Sewing a tote bag.
3. Making jewelry.
4. Watching CSI.
5. Sleeping.
6. Jogging. Yes, jogging.
7. Drinking a glass of wine while cooking a delicious meal for 10.
8. Kissing.
9. Finishing my book.
10. Shopping. Always with the shopping.

Things worth waiting for:
1. Fame.
2. Fortune.
3. Children.
4. A really delicious meal.
5. Fine wine.
6. Marriage.
7. A fantastic employment opportunity.
8. Heaven. (If you believe in that stuff.)
9. The PERFECT pair of shoes.
10. Surprises.

I survived a week of poo and ick and awful terribleness...just barely at least. Each day felt like a never-ending Monday of the worst day of my life, if that makes sense. But it's over and the weekend was a strange combination of stressful and calming, with jewelry making and bridal showering and makeuping and eating and trying to sleep amid the party (that I was not invited to) going on in my backyard. Tomorrow will be a big day for me, no matter what the outcome. Change will be in my immediate future, and either way I think I'm ready to cope. I've had a lot of time to think and sort and imagine and dream and wonder about all kinds of options and opportunities and I'm feeling pretty good about the possibilities. Much better than the pit-of-despair mood I was in this morning, anyway, but that's not saying a whole lot.

I made the most beautiful huge jade and red seed bead necklace on Saturday at one of those make-your-own jewelry studios near my house. It was tons of fun, and I want to go back and make more and more and more. There are a plethora of jewelry artists and craftspersons in this city, but I'm feeling rather crafty and am itching to purchase some supplies and work on some pieces myself at home. I might just do it, but stick to making gifts for friends and family rather than trying to sell anything. It was highly therapeutic, stringing beads. If nothing else I'll end up with a fabulously colorful jewelry collection. That wouldn't be so bad.

I have this annoying proximity issue; I absolutely can't handle when something desirable is out of my reach, and I all too easily discount anything and everything within my grasp. Food: I always crave the foods I can't find. If I were in Rome I would probably be searching for a thai place. Clothes: I always want exactly the items that are sold out in my size. People: I have intense desires to spend time with the people farthest away from me. This issue works its power on me both ways; with all the food at my disposal, snacks in my drawer at work, meals waiting to happen in my cabinets, I am never satiated. After finally discovering petite sized clothes and filling my closets chock full of jeans and black tops, I don't want to wear any of it. With friends and acquaintances constantly trying to plan dates, I just want to stay home alone with CSI.

When stressed, I have an annoying physical tick of letting my mouth move just a split second faster than my brain. I can go entire days without speaking coherently. Today is one of those days. My boss actually asked if I needed to go home and sober up. If it were possible to eat a taco and drink a glass of water to dilute the intoxicating stress of life, I would totally do it every night.

I worked 12 hours yesterday. I will do so again starting tomorrow and ending Friday. I still have an hourly job (yay for me) so I get overtime, but it is still daunting to think about it. I already feel like it is Friday, I'm that pooped. I guess I should count my blessings, and my paycheck. It might not be much longer that I'll be paid for each hour worked over 40. Hmmm...

I'm finding myself retreating and shrinking, pulling in to myself and ignoring everything around me. I'm working hard and holding in. I am a time bomb. I don't remember a time when I didn't want to share what I was feeling. When I didn't care to talk about it, didn't want to discuss it, didn't need reassurances and consolation. It's happening right now and I'm not accustomed to it. It is a new feeling, this internalizing. I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

So I create a vague and mysterious blog post. It somehow makes me feel a little better.

It's only 9am and my day has already been made. Special thanks to the following:

- Dad riding bike to work, wearing a suit and with his leather suitcase on the handlebars. An 8 - 10 year old girl riding behind dad, hugging him, pink backpack on her back. Dropping her off at school, I imagine. I am still smiling about the scene.

- Pheonix. Alphabetical. Perfect morning music for a perfectly optimistic perfect weather day.

- (related) Sun. Forcasted 70 degree high. Perfect.

- Orange loafers and short pants. I'm all about the black and white with a splash of bright color these days. And orange, which used to be my least favorite color of all time. I am strangely drawn to it recently. It makes me happy and calm.

- Good hair. Really really good hair.

- Still giddy about the phone interview I had yesterday and the visit I will make to the office next week. I really really REALLY want this job, so I will not write any more for fear of a jinx.

- Self-consciously cought myself bouncing up the stairs out of the el stop, wondered what others were thinking of my uncharacteristically chipper morning mood. Decided I didn't care. Empowering feeling running through veins.

- Spotting more and more "You Are Beautiful" stickers and signs throughout the city. Constant reminder on the cover of my journal/datebook. I am beautiful. My day is made.

So I'm reading the Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krause Rosenthal, and I secretly believe that I wrote parts of it myself. Needless to say, it is slowly pulling me (kicking and screaming and biting and feigning passing out, like little kids when they want to make picking them up incredibly difficult if not impossible by imitating a 50 pound bag of flour) out of my anti-blog funk. I've been busy (my all time favorite excuse for not doing anything whatsoever) and tired (second favorite excuse) and have been neglecting blogger a bit over the past week or two. I've also been under-whelmed and not at all stimulated to be creative. But I love the book, it gives me an insanely large number of ideas, gets the blood and the thoughts flowing, and makes me smile. I'll be done with it by the end of the week, I'm sure, which makes me sad. I wish it were 10 times longer so I could read it into the summer.

I'm doing more things at work, and have a couple of incredibly important responsibilities on my palate for the next few weeks. It is thrilling and exhilarating and I love it, but it also makes me complain that I'm too busy. Eh. You just can't please me, can you?

I received a new wireless mouse at work this week and it is absolutely the best toy I've played with in a very long time. Extra buttons! Rubber grip! No cords! I love it. I've programmed the extra buttons on the side to switch tasks and minimize screens in order to keep what little privacy I can in my shared office. I have reconfigured my desk to where my boss can see my computer screen. I joke about playing solitaire all the time...I should probably not do that.

I am such a terrible person that I ordered a necklace for my mother in law for mother's day, and I am secretly hoping it arrives too late so I can keep it for myself. It is natural opal and ironstone, cut directly from an Australian boulder, and it is absolutely stunning. Opal is my birthstone, by the way.

I got a pair of brand new pink pants for $6 the other day, just because the seam was coming undone. Now as you probably know, I am a crafty and resourceful person and therefore can easily repair a one inch seam unraveling, and for that I get a great deal on pink pants. Which is nice. I just wanted to share my immense good fortune and seam fixing skills with you.

Hubb and I watched Blue Velvet last night (first for Hubb and third or fourth for me.) I haven't seen the film in a while, and am struck again at how incredibly strange it is. And how similar the cinematography, colors and acting are to Mulholland Drive. He's an incredibly disturbed, talented and fascinating man, that David Lynch. I always forget why I have this underlying strange creepy feeling when I see Dennis Hopper...I am reminded yet again.

Hubb beat me to it, but I also took some photos at the Garfield Park Conservatory that I would like to share. Notice my complete lack of knowledge and creativity when it came time to name the photos. This one is my favorite. Enjoy.

I have a million half started posts, drafts, notes, all saved for ... when? I don't know. I'm busy and I have a short attention span and I can't keep my mind on what I'm trying to do ... write? inform? bullshit? Probably the last.

I have some serious spring fever, I can't even explain. I want to wear skirts. My allergies are making me sick. I miss my mom. I won't be seeing my brother until next Thanksgiving. That's 7 months away and it makes me terribly uneasy and sad. I miss him, too. I may have to hop a plane to the left coast this summer to spend a weekend with him. If only plane tickets were free. And LA didn't suck so bad.

I can't fathom the fact that April is over. Gone. Just like that. A vacation an ocean away, an anniversary (not quite yet celebrated properly), Easter. I am feeling much better at work lately. Which leaves me wondering why I applied for a new job today.

I keep wondering when I'm going to grow up. And know what I'm doing. And feel safe. Things keep changing, and I'm getting better at being OK with that, but it still grates on my nerves. I don't like not knowing. I hate being in the dark. Especially when I'm the one who put myself there.

When I was little I saw the world as a long list of rules, to be obeyed to the letter, solid and rigid: The Way The World Works. I didn't know these rules, I only new that they existed. And that "grown ups" new them. Someday I would, too. Guess what? They don't exist. Everything in life is an exception to something. My world view is constantly changing. It makes me drink wine. It also makes me appreciate things in different ways. Which makes me drink wine...in celebration this time.

I'm learning more about myself every single day. Maybe that's what it means to be a grown up.

You have to keep me busy if you want me to have a good time. I need a schedule, I need things to do. I need to be occupied. For some reason I feel terribly inexplicably guilty about this fact, and am constantly trying to make myself enjoy NOTHINGNESS, but to no avail. This became a small problem in Hawaii, but once I got the daily beach/nap/eat/beach/nap/eat schedule down I was fine. I'm the same way at work. I would rather end the week utterly exhausted from working my ass off, only to collapse in bed at 8pm Friday night, than leave work Friday afternoon with 10 solitaire wins under my belt. I've been busy so far this week. And therefore I like my job again.

I have recently discovered the BEST CANDY EVER. Smoothie Skittles. Yum. I want to make out with whichever food scientist came up with these flavors. Oh my god I've eaten two bags today and it is only 12:00 noon! I can't stop. They are just too good.

I need a manicure. I shall make a date with myself to pamper my hands one night this week. Or maybe I'll do it at work today. Because what's the point of having important stuff to do if I can't procrastinate?

I hate to keep mentioning the vacation again and again and again, but as a milestone both in my life, friendship, and marriage, it has made quite an impression on me. Here are a few of the things I've been thinking about since my return to the mainland:

1. I own too much stuff. I have too many pairs of shoes, too many books, too many (gasp!) purses. Too many useless chatchkies, too many bottles of lotion, too many (double gasp!) kitchen gadgets. It's time to reevaluate and trim down a little bit. Or at least stop growing so fast.

2. I am too rigid. My planner goes with me everywhere, I am seldom without a timepiece of some sort, I hate to break away from the schedule. I live by lists and guides. I need to be more spontaneous.

3. I am too self conscious. Nobody looks at me and whispers "Oh my god, look at her lovehandles!" or "Eww, look at her hair...the tips are just a shade lighter than the rest." or "Did you see the size of the pores on her nose?" or even "Can you believe her nailpolish was so chipped and ragged?". I don't criticize other people that much, so why do I worry about being constantly criticized by others? I'm fine. I need to lighten up.

4. I am just a wee too delicate. If things aren't perfect, if I'm left without my mandatory supplies such as tissues and Advil and lotion and lipgloss, I freak out. If I don't have my usual morning coffee, my lunch within a 3 hour time frame, or at least 7 hours of sleep each night, I have a little bit of trouble coping. I need to learn to live without comfort sometimes, and stop being so high maintenance.

5. I really really want to go to Italy with the Hubb. Drink wine, eat cheese and bread, see buildings that are older and more beautiful than I can imagine. Vacation. Together.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend: Yo La Tengo tonight, home-date with the Hubb tomorrow, and cookbook party on Saturday. The cold weather is back, at least for a little bit, so maybe we'll even fit in one last fire in the fireplace for good luck. I could use some smores and warmth and cuddling.

I didn't take as many photos as I had planned, but I did get a couple of pretty good ones:

It feels good to be back home, and though sore from carrying my luggage and a little sunburned, I had an amazing time. I'm still feeling jet lagged and lazy, so here is a list of observations and realizations I came to on my Hawaiian vacation:

1. Sunburning the tops of your feet just may be the most painful place to burn.

2. Hawaii is perfectly normal. I left for my vacation being totally ignorant expecting a remote tropical paradise, and instead was greeted by an incredibly well-developed American state. It was an excellent experience, and I'm not disappointed, just surprised, I guess.

3. Hawaiian pineapple tastes just like the pineapple I buy in Chicago.

4. Hawaii makes one totally and completely un-self-conscious. Everybody wears very few clothes and little, if any makeup. Au natural is the way to go. It was incredibly liberating.

5. A hot sunny day in Chicago is a cloudy cold day in Hawaii. The tropical sun makes everything so much brighter and clearer in Hawaii. Chicago's sun doesn't come close.

6. The Pacific ocean is so clear and bright and colorful...exactly like postcards.

7. There are very few bugs in Hawaii...much fewer than I expected.

8. I look pretty good with a tan.

9. I really really miss my Hubb when we're apart. I feel totally cheesy and romantic, but I don't ever want to take a vacation apart again.

10. I really really miss Chicago when I'm away. It's official...Chicago is my home sweet home.

In 24 hours I will be aboard an airplane bound for paradise. Sun, sand, tropical beverages, seafood, men in grass skirts, Waikiki beach, tank tops and flip flops here I come! I'm tempted to wear my bathing suit as I board the plane and just leave my luggage behind.

I've been lassoed into competing in a foosball tournament at work, the first match of which begins today. I'm a little nervous and incredibly self conscious about participating in competition like this, with people I don't know...but hopefully it will keep me from having to do much work today.

Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of my wedding. In many ways it seems like the time has just flown by; a year of engagement and two years of marriage gone by in a blink. In many other ways it seems like we've been married for ages; all of the experiences we've had, places we've been, things that we've seen. Two years. It is such a short span of time in the grand scheme of things. Two wonderful exciting years. It gets better every day. I can't wait to see where the rest of our years will take us.

Happy anniversary, Hubb.

It's spring and I couldn't be more excited! Thrilled and happy and pumped am I. I want to sleep outside I'm so ecstatic to see spring arriving...I want to live outdoors and grill and drink on the roof and walk 10 miles a day just to see the gardens begin to grow. I saw the magnolia tree blossoming and the tulips sprouting and the bushes greening and trees beginning to bud today. These sights filled me with love and admiration for my city, knowing that we've endured snow and wind and cold but we can bounce back with a force so powerful to bring tears to my eyes. People in skirts and flip flops and sunglasses and ice cream cones and dogs walking and babies in strollers with little tiny baby sunvisors, and I am so excited that warmth and sun are finally here to save me from the seasonal affective discorder I am so sure I suffer from. No more all black outfits, no more clunky boots and chunky sweaters and skin hiding scarves. Spring! Is! Here! Amen.

symptoms:

1. constant right eyelid twitch, 3 days and counting
2. severe mood swings
3. mid-day nausea
4. nonstop appetite
5. incredible lethargy
6. shorter than normal attention span
7. increasingly annoyed at work
8. sudden leveling off of body weight
9. insatiable pina colada craving
10.slowly increasing size of bathing suit collection

this vacation could not come fast enough.

tonight i'm really looking forward to a glass of wine, a long hot bubble bath, a huge pasta meal and getting in bed at 9pm.

I'm nearly always one of the last people to catch on to things. This flickr business sure is bad ass. I didn't want to get involved but now I'm hooked. This may just be the catalyst I need to get me out and about on the town with my elph more often.

Awesome.

He barked at my on the way to work, so I shot him. I think he just wanted to play. He may have been able to fit in my purse...

I have a feeling this may become a fun series.

I'm in strange sorts today, as I recently learned that my best friend is getting divorced, and another one of my friends is "kind of getting separated" in a moving into different apartments sort of way. Oh my god I think I'm taking it harder than they are. But "it won't happen to you, so don't worry." Um...ok. I guess since I am still pretty young and a lot of my friends are even younger, this is really really freaking me out. I'm too young to be thinking about these things happening to people I know, not to mention trying to help these people through them. It's time to be strong, and with a few glasses of wine in me we'll see just how well that works. K? K.

Just another item to add to the List of Emotions I Did NOT Plan on Feeling This Week: my previously labeled Arch Nemesis Coworker put in his two weeks today, and I suddenly like him and have decided that I am really going to miss him. Strange. Very strange indeed. I wonder if I can have his job?

I got a new pair of sunglasses for Hawaii, and they are all kinds of pinkish brownish clear plastic and totally hot. Not that you were wondering. But they cheered me up a little.

I've decided that my work day needs to end no later than 3pm to allow for a daily nap and an afternoon cocktail. Wouldn't that be nice? Instead I'm just sitting here waiting for 5pm to roll around so I can get on the bus and fall asleep on some woman's shoulder while my earphone falls out of my ear and I drop the 1000 page book I'm reading on the grimy bus floor and lose my place. On my kitchen counter I have the crock pot slowly tenderizing and yummifying a Moroccan lamb stew, and even though I'm totally not hungry I can't wait until I get home to the best smelling house ever.

I'm still feeling rather blah blah blah, so here's a little list, because lists cheer me up.

Things I Need. Desperately.
1. A pretty floral tote bag. Much like this one. I actually have some pretty blue and green floral fabric that I may work on cutting up and sewing back together in a shape similar to that one. I might should get a pattern first.
2. A chocolate bar. Much like this one. I love that there is a venue for giant stuff. That's awesome. I sort of want the giant pink eraser to erase all of the mistakes in my life. That burrito I ate...gone. That last gin and tonic...eliminated. That white pair of shoes that was half a size too small...what white pair of shoes? I don't see any white pair of shoes.
3. I need to take more photos. Seriously. Two of my favorite girlfriends were here all weekend and I have just one blurry drunken photo to prove it. And we are all so cute! More photos should have been taken. Damn it. And I still have no proof of the terrible bowl haircut that threw me into a year and a half long anti-haircut rut...but then again, maybe that's a good thing.
4. An oversized bottle of my favorite pinot grigio to consume in beer-bong fashion. I guess that would be a wine-bong. That sounds fun. And crazy.
5. Lots and lots of hugs.

I need to take more photos.

My girlfriends have come and gone. It was the most fun I've had in a long time, at the same time both incredibly relaxing and insanely exhausting. Boy oh boy have I missed my girls. I'm already thinking about doing it again.

In other news, I found the most wonderfully beautiful red and white wine glasses by Bormioli to replace the insanely cheap half-broken universal set we have been dreaming about getting rid of for months.

I was so thrilled with the red wine glasses I sat and drank water out of them all night last night.

I overslept for two hours this morning, getting to work closer to 11:00 than my usual 8:30. It's a damned good thing I have a really understanding boss. Too bad I'm ready for a nap already.

8 days and I'll be in Hawaii. I don't even need to go into how excited I am about that.

Someone asked me if I was pregnant today. Not good. Hence, depression. And self-loathing. Damn him. Damn him straight to hell. I'm never wearing these pants again.

Before I was mistaken for being with child, I skipped out for a long walk at lunch. I ended up walking a two mile circle around my office, which was incredibly exhilarating and refreshing given the warmth of the day and the clear blue sky. I'm dreading the cooling off we're to expect in the next couple of days. I've enjoyed the short burst of jacket-free weather.

I'm feeling sick. My throat hurts and I have a headache. I always get sick when we have guests. I spent $30 on fancy supplements and drugs. I hope it works.

Hubb is leaving tomorrow night, just as one of my college roommates is coming in to town. My other college roommate is coming in Friday morning, and it will be Girls Girls Girls in my apartment all weekend. I am super excited to spend time with my girls, but I'm just grumpy today. Blah.

The Hubb took this great photo of me a few weekends ago. I think it pretty much sums up every superficial materialistic dream I've ever had.

I've been a busy busy bee this week. With the completion of my fourth (and final) cover for this week, my fingers need a rest. I plan to pick up the scissors and the thread again next week.

I made this one a little bit taller than the last few, to allow for room for the headphone cord. The interior is lined with the paisley-textured tan felt, and there is a simple flap with a black velcro closure. The cardinal is not only the state bird of Illinois, but of my beloved Virginia as well. So sentimental. I went back to the tree case, cutting a notch in the top and adding more leaves around the top edge. It's getting to where I'm in the middle of one case and am already getting bored and anxious to begin a different one. I think I may buy some larger pieces of felt and make some cute pillows for the sofa.

Days like today make me want to quit my job. Hubb has a wussy "Spring Skip Day" and gets to lounge around in his boxers all day while it's snowing and windy and I'm at work falling asleep at my desk. I had terrible trouble getting up this morning, but what else is new? My god I can't wait for tomorrow and sleeping in. Then it's crafts and shopping for patio furniture and maybe something Eastery. I haven't dyed eggs in years.

I've been lulled into a calming routine every evening this week, and extensive crafting has ensued. Tuesday night I finished a turntable inspired cover for the Hubb, and although I am not thrilled to the bone about how it turned out, it's still kinda cute, and it works well with Hubb's personality and love for all things music.

Last night I finished this one for my mini, which is my favorite so far:

This one was the most fun to make, and I'm super excited about it. I forgot to think about the headphone base, so I may cut a notch in the right top corner. The tree is made from an amazing paisley textured felt, that I have also made another simple pocket with. I was originally planning on putting a bird in the outer branches, but I got too carried away with the leaves. I stitched together an adorable cardinal which I'm sure won't go to waste.

I am still overflowing with ideas, but since I'm still rusty with my sketching, I won't embarrass myself by posting them here. I'm thinking of making something "baby" for my step sister who is due a little baby boy in July...I don't think he'll have an ipod, but I'm sure I'll come up with something to sew.

I'm feeling listy.

1. I love felt.

2. I finally learned how to make good stir fry! The wok should be proud of me.

3. I miss being in college. Only in the no-routine-sleep-in-skip-class-hang-out-with-friends-in-the-middle-of-the-day way.

4. I wish I could have slept longer today. However, getting up, ready, and out in 50 minutes was a record for me. The hair takes a while to dry.

5. I'm ready for some warming up. My body misses flip flops and skirts.

Dear 8th grade boyfriend who took my virginity and then denied it and slept with someone else after dumping me the very next day because I had a "Porky Pig stomach",

I forgive you. I am happy and I have a good life and a wonderful husband. The depression, anger and self-questioning that stemmed from that moment has made me a stronger person, equipping me to deal with a harsh, cruel world that you introduced to me. Thank you for that. I no longer blame you for my high school relationship and self-image problems. They weren't your fault, they were mine. Had I adopted your laid back attitude and your playboy lifestyle, I would have adjusted differently. I should never have burdened you with my heart, and for that I am sorry. Fortunately, the distrust I have felt towards all boys who have tried to be near me since you has nearly vanished, 12 years later. I want to thank you for hardening me with your selfish, closed-minded hateful words and actions. People like you have made me strive to be a better person, and I hope that you're happy with your high school drop out child-bride, 3 children, apartment in your mother's basement and all.

Love always,
emily

I did it! I crafted! I ate dinner last night, sat down for an episode of CSI and decided, "hey, why not do something crafty?" So I did. Three hours later, and a thumb throbbing from pushing a needle through layers of felt, I had a new ipod pocket. The button is a little off, but I'm overall pretty happy about how it turned out. I have at least a dozen ideas for more pockets, and as I have a rainbow selection of felt to use up, I will probably be sporting a new ipod protecting design nearly every day. I love felt.

I was beginning to think I had lost The Crafting Ability, but it turns out that it just needed to be inspired and forced to get started on something. Now I can't stop thinking about what I will tackle next. Up, up, and craft away, emily!

Rarely do I lust after designer handbags, but Temma Dahan is my new obsession. With adorable names like Bambina and Graciella, and adorable chicky fabric, I am head over heels in love with them. I don't have an extra $300+ just for an adorable springtime purse, but I can dream. If I win the lottery anytime soon, one of these bags is added to my shopping list:

I'm numb from this year's tax-preparation process...as Hubb and I discovered that we owe a ton this year, we decided to enlist the help of H&R Block to try and minimize how much of our money is expected to go to The Man. The huge smelly caveman at our local Block saved us a whopping $100, and immediately charged our Master Card $119 for his 30 minutes of work. Fantastic. I discovered that I had left off my student loan interest from my 2003 taxes, which, if amended, will produce a $350 check with my name on it. Can you guess what I'm doing tonight?

Spring is approaching a bit too slowly, and it needs to hurry it's flower-blooming bird-chirping ass up. Although still wrapped tightly in my wool jacket and knitted scarf, I was all smiles this morning, much like a crazy person, with the sun on my shoulders, The Wrens in my ears, and dreams of farmer's markets and evening walks with the Hubb. Come on Spring, work your magic and get here already!

This week has been too long. Way too long. I have a social obligation this evening that I am not so enthused about, and two more tomorrow. While it's fun and fulfilling to have people who like me and want to spend time with me, I secretly wish I could be alone for a weekend. Completely alone.

It's been a work week both from hell and from heaven; hell in terms of highly elevated stress levels and the amount of work I have done, and heaven in the pride and the joy of 200 people clapping for me, hugging me and thanking me for all of my hard work. I cried. It was nice. That was yesterday, and I am on autopilot today, zoning out and eating constantly to get enough energy to meet with my boss in this afternoon. An hour-long meeting, just the two of us. I had quite a bit on my agenda, but I'm scratching some items off because I simply don't have the stomach to deal with it right now.

It's also been a personal week both from hell and from heaven...learning of things like divorce (not mine), pregnancy (not mine), near-fatal accidents (also not mine), and that I must soon endure long absences from the Hubb has left me in a fragile state, and for once shopping isn't the therapy I crave. I need comfort and I need it now. Good news for the week includes rock hard plans for friends to visit, a bridesmaid dress not being as much as a hassle as previously thought, and discovering Peapod, my new money-draining vice. Beer and cat food delivered to my house? That's some comfort I can handle.

If only every day could be like this weekend. Event-filled Friday, Calm and productive Saturday, and crafty productive Sunday with rest and a fire and the most delicious homemade meal ever. Extreme Quality Time with the Hubb. Perfect.

Dinner: slow cooked pork with homemade barbecue sauce, sweet cranberry potato salad, carrot slaw and impromptu baked beans. Beer and smores and Quality Time. Deliciously perfect.

The productivity of the weekend was amazing. Cleaning the house, organizing, and in between I hit the sewing machine, fashioning a bedskirt out of a useless sheet, and am preparing to attempt two felt ipod covers for the Hubb and I tonight. Saturday landed us unplanned at a fabric store where I went wild on sale items, spending only $14 to keep me occupied for months. I'm not picky with my sales. I'd actually take a fabric store clear-out over a shoe sale any day.

Today wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be, and I'm actually excited to do it again tomorrow. The afternoon is winding down in slack relief of the pressure and insane excitement of mid-morning, and we're all staying off each other's backs. I was actually able to take a trip to the grocery store during a late-afternoon lunchtime for dinner items, and although I'm still not exactly sure what I will be eating tonight, I have an exciting array food items that will be sure to combine into something delicious.

I'm feeling rather lazy, as my adrenaline reserve is surely exhausted for the rest of the day. I feel much like my pretty girl Eva. Tonight that will be me, with a glass of wine and a plate of...food.

Lunchtime fortune extracted from cookie at Chinese restaurant yesterday: "A Thrilling Time is in your immediate future." That is way cool.

So the new bed arrived last night, and Hubb and I promptly put it together and were pyjama-ed and in it by 9:30 pm. New bed! New high thread count sheets! It was divine. It quite possibly was the Thrilling Time I was promised. I haven't slept that well in a very very long time. Maybe it's the fact that I've been pushing my brain to depend on a new bed for a good night's sleep, and maybe I just really slept like crap but am giving myself the illusion of a restful slumber, but either way I feel nice and non-back-achey today. The first thing I said as I sat up on my new mattress this morning was "I can't wait to go to bed tonight." I would have stayed in bed all day long if it weren't for this pesky work thing.

Hubb and I have a semi-busy weekend planned, and honestly I'd rather just stay in bed and watch my backlog of CSI episodes and eat home-popped pop corn. But then I'd get crumbs in the new bed, and we can't have that. Not yet anyway.

It has been a rough journey, but I'm finally getting used to actually being busy at work again. It feels wonderful to actually have things to do, and I love the little scratches through my lengthy legal pad To Do list. Next week will be hell, as literally 170 people's lives are depending on me, but I feel semi-confident that it will all turn out ok. At least I'll have a couple of good night sleeps behind me as I conquer the stress and frantic crap that is waiting to bite my ankles on Monday morning. I must remember to wear nice shoes.

I realize that I haven't posted any photos here in a while, and I'll try to do something about that in the very near future. I'm a visual person, and am boring myself with this plain text and pink. I promise some visual stimulation soon.

After two and a half years sleeping on a hand-me-down full-size mattress that makes my shoulders and my back ache and isn't long enough for Hubb's monkey legs, we are finally getting a new bed. A bigger, better queen size bed. This means new bed linens! I am so excited I can't stand it. I'm anticipating long restful nights and bright cheery mornings, comfort and relaxation on my new high thread-count sheets, cool, crisp and refreshing, cozy, snuggly and warm. Sleep! On a new bed! With new sheets! The excitement is making me sleepy. The new bed comes Thursday, and I have every intention of going to sleep at 8pm that night, and all weekend.

At a girlie birthday dinner Saturday I got into a pretty emotional 2-bottle of wine charged discussion about nature vs. nurture with one of my girlfriends when it hit me: despite my wacky family and not so ideal upbringing, I'm OK. I'm physically and (for the most part) emotionally healthy, and I've turned out OK. And that's nice. I still have my issues (and who doesn't?) but I can deal with them and be happy. Just a random realization that's had me floating for the last couple of days. I'm OK, people! Woohoo!

Random Rant: Can somebody explain to me why every couple of months another one of my beauty staples gets discontinued? I can't tell you how many PERFECT lipsticks, eyeshadows, lotions, face washes, bar soaps and lip balms have disappeared into oblivion, and how much time I've spent trying to replace them. And then I do. And inevitably they stop making it. Blasted cosmetic companies. Damn them. Damn them straight to beauty hell. Maybe it's a sign for high-maintenance emily to simplify her life...we'll see how well that goes.

I'm giddy with excitement and anticipation today, because: GIRL TIME! My two girlfriends from college are coming for a weekend when the Hubb will be out of town next month to have fun, drink LOTS of wine, shop, explore and just plain catch up. I can't wait. It's been so long since I've had honest to goodness girl time, and it absolutely thrills me to have two of my best friends with me...all mine!...for an entire weekend. And then, a week and a half later: wedding anniversary and then Hawaii to visit my best friend of 20 years. April will be fantastic. I also get three paychecks next month. I love it.

In the meantime, March is looking pretty dull. Not much happening except getting used to not having the car, trying to save a little bit of money for our trips next month, trying to lose a little bit of weight so I don't have to buy a larger wardrobe. Trying to get used to the Hubb working late ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Trying to get into a crafty frame of mind...I stopped by an art store last night on the way home from work and they were out of each thing I was shopping for. So I gave up and today I bought a pair of argyle socks for a craft project instead. Whatever. Trying not to let the little things upset me.

For some reason I've sort of fallen out of music over the past few years, but now with my tiny portable music collection, I am realizing how much I've missed it. I've missed you, music. Thank you Apple, for reopening my eyes, er...ears.

Got together with friends last night and saw the Futureheads at the Double Door. It was a great show, full of energy and liveliness, and worth the smoky late night sleepy hangover headache I have this morning. They're a fun band to see live if you ever have the chance. And cute. The lead singer wore white loafers and I think their drummer is a robot. Fun times. Except for dropping my favorite cocoa chapstick on the beer and cigarette strewn floor. Gross.

I've been tired this week...but just couldn't commit to "accidentally" waking up late this morning. I still made it to work on time, drifting on the fumes of five and a half hours of crappy sleep. If I don't get a full uninterrupted eight hours of sleep sometime soon I might become incredibly grumpy.

I'm ready for spring, flip flops and skirts and no freezing cold runny noses waiting for the bus. Please get warm. Four months ahead, but I think Hubb and I have decided to have a 4th of July BYOP (bring your own protein) barbecue on the deck. I want to share the amazing experience of 360 degrees of fireworks that my neighborhood delivers with people I like. Drink beers and sangria and eat hotdogs and corn on the cob and potato salad in the warm summer sun, enjoy frozen grapes and margaritas underneath a celebratory nighttime sky of illegal explosions. I'm focusing on the warmth and fun of the summer while suffering through these last few weeks of dreary winter blah.

I want so much not to be at work today.

Top 10 reasons I haven't been getting much work done today:

1. Still incredibly sleepy from the weekend. Busy busy busy.
2. I am the proud owner of a brand new tiny ipod. Too busy playing with iTunes and caressing the little silver parcel of ear candy.
3. My Eva Zeisel dishes finally arrived today. Too busy resisting the temptation to unwrap each piece.
4. Paying close attention to a soon-ending e-bay auction for another Zeisel piece I've been lusting after.
5. Will be here until 8:30 pm tonight. I have plenty of time to get my ToDo list finished.
6. Too much sugar and caffeine in my system to sit down for enough time to get anything done.
7. I'll be in Hawaii in 44 days! There is so much to get done between now and then!
8. My office was too cold this morning and is too hot now.
9. Phone interruptions, visitor interruptions, e-mail interruptions. And snacking.
10. It's Monday. If I get all caught up today I'll have nothing to put off until the end of the week.

I've been having more and more trouble waking up in the morning, and where this stems from I'm not exactly sure. I think maybe my cycles are off, depending more on the actual time of day than on how many hours of sleep I get. I can go to bed at 10 pm or midnight, and I still can't wake up when my alarm strikes at 6 am. If only I could saunter into work at 9:30 or 10 every morning, I would be perfectly refreshed and awake. Rare is it that I sleep past 9, and getting up at 8 would be a breeze. I want to propose a change in daily hourly business...instead of the corporate 9 to 5, lets push for 11 to 7! How wonderful that world would be! A little sleeping in, time to actually work out in the daylight each morning, and still off work in time for dinner. Life would be so much better that way.

The undie sale last night was a huge disappointment. 15% off $50 panties? That is not a "Huge Sale!" I almost bought a cute recycled linen tee by Woo, one of my absolute all time favorite brands, but wasn't totally in love so I passed. The sale was unfortunately smaller and incredibly less impressive than in previous years, with fewer practical items and fewer customers. Ah well. It's not like I actually needed more underwear anyway. I will sit and wait until next year.

Passing on panty purchases, I headed over to the Container Store to pick up my Nigella mixing bowls. I almost got the adorable bread bin, but didn't. Instead I also picked up one of the last sets of the little dessert bowls, perfect for my morning oatmeal or ice cream or pudding. Adorable. I took them home and washed them and caressed them, and am still irritated that I was running too late this morning to eat breakfast out of them. I'm still in love with the practicality and retro-chicness of the bread bin, with the cutting board as the lid, and maybe I'll convince the Hubb to let me get it, but at $70 it would probably behoove me to hold off. Maybe some day...

I'm in love.


Oh my god I'm in love.

Today is a fabulous day. I have a reserved seat on an airplane that will take me to Hawaii in six weeks, a set of Nigella Lawson mixing bowls on hold, and an amazing underwear sale that I look forward to all year to go to tonight. This weekend will get even better, with a Hubb/Wife date tomorrow, MYO sushi Saturday, and rest. Lots of rest. Maybe even a fire and a cuddle while we still have the chance.

Apple just introduced new iPods today, with new prices. I think I'm going to finally give in to temptation, fashion, my educational discount and trend and get a mini. I'm a sell out. But am I a green sell out, or a silver sell out? I thought I was a gold sell out, but gold doesn't seem to be an option anymore. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Thank you, Matt, my last minute angel from heaven, descending upon me with tickets to Kings of Convenience for a reasonable price. Ahh, Matt. You are my hero.

The show was fun, quiet, beautiful and Norwegian. I was actually able to see the entire show, finding a perfect viewing spot to the side of the stage. The songs were just as seamlessly harmonic in person as recorded, and it seemed that everyone in the club refrained from talking during the entire set in silent appreciation of the soft spoken duo. It was a lovely show, and I appreciate the power of craigslist that got me there. And Matt. Thank you, Matt.

Still smoky and raspy and a little hung over, I wish it were the weekend. I'm looking forward to a diy sushi and movie night with friends, and spending some time getting finances and dreams in order to begin the home buying adventure. This adventure will be long and drawn out and we're taking each step incredibly slowly, but we're officially standing at the bottom of the stairs and that's a big change from where we've been previously. The future, she is exciting.

This week has been full of happy little surprises, which I am grateful for. We sold the car, and will be car-loan free by the end of the week with a little extra dough in our pockets. I was able to attend a sold out show without bankrupting myself, and was just notified that my favorite annual lingerie sale is tomorrow night. And I finally found a less expensive airline ticket to Hawaii. It's a feel-good week all around. Except for that tax thing. That kind of sucks, but I'm not going to think about it right now for fear of losing my buzz.

I hate:

1. That my vacation day off work yesterday was ruined by the following:
a. Finding out that Hubb and I owe an obscene amount of money to the government this year.
b. Finding out TOO LATE that we could have had a chance to see the Kings of Convenience.
c. Rain.

2. People who won't get out of the way when I'm trying to get off the train. This includes:
a. People on the train with me who won't move an inch to let me get off at my stop.
b. People waiting to get on the train who don't get it that they can't step on until they let me step off.

3. Receiving something I've ordered, with half of the product missing.

4. Getting caught red handed turning my coworker's music down when I thought he'd stepped out of the office.

5. Indigestion from delicious foods.

6. Airline ticket prices.


I love:

1. Selling the car! Including:
a. Selling it for more than we expected.
b. Selling it faster than we expected.
c. My wonderful husband who handled it all.

2. Italian food, generally speaking. This includes, but is not limited to:
a. Carbonara.
b. Homemade tomato sauce in my lasagna.
c. Basil.
d. Wine.

3. Craigslist. For:
a. Keeping me entertained.
b. Selling our car.
c. Hopefully selling our set of dinnerware so I can buy the Classic Century dishes.

4. Nigella Lawson on sale at the Container Store.

5. The fact that my coworker keeps turning his music back up every time I leave frigging the room.

6. Taxes.

Inspired by a recent GB fuel, I'm feeling the need to justify my existence here in the city of broad shoulders. It makes me angry that so many close-minded angry people consider themselves better just because they know more trivia, have the entire streetgrid of the city memorized, or have lived here all their lives. Being angry at successful young people moving into trendy neighborhoods is detrimental to the growth of the city. Neighborhoods change, people change, and cities change with them. Just because I moved here from somewhere else, have a professional job near the loop, and am making enough money to allow me a nice apartment in Wicker Park doesn't mean I am the stereotypical "yuppie" that people talk about with such disdain. And so what if I was? I love my city and I love my neighborhood. If there were no successful young people in the city, the city would simply grow old and die. "True Chicagoans" who claim to love this city so much are hypocrites for hating such a large part of Chicago culture that makes this city what it is.

I am a Chicagoan. Even though I've lived in Chicago (and the surrounding areas) for only two and a half years. I'm not a native, and I'm not trying to pass myself off as one, but I love this city; it is my home. I respect it's history and I'm excited for it's future, with me being a part of it. I have done a lot of the sightseeing, visited a lot of landmarks and classic spots, eaten much of the food this city has to offer. I live here and I love it. I am a Chicagoan.

Not thinking I was a city girl, I moved here from the East Coast expecting the worst and receiving the best, and now I never want to leave. I have fallen in love with Chicago: the lake, the streets, the el, the museums, the parks, the people, the food, the highways, the neighborhoods. I know the difference between the Ike and the Kennedy, I know the ingredients that go on a Chicago-style dog, and I know how to get around on the CTA. I look forward to visiting every theater, eating at every local restaurant, attending every street fair at least once, experiencing every inch of this wonderful city.

Some of my favorite places to go and things to do in Chicago are not on the tourist path. I know where to get an awesome taco (or two). I've visited more music venues than just the House of Blues, I visit coffee shops other than Starbucks, bookstores other than Borders and record stores other than Tower Records. I will never know everything about the streets, visit every single streetcorner or know every trivial fact about this city, but I appreciate the diversity and history that this city has to offer and I embrace it with all of my heart.

If this makes me something other than a Chicagoan, I'd like to know exactly what it is.

Happy Heart Day, my dearest 3 readers. I love you.

I wish this holiday wasn't based on chocolate. It is pure milky brown evil. Or dark brown, or white, whichever you prefer. But what's more romantic than packing on a few pounds? Really.

Despite the rain and dreariness on Sunday, I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend. Lots of shopping, snacking, walking, cooking, movies and making out. Wonderfully relaxing.

The sofa comes tomorrow! Yippee! The futon takes a hike on Wednesday! Double yippee!

I've been craving cheese quite a bit lately. I don't know what my problem is, maybe a calcium deficiency? I don't know, but I can't get my mind off the cheddar, mozzarella and parmesan at home, and the terrible string cheese for sale in the cafe just down the hall from my office. Oh my god I must have it.

I took a stab at some homemade potstickers a couple of days ago, and I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly delicious they were. I can't say I don't know how to make Asian food anymore! This is incredibly exciting! I've accomplished baking and Asian cuisine, all in a few short months! Yay for me!

This is really silly, but the other day I was thinking about how much I love to cook, and how I keep buying new gadgets and cookware and books to teach me how to make all sort of foods. I'm mastering recipes and learning new techniques, and having a blast doing it. I adore food, and I adore knowing how to do an infinite number of things to and with it. (This isn't an amorous Valentine's Day reference, so keep your pants on.) But then it hits me: I pride myself in the number of recipes I can successfully make, and as that number grows I run out of time to make them all. Out of 365 days, I probably cook for 250 of them, eating out, being on vacation, or eating leftovers the rest of the time. So that's 250 recipes, assuming I make a different one every night. When you factor in repeating recipes, that probably really only means a good 50 - 75 recipes that I can make, each year! That's nothing! That sucks! I need more time, or else I need to be able to cook dinner 3 times a day all year round.

I'm rambling so I'm going now. Happy Valentine's Day, gang.

Having a lovely lovely Friday. Feeling better, emotionally, mentally and physically; better than I have in a long time. I think it's a combination of hormones, the moon, and a mood change both at home and at the office, but I'm feeling fabulously ridiculously wonderful and adjective-y.

Shopping: I've recently found a number of terrific deals at the Filene's clearance sale: a pair of great jeans for $10, a couple of fabulous dress shirts, and my all-important best-ever foaming hair gel. I love Filene's. I also found a terrific pair of boots for an unbelievably good price (I won't tell you how good because I don't want you to be jealous) :

Best part: free shipping and they'll be here Monday! Just in time for a Valentine's Day dinner out with the Hubb.

I realize that I've been talking about purchasing things a lot lately, and for that I apologize. It will settle soon as I begin crafting and exercising and reading more and concentrate on consuming less. I'm really not as materialistic as I sound sometimes. I swear.

Next weekend I am attending a production of the Vagina Monologues with a gaggle of women. I'm excited to be a part of this year's activities, and having never been to a VM production, I'm not exactly sure what to expect. As preparations begin for the play, celebrations have begun in and around my office, with the sale and gifting of V-pops, chocolate vagina shaped lollypops. I was given one of these pops as a thank you for work I've been doing for someone, and I honestly tried to eat it, but there's something a little unsettling to me about genitalia shaped candy. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'm prude, maybe I'm uncelebratory of the female form, but it freaked me out a little bit. I wonder if I would have reacted the same way to penis shaped chocolate...

Things I love:

• Morningstar Farms Buffalo Wing "casserole"
• Returning non-returnable merchandise
• Conversation Hearts
• Discovering I have worn the seat my favorite work pants so thin they are not practical to wear as pants anymore, but should be reassigned as chaps or some sort of sick corporate lingerie...
• Walking up and down flights of stairs to relieve boredom
• Big hair
• Winning vintage dinnerware on the ebay
• Comfortable shoes
• Objectivism
• Collecting things

Things I'm looking forward to:

• Valentine's Day with the Hubb
• A socially active weekend
• The sofa being delivered on Tuesday
• Getting rid of the futon. Finally
• Possibly selling the car
• The conversation hearts being eliminated from the candy dish on my desk
• A day late Chinese New Year dinner
• Getting new pants hemmed
• Finally dropping those last few pesky pounds

I was recently wooed into filling out an umphload of surveys and entering my e-mail address into about a trillion little entry forms by the idea of winning two free airline tickets (*) to anywhere in the world! Woohoo! I want to go anywhere in the world! I want those tickets! So, after spending two full days at work trying to figure out the best way to answer demographic survey questions, and trying to find a way out of signing up for 7 different monthly (fill in the blank) clubs, I gave up. Now I get at least 30 spam messages a minute promising to "Win a Kitchen!" and "For Real: Get Your Free Laptop Computer!". I do not need a kitchen at the moment, nor a laptop computer, and I don't want to sign up for the Columbia House DVD club (again), a monthly diet pill subscription or another damned credit card. I have whored out my mailbox and now I'm paying big time.

I am, however, promised to be entered into phase 3 of the Publishers Clearinghouse Gimmick...I mean Contest, guaranteed to be one of the finalists for a million dollars. If I win I'll let you know.

(deleted)

So every spring (not that it's spring quite yet, but I'm trying to cheer myself out of SAD and PMDD by thinking of sun and trees with leaves) I go through a frantic bathing suit buying episode where I purchase multiple bathing suits, one of which I might wear at some point before fall comes again. I'm at two so far this year (well, one and a half really...a one piece and a single bottom to a tankini that didn't come in different sizes last year but is now a mix and match so I can buy the correct sized bottoms), and am feeling rather sheepish because I noticed two bathing suits in my closet from last year that still have the tags on them. But I'm going to Hawaii! I need a swimsuit that is hott and functional and comfortable all at the same time! And oh my god how cute is this thing?

I admit that I own more swimsuits than most women, which is slightly ironic because I haven't actually been swimming in a long time, but many of them I won't actually wear in public, but only on my roof in the middle of a weekday when all of my neighbors are at work. I think I can comfortably wear this one out of the house, in front of people(!) no less. Yay for the bathing suit! I may have to take a week off work this summer just to have the chance to wear all of my bathing suits on my roof.

It's Monday and that means I am grumpy and tired and would rather be at home in bed playing video games. I pulled out the Nintendo 64 this weekend to start a new adventure with both Zelda and Mario. It brought back a lot of memories. Where has all my time gone that I have left the 64 to collect dust?! My next mission is to recover the old original Nintendo of my youth. I could go for a little Mario 3.

The Super Bowl was a success, or at least the huge quantity of food I prepared was. Except for the almond tapioca pudding. The toasted almond slivers ruined the soft sweet quality of the pudding I love so much. So it's back to the drawing board for that one. Sometimes two delicious ingredients do not yield an equally delicious result. It's a shame. I don't really remember much of the game, as Hubb and I really only watched for the commercials, which were not so great this year.

I recently purchased the Food Lover's Companion and I am in love. I plan to read it cover to cover and carry it with me for quick on the go explanations and descriptions and handy proof of my food and cooking knowledge. Like when I was at the grocery store one day last week and someone asked me where to find (and what the heck was) a demi-glace. The lovely reference book actually fits quite nicely in my new purse. I'm going to look like a weirdo reading it on the bus now.

So we didn't leave the car at CarMax this weekend. Hopefully the time it takes to sell it to a real person will leave us with at least 20% more than CM offered. Their offer would have just paid off our loan, and that's it. And that's no good.

Hubb turned me on to this website. It's amazingly engrossing. Perfect for a day when I want to accomplish nothing at work. I love how dorky the whole premise is, and how adorable all of his friends are.

Just some notes:

1. Someone made two tiny snowmen on a ledge on the side of the MCA. I forgot to take a picture but take my word for it, they were damned cute. And they were melted by the end of the day.

2. I haven't worn pointy shoes in a while, and so today as I wear my favorite pair, my feet hurt real bad.

3. I really love my kitty cat. (p.s. - bye bye futon.)



4. The coworker who I do not have the best relationship with gave me a chef-autographed cookbook today. Which is nice.

5. I didn't know Daley resigned.



6. I really dislike noise battles. Like interrupting and talking over people. Or turning up your music to drown out your neighbor only to have them turn it up to drown you out in return. It's an endless cycle that contributes to noise pollution and extreme annoyances.

7. It's Friday night and I feel allright.

three compliments in an hour and today is off to a good start. maybe someone will take me on a date to my favorite restaurant to celebrate my good hair day and red shoes. mojitos and lobster tails and plantains and flan and ending the week with a full tummy.

i'm wearing lipstick and earrings, and slutty stockings and i feel like the girliest of girls today.

i just realized that i haven't yet seen the lake once this winter, which is incredibly pathetically sad because i work not a quarter of a mile from it. sad sad sad. hubb reminded me again that we've been going out less this winter now that it's cold out, and i think that bothers him but i love my house and my fireplace and my cats and homemade popcorn and i don't want to go anywhere. i just want to stay home and cook and eat and watch csi and good eats and old movies on tcm. and do sit-ups and bastardized yoga on the floor of my living room while watching the food network. and stay as close to my warm down comfortered bed as possible. i'm sorry hubb.

but i am looking forward to the thaw (as well as not...because it means no more fireplace for many many months) because it means bike rides and eating outside and flip flops and grilling on the deck and walks around the neighborhood at night and late nights drinking in the moonlight with friends on the tippy top of wicker park, only a spiral staircase away from home.

there is a for sale sign on our car, and an ad for our futon in the paper (soon). i am thrilled for change and ridding ourselves of responsibility, but these in between times also leave me full of sorrow and grief. i'm saying goodbye to good memories and happy days and fun and transitional periods of my life. i'm both happily moving on and i'm grieving for the loss of my past.

hello weekend. i'm happy you're here and i'm relishing the idea of spending quality time with you. if only you came more often.

I like how I'm not leaving for Hawaii for another two and a half months (and haven't even purchased my ticket yet) and I'm already planning what I will pack. I bought a super cute white messenger style canvas bag (white - so tropical!) and a white linen skirt for walks on the beach. I'm ready to go. Pack a pair of jeans, one pair of flip flops and a tank top or two and I'm off. Oh, and the bathing suit. Maybe. As I'm still struggling with after holiday poundage, I'm kind of afraid to see how the tankini fits.

On a related note, I'm starving and am craving beef like you'd never believe. Every once in a great while I get irresistible cravings for bad things like cheeseburgers, french fries, and chocolate (I ate six hershey kisses in less than two minutes yesterday). Even though I brought an incredibly healthy lima bean/chicken/rice thing for lunch today, I may have to go out for some form of cow. Or something fried. Which brings me back to the bathing suit thing. I would love to drop a few annoying little pounds before my trip so I can gallivant around paradise in my tankini, and I have to keep reminding myself that cheeseburgers and thai food aren't going to get me there. I have this seriously low self control issue that I just can't seem to shake. Whether it be a cute skirt, a new Body Butter (passionfruit, yum!) or a Chipotle burrito, when I want something, I get it. I'm a spoiled brat, I know.