lots of blah blah blah-ing, so watch out.

ok, so it's december and it's rainy and i hate it. i want it to be freezing cold and snowy and icy and fireplace-use-worthy. but alas, instead it just sucks. boo chicago. for shame.

we're heading out to virginia to see the family for the holidays, and though i'm excited about seeing lots of family members and friends i rarely get to see, and meet others for the first time (my 2 month old neice and hopefully my pregnant friend's tiny baby filled belly,) i'm less than enthusiastic about the driving. 2300 miles of driving. next week we'll make up for a year's worth of not owning a car.

we're ready for gifting in my house....almost. i've nixed a few crafts and have finished sewing, but i have a bit of baking/chocolating to do. i have a double batch of doublechocolate biscotti to dip in chocolate and almonds tonight, then bag and label for gifts. i'm going to take a break for a while from baking anything that requires two rounds in the oven plus an assembly session. last night i finished the last two teddies for the baby girls in the family. (they have little white button noses, though it's hard to tell from the photo.)

in other news, i am sort of obsessed with the idea of eating at schwa very very soon. does this post not make you drool? hubb and i decided that a dinner there would be one of our anniversary presents to each other this year, but i can not wait until april. someone could make a girl very very happy by taking her to eat a 10-course tasting at schwa in the immediate future. and they better have the sweetbreads on the menu when a visit finally occurs.

since wearing a pair of simple black pumps last weekend that are a tad too high for my little feet, i have lost feeling in two of my toes. this happens to me ocassionally, and i should take the message and stop wearing heels and start buying more cute flats. i like the second part of that remedy, but i really really love my simple black pumps, and the adorable retro red peep-toes, AND the d'orsay heels that i've really only worn once but pull out and look at every now and then. but the health of my feet should come first, and i simply should not venture into the above 2" heel range. i can probably live without most of my taller heels if i had to, with the exception of the simple black pointy pumps. they are a staple in my wardrobe, whether i can walk in them at the end of the night or not. so i've been trolling zappos for a new pair and have come up with three finalists:

the first pair are interesting, but maybe too low for little me and my "long pants" i like to wear. the second are by lumiani, a brand i adore and and a height i can wear with no pain. the third pair have little gel pads on the heel and the foot bed! how cool is that? i'm leaning towards the middle because i have a pair of lumianis that i can wear for days at a time with no problem. that would be a nice attribute for the little black shoe of my dreams.

while looking around i have also remembered my lust for a low or flat red shoe. again, i have three finalists:

so the first are cute and look comfy. the middle are adorable, and i like the orangy-ness. the third are super pointy so may not be so comfy. oh decisions. and self restraint. must save money for mortgage, must save money for mortgage. damned mortgage.

the christmas spirit has grabbed me today. even though we haven't officially decorated (our christmas boxes are at the bottom of a tightly packed closet awaiting a storage space) my dining room looked perfect this morning, so much so that i had to snap a picture. and also my little christmas tree, complete with a tiny bird topper.

merry thursday, everyone!

wow, so two weeks go by and i forget all about the internet. i've been busy. very very busy. i have been shopping, baking (yay!), getting over the flu (boo!) and making crafts for christmas. the other night i made an adorable stuffed felt christmas tree, complete with tiny strands of bead lights and glass ornaments. i will take photos tonight. i want to hug it and kiss it, it's so cute.

i'm usually way ahead of the game when it comes to christmastime, but this year i've been seriously slacking. i have most of my shopping done, but i still have two teddies to sew, a few snowman/penguin ornament families to assemble, and lots of biscotti to bake. (yes, i attempted biscotti last weekend and it is, in a word, CRAZYDELICIOUS. recipe to follow at the uneducated chef shortly.) i waited too long to get my tins and bags, and now i can't find cute packaging anywhere, so it will have be unpretentious parchment paper and twine. but that's more than ok by me, actually. i have yet to find anything at all for the hubb. we agreed on no gifts but he's already broken the rule so i have to now, too. what to get? i have not a clue.

i saw sean lennon last night at the park west. it was nice to be able to sit, and have my drinks brought to me, and not choke on cigarette smoke. sean had a cold, so his voice was off and he had to switch harmonies with the guitar player at one point, and he left the stage in a hurry in the middle of the encore, but it was a good show nonetheless. he has a soothing singing voice, even when phlegmy and tired, and it relaxed me. and best of all i was in bed and snoozing by 11pm.

the best news today: my house is finally being finished! workers have been invading my home for the last two days touching up paint, fixing closet doors and shelves, grouting, calking, and making my jacuzzi tub work. it should all be done by the end of the week, and then all we'll have to wait for is the storage space. i'm getting tired of seeing my boxes and bicycles in the hallways corners of my house.

back to the busy-ness. i'll try not to wait so long to update next time.

ooh, ooh, chronicle books is having a 40% off sale right now....i just stocked up on angela adams and lotta jansdotter stationary! and some gifts, too. oh my god i can't wait!

well, thanksgiving was an absolute joy, and i'll reference some pics once my busy husband posts them. i had a spatula, baster, spoon or fork in my hand nearly the entire weekend, so hubb took all the photos. my 20-pound monster turkey, who i lovingly named thor, was divine, and it still gracing us with delicious leftover mash-ups.

my family was wonderful, and i am so touched that they all decided to come out to spend the holiday with us in our new home. we had more fun than i ever expected shopping, playing games, cooking, and of course, eating. we also visited the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum, which was packed but enjoyable nonetheless.

once they left i needed something to keep myself busy in the evenings, so i began making some of my christmas gifts.

these little penguin ornaments will be for my cousins and sisters to represent their fast growing families, and the teddy bears will be for the kiddies.

this was my very first attempt at sewing a bear, and dispite his slight downs syndrome appearance, i think he is rather sweet. i made another one last night, with brown felt for his feet, inside ears and nose, and his little head looks much more proportional. i have 3 more bears to go, (#1 is a prototype and i'm keeping him!) and with my pink, blue, and wooden button eyes i'll be assigning them to my new little neices and nephews. i may even do a little monogram on the foot for each baby: carter, brenae, sophie and justin.

i'm getting more into the holiday spirit each day. yay for crafts!

one of my best friends from college, two years my junior, is pregnant. she's pregnant! and her two best friends are also pregnant, plus one of their sisters. and my boss just had a baby a week ago and my sister just had a baby a month ago, and someone else at work is pregnant, and a good friend's sister is pregnant with TWINS and i feel like i'm dwelling on this too much but i'm getting a little weirded out. i'm feeling out of the loop and i'm strangely jealous, not because i want a baby because god knows that i have no desire to handle THAT right now, but because if everyone else is doing it, i want in. it's like a secret society of reproducing women all around me and it makes my insides all smooshy. it's a middle child syndrome thing, older friends and younger friends are all having babies, and i'm stuck in the middle a little lost and not ready but jealous all the same. is that weird? now, nearly our entire regular social circle is child-less, but that almost makes it worse. it is all people i don't spend regular time with which makes it all that much more mysterious. it's interesting to reflect on how your environment can influence your life choices so dramatically. i'm rambling because i'm happy and excited and also feeling left out at the same time. but that's ok.

and i'm getting ready to host thanksgiving for the first time in my new home. i hosted last year for 6, which went of wonderfully except when the oven died as i pulled the just finished turkey from it. the toaster oven didn't really work all that well on the rolls, but our downstairs neighbor allowed the 3 inches of room in her oven to save our stuffing. i'm altering a few recipes this year, inviting a few more people, and am fretting over my simple yet delicious decisions. i feel the need to step it up, but if i'm going to i need to figure it out fast.

i'm making:
butternut squash and pumpkin soup
a 20 pound turkey spiced with orange and cinnamon
gravy
apple sage cornbread stuffing
maple sage roasted sweet potatoes
caramelized brussel sprouts
moroccan carrot salad
ginger apple pie

they're making:
rolls (in the oven this itme)
orange cranberry sauce
garlic mashed potatoes
goat cheese rice stuffing
pumpkin creme brulee (yum.)

i plan to document, and post a few photos and recipes here.

happy thanksgiving, everyone!

my comments got lost. boo.

ok, things might be a little wonky around here for a few days. i just reformatted to the google version of blogger and i lost a lot of my side content. i'm working on it, and it was probably time for a redesign anyway (note the new title bar).

woo! i received my list of swappers, i finished all but one of my pears (11 out of 12, but i only really need 9 to mail out), so it looks like i'm almost ready to mail! now i just need to attach my yarn for the "hook", determine which method of packaging will work best, and make little notecards. then it's off to the post office (or usps.com more likely). i have 6 US swappers, a swapper in canada, one in london, and one in south africa! i can't wait to see what everyone has made.

bummer. tiny showcase sells out every week before i get a chance to peek. this week i am devistatingly heartbroken.

lovely. wonderful huggable pears for the swap. i have some gnarbly brown yarn to add for an ornament hook.

i heart these guys so much. and apparently my cats do too. i accidently left the pears on the coffee table the other day, and when i came home they were strewn about the apartment. the kitties are jealous i am not making toys for them. that might be a little side project soon, catnip-filled felt fruit for eva and stella.

excited.

1. money. we were good loan-payers this year, so our credit union lets us skip a wedding loan payment. woo! one less check to write this month, and more money for presents.

2. ...presents for me: i've decided to finally splurge on a le creuset dutch oven. i might need a while to get over the excitement of this. i'm shaking.

3. i've also decided to learn to make more sweets. i saw this recipe and decided i must make them. if you come to any of my parties, please be advised that these will be there for all of them. as long as i don't eat them all myself.

4. i just received feast in the mail and it makes me want to stay home in bed until i'm done reading it. lovely, witty, britty, and beautiful. inspiring, too.

5. tonight i shall start sewing soft little chenille teddy bears together for my little niece, nephew, and cousins' christmas gifts. we have a one year old and three new little babies in the family this holiday, and i'm feeling amazingly wonderful and giddy about the whole thing. it means so much to me to give gifts made by hand, especially by my own.

6. similarly, i have finished 8 of my 12 christmas ornaments for the swap. i decided on adorable stuffed felt pears. i'll take some photos tonight. i might keep making them, and maybe some apples, too, to try my hand at selling rather than spending at etsy.

i got a rather large gift certificate to barnes and noble for my birthday, and for the past week i've been struggling with which books to buy. i have a list of "must reads" from like two years ago, but now i'm not so sure about some of my choices, and i honestly haven't been keeping up on what's new and what everyone is reading. i need to freshen my list before i can go shopping, and i need your recommendations.

i am definitely going to buy i like you by amy sedaris, and one or two jose saramago books because i love his writing. and i might get the 75th anniversary joy of cooking becuase i've never owned it and i feel like i should. other than that i'm a little lost. i've historically liked the-books-that-everyone-on-the-train-is-reading, but i'm not so sure that's what i'm looking for now. just good reads, or can't-live-without resources.

anyone? anyone?

(caution: may not be safe for work) oh. my. god. it is a trainwreck and i can't stop looking. i hate RR even more now as i imagine her nervous nasal laugh as she poses in her skivvies with the turkey there. oh god. turkey will never be the same for me. i might vomit.

sorry about that.



5 reasons i'm happy today:

1. i had a wonderful birthday yesterday, as hubb presented me with......A SMALLTHINGS NECKLACE! finally! i've only been hounding him for one or two years. it is beautiful and i love it.

2. hubb also took me to avec, which was amazingly delicious and wonderful. i literally dreamt about the chorizo-stuffed medjool dates with smoked bacon and piquillo pepper-tomato sauce. oh my god. but in a good way this time.

3. tord boontje for target. awesomeness at an affordable price. i want the wine glasses (like i need wine glasses...) and the multi-color dessert plates and the red mugs (like i need more mugs...). ooh ooh, the wine glasses can be used for little tealights! oh my god i'm ordering them right now.

4. speaking of tord, my wonderful bro in law, completely on his own with no hints, requests, or demands gave me a wonderful transglass vase for my birthday. i can't begin to express my happiness over it.

5. it's halloween. happy spooky day!

work in progress turned three this week. happy birthday, buddy.

holiday linky.

1. a holiday ornament swap! how much more fun could you have? it will be like receiving 8-10 little suprise gifts. i am so totally thrilled, i can't even put it into words. i'll post a photo of the ornaments i make...i'm thinking a nature theme and felt.... sign up now, the deadline is November 01.

2. i don't want to buy any more dishes, and i'm not very happy with west elm right now*, but i love Love LOVE these branch dessert plates from west elm. and the cute silver garland on the table next to them? a little tord boontje. a little retro. a lot of need to be in my house this holiday.

*we purchased a floating wall shelf recently to act as a fireplace mantle, and in the process of installing the nonsensical thing, three large holes were made in my wall. the shelf came with three huge metal anchors and screws that couldn't seem to keep the shelf secure and level, and even if we had secured it to the wall successfully, i would have fretted every day about the stability of it all. the shelf is on its way back to west elm, (along with a set of three "organically shaped" shelves that are nothing of the sort) and i will not be purchasing anything else from them that requires wall mounting.

3. i don't mean to keep referencing w.e., but i am inspired by this pillow, and the numerous references to needlepoint and cross stitch that i continue to run across. i used to do quite a bit of cross stitch as a youth, and i think i might take it back up by fashioning some sort of trendy patterned pillow for our living room to go along with this fabric i purchased for sofa pillow covers. if all turns out well, i might attempt some holiday gifts.

4. i'm already putting together my thanksgiving menu, which will include a roasted butternut squash and pumpkin soup served in a roasted pumpkin, inspired by this recipe. i also plan to make the port vinaigrette from the same show. yum. now i just need some port.

5. i'm sort of slow with my holiday shopping this year, as usually by this time i've already finished half of it. so far i have one item, a small trinkety thing for my step-mom. i need to get on the ball and come up with something creative and versatile and inexpensive (because we're responsible and have a mortgage now) that i can give to everyone. easy. ideas?

first of all, i don't have a tumor. my headache went away, then it came back, and now it's hiding behind my eyeballs somewhere, but my brain is healthy according to my doc. i have a healthy normal brain. that's a relief.

hubb and i ran around the city on marathon sunday to catch alex at various mile markers, at 10, 16 and 25.2. he finished in an awe-inspiring time of 3:09:44, just seconds before the cutoff to qualify for the boston marathon in the spring. watching our friend, and over 35,000 other runners was absolutely breathtaking and brought me to tears more than once. if i only had such strength, courage, and stamina. congratulations, alex. i am so incredibly proud of you.

now i will change tunes and talk about selfish materialistic bullshit.

holiday season is upon us and i need outfits for parties. i have at least 4 occasions planned that call for something cute, and i can probably recycle one outfit for two of them. i need a cute top to wear with a pleated semi-poufy cotton skirt, and two dresses. i really like these:

sensible chic black jersey with a flattering V and a fun empire tie waste. festive red, maybe too deep in the chest, maybe a little unflattering in the tummy? pretty pretty green. i can't decide.

i'm having trouble living in our unfinished apartment and i'm finding myself searching comfort in shopping, which is not so good considering we just paid a fortune with 3-day blinds to furnish our windows. on the up-side, i now have lots of jeans that fit me. and plenty of shoes for these holiday parties.

first: limbo. i'm ready for my house to be finished already! we still don't have vent covers, a top to our peninsula in the kitchen, or a working jacuzzi tub (which i am incidentally in desperate need of using.) i'm ready for the boxes to be gone, the shit to be put away, and the furniture to be purchased and put in place. i hate living in limbo.

second: oprah. i went to a taping and it was exactly what i expected and i left unsatisfied and jaded. it was interesting, and energetic, but oprah wasn't as friendly and talkative as she seems on the show. now i'm not a huge fan of any celebrity enough to jump up and down and scream as some of these women did, but i could have used a little wave and "thank you" and genuine smile. at least i got a free book.

third: tumor. i've had a headache for 5 days now, and my doctor has ordered me to have an mri. i'm a little freaked out about that, and i'm not sure i really want the test. would you want to know if you had a giant inoperable tumor? i wouldn't. now i'm sure it's nothing, just pain caused by stress as my doctor thinks, but still....what if. what if my brain is all funky and broken and diseased? i don't want to know the results unless my noggin is perfectly normal. although we all can tell stories about me that may prove contrary.....

fourth: stress. i'm under it and it's consuming me to a point where i just want to stay in bed for a few days while things sort themselves out and little old ladies organize and straighten and clean my house for me. and entertain my guests and cook my meals and maybe even go to the gym for me. i just want to stay in bed and drink tea and eat pizza. for a week. can i please do that? no. because work is busy and the house needs some love that i can't afford to hire other people to give it. and because i am the only one who can take care of my shit. and i can't even take a relaxing jacuzzi bath because the builder of my house is too busy. please pass the wine.

fifth: baby. the newest member of my family, my new little niece Brenae, was born on thursday in virginia. she is an adorable sweet little thing and i can't wait to meet her in person this holiday season. happy birthday, little angel! your antie em is looking forward to hanging out with you.

sixth: responsibility. we scheduled our first mortgage payment(s) and association dues, but i still don't feel like we've really purchased a house. i guess i thought we'd be acting more mature and knowledgeable and smart somehow just for buying a home. instead we just whine about how much blinds cost. (i am still in shock over the amount of money we gave away so that we can have a little privacy.)

seventh: 26.2. my good friend Alex (the guy that hubb and i owe our marriage to by introducing us more than 7 years ago) is coming into town tonight for the weekend. he's here to run the chicago marathon, so on sunday you'll find us bar hopping, drinking bloody marys in between screaming with 1.5 million other fans for our favorite runner. GO AL!

so. we are homeowners! yay! three cheers for responsibility and debt! and incomplete pipes and scratched floors and closets that won't close! our punchlist is at least three pages long, but we're promised that it will all be taken care of. in time. in the meantime, we absolutely adore our 2 bed/2 bath condo and i just want to stay home from work every day to hug the walls and kiss the counters. and cook. i haven't really made a proper meal in my new kitchen yet, and i'm dying to do so. namely, pozole rojo. man, that sounds delicious. and i think i might be the only person i know who always has hominy in my pantry. er...cabinet. what i wouldn't give for a pantry....

i've learned more in the past two weeks than in the previous two years, i think. about mortgages, homeowners insurance, inspections, sump pumps, garbage disposals, security systems, washing machines, the returns process at home depot. and what NOT to do next time. but it is all wonderful. and i can do laundry in my OWN HOUSE! and shower in my choice of two showers. and knock a hole in the wall if i want to because it's mine, all mine!

so i might be absent here for longer stretches than normal while i finish making my home and get over this cold/allergy/sinus infection thing that seems to have settled into my face. maybe i'll run into you at home depot or the container store.

i'm trying to keep my mind off of things, so here are a few things that i'm keeping myself busy with these days:

flickr: this bedroom series is fascinating to me.

etsy (still): i want some t-shirts.

the west elm sale.

back-reading designsponge.

these prints. i can't stop looking at them. i MUST have 2 or 3 of them for my new house.

work. seriously. it has picked up for me a bit over the last week or two and i couldn't be more thrilled.

i'm going to a fun (i hope) foodie event tonight. i even bought new shoes to wear for it.

aaaah we're moving on friday. we will OWN PROPERTY! it blows my mind so much i need a drink. good news because in about 3 hours i will get one. with gin. which is fine by me.

so hubb and i went to austin and spent four days with family, eating, drinking, remembering. it was great to see everyone, to meet my cousin's 5 month old, Sophie, and go through old photographs with my grandma. aside from all of the men in the family injuring themselves during the trip, the weekend was a success.

1-my uncle arrives in austin and promptly goes to the emergency room to have a foreign object removed from his thumb. (still not sure what happened there.)
2-my father pulls his shoulder while throwing the very first trash bag of garbage hauled from my aunt Ve's house into the dumpster. he was out of commission after less than 5 minutes of work.
3-my other uncle Ed bites the pavement stepping out of the van on day 2 of cleaning out Ve's house. many bandages later, his knee is covered but he's out of the worker bee army.
4-my little brother, who sprained his ankle a week or two ago, walks backwards off a curb outside our hotel, tumbles to the ground, and (we later learned) ended up fracturing his ankle.
5-hubb drinks a bit too much saturday night, spends sunday traveling and praying that his head will give him a break, and has now been dizzy for three days straight. there's no way it is can still be the alcohol, so he's off to the doctor to see why his head won't stop spinning.

as soon as we arrived in austin we also received news that our closing is pushed back a week to allow the builder to finish our unit properly. it probably works out for the best anyway, because now we have another solid weekend to pack. i'm still antsy, though. i'm ready to be in My Home.

i'm feeling a little lost. maybe it's the upcoming move and signing on the dotted line and all, maybe it's my great aunt's memorial this friday, maybe it's the rain and fog, but i'm sort of melancholy and self-doubting about everything lately. my skills, my job, my decisions, my style. just everything. it sucks, but i am not so sure what to do about it quite yet.

i keep deciding that i'm going to quit my job, sell all of my things, stop drinking, quit eating meat, and escape to somewhere in the mountains where i can be solitary and wear sweaters and no makeup and eat lots of potatoes and drink coffee on a porch. and maybe paint some more. but maybe just one of these things will improve my mental state.

i joined a gym but i haven't worked out yet. i may go after work if i can muster up some energy. but then again, i may not. i have to hem some dark jeans so i can wear them this weekend in austin.

we still have a lot of packing to do, but it is ever so stressful. i just want it to be over with.

now that i think of it, i bet the coming of fall is what's got me down and out of sorts. i love the fall, but the changing weather always does terrible things to me. plus the fact that all of my fall clothes are a size or two too small and all of my extra monthly moneys are now slated to paying for a mortgage rather than new pants.

plus, apparently i'm tick tocking away and i keep having dreams about being pregnant. (shh...don't tell hubb.) i know we're not ready but still...something is going on in there. my ovaries are whispering to each other while i sleep and it's making me think.

i also had a dream about my childhood dog, Chester, who died last thanksgiving. i dreamt i was holding him in my arms when he passed. i woke up crying and then couldn't fall back asleep for an hour, it was so real. which started my recent trend of waking up every night at 4:00 am on the dot and not falling back asleep until after 5. i want desperately to find some significance in that.

so if you know me and i become (or have already become) flaky and snappy, just ignore it. i'll hopefully make a turn for the better once one or two of my many stressors is behind me as i take another step up this mountain of my life.

so we had our yard sale, and we sold a ton of clothes to crossroads, and we sold our dining room table, and a printer, and still donated about $400 worth of stuff (probably more, we tend to underestimate). we made enough money to buy our new dining room table, but then we went on a date and bought a great danish modern buffet to use as a dresser and a huge mirror from a thrift store. now we only have about 75% of the money for our new dining room table, but that's a start. and it makes me happy.

i'm now off to a gym for an introduction and tour and a possibility of giving them a bunch of money so that i may be guilted into visiting said gym so that i will sweat and in turn, lose 10-15 pounds. wish me luck.

be forewarned...Longest Post Ever.

wow. i had a great wednesday. i got a terrific pair of shoes ON SALE at an EVEN GREATER DISCOUNT than marked because i haggled endlessly with the sales lady. (read: i said "there's an itty bitty speck of dirt right here on this shoe." she said "i'll give you an extra 20% off." i said "sold.") i love them and they are perfect and i will wear them and treasure them always. until it snows.

then i went to the k-mart to see the "Huge Makeover", which looked pretty much like the old k-mart, just with shorter shelving units. but i found the most adorable tea towels that will be a perfect christening to my brand new kitchen in the condo that we should be moving into IN LESS THAN A MONTH...which freaks me the hell out. but i'll have cute trendy fruity towels to have a nervous breakdown with after we move in. which will be comforting. and colorful. (look at the cute pears! and the scrumptious apples! oh my, and the oranges!) oh martha, you can sell me adorable housewares any day.

we are having sangria at work tomorrow to celebrate (i mean mourn) the end of summer (and our 3pm closing time on fridays), so i bought fruit and brandy and mixed all of that stuff up so it could sit overnight and ferment and absorb and become delicious. tomorrow is also a coworkers birthday, so i made him (dont' laugh) pigs in a blanket. (i couldn't help repeating under my breath the whole time "i've had it with these mother****ing pigs in these mother****ing blankets!") i realized that i don't think i have ever actually eaten a pig in a blanket, let alone made them, but i put together about 4 dozen of them last night. not like it's hard using two ingredients and all, as much as i like to cook. i love to spend time in the kitchen, hours at a time even, and i love love love complicated recipes, meals that require intense multitasking and hours or preparation. but i hate monotonous labor-intensive preparations for bite size food. why should i waste my precious time making pretty little things that you will devour in one bite? i find it maddening and i prefer to spend my time making apricot bourbon barbecue sauce or risotto or something that yields more than one mouthful. which is why i do not serve canapes or hors d'oeuvres (are they the same thing anyway?) at my parties. i have no patience for it. so anyway, i started to humor myself by naming my little piggies, then i dropped one on the floor and felt badly because i had just personified him by naming him boris.

i have to share my joy in finally finding a lipgloss to replace one i purchased probably in 1999 that was discontinued. it seems that all cosmetics that i fall in love with end up being discontinued, and this pink and gold shiny (NOT SPARKLY) gloss by revlon streetwear was the first to jump on that wagon and speed away from me. once i found out i could not purchase it at my local drugstore anymore i scoured the internet for backstock, only coming up with one lousy tube which has maybe two tiny thin applications left in but i continue to save it. i've purchased dozens of similar shades which have all proved to be no match for the perfect gloss. until now. ulta has, in their super shiny lip gloss line, a color called goddess (which is a perfect name, really) that is a perfect replacement. yay for ulta and yay for my steadfast searching for my perfect shade. now i need to buy a case or two, please. it will probably be discontinued by winter.

and finally, we're having a yardsale on saturday, so if you know me and you know where i live and you need some stuff that we don't need anymore, please stop by. we'll have coffee makers, dishes, tchotchkes, lamps, cookware, and lots of other crap too. for cheap. we also have a nice bamboo and glass dining room table with 4 chairs for sale for $200. i'll throw in a tchotchke or two for free. and a hug if you take if off my hands by the end of the weekend.

what's making me happy this week:

• blik Iron Vines on their way to me for my new bedroom. cocoa brown agains pale blue walls. i can't wait to decorate.
• this Amy Ruppel print aptly entitled "new home" because, as you can see, i have the upcoming move to the new condo on the brain. this print makes me smile. it makes me happy. i want it. alas, it is sold.
• a new necklace my friend Hillary of Sans Couture has made for me. i shall have it on friday and i can't wait.
• the new blue q line, hot and flashy. i purchased the pear lip balm and it is divine. and i simply adore the deco packaging.
• browsing through my great aunt's 1960 helen corbitt cookbook. she used it so much that the first 5 or 6 pages have fallen out and the spine is duct taped together. i can tell the recipes she loved from the amount of splatter on the pages. she also taped a recipe for brandied sweet potatoes to the inside front cover that i have to make at thanksgiving this year, it looks so delicious. the book is a fabulous read, and i plan to put a post together using recipes from the cookbook sometime soon.
• browsing through my great aunt's recipe box. i found her recipe for my great grandmother's pecan pie, and i am determined to become a master at it, even though i am really not a fan of pecan pie (unless a certain friend of mine made it and it is has bourbon and chocolate in it).
• i will be a homeowner in less than a month! woot!

my few days in austin: exhausting, overfed, inspiring, educational, depressing, hot. but it really us a dry heat. this was my first trip to the southwest. ever. i can't wait to go back, for a vacation rather than a family emergency. austin is huge and full of life and music and food, oh my god the food. i can never eat barbecue again unless it comes from texas. and i just may need to learn to like pecans.

my aunt ve had an interesting life. i learned more about her in three days than in an entire life of knowing her. like her name. it is leona vivian. i never knew that. it's too bad the name leona is forever tarnished in my mind from a rediculously large portioned local chain. it really is a beautiful name.

we found photos, albums, ancient memories from people i've never met. my great grandmother's pecan pie recipe, telegrams from my great uncle dale's days at war, cotton combs from days on the farm, my great grandmother's wedding ring. and probably a hundred pairs of scissors. we all feel secure by different means, i suppose. and photos of my father as a child. and my grandfather who i barely knew.

i hope ve is resting peacefully.

this photo was likely from the early 40's, when ve was around 20 years old.

ok, so the airport wasn't all that bad, until we had to come home and got delayed due to lightning and some stupid paris hilton wannabe cut in line and then tried to steal a cab from the rest of us patiently waiting in line at midway at 1 am. florida was hot and sticky and we ate too much and hugged too much and debated too much between different generations with different frames of mind and comfort levels and ideas of what is "right". and we went on the Diva Duck and while looking at d-list celebrity homes i received the phone call notifying me of my Aunt Ve's passing. it was a bizarre experience, learning such news while a tour guide on a bus in the intercoastal waterway danced to ricky martin and told us about how the guy who invented slim fast lived next door to cilene dion's mother. so i'm back to the airport (sans gels and liquids) tomorrow to go to austin to sort through thomas kinkade paintings and other precious belongings in my late Aunt Ve's condo. i think i'm through being upset and am mostly just sad and a little bit lost about the whole thing, not having seen my Aunt Ve in any state of distress over her condition as her health failed and her mind wandered. i remember her smiling and watching us play balderdash at our family reunion last october, before she found out she was going to die of cancer a month before her 81st birthday. we're not having a funeral, but a memorial next month, on the anniversary of her birth in 1925. we will celebrate her life, mourn our loss, then we'll spend the weekend together, as a family, one woman less and two babies more than last year.

short snippets, sort of in sync with my frame of mind right now:

1. i watched The Notebook last night. i'm still crying on the inside and my eyes are still puffy and sore from a solid hour and a half of bawling my eyes out. (but oh my god ryan gosling is dreamy.)

2. what is up with airport security, dude? just because somebody figured out a way to mix chemicals together to make something harmful (duh) and disguise them in everyday products doesn't mean that i should have to fly without my lipgloss. no toothpaste? no deodorant? no hand lotion? i might die on my trip to florida tomorrow with all of my gels and lotions and liquids stashed "safely" out of reach in my checked bag. my security blanket of just-in-case items won't be accessible, and i promise i will think about it from the time i leave for the airport until the time i pick up my suitcase (hopefully intact) from baggage claim in ft. lauderdale. i may need to drink heavily at the airport bar before i board my plane. it's a damned good thing i'm not taking more than a 2 hour flight anytime soon.

3. my great aunt ve is steadily and rapidly declining, and her doctor has given her less than two weeks to live. i am on call to fly to austin to help settle her estate and plan her memorial service, and it is tearing me apart. i'm not one for patience to begin with, and when you're playing the waiting game for the death of a loved one, it is heavy and emotional and terrible. it is hard to move forward with your life and take trips and host visitors knowing that any day you'll be mourning. so pardon me if i'm a little disconnected for the next few weeks. i'm trying to stay distracted.

4. i really really really don't like humidity.

5. i really really really wish it was october.

so i'm obsessed with Etsy lately. it's sort of like ebay for crafters, but without the worn shoes, cons, and shitty estate sale junk. i'm particularly enamored with these fine items:

on the left, cute cute precious metal clay pendants from SueQuigley. the leaf necklace is so hippie chic. in the middle, adorable silver metalgami by Hapa. man, i want the little catamaran so bad. on the right, intricate colorful pendants from Fiery Lion Designs. i will take one in each color, pretty please. these sort of remind me of my long time lust, Small Things. especially the original small necklace, both the deco poppy in jade green and the swallow in dark blue, please. thank you.

i've been lack with my jewelry making lately, but i am considering posting some items on Etsy. we'll see.

hot. this weekend was hot. and sweaty. but fun. and hot.

1. our annual office bbq. lots of eating, some swimming (i haven't been in a pool for ages!) and everybody seeing me in my swimsuit. which was great. but i got to make margaritas and blue cheese biscuits and i didn't even have any leftover at the end of the day. which makes me very very happy.

2. phoenix! at the double door! oh my god it was the best show i've ever been to. i want to go again tonight. and tomorrow. and every night forever! they put on a remarkably smooth and wonderfully dance-inducing show. and even though i sweated about 17 gallons directly from my face, i still had fun. and i don't like to sweat so that's saying quite a bit about how wonderful the show was. but i would sweat that much again just to have it be friday night at the double door tonight. plus, thomas mars is the cutest. i want to go to france and dance with him. while he sings to me as the rest of the band plays backup. sorry, hub. i haven't swooned after a rock show like that since i was 19. sigh.

3. pitchfork. eh. it was hot. the dj tent was super fun, but i didn't enjoy my sweaty self as much as i had the night before. plus, i bought a $5 necklace and it made my neck and chest break out in a dirty nasty rash, which was not flattering at all. not that my matted sweaty hair and sticky pants were flattering, but the rash didn't help one bit. so i went late sunday and was sort of off all day anyway. but riding bicycles there and home was nice. no sweaty smelly bus rides where my short stature makes my face about the height of everybody's armpits.

i've been pretending to start a food blog but haven't really gotten started yet...i can make tons of excuses about why, but here are just three:

1. i am very very busy.

2. i don't have a refrigerator in my apartment that works properly. and by properly i mean at all. our fridge died last week, filling our home with an awful burnt metal and plastic smell. we plum burnt the motor out, which i can't decide to attribute to a) the fact that it is to freaking hot in our kitchen when i cook that condensation immediately forms on all of the food when you open the door, b) we don't clean behind the fridge (do people really do that?) and it got clogged with cat hair, or c) we open and close the door so much that we just wore out the poor little thing. in any case, it died, and in a strange lucky turn of events our upstairs neighbors have moved out and we had keys to the apartment. so all of our food is in the kitchen above ours. so i haven't been cooking because i don't like to sweat and running up and down the stairs each time i need some chicken stock or cheese or butter really sucks. i've been drinking less, too. at home, anyway.

3. it is hot.

so, i will come up with a delicious recipe soon and my photographer (my husband, in return for eating the food that i cook) and i will put together a post shortly. until then, au revoir.

so, i went sailing.



and it was totally fun.

my great aunt Ve has cancer. it is in her lungs, and it is also in her breasts. she's been sick for about a year, in and out of the hospital, in and out of chemo, in constant discomfort and fear. recently her well trusted doctor discontinued her chemo and admitted her, indefinitely, to the hospital so that she may have 24 hour care. this greatly displeases her, but her kidneys are failing. she is uncomfortable and frightened. she is my father's mother's sister, who we've always adopted as our second grandma.

my paternal grandmother had three children, two boys and a girl. her eldest son (my father) had two children, remarried and adopted two daughters. my aunt had two daughters, one of which had one son recently, and the other of which recently birthed the second daughter of three children. my uncle, my grandmother's youngest son, married late and adopted his wife's daughter. my aunt Ve is a widow with no children. i get the feeling that aunt Ve always felt pitifuly adopted by us, by her younger sister's family. she often spent many holidays alone, of her own free will.

she is a feisty woman, decisive, stubborn, but also genuine and generous. today she is lying in a hospital bed in austin with friends surrounding her, the telephone ringing off the hook from family members in california, virginia, new jersey, florida..but not chicago. i haven't called. i don't call because i don't know what to say to this woman. this woman who has been nothing but kind to me, who has had a falling out at some point with everyone in the family except me, who has always stuck up for me and loved me like her own grandchild. i've sent flowers and cards and gifts, but i haven't called. i don't feel that i can convincingly convey the feelings of pain and hope and sadness and love that i have for her over the telephone, though i know that the calls cheer her up. i'd rather fly out and tell her in person, though i know i'd end up crying at her bedside. but i've been told not to come, i can't do much there. i have never had to give comfort to someone who is dying and i have no clue how to handle it. i have little comfort for myself, how can i give it to Ve? i feel like the worst person for letting time pass, when she has so little of it left. this woman who i love. but i just can't and it feels so awful.

i'm not writing this for pity's sake. i dont' deserve any. i'm writing to give homage to a strong and wonderfully alive woman who does not have long to live. i'm also selfishly writing this to give myself comfort. i love my aunt Ve with all of my heart, and even though i can't call, i think of her always. i hope she knows, i hope she reads my words in the cards that i send. i hope she knows that i love her. i love you, aunt Ve.

so i'm wearing a dress today (yes, a dress!) which is not my normal attire at work, or anywhere that is not a special catered event. it is poufy and a little hippyish, and makes my lovehandles look like a monster truck tire around my waist, but it's cute. and i feel girly. i may do this more often.

i got a haircut yesterday, and my wonderful stylist and i decided that next time we're going short. one of the other stylists at the salon (who was a girl) had this adorable haircut, wavy like mine, brown like mine, but short in the back and sort of bangy in the front. hard to communicate in words, but i'll post a photo of myself when i have her haircut in 3-4 months. my stylist is so wonderful because he loves my hair and asked me to make sure we have double time for my short haircut so he can make sure i'm really ready and that i totally 100% love it when i leave. he is so wonderful i hope he never leaves chicago or I WILL DIE. i had nearly 3 years of terrible unflattering haircuts after moving here from virginia, and i've finally found someone who understands my locks and makes me pretty every time i see him. he is my hero.

tonight i'm babysitting for my friend's sister who is in town for the weekend. the two couples want an evening out, so i offered to watch the 1 year old baby boy for the evening. so hubb and i have an exciting evening of watching tv, drinking wine, and constantly checking on a sleeping child that is not ours. should be fun.

if you're shopping for my birthday early this year, i really really really want this for my new bed. it is on sale and it is only $300. you should totally get it for me. thank you.

i had a very very productive weekend, which was nice. first, i ate dinner at cafe lula. and i nearly cried while drinking the most delicious beverage ever, their one of a kind rhubarb gimlet. oh. oh my. it is the most amazingly wonderful drink i have ever consumed. i must run there and have one right now. i wanted to pull a poor dinner etiquette move and pour some into my pockets to enjoy at home at a later date and time, it was that good. we also ate some food, which was equally beautiful and delicious.

the next day hubb and i went with some of our work folks and bagged one and a half tons of dry pasta for people less fortunate than ourselves at the chicago food depository. it was quite fun, and i really love how hairnets and plastic gloves can be so incredibly unflattering.

then we rode the train for almost an hour while i entertained myself with a normal homemade gimlet and some baked kettle chips. have you had those things? they are amazing. and hubb and i spent about 30 minutes coming up with new kettle chip flavors, none of which we could remember afterwards. except for chicago style hot dog. (they are crunchy and light, but they taste like chicago's signature food!) then we partied. and hubb played volleyball. and i watched because i am not so into physical things like sports. walking on the beach was enough for me, thank you.

then the next day we went to our new neighborhood (10 and a half weeks to go until closing, yay!), and we ran into the builder who is rehabbing our building and we got him to let us walk around our unfinished unit. even though it is concrete and raw brick and unfriendly wooden frame, it felt real. and i want to move right now and let them finish it around me. so what if there is no shower yet? we also ate the very best burrito at the second closest eatery to our new house. needless to say, i am thrilled at that discovery. i can't wait until the fall when i can have delicious burritos and rhubarb gimlets every single damned day. i may become quite large once we move.

so the weekend felt 6 days long and i rode my bike to work today and i feel like it is thursday. which would be great because i have a haircut appointment. i'm way overdue and i'm having trouble resisting the temptation to shave my head when i'm trying to sleep and it is 97 degrees in our bedroom and my hair is creating a thick warm blanket around my head. plus, i'm getting bored. i sort of want bangs.

and a rhubarb gimlet. right now.

not feeling very conversational, so i give you a few things that are absorbing my attention on The Internet lately:

design sponge. i am in love with the images and links and wonderful wonderful ideas for ways to spend my money.

fancy toast. new food blog that i've read completely at least half a dozen times. hilarious and educational and lots of great recipes. cucumber gimlets? i'm on it. chicken thighs? me, too.

go fug yourself. oh my god. my coworkers probably think i'm nuts laughing out loud and snorting as i do every time i visit this site. but i can't stop. i've not traditionally been a celebrity watch sort of girl, but i can't stand how hilariously snarky this stuff is. and really, what are celebrities for if not to laugh at?

greener grass design. just to look at the things i can't buy right now. beautiful stuff, especially the jewelry. they sell my precious long lusted after smallthings necklaces, and how freaking adorable is this little gem? beautiful stuff.

less links and more photos. now that i'm supposed to start really saving money for our new home, i've discovered there are way too many things that I MUST HAVE NOW.

that's just how it goes, i guess.

so it's already almost july, which i can't get over. july! summer is nearly half over! i don't even have a tan! i didn't even plant any tomato plants! this flying time is really getting to me. i need to start making better use of my days and weeks.

every time i start to write here i get an unbearable urge to write about the new house. and the decorating. and the furniture. and the colors and the fixtures and the neighborhood. i still have three months until we close and i'm driving myself batty. what if something happens? what if things fall through? i will be totally crushed and i won't know what to do. so i'm trying to find other things to obsess about, which isn't working very well.

i went to ohio last weekend to visit a friend, that lead to the discovery that i've been wearing the wrong bra size, probably for years. it never occurred to me to get sized again after gaining some weight last fall, but it appears that i should have. i've been wearing bras a cup size too small and a band size too big. so i've been shopping for new undergarments, but i'm feeling rather uneasy about the new cup letter. it feels weird to me to say it out loud. it isn't who i have always thought i've been, having the same boobs since college. or maybe i was wrong then, too? it pains me to think about it, and all of the undersized pretty underthings that i should put away, probably forever. at least my chest is keeping me from thinking about my new house.

it's beautiful outside today and i wish i was at home on my roof with my oversized beach towel, a margarita and Gourmet magazine. this month has some great articles that i'm dying to read, when i can find the time. but this weekend will be spent cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking in preparation for a bbq. can i have a week off, please?

and i got my new bike but i haven't really been riding it, save for a trip to the grocery store or a nearby bar every now and then. i need the sky to stop threatening thunder storms so i can get riding to work. i'm nervous about the bridges and the underpasses that spot the route, but i'm excited to leave the bus behind for a bit and get a little bit of exercise and wind in my face.

hubb and i are participating in an Angelic Organics share again this year, and we've been getting at least 5 pounds of lettuce and other mixed greens each week. so i've been eating lots and lots of salad, which is good because i've lost 2 pounds. i know that's not a lot, but it's a start to wearing a bathing suit in public. like at our office bbq next month.

update complete. back to not thinking about furniture shopping.

i've been rather down lately. vague. blah. it's not that i don't know why, i just don't feel appropriate talking about it here. i try to keep myself occupied in other ways for fear of boring/annoying/shocking/offending. blah. so i sit. and the truth is, i'm not feeling very interesting/important/motivated.

i need a day or two to be different. to stop depending on the things i've grown used to depend on. to be rude and selfish. to be mean and obscene and disgusting. to be a complete and total bitch. to get out all of this poison floating around. this grump. to get out the grump so i can be an even balance again. blah.

we all know i'm emotional and up and down, but the point is that i shouldn't be. i should be normal and sane and happy. but blah still happens and i have trouble shaking it. i'm not getting excited and i'm not getting inspired. i'm beginning to be flaky and snappy and brittle. not good.

so if you're one of the people i see frequently (or infrequently, even) please pardon my blah. i know it's there, and why it's there, and i'm working on it. slowly, as my mood allows.

so, i bought a bicycle, a vintage sears free spirit in robin's egg blue (i'll post photos soon). i also bought a lock, and am waiting on the arrival of a pretty white helmet and white front basket. i'll be cruising around town in style by the end of the week, hopefully. i'm terribly excited. and i lied....Hubb bought me the bike. and the helmet. i have the best husband ever.

i also went to milwaukee, for a weekend of drinking and drinking and drinking. i'm still recovering. i need a nap. all 8 members of our little group fully documented our trip, but you can start by looking at my photos here. the whole weekend was delicious, especially the frenchie bloody mary at the trocadero cafe. oh. my. god. dijon mustard and blue cheese stuffed olives. delish. milwaukee isn't so bad.

so i need some input...we're picking out colors/themes for our new place and i can't decide on a simple swatch for upholstering a 15" x15" cushion for a chair that will go in our bedroom. the walls will be a pale smoky baby blue, our furniture will be white (including this chair), and our bed linens are currently sage green (but i will be buying brown). we also plan to paint a brown graphic organic silhouetted image on the wall above the bed. so here are my swatches. i can't decide. they each could provide a totally different feel to the space. so what do you think?

left to right, top to bottom: sunbloom lotus lea, charm mosaic paisley sky, sofia garden light blue, graceful vine brown, honeycomb turquoise, and charm floral sky.

i'm leaning towards the lotus leaf or the sofia garden to add some pop. or the graceful vine to tie in the brown, or the honeycomb just because i love it. i need help.

so we picked out our finishes, cabinets, counters, paints, and are getting closer to feeling like we're going to be homeowners soon. of course, we wish the builder had more options for creative trendy individuals such as us, but we managed with the generic condo options given to us. paint was the hardest, but we finally agreed on a smoky pale blue (Take Five!) for our master bedroom, and an appropriately named "Agreeable Grey" for the rest of the house. we'll do some more painting once we move in, maybe a gold in the turret and an accent wall in the hallway, but at least we'll have something other than flat white when we move in.

i counted, and we have 16 weeks until our proposed closing. that's a long freaking time and i don't know how i'm going to live through it. i want to start packing and selling our unwanted furniture RIGHT NOW! and get into OUR house with OUR paint choices and OUR central air conditioning. ahhh. oh my god can you tell that i'm excited?

so every couple of weeks hubb and i get together with another couple for dinner and game night. we mostly play mah jongg, and last night i won. twice. i'm still on a high from my wins, and i'm antsy for some winds and bams and dots today. instead i'm super busy at work and i can't believe it's lunchtime already. tonight i'm attending a going away party for a dear girlfriend of mine who is moving to ohio next week. it has taken me so long to get real comfortable talk about anything girlfriends here in chicago, and they're already moving away. i give that a big thumbs down.

and can you believe that it's june already? my god how the time flies. pray for me that it will fly as fast to closing on my new agreeably finished home.

so what's the deal with the hot and the sticky? i hate it.

i went to st. louis for a bridal shower this weekend and nearly died i had so much fun. it was hot there, too. we showered it up, drank lots of drinks, ate lots of eats, and giggled and stayed up late talking about girlie things and eating pizza and breadsticks. then we shopped and came home. and i still had a whole day left of my three day weekend to sit around my sticky hot apartment and curse the sun. we did leave the house not once, but twice to run some errands and find some clothes to spend our money on. all in all, a pretty productive weekend.

hubb and i also took a few hours to discuss color schemes and furniture choices for our new house, as we are going to pick out our finishes on thursday. color is such a difficult thing to decide on, especially for me. i tend to lean towards the safe, neutral colors, resulting in an terribly visually boring palate. i'm trying to change that, with visions of a lime green bathroom and a robin's egg blue bedroom, but now i'm afraid that i'm straying too far away from my safe neutrals, which will prevent me from ever feeling at home in my new space. i hate decision making.

so this weekend has been great. i found a pair of adorable $7 shoes. and i made two pairs of bermuda shorts from pants i didn't wear anymore. and a wonderful man told me i was gorgeous. (he was gay, but that's ok. even better, really.) and i went to a polish sausage shop in my future neighborhood. and a pet store where i fell in love with at least 5 puppies. and people liked my blue cheese biscuits. fabulous, and still going strong.

so here i am, having finished 5 loads of laundry and hemmed my new linen pants. i have a zucchini lasagne cooling on the stove, am having a glass of wine, and am waiting for a good friend (who i haven't seen for over 3 years) to call me so i can meet her and her husband for drinks and dinner. i love catching up.

by far, this has been one of the most relaxing and fulfilling weekends i've had in a very long time. so i'm feeling good, and i wanted to share. happy sunday, folks.

i have four months until closing, but i can't stop thinking about the new furniture and accessories i'll need to buy for our new house. like a futon for the guest room.

and a shower curtain for the master bath.

and bar stools. and rugs. and curtains. and a coffee table. and a dining room table. and a bedroom set. and a whole new color scheme for the guest bathroom. all kinds of things!

this is making me crazy.

so. we're buying a condo. surprise! it is going to be beautiful (it is a raw gut rehab right now) and we will be living in it by fall. and we get a turret! and a fireplace! and two bathrooms! and a walk in closet! and a short walk to the train! and a mortgage! yay!

i wanted to post pictures, but decided that might not be a good idea. just believe me when i say it is awesome. and it is ours! muahahaha!

because 1) i have no patience, and 2) i can't keep a secret, and 3) i have no self control, i am going to continue to write about useless materialistic crap here until my life is in order and all is well again. i don't want to jinx things, and i don't want to let the cat out of the bag and ruin everything...ok, shut up emily. ok.

so. it is warm and muggy and gross in the office today, and i sort of wish it was still winter. sort of. except that i just got a few summer shirts to replace my old/outdated/uncool/ratty/worn summer shirts, and i can't wait to wear them. tank tops! showing shoulder! skin! tan! woohoo!

so. even though it is warm and muggy, it appears that the weather is going to be much different this weekend when i have plans to walk and be outdoors and entertain on my roof. 50-some degrees and rainy. of course. such is my luck.

and so here i am, sipping my large complicated yuppie coffee beverage, trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of the current hugeness happening to my life. i've organized a lot of things, surged through half of my long to do list, and i'm still itchy and restless. damn.

so, a to do list for tonight:

1. make olive tapenade tonight for a dinner party next week, and try not to eat it all with a spoon on the couch. which i would do. because i love my olive tapenade.

2. test my mother's blue cheese biscuit recipe for another dinner party this weekend.

3. have a glass of wine to calm my nerves because I CANNOT KEEP A SECRET, and the wine might help me forget about it, at least for the evening.

4. hem plaid pants into bermuda shorts. try them on and dance around the house listening to hot chip.

5. fix hole in cute 70's skirt. then put it away in the closet because it is going to be too damned cold over the next few days to wear it.

6. also fix hole in pillow sham that has been sitting on the dining room table for weeks.

7. make a pair of earrings to match the necklace i'm giving to a friend tomorrow night.

8. have another glass of wine and fall asleep quickly.

domestic doings to keep my mind from wandering.

5 things that i want right now:

1. nigella lawson piglets. oh my god how cute are these guys? and perfect for my dining room or kitchen table! i have the full size salt pig, which i adore, but these belong in my kitchen. period.

2. i'm not usually into overly whimsical designs, but these oil and vinegar cruets made me laugh and i'd love to put them on the table at a dinner party. the "foot" of the wine glass is actually a stopper for the cruets. adorable.

3. yes, this is a mah jongg tile, in all its beauty. i love the simplicity and modern look given to this ancient complex game piece. Blend Creations has many other lovely designs that i wouln't be upset if someone gave me, you should check them out.

4. the "thinking of you" vase cover by tord boontje called "forever". it is really hard to get the idea across in a photo here, but you can use your imagination to visualize the intricate details stamped out of the thin metal, which is then shaped to surround a tealight or small vase. i am intrigued to see the shapes that dance on the wall when a candle is inside.

5. this duck mirror by david dear. i have always had a thing for ducks (i've been nicknamed emyduck since i was a baby), and i adore this mirror's elegance mixed with the now-popular realist touch of the natural duck feet. perfect for my makeup table, don't you think?

i'm happy today. why?

1. a saturday of self-centered pampering time, nail polish, ice cream, a fizzy bath and wine. then martinis and doughnuts with my first Chicago girlfriend.

2. seeing an absolutely wrong-for-us condo that gave me new hope for the home search. larger bedrooms and nice finishes DO exist in our price range and desired location. at least more than i was beginning to think. even though they may be encased in terrible aluminum siding staring at the back of a shopping center. but still...just knowing that somewhere there is an 8x8 walk-in closet gives me hope.

3. speaking of closets, mine is like a magician's hat, swallowing things for months at a time and every once in a while spewing up shoes i'd forgotten i'd purchased. crocheted black ballet flats appeared without warning, just in time for the change in seasons. perfect. i think i bought them in january or february, and hid them so i wouldn't try to wear them in the snow. my unreliable memory does good for me sometimes.

4. la dolce vita. we started watching it last night, and we're only half way through, but it is already fastly becoming one of my favorite films. so rich and emotional and perfect in so many ways.

5. i'm going home this weekend to see my family. i miss them. i get to have dinner with my mom, hang out alone in the car for 2 hours with my dad, see my little brother and meet his new girlfriend, see my sister's house and her pregnant belly, and maybe meet my new baby cousin. and see the mountains i grew up around. i miss the east coast sometimes.

i discovered something last night that i must share: Wheach Beer. what is Wheach Beer? it is a delicious wheat beer flavored with peaches, made by the makers of a delicious pumpkin beer, O'Fallon Brewery. you really must try it if you see it in the store. packaged in a simple orange cardboard box (similar to the black jack-o-lantern sporting box the pumpkin beer comes in), it grabbed my attention at the liquor store, and i simply had to bring it home. my taste buds were rewarded....this is totally delicious beer. and it is fun! and pretty to look at!

so this weekend hubb and i (me twice, hubb once) visited a prospective condo building. and we're going again tonight. this process gives me ulcers. what are our priorities, and can we really give up a huge bedroom and a deck for a great price and an ideal location? i'm not good at this! i am NOT a person who settles, but i'm thinking our "perfect" place does not exist for a price we are willing to pay for it. apparently i have no idea how to compromise.

we also drank a lot this weekend. and we ate a lot. and we tried fan si pan on chicago ave for the first time. and we loved it. the honeydew limeade is totally kick ass, and we shared an aromatic chicken wrap that was divine. they start delivering today, and have added more delicious sounding items to a new menu. hubb and i are enamored with the little restaurant, and i plan to be eating/ordering from here often in the near future. if you haven't already, you really must go.

we also shopped a bit in between walking around in the warm sun, and i came up with a great 70's flowy skirt and some ultracool seagull earrings. fun times.

i'm wishing the office was closed today so i could be outside and even out my splotchy tan.

the vacation...so it went:

day 1:
ORD -> LAX, morning. we arrived to a sunny day, a doughnut, and my aunt and uncle happy to have us stay with them for the weekend. we spent our time with them eating tons of mexican food, drinking, sightseeing, driving up and down scenic roads, shopping and playing pass the pigs. we also visited a nomadic art exhibit on santa monica pier, ashes and snow. it was an unbelievably amazing experience, you really must go if you have the chance, as the exhibit has no plans to grace US soil again. next it is on to tokyo and then europe. also on santa monica pier, i enjoyed the largest margarita ever. good times, LA.

day 3:
LA -> san luis obispo. we started the day off with brunch with an old friend, catching up and sharing our lives. then off to the pch, with dooming clouds, cooler air and then rain. we drove through beautiful santa barbara, which we both agreed will begin our list of possible retirement spots. san luis obispo greeted us with more rain, a wine reception at our bed and breakfast, bubble gum alley, a delicious vegetarian dinner, and champagne.

day 4:
san luis obispo -> san francisco. clouds and fog didn't stop us from enjoying the drive and the views. we visited a tiny town called harmony, with a population of 18. we met some loud and smelly elephant seals at piedras blancas, we saw the tourists at hearst castle. due to intense rains, there occurred a mudslide just south of lucia that deterred our route onto a tiny untraveled road up the mountains to get to 101. though we were sad to miss monterey and carmel, we witnessed some of the most gorgeous views and had a wonderful heart pounding adventure along the way, trying to stay on the road. it rained some more. we arrived in san francisco to the hotel des arts, ate dinner in chinatown, and had drinks to celebrate our arrival at a nearby bar, recommended by a friend.

day 5:
san francisco -> wine country -> san francisco. it rained. there was mud. but there was also wine! and more wine! to celebrate our three year wedding anniversary, we drove up and down the lower parts of napa and sonoma, visiting hess, ravenswood, sebastiani, viansi, and one or two others. wine country was beautiful, even in the rain. the car in front of us paid our toll on the golden gate bridge. we landed back in san francisco in time for dinner, visiting foreign cinema for the best...dinner...ever. perfect anniversary experience. even in the rain.

day 6:
san francisco. finally some sun! we went shopping on haight, ate a painfully delicious burrito, and met up with our friends, jeff and anna. they showed us some sights, up hills for incredible views. i started to come down with the cold hubb had discovered himself a day or two earlier. our friend jeff invited us to a sushi dinner, where i drank much sake to escape my sore throat. a crack addicted homeless woman walked in to the restaurant asking for money. the homeless in san francisco are much more aggressive than i am used to. we watched a poetry reading outside of the 16th street bart station. you can read about that here as well. jeff brought chalk to make the audial experience more visual. it was amazing and i forgot that i was sick...

day 7:
san francisco. ...until i woke up the next day feeling like death. so i ate an orange, drugged up, and went shopping on hayes, which made me feel much better. we visited the de young, which was hosting an arts and crafts exhibit which made me fall in love with the era yet again. and forget that i was sick. until we made it to the end of the exhibit. so i fled golden gate park with some tourists from florida who paid my cab fare, and spent the rest of the day in bed at the hotel. then hubb came home and we got some thai soup. it was delicious thai soup.

day 8:
san francisco. i was feeling much better (on our last day on the west coast.) we drove across the bay to bolinas, a little artist town. rumor has it that they don't like visitors, so they take all of the street signs down to hinder tourists finding their way. but we found it and enjoyed the beach, mountain views, a bookstore with no employees. just a cookie jar and a note "most books $1, good books $2, really good books $5. great books $10, outstanding books $20. leave your money in the cookie jar, make change as needed." an honor system store. refreshing. we ate day old muffins and picked up interesting rocks. we ate burritos in the mission. we shopped, we drank, we ate pizza. then hubb and i boarded a plane from SFO -> ORD, exhausted and snotty and already daydreaming about our next visit to the west coast.


i'm almost free of congestion, and i'm happy to be back, but i'm in love with so much of my vacation and can't wait to visit the left coast again. soon. there are so many more wineries, shops, museums, and tiny towns on the coast that i have yet to see. hubb and i came back to chicago with some wonderful memories, a little bit of knowledge about a city we'd never visited before, and a love for cities and towns that touch the pacific ocean. and tons of photos and now a blog post to document and remember every detail.

this experience both reminded me of and taught me a few things. to appreciate minimalism, tradition, and antique methods. (bathing in clawfoot tubs, for one.) to experiment, and to be open to adventure. to let go of schedules, preconceived notions, plans, but to always be prepared. to really enjoy the little things, and ignore could-be obstacles. to make the most of it, to walk one more block, and to know when to quit. and to just have fun. i forget that sometimes.

oh, and today...happy 20 year anniversary to my best friend, gina. 20 years of friendship, silliness, seriousness, and growing up together.

I was in LA, I was in San Francisco, I was on the side of a mountain on an unmarked road with no guard rails, I was in Napa....now I'm home, and sick, and tired, and amazed at the wonderful trip and amazing experiences I was lucky enough to enjoy.

I've broken the rules I made for myself a long time ago, and I've posted lots of photos of myself. I'm owning up to my experiences, my words and my life. This is me and this was my vacation.

Here's a taste, with more to experience at flickr. I'll post a detailed account of our trip shortly.

bad morning. my shoe broke. i twisted my ankle. i've been hungry for lunch since 9:30. i am grumpy. it is drizzly. my hair is frizzy. i want to go home, do laundry, start packing. hope my new jeans shrink a little bit more in the wash. i want to eat a cheeseburger. and fries. comfort food.

i'm craving change, new wardrobe, new house, puppy....something. i hate being still. i need something new, but i'm not sure what it is yet. the same 'ol is killing me.

i'm also contemplating things, thinking about the future, the past, the present. i'm being vague, i know. i don't know what i'm doing.

i want it to be june and sunny and flip floppy and all skirt-wearing and sunglasses on the roof. i want it to be summer. i'm tired of this transition weather. i also want to be wearing less clothes, no more layers on layers, no more chilly fingers on my keyboard. no more drinking too much tea just to keep warm. i'm ready for a sunburn. 4th of july. fireworks.

i need some fireworks.

hubb and i came within inches of putting a bid on a place over the weekend, and i can't stop thinking about it. we made the right decision by letting it pass, but it was perfect in so many ways! space galore, open-ness, new kitchen-ness, 1-1/2 bath-ness, but location wasn't a strong point, and neither was storage, nor an attractive exterior. but an entire floor to ourselves! windows on every wall! walk up coach house! a customized layout! so last night i sketched out a layout of our "perfect" space, and it just happened to be almost identical to the place we're letting go. damn.

the emotional roller coaster of falling in love with space and going back and forth between being the convincer and the convincee is incredibly exhausting. good thing i had an emotional breakdown last week on an unrelated topic, or i would have been crying all day yesterday. a girl needs to get it all out every once in a while. i'm spent on tears now, and am back down to about 2 on a scale of 1-10. that's 8 whole notches i can take in house-hunting stress until the next blow-out.

so instead of buying a house, i bought some new clothes. two pairs of jeans, a cute green cardigan, adorable lacy shirts for summer. undies. and a rust colored linen dress which i hope to wear on the west coast during my vacation. maybe during wine tastings.

So, I got 9 full hours of sleep last night, and let me tell you, it feels amazing. I woke up this morning with a spring in my step, a smile on my face, no puffy eyes, no falling asleep in the shower or on the bus. I have to try this more often. It's after 2:00 and I'm not passing out at my desk! The magic of sleep, it's something else.

So, taxes are done, old retirement accounts are being cashed out, and (drum roll, please...) we are prequalified to buy a home. Yes, we finally met with a mortgage man, and he liked us and our credit scores enough to qualify us for the loan we wanted, and then some. So we're on the hunt, at the cusp of what promises to be a long and arduous journy, given Hubb's and my high demands for where we hang our hat. But it is all kinds of exciting, the prospect of a new space (a larger space), a new neighborhood, a new kitchen to get used to. On one hand I am terrified, and I want to find The Perfect Place, but on the other hand, I just want to get moving and build some equity. Either way, we're moving forward and growing up.

where have i been? i'll tell you:

we had friends in town and i laughed so much i think my cheeks have become stronger. i miss my virginia based girlfriends, and i'm so lucky to still be able to spend weekends with some of them (and their adorable husbands) every once in a while.

we did our taxes. i hate the irs.

we decided to start the home-hunting process. we've seen a few condos, we're meeting with a mortgage guy to see what we're worth (eep!) tomorrow, and we already have two realtors on our side trying to match us up with our dream home. i'm incredibly excited but also terrified at the prospect of hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. but the idea of moving is exciting, new space, a slightly different location, new neighbors. and possibly a brand new kitchen and a washer and dryer in our unit! and a guest bedroom. decorating that will need to be done, dinner parties in my own home. i'll keep you updated, we're not sure how close or how far away this step is for us quite yet.

we're getting closer and closer to our california adventure, and i absolutely can't wait. i need a vacation like you wouldn't believe! in between life changing decisions on buying a home, entertaining guests, crying over our tax forms, and general life, we've both been working more than usual, and i feel like i haven't really been home in ages. or had a nice long good night's sleep. i can't wait to sleep in, drink wine in Sonoma and Napa, eat seafood and shop and relax with my husband. and document. i need to get back into taking photos.

we have welcomed two new babies into my family in the last two weeks, little Sophie and little Carter. my two cousins gave birth about a week and a half apart, adding a boy and a girl to our rapidly growing family. our average age just went down significantly!

welcome to the world, kids!

I have a new favorite online store, Foster's. Lots of wonderful products, innovative gadgets, modern decor, and fun gifts. I am awaiting a package inlcuding two amazing gifts for myself:

The Food Loop. Silicon notched loops designed for trussing without toothpicks and twine, oven safe up to like 600 degrees, won't stick to food, and fully adjustable and dishwasher safe. I can't wait to stuff something!

Wine Lines. Modern wine charms with an elegant twist. Both color coded and imprinted with wine terms such as "rich", "supple", and "earthy". I can't wait for my next dinner party! Hurray for clever designers, silicon and e-commerce!

Remember Footwear Friday? Well it's back!

So, after a huge financial discussion, Hubb and I are beginning to monitor our expenses, and I now have a monthly budget I must stick to. Well, my credit card cycle started over today, and I've already blown a chunk out of my spending money this month with these glorious shoes:

I realized that my shoe collection did not contain a pair of basic black pumps, and these will successfully fill that gap. I've been eyeing them for quite some time, and I can't wait for them to arrive. I found a skirt in my closet the other day that I have never worn and still fits me, and these shoes will compliment them quite nicely. Yay for shoes!

worst. morning. ever.

1. the button on my new ben sherman blazer popped off as i put it on this morning. i've been waiting to wear it all week and it broke. i was running late so i didn't have the time to quickly sew it back on, so instead i went blazerless into the humid morning air and on to the office. i feel naked.

2. i forgot my watch so i couldn't even tell exactly how late i was running as i shuffled onto and off of busses and up the elevator in my building.

3. no thanks to anyone else around, i sat in a sopping wet bus seat on the 55. the woman in the next seat didn't even bat an eye as i jumped up in surprise clutching my soggy bottom. which reminded me of the time in the 3rd grade when i was walking to school and slid down a slippery wet grassy hill in my cordouroys. i got to class and then went to the nurse's office where i called my mom for a new set of pants. she brought them, and as i was putting them on behind the curtain, the nurse said to the secretary, "i can't believe that mother didn't bring her daughter a clean pair of underwear!". they thought i'd wet myself. i was mortified, and am still embarassed for both me and my mother to this day at the fact that the nurse thought my mom let me sit in pee-soaked panties all day at school.

4. i forgot to bring my lunch.


so anyway, i'm hoping that my tazo calm tea and some window shopping online (if i have a few minutes to spare at work today) will make the day better. i've decided that once i hit my goal weight (or get really really close) i will reward myself. with what? i'm not sure yet. maybe new shoes. or custom jeans. or a really flirty new dress. when i find it i'll know.

more untogetherness today. i swear i broke some necessary piece of myself that keeps me from falling completely apart.

two days in a row i had a surreal floating sensation as i sat at my desk typing. it was the strangest thing, and both times the same person came by and said my name which brought me back down again. i don't know exactly how to interpret that.

so. my sister is pregnant and one of my cousins is getting induced this friday. the other cousin could give birth at any moment. this makes me giggle with anticipation of lots of little delicious smelling babies to hold and cuddle come next christimastime. and lots of ironic little baby tee shirts and onesies for me to buy for them.

hubb is home sick today, which means i will get it soon, too. it is just a matter of time before the coughing and hacking begin.

i made wonton soup last night (from scratch!) and it was really really good. it didn't make hubb feel much better, but it's been making me smile on the inside all day that i have finally learned how to harness a few asian dishes.

i wish it were 7pm friday right now.

i'm not feeling together, so i leave you with randomness.

i did the workout and now i'm in pain. my inner thighs, my back, my shoulders. i know it isn't remotely possible, but i also feel thinner today.

i'm drinking water with cucumber today. it is really refreshing, you should try it.

after spending two hours in ID on saturday, hubb left with the promise of new glasses in a week and i left with the promise of a tord boontje table stories charger in a week. oh my god i can't wait.

except mine's white on white. which is much much better.

i saw an enormous engagement ring this weekend on a very young woman's hand, and i swear it was like 7 carats. and it made me sad because i know her husband so i know it was real. sad because it was so obscene. sad because i honestly wanted to ask her to be careful not to accidently brush up against anything because she might gauge a huge hole in the wall with it. i wondered how her thin little arms could hold it up.

a had more random thoughts but they've escaped me. i'm sure they'll settle back down as soon as i try to fall asleep tonight.

i am out of shape. and this is my manifesto.

so i need a change, i need some motivation, i need to alter my routine. i received a free 30 day pass to a gym and i'm going to use it. i ordered a workout video (5 star reviews on amazon!) and i'm going to use it. i read up on some typical "healthy" daily menus, and i'm going to take them into consideration. i'm drinking more water. i'm walking a little bit more. i'm going to be leaner by the time my wedding anniversary trip comes around. i will do it. watch me.

i also joined the self challenge...i know it is super cheezy, but it makes me write things down, keep myself in check, makes it harder to cheat and draws my attention to my increasingly terribly unhealthy habits (so THAT's where all of those calories are coming from...) my weight and physical fitness have been something i've struggled with all my life, and i realized a few things while walking home thinking about it last night:

1) i love food. i love to cook, i love to eat, i love to enjoy everything that goes into my mouth. i'm not one of those people who can just grab whatever is laying around to curb their hunger. i evaluate and plan nearly ever piece of food that i ingest. and if it tastes good to me, i'm going to eat it. luckily i crave healthier items most of the time (sushi, veggies, fruit), but every once in a while i have to have a cheeseburger. or coconut curry. or creme brulee. this is not going to change. i'm not going to start eating pre-packaged low fat low calorie meals or eliminate pasta and rice from my diet. i'm not going to order one hard boiled egg and fruit salad when i go out for brunch. i'm going to have eggs benedict. with bacon. i'm going to continue to go out to eat and i'm going to continue to enjoy it. so something else needs to change instead.

2) i'm not going to be an exercise nut. i'm just not. i'm lazy and i'm busy and it takes a lot to motivate me. what i need is routine, something fun, and i need to be able to notice that what i'm doing makes a difference. so the free gym membership...it's free, so that's motivation to use it. it's new, and i'm stubborn to let things go before i've tried them. and it right off the train line i can take from work. easy, and it can be routine on the way home. the video...it got great reviews for being fun, fast, and for delivering results. cardio and toning. exactly what i need.

3) i can't pinpoint a time that i've been in "the best shape of my life", mostly because i've never really been "in shape." i've been quite a bit thinner, but even when i weighed my personal lowest (on my wedding day), i still felt out of shape. i'm beginning to think about kids (in 5 years or so...don't get excited) and i want to be "in the best shape of my life" before i sacrifice my body to producing offspring. and i want to be able to enjoy it for a while. so i'm getting started now.

4) i don't need someone to keep track of me, i need someone to listen to me. to motivate me not with a watchful eye or reminders of "the rules", but rather with words of encouragement, believing that i will do this thing and that i will win the struggle i've had against my body for my whole life.

5) i'm ready.

why this sudden shift in my attitude? i tried on, for the last time, a shirt that i hadn't worn in a while, only to discover that it was too tight. i thought about wearing summer clothes and i shuddered to imaging how much i'd have to spend for a wardrobe that actually fits me. and i got home to a postcard in my mailbox inviting me to a free trial gym membership. i've been ignoring it for a few months, but it's time to quit being a baby (or look like i'm having one...)

i feel much better now that it's written down.