i’ve been on a sort of blah icky moody lately…not quite sure why or how it came about, but it’s here and i can’t seem to kick it. i don’t want to be around people during the day. i don’t want to go to work, or to meetings or even volunteer…i want to be at home. always. under a blanket, sipping tea (or a sidecar). i want to paint and cut and paste and learn to knit and cook complicated extended prep dinners every night. no more of this 9-5 business (or 8-6). i want to pet my cats and take naps and long walks at 11 am and use my camera a lot. and go to the grocery store when nobody else is there. and explore this city that i love so much. i want to be alone. i’ve been thinking of ways to make this happen and have come up with three options:

1. quit my job, never buy anymore clothes, shoes, fancy toiletries, or interesting imported wine, beer, or spices ever again.
2. move to rural michigan. become a dog walker.
3. hope hubb someday gets paid twice as much as he does now, stay home and raise a baby.

seeing as these aren’t really options right now, it looks like i’m stuck with my current routine for a while longer. i’ll likely get out of this rut once winter starts to fade (which by the look of the weather forecast today isn’t going to happen anytime real soon). until then i’m trying to find ways to intermittently cheer myself up that don’t include drinking or eating too much. it’s hard. really really hard.

one of my cheer ups includes shopping, which really should be put on hold. i have also been going through a reorganizing kick, redoing my petite walk in closet, which has succeeded in cheering me up immensely. i got rid of three huge bags of incorrectly sized bras, out of style shoes, and ill fitting and a little too worn clothing, and in the process discovered some old favorites that have made their way back into my rotation. like the vintage inspired grey boat neck angora sweater i’m wearing today. (i would never buy angora now, but having purchased this sweater nearly 5 years ago makes it ok to continue to wear).

i've also been taking a break from cooking recently, being much much busier than i expected i would be this month. but i think i get to cook dinner either friday or sunday, which will mean comfort food galore. i’m antsy to roast a chicken and make some gravy and mashed potatoes. or braise something. or make some pasta. and marinara sauce from scratch. oh i wish i could just stay home the rest of the week and cook.

2008. it's off to a good start, i think. and already broken resolutions (i ate a huge cheeseburger for lunch today, had a beer last night, and have been totally slacking on my artwork.) but there is a lot to look forward to this year, which i'm noticing as i'm consolidating calendars and spreadsheets for the new year.

2008 is the year of travel. we're going somewhere almost every month starting in march. virginia for my step-mother's 60th birthday, virginia again for my little brother's college graduation (i can't believe he's about to be a grown up in the real world and all that. he's still 12 to me sometimes), boston to visit a very very good friend, new york city to visit my brother-in-law, montreal (maybe) for a little weekend getaway to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary, turkey (yay!) for a long overdue weeklong vacation and to see my best friend get married...again, and finally los angeles (maybe) for my uncle's 50th birthday + a family reunion. in between maybe we'll fit in a cabin weekend in michigan or a night in milwaukee, too. maybe. we'll see how our already depleted travel budget treats us.

2008 is the year of friends. more babies (only 3 due in 2008...so far), more weddings, and a couple we met on our honeymoon 5 years ago are moving up from texas this spring. and definitely more babysitting and being amazed at how fast the 2007 babies are growing. i am already in awe at the fact that i knew these women...some of them before they met/married their mates, and then they were pregnant, and now there's a little person with their lips and their husbands' eyes, and they've grown strong enough to sit up on their own and smile at you and use their hands, and soon they'll be talking and walking, and actually recognizing me when i hold them. i don't want them to grow up.

2008 is the year to get organized. i'm a pretty anal person, i love organizing the kitchen cabinets, balancing the checkbook, tidying the counters, but there are parts of me and my home that are disheveled and need attention. we need to purge closets and filing cabinets, and i'm starting this week with my small walk in closet in our bedroom. new shelves, drawers and hooks and i should have a closet that a) you can actually walk in to, and b) can actually find clothing/shoes in without looking under piles of crap on the floor. february will be office month, tackling the closets in there as well as our filing cabinet. purge purge purge!

2008 is the year for a lot more, but i'll just let it happen as it happens. now it's time to stop thinking about the future and start doing it and living it.

so i'm jumping back into cooking head on, trying new things, experimenting. i tried my hand at candy making for the holidays, which turned out pretty well, i think. maple almond brittle graced the holiday tables of a few of our friends and much of our family, and i am pleased to say that i will definitely pick up the recipe again and again. it may become my holiday staple.

i'm also venturing deeper and deeper into the realm of baking, making this pecan fig bourbon cake from this month's Gourmet magazine for a dinner party over the weekend. holy cow. i halved the recipe and edited the icing to just a simple powdered sugar/bourbon icing (no cream), but otherwise i followed the recipe to the letter, and it turned out wonderfully! it didn't collapse, it didn't turn into a brick, it didn't taste like raw flour...it tasted heavenly! definitely one for the repeat recipe file, i say.

tonight i'm venturing into the land of paella. i got a paella pan for christmas with a really great recipe book and tonight i'm testing a classic seafood paella on some unsuspecting friends. actually, they totally suspect since i ran the ok-to-eat-shellfish question by them before planning the meal. i'll try to remember to take photos if it's pretty, which i feel like it just might be.

2008 has so far been relatively healthy (minus the bourbon cake and two beef dinners in a row.) i'm not drinking on weekdays, which was a big change for me as i do enjoy a glass of wine with dinner nearly every evening. i have taken one long walk, practiced one pseudo yoga session, and am drinking more water and less carbonated beverages and caffeine. my weight hasn't come down in the past week, but it's been less fluctuating, holding at a steady number each morning, which is nice.

the next few weeks are full of business: closet reorganization, thank you notes, tidying, volunteering, cooking, haircuts, babysitting, baby showers, parties. and a little less booze and a lot more health. and paella.

to do this weekend, in order of most probable:

1. make a few more paintings for my etsy site.
2. make caramelized onions for pizza party saturday night.
3. cook something time consuming, warm and comforting.
4. write thank you notes for christmas gifts.
5. take some photos.
6. take a long walk. (possibly in conjunction with #5)
7. read.
   
8. finalize new website.
9. with hubb, write up travel budget for 2008.
10. clean out closet.

as i traditionally tend to do, i purchased myself a few things this holiday season while shopping for friends and family (for the gifts i didn't make, that is.) i thought i'd share a few of the highlights:

1. warioware touched, a new game for our nintendo ds. (just came today and can't wait to play it.)
2. all about braising: the art of uncomplicated cooking. (not here yet, but can't wait to start making the recipes.)
3. a custom girls best friend wallet from jennalou. this girl is amazing. and the wallet is wonderful and beautiful and perfect. i got a smaller one for my mom, and plan to have another one made for my mother in law's birthday.
4. a simply vera wang dress from kohls. i was thrilled that they actually had size small in virginia stores, but after getting home i'm not exactly sure how i feel about it. the flowy wide cut garments seem to look better on tall thin ladies, not short and stout framed me.
   

whirlwind christmas 2007 memories, in no particular order.

1. lots of books, a tv, identical sets of s+p shakers, bird art, booze, 200 year old fruitcake, x-acto knives in my stocking, britney spears perfume (really), electric socks, paella. generosity.
2. amarula.
3. apples to apples with both sets of families + scrabble + christmas story monopoly (cheaters).
4. babies. cousins, nieces, friends. and yet another pregnancy for one very recent new mother. more on this later.
5. natural bridge, va.
6. the cellar.
7. a possible near brake-in, adt security being on the ball, and friends who we owe dearly for being there in our absence.
8. ham. ham. pork loin.
9. allergies.
10. mid-50s, rain, forgetting dreary chicago winter.

well it's about that time again when i reflect on everything i've learned, loved, feared and experienced throughout the past year.

last year's resolutions:
1. Lose 10-15 pounds. (use my gym membership, eat less cheese, drink less wine) RESULT: did not do it. i actually gained 5 more pounds. and ate way more wine and cheese than i should have, i think. oh, and i quit the gym, too. but i'm happy with who i am and the size of my pants. for the most part anyway.
2. Be responsible and more knowledgeable about the large purchase we made in 2006, especially the tax implications. (read our condo docs, talk to our lawyer) RESULT: well, i didn't read our condo docs, i didn't talk to our lawyer, but i became the secretary of our condo association and i have recently spent the last two months dealing with a mixup between our mortgage company and cook county, having been wrongly assigned property taxes for the entire building versus our individual condo.
3. Sell something I make. (etsy) RESULT: YES! i did it! i made my bird collage/paintings, sold about 50 of them, and have big plans for 2008. yay!
4. Travel somewhere new. (Montreal, anyone?) RESULT: nope. nada. oh wait, that's not true...i did visit holland, michigan. that was new.
5. Let things go. (keep reminding myself that I cannot possibly control everything, all the time.) RESULT: not so much. i keep kicking myself for not doing more, not being more busy, not making more, cooking more, doing more. i can stand to work on this one.

And a bonus: Watch my friends have babies and stop feeling guilty that I'm not ready. RESULT: yes and no. watching them has made me more ready, but not quite there yet. and i don't feel so much guilty as left out...i want to be able to share in the experiences that my friends are having rather than watching on the sidelines. but there's time. no worries.

2007 was a pretty good year for me. i started making things, selling them, feeling good and confident about them, and my abilities. i watched 12 babies be born (well not actually literally watched, but you know what i mean...). welcome to the world ava, abel, addison, blake, bella, ceridwen, gabriella, jack, sophia, sophie, stella, and tierney. (and tbd due in february. and ANOTHER friend recently pregnant as well!) (notice the two lone boys abel and jack in there. why is everyone having girls?!) i got a wonderful new camera. i stopped the 365 project. i learned how to make candy. i moved my company's office. i drank a lot of wine and learned to love classic cocktails even more (my hubb makes a pretty killer sidecar, tom collins, and manhattan.) i got a new tattoo. i discovered new names for my future children. i committed to a new volunteer program to start in 2008. i watched my best friend get married to a wonderful man. i watched two other sets of friends get married. i stopped wearing high heels, then started wearing them again. i rediscovered dark nail polish. i hosted thanksgiving for my in-laws for the first time, and survived. i had an excellent year, really.

i also had a somewhat hard year. emotional and life changing at times, stressful and depressing at others. the virginia tech tragedy sitting high on my list. right behind my brother's reaction to it and his situation with the u.s. army. but this year the happy times greatly outweighed the sad ones, and 2007 is ending on an amazingly high note. i'm looking forward to what 2008 might bring, and 2009 even more (i'll be 30!). life is only getting better.

so, resolution time. although i'm getting a little down on myself for not living up to the majority of them each year. but here they go anyway:

1. be a little bit healthier. not lose weight per se, but eat a little better, get a little exercise. i've let things slip the past few years and as i get older i need to take care of my body a little bit better.
2. take more photos. i think i'll start 365 again, and maybe a few other flickr groups because i am a nerd and need that kind of motivation. i think i also need to experience more enlightening things, put myself in situations that elicit me taking out my camera.
3. write down my recipes, menus, ideas. i tend to wing it when i cook then i forget what i served at my dinner parties.
4. travel. dammit, i need to get this one out of the way before we grow our family. luckily my best friend is having a wedding ceremony in turkey next fall, and i'm totally there.
5. grow my name, make more paintings, sell more, put myself out there. redo my website, apply for more craft/art fairs. see where this thing can go. wish me luck.

and happy holidays dear readers. i really appreciate the 3 of you. 2008 will bring a new website, a new look, some new content. fresh, clean, fun. just you wait and see.

xoxo - emily

and on to winter. it snowed last night and when i got home from the bar i was sharing a birthday drink with a friend at, (her birthday, not mine), there were tiny little paw prints in the snow leading up the stairs from the door to my house. my first thought was, “oh how cute. a little fluffy bunny rabbit was hanging out on our stoop!” then i saw the little trail in between the prints and realized it was a rat. a very very large rat based on the distance between his feet. i will never open my front door without banging on it to scare off potentially rabid vermin first.

so i have been crafting like crazy lately, as i am making about 75% of our christmas gifts this year, am participating in two christmas ornament swaps, and have sold a few custom paintings since the diy trunkshow. i have a lot of felting, painting, cutting, beading and cooking to do in the next couple of weeks, in addition to having a very busy month at work. forgive me if i finish all the wine in the house between now and new years.

as my impatient self, i’ve jumped the gun and already started using my cute angela adams organizer intended for 2008. it’s fill in the blank, so i was easily able to start using it early, but i’ve now lost that new feeling, and have no datebook anticipation left for the new year. a new datebook is one of the things i most look forward to each year; it’s starting from scratch, a new beginning, a blank slate. and now it’s started.

i was at a convenience store the other day and was romanced by the holiday candy display into purchasing a box of nearly 100 tiny candy canes. i was craving a peppermint treat, and only after getting back to the office did i realize that it was a mistake. i cannot stop eating them, despite their being cheap and kind of chewy and a little too artificially minty.

i'm thoroughly exhausted today, as i came to work at 7am monday and tuesday, and then today, when i was going to sleep in until 6:30, a snowblower outside my bedroom window woke me up at 4am. i have been a bit punchy and lacking concentration these last few days, and i swear if i don't get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep soon i'm going to throw a temper tantrum.

...which would maybe scare the rats away at least.

thanks to everyone who stopped by to see me and hillary at the diy trunkshow saturday! i am still on cloud nine over the response i got from my pieces, and am very pleased with my sales (sold about 33 pieces, plus one more today via e-mail!). this was definitely a great starting point for my new venture, so keep your eyes out for more activity in the future. i'm already considering other venues, consignments, fairs, and website updates in the near future. yay for using my art degree!

and check out my new website emilykberman.com. there's still a lot of work to do on it, but it's a good starting point.

also take a look at the pieces i had for sale at the trunkshow on flickr here. i'll be updating over the next week or so to reflect what's sold and what is still available, and i'll also be putting up the leftovers plus some new pieces over the next few weeks on my etsy shop.

thanks again, friends, for the support and excitement over selling my art. i couldn't have done it all without you!

ten things

1. my brother. to make the long story short: he signed up for the national guard under a "college first" program, experienced the terrible event at virginia tech last spring, went to boot camp all summer, decided his beliefs did not agree with the military's and applied for a discharge on the grounds of conscientious objection. then on halloween he received a phone call that he was to be deployed to iraq in two weeks. after phone calls and meetings and stress and worry, the army finally agreed to honor the terms of his contract and postpone deployment until after he graduates. in the meantime hopefully his c.o. application will go through. it's been a tough few weeks.

2. ink. during this time of concern and fear and overwhelming love for my brother, i got a tattoo for him, and he got one for me, though not the same. we're close. and i had forgotten that tattoos don't hurt as bad as i think they do, and they are really gross while they heal. i'm almost there, but i'm afraid i'll have to get the stem touched up because i probably didn't take the best care of it in the initial stages of healing.

3. collecting. i purchased a vintage eva zeisel pitcher off ebay in september, and after forgetting to update my shipping address (our office moved), decided it was lost forever within the USPS. it finally came today, 6 weeks after the first delivery attempt to the wrong address. i'm smiling.

4. thanksgiving. 8 days to go before i serve dinner to 10 in my tiny condo. hubb's parents, grandparents, brother, our friends with their new baby, and the new mom's father. a 25 pound (give or take) turkey will be joining our house for a few days, and i'm feverishly putting together the agenda and menu for 6 days worth of visitors. new recipes will be tried, old stand bys will sneak in, a mother-in-law will share my kitchen, and a gigantic turkey will be brined. wish me luck.

5. cooking. i love my new large le creuset dutch oven. it is my hero.

6. babies. i had to sneak them in here. i've had a lot of baby time in the past few weeks, and it makes me melt. three little girls are all within 5 minutes to an hour of my open arms. i'm already dreaming of craft camp at auntie em's.

7. sleep. since august or so there has been a squeaky chirpy noise in the wall behind my bed. it kept me awake for weeks, made me scream in agony and cry in frustration at my inability to silence it as it went back and forth between an occasional disruption to a constant annoyance. now it's finally fixed and the noise is gone, blissfully and happily quiet. and i can sleep. which is wonderful damn you, hot water recirculator pump. damn you straight to hell.

8. autumn. it's getting colder, then it's getting warmer, and i can't figure it out. i think it was 65 or something yesterday, while i'm ready to bundle and wrap, waiting for -10. at least give me a few solid weeks of 45-50 to get the fall out of my system before it is sleeting and icy. please?

9. photos. i've been back on a bit of a photo kick, going through old flickr pages, remembering when i was taking a self portrait a day for 365 days. i might start it again. maybe.

10. crafts. the diy trunkshow is this saturday and you should come see me in booth 24. i have shiny new business cards, pretty little buttons, and some pretty little bird collage paintings. hillary of sans couture will be sharing the booth with me, and will have some beautiful handmade jewelry for sale. come see us!

so i turned 28 today. and for the first time in my life, a birthday has actually made me feel older. 27 seems young and youthful and innocent, 28 is two years from 30. safe, mature, adult. not that i'm concerned or worried or saddened by this....it is actually really nice. i'm looking forward to an older more mature me, and today is the first day i really feel it. in a very good way.

i'm a material girl, i won't lie, so i love being showered with gifts on my birthday. so far i've received nummy truffles from a good friend of mine in maryland, yummy bath products from another good friend in virginia, some birthday cash from family (they know me well), an eames shell chair (two, actually, but that's a long story*) from my wonderful wonderful husband, and a 6.75 quart cherry red le creuset dutch oven on the way to me thanks to a generous gift certificate from my in-laws (who also know me well). life is pretty good.

and today: some twin baby time with my friend and her 2-1/2 week old little girls. tonight: hubb is taking me to the violet hour, of which i have only heard exceptional reviews. this weekend: jerry's sandwiches and some drinks and dancing with my friends. a girl couldn't ask for more, really.

so i'm having the best birthday ever so far, and i feel good things are to come in my 28th year of life. and i'm that much closer to 30, which, incidentally, will be my golden birthday. i plan to go all out in 2009, so get ready people. start stocking up on gold lame leggings and giant gold chains. i feel a costume party coming on, two years in the making. save the date and hire your babysitters now, friends.

thanks to everyone who has already (at 10:30 am) made this birthday very very special.

happy birthday, babies! a good friend of mine just welcomed her twin baby girls into the world on saturday. hubb and i visited them in the hospital on sunday, and after nearly 4 hours of baby holding, i'm in love. they are so precious and beautiful and amazing miracles. i can't wait for our first babysitting adventure!

welcome to the world, sweet girls!

i woke up this morning and the first thing i thought was, “it’s friday, right?” then i tossed the covers aside and thought, "it's autumn!" which made me that much more excited today. this is the beginning of a time of year that gets about 90% love from me, but with that lingering 10%...animosity, dread, resentment: for having to get out of a warm snuggly bed, get naked in the cold cold bathroom, and get into a warm snuggly shower, just to get out again and get goosebumps and shivers. i don't really fully warm up again until i'm sitting at my desk at work with a hot cup of tea. but i'm willing to put that aside for my beloved season.

i keep hearing people complaining about the briskness that has fallen over our city, and the impending frosts and chills that strike fear into the hearts of many, but i'm not scared. autumn is my favorite season, though short in chicago. i love the sunny crisp days, walking a little bit faster to warm the blood up, drinking more coffee and tea than usual. it is pumpkins and cinnamon, spicy red wines and roasted chickens, apples and soups and hot cider and everything braised. it is scarves and light jackets, when it's still not too cold to wear flats without socks, browns and oranges everywhere. i love the foods and the fashions and the colors and the smells of autumn and i, for one, an thrilled that it's finally here, and look forward to the frost it always brings. summer was one month too long for me this year.

i hate chicago summers. the throngs of people, the heat, the stinky sweatiness that you can't get away from. too many festivals and fairs and events with too many people packed into too spaces too small. but in autumn, people are calming down, getting ready for wintertime, before the contagious holiday spirit overtakes the people, the streets, and the stores, before the first big snow. i honestly think people are generally happier when we're transitioning between our two big seasons here. and i love chicago more in the fall, as we're quickly moving towards our windy snowy winter months. there's a quiet soft buzz about, the calm before the storm of winter in chicago. everything is more beautiful right now.

it's autumn!

random links:

- everything here is beautiful. especially this wallpaper.
- i heart the new design sponge site. re-bookmark it now.
- i'm slightly obsessed with piggy banks lately, and i really would love this jonathan adler one.
- small things have always been one of my favorite jewelry designers, and the new bits and pieces line is so wonderful. this ring (diamond, please) wants to be on my finger.
- i'm super into glammy gold jewelry lately, and this adorable little piece is one of my new lusts. oh etsy, why do you tempt me?
- everything at courtney skott is fantastic.
- my wonderful husband brought me back "vegetable ivory" earrings from his trip to london made by this woman. he done good. i'd also love to own a white ring. (hint hint)

i'm tired.

i've been inspired recently, by photos, stories, people, places, food, experiences....inspired to do something. i've been in a bit of a rut for a while, wishing for something bigger, something important, something new. it hasn't exactly come yet, but i'm less antsy recently, i think. i'm also catching up on blog and shopping backlog, which is giving me lots of new fashion, decorating and crafting ideas. something will come of it soon, i hope.

i think part of my restlessness is the result of the lack of a real vacation for a while. i've traveled, but none of it would i really call a vacation. if only i had a few more days free this year to take a swift little jaunt over to montreal or paris or mexico city. somewhere i can be anonymous and inspired. i'm tired of america. or probably just jealous and bitter that i couldn't accompany my husband on his recent week-long escape to london.

as two of my very good friends are nearing the end of their pregnancies, i'm finding myself obsessed with baby names and piggy banks. i've recently come up with not one but two baby boy names that i simply adore (after years of discussions and eliminations with the hubb), and i'm hoping they don't get used by anyone close to me before we get around to having children. i'm really into names that begin with vowels. so if you know me, and you're pregnant, and planning on using a boy's name that maybe begins with a vowel, please let me know so i can either exhale a big sigh of relief or grieve now and not after your precious baby boy arrives. because really, naming your child is first come, first served, in my opinion.

speaking of children, our first "child" (our cat, Eva) has been driving us crazy recently by going to whichever end of the house we are NOT in and crying. not just meowing but deep emotional painful to listen to crying. she does this when we're eating dinner, when we're watching tv, and every few nights at 3am when we're trying to sleep. i've found some advice online that tells me to ignore her, that even negative attention is the attention she is trying to get, but it's so hard when she goes on for 20 minutes at 3am. i've been trying to remember to shower her with affection every chance i get, but she reminds me that i neglect her every time i'm out too late or have a dinner party by waking me up with her cries in the middle of the night. i love her to death, but i'm nearing a breaking point here.

hey, today is our one year anniversary of homeownership! yay! we've been responsible homeowners for one full year. despite some flooding, mysterious noises in the walls, a sewage ejector issue and incomplete common areas, it's been great. and i think i might celebrate by painting or wallpapering something...

have a good weekend, friends.

wow. really? it's been over a month since i updated? wow. time flies, i guess.

i have been busy.
i visited my family, moved our office, went to two weddings and two baby showers, endured 4 weeks of physical therapy for a mystery knee injury, attended the most blogged about engagement in history, and my house tour appeared on apartment therapy, among other things. oh, and i got accepted into the diy trunk show! yay! i'll be selling my bird collages with my friend hillary of sans couture in a little over 10 weeks. eep!

things.
i just recently finished reading you shall know our velocity and i'm pretty sure it changed my life. though a bit of a vulgar and not exactly challenging read, it is a beautiful story, both heartbreaking and inspiring and i am now thinking about the world and my place in it much differently.

i have remained deeply in love with etsy, especially the idea of selling my own wares there. more to come on that front. soon, i hope.

i've been cooking more recently, and hope to finally start writing some recipes. i've been stuffing whole fish and being creative with veggies and desserts.

i need to take more photos. i've been lagging not only here, but in almost every creative output i had previously taken part in. i need more motivation.

i'm mildly obsessed with three things as of late:

1. feist. i can't stop singing to myself and smiling.

2. chewing on the inside of my cheek. it's a habit i've had since i was a child, and it's flared up drastically lately. i don't know if it's nerves, boredom, anxiety, or what.

3. pimento cheese. i made some for tea sandwiches for a baby shower (yes, tea sandwiches), and i've single handedly eaten nearly all of the leftovers. last night i had a melted pimento cheese sandwich with giardiniera. oh my god. this is why i can't lose weight.

my best friend has let her bridesmaids (me, her sister, and her sister-in-law who is also named emily) (go team emily!) pick our own bridesmaid dresses. after changing her color scheme from lilac and sage to bellflower blue and black, we picked THE DRESS. i'm actually going to look really good standing up in this wedding, which is a first. my best friend is amazing. she is being so laid back and wonderful about this wedding planning business, which is good because i'm stressing out about what to do for her bachelorette party.

we've been talking about getting tattoos for each other for some time, and i think i might surprise her with mine when i go down for the wedding. i'd wanted us to go together, but we dont' get to see her often and i can't ask her to get a tattoo two days before her wedding. i wanted a four leaf clover on the inside of my left wrist. i'm hedging a bit on the location, but i'm anxious to get it done. it's been a long time since my last tattoo and i'm antsy for more.

it's funny, the one tuesday night i actually remember to check tinyshowcase, this amazing print (probably my favorite tiny showcase ever) is introduced and i get to buy it before it sells out. i can't wait to get it framed and hung in what is turning out to be our small print gallery hallway. (next to this, this, and a lovely christopher silas neal print that doesn't seem to be on his site anymore.)

so one of my girlfriends had her baby a little early, and welcomed Ava Virginia into the world last saturday (07.07.07)! she is beautiful and makes me want to run out and get pregnant right away so i can have a little chubby cheeked baby of my very own. except maybe in a few years....i'm getting tons of experience and first hand accounts from all of the new moms and mom-to-bes in my little circle of friends, including another one who just gave me the news that she's expecting, too! so many pregnancies! i'm past the shock and denial, and am instead now basking in the warmth of motherhood surrounding me. i get to meet little Ava in less than two weeks when hubb and i travel home for my grandmother's 80th birthday, and i absolutely can't wait. hee! babies!

i've been getting sciatica in my left hip off and on for two years or so, and now my right knee is aching for no apparent reason. i feel like an old woman, hobbling on and off the bus every day, getting annoyed because nobody offers me a seat. i daydream about getting a vespa and tootling around town effortlessly.

i'm loving the warm weather right now, even the really HOT weather....which is so unlike me. i've been scooping up new summer dresses left and right, and have finally hit a groove with my wardrobe, i think. i've also found the most amazing line of strapless bras EVER, which is like the holy grail of undergarments if you're a, um, curvy woman such as myself. i literally teared up when i tried the first one on, and wore strapless clothing for a week straight just because i could.

last month i hit my two year anniversary at work, which is a milestone for me as i've never had a job last more than two years. i'm a little nervous, as things are moving rapidly behind the scenes as we prepare for an office move in late august. i've never been part of moving a 30 person company, i'm a little anxious about the whole thing, and am wondering what the implications for our office dynamic will be in a new space. it will be an interesting fall, relearning basic processes and routines.

i have a night off tonight, and hope to tackle some artwork and maybe start on a teddy bear for little Ava. i have a slew of canvases and prints ready to collage with, and it's time i got down to business making my own pieces of art for my home.

i've been cooking a lot more recently, thanks to my angelic organics share, discovery of a few new ethnic recipes and a little bit more time at home. in four days hubb and i ate homemade asian, indian, mexican and almost some italian. (we got busy that last night) i wish we'd followed through. oh well.

i started working on some projects at home, paintings, sewings, recipe following...i'm long overdue for a post about food. hubb and i are going to try to eat in more and out less this summer to save some moolah...which is a bummer when i just want to sit outside and sip a cocktail. i miss my roofdeck. i have a pain in my heart.

speaking of pains in my heart, i wish i could go back in time and NOT watch "deer hunter" on sunday night, the same day i missed my little brother's phone call from bootcamp. it tore me up and wore me out and traumatized me for sure. i'm now on a strict stupid comedy regimen on netflix for a few weeks, with just a little bit of six feet under for good measure. speaking of comedy, if you haven't seen "knocked up" yet? i didn't expect to, but i totally loved it. it could have used a few less ball jokes, but gynechiatrist is my new favorite word. that would be great, actually. a sex health and therapy provider all in one? to deliver your babies AND monitor your mental health? sounds perfect to me.

i'm debating whether to go to critical mass or go home and take a nap today. it's been one of those weeks where i can't get up in the mornings...eh.

or i could go home and start that italian dinner we never had last weekend....

i wish i had more guts. more taste for adventure. bigger balls. and the time to use them. i also wish i could always remember the difference between affect and effect. and i wish my favorite pants didn't stretch out after wearing them for a day. and that i could use self control and not buy cheap sundresses at my neighborhood cheap clothing store that i only wear once, if at all. i also wish that i had more time for projects. specifically these:

1. fashioning a craft cart cover out of a piece of wood for the top and nifty woodgrain fabric for the sides.
2. taking more photos.
3. making more audubon bird collage paintings. (like the green one in my guest bathroom if you've ever seen it.)
4. making jewelry again.
5. sewing some more teddy bears for all of my pregnant friends.

i wish my feet hadn't given up on high heel shoes. i wish i didn't feel the need to wear high heel shoes to be taller. i wish the weather would even out so i could ride my bike to work without the fear of being either caught in the rain or arriving to work sweaty and sporting helmet-hair. i wish my hair always looked good, even after riding my bike wearing a helmet. i wish i wrote here more. i wish i didn't have so many things to wish about.

-----

news: two of the 8 pregnant women i know have given birth. congrats, ladies! one is due this month, two are due next month, one in august, one in september (which is really two because it's twins) and one in november. phew. that's a lot of pushing.

my very best friend in the entire world is getting married again later this summer. i am all kinds of warm and fuzzy about it. and i may get the opportunity to visit turkey next summer for the formal turkish ceremony. how incredible is that?

i wish it were summer '08 already.

ok. so. i'm having trouble getting back on track, obviously. but, i'm doing well. ignoring a lot of things, but doing well.

i have been doing a few things:

i got a new bicycle, a blue schwinn sprint. i also got bubblegum pink handlebar tape. i love my new bicycle, and i'm going to join critical mass for the first time ever tomorrow. i can't wait.

i also got a wonderful new messenger bag. and "skinny" jeans. i will be stylin fo sho.

i sent my brother off to boot camp and cried and cried and talked to his girlfriend for 5 hours while i drove his pickup truck up to my dad's house. i love her.

i caressed my girlfriend's pregnant belly for two days straight and decided that yes, i do in fact want to have kids someday. just not now. and that's ok.

i discovered that my bff is getting married, again. i am so thrilled and i can't wait to meet her fiance and go to the wedding later this summer/next fall. she called me to ask me what dates i couldn't make it before she sets a date. so sweet. i am a little shocked, and a little worried, but incredibly thrilled. she rushes into things sometimes, but she deserves to be happy more than anyone i know.

i've been absent recently. from here, flickr, my craft cart, my friends....i've been keeping busy, distracting myself, spending time with people....but i'm letting a lot of things go. i've been sunk to a low point and it's time to get up and back on track.

this weekend will be a good start. i'm off to virginia to attend a friend's baby shower, then down to blacksburg to see my brother off to boot camp. family time, friend time, virginia time. mountains. the drillfield at vt. my mom.

lindsay is having a baby. her life is going to change forever. i am still in shock about it all, but at the same time not at all surprised that she's first. she'll be having a little baby girl in july and i am absolutely thrilled. seeing lin will actually be a bit of closure for me, the start of a different life for my friend, a change in the dynamic of our friendship. she'll be a mother and i won't. but that's totally ok. it's more than ok, actually. it's wonderful.

then there is my brother. he is going to boot camp for 3 months. his life won't ever be the same either. i am so intensely proud of him for so many reasons, the most recent of which has been his maturity in handling the recent events at his school. he took a road trip with his girlfriend and another couple last week which landed them at our house for a night. i think it may have been the most fun i've ever had with my brother. i am looking forward, if not with a little tinge of worried anticipation, to seeing him in the fall after his intense training.

in addition to attending these two life changing events, i get to actually spend mother's day with my mother, which will be so fantastic. we'll spend the night together at a bed and breakfast in blacksburg and visit the virginia tech campus. and then drive back up to northern virginia to see my grandma before i come back to chicago. i'm so so ready for a little family time.

hopefully this break from work, from chicago, from our busy life, will help to get me back on track. i'm ready to come back up from this low i've been at for a few weeks. i know that i show it, though i've been trying really hard not to. in some areas at least. the healing has begun, and that's all that matters.

i think i have forgotten how to write. or else i need another cup of coffee.

- so i sort of accidentally gave up on my 365 days project...i haven't taken a photo at all this week. i made it to day 101, only missing 4 photos in the process. that's roughly 96%, so i still get an A for effort, yeah? maybe i'll pick back up...

- i bought a pilates dvd with a little weighted ball, immediately bruised my spine, and so now it sits on my entertainment center while i sit on my sofa.

- i was doing really good with my diet and self control, then i ate like a pig to celebrate while on vacation for a weekend, then ate like a pig for comfort for a week despite a lack of appetite. now i'm having trouble getting back on track.

+ i got new shoes for spring. they're sandal-y and cute and comfy. now it's 50 degrees and rainy. this weekend is looking up, though.

+ i finally got a new bookcase for my living room, which was one of the final pieces of furniture we needed in order to prepare for our apartment therapy photo shoot. yes, we will be welcoming you into our home via the internet in about a month.

+ it is lunchtime. sloppy joes. mmm...

i can't begin to understand the grief and sadness many students, faculty, parents and families are feeling right now. i only know my own pain, the pain of former virginia tech student, the anxiety of the sister of a current student, the anger of a born and raised virginian. luckily my loved ones are safe and unharmed, which i am incredibly thankful for.

it could have all been different: my little brother was sitting in a class on monday morning, a class that the shooter, seung-hui cho, was also enrolled in. what if the shooter had gone to HIS OWN classroom instead of the classrooms in another building? what if he had started his rampage in the english class he shared with my brother? i cry each time i think about it. it is absolutely unfathomable, i can't begin to imagine the pain and grief i would be feeling, that others are currently being forced to go through. the confusion and disbelief, the anger and intense debilitating sadness. every bit of my heart goes out to those families and friends. i wish i could help ease their pain, if only just a little bit.

i am in pain that tragic and senseless acts like this happen in the first place, and that they happened so close to my home and my heart. i am sad that my alma mater has been forever stained, that families are hurting in ways i can't begin to relate to. i am angry at gun laws that make no sense, at the ability of one deranged mind to commit horrific acts of violence.

but i am also proud. proud of my alma mater, proud of my brother's courage and ability to cope, proud of the support and spirit that has swept the country and even the world. proud that i am and always will be a hokie.

ok, so i'm behind. on a lot of things. i'm getting all caught up in my friends and family and work and play and just general basic life comings and goings, and i'm neglecting to put it all down. or even some of it down. it's all getting lost and forgotten, except for what i manage to capture with my camera. which isn't a whole hell of a lot, as you can see by my flickr stream. i have done a few wonderful things recently...discovered ANOTHER pregnant friend (i know, it's scary) and actually came to terms with it, attended a petting zoo birthday party for grown ups (i know, it's very very cool), cooked some really damned good stuff (including key lime curd, and a lamb roulade), finally ate at hot doug's (i know, it was delish), did our taxes (eep! but three cheers for the tax guy, yeah? i feel better about owing when it's $1k less than what i got when i did it myself), and lost 5 pounds (i know, it's awesome).

thursday is hubb's and my four year anniversary (i know, it's gone by so fast), and we're taking time off. from work, from friends, from bills and obligations. i won't disclose what we're doing, but unfortunately it won't be far from chicago, as i still don't have a valid passport. but it will be wonderful and relaxing and hopefully i'll come back refreshed and ready for more business.

i have a slew of photos of food, with recipes, that i swear i'll post soon. i also promise to be less of a stranger and more substantial when it comes to posting. in the meantime, i wish you a happy spring.

schwa. 3.15.07 (you can see the very grainy and dark photos here. i'm missing shots of the sorbet and craig's dessert.)

after trying for 4 different occasions and not getting a reservation, craig and i finally just took what we could get at schwa, which we decided would be our 4 year wedding anniversary celebration dinner, just a month early. i can honestly say without a doubt that this was the most amazing dining experience i have ever had.

each course surprised and delighted me, and although there were one or two parts of the dishes that i wouldn't call my favorite, i didn't NOT like a single one. each course inspired me to experiment with the same unlikely pairing of ingredients at home, starting with the amuse:

1. amuse - beet truffle with chocolate and bacon, beet puree with white chocolate creme and powdered bacon fat

a great start to the meal. the truffle was incredibly beet-y, with a surprising gelatin-like texture and a creamy center with pure bacon essence. we were instructed to take the puree as a shot, which i did with enthusiasm anticipating the powdered bacon fat, but i didn't really taste it, but the puree was a fantastic flavor combination with the white chocolate.

2. oysters - steel cut oats with raisins, cinnamon and fried oysters, raw oyster shooter with almond milk

i was hesitant about the shooter at first, but it was actually very good. very fishy, but the fishiness paired with the sweet almond milk was great. the oats were fantastic, paired with the plump raisins and perfectly fried oysters, still wonderfully soft and creamy with a thin crunchy shell.

3. chestnut - chestnut purree with serrano ham, persimmon puree

it just kept getting better! craig described the puree as "fall in a cup". it was just that, wonderfully earthy, salty with a touch of sweetness, the serrano ham cubes added the touch of savory that sent it over the top. on the side were a persimmon puree and serrano ham both sliced thinly and cubed.

4. quail egg ravioli - ravioli with quail egg and ricotta, in brown butter with parmigiano reggiano

my favorite course. i was expecting to be thrown off by the raw egg center, but instead was blown away by the perfection of this dish. the ravioli was cooked perfectly al dente, the center warm and creamy, with the perfect egg yolk flavor. the brown butter sauce was intense and added a warm and delicate ending that made me sigh.

5. arctic char caviar - celery root and quince puree with smoked arctic char caviar, bruleed top and pink peppercorn

a very interesting dish, you break through the brulee to find smoked arctic char caviar atop pureed celery root and quince. this was a step down from the ravioli, but i thoroughly enjoyed eating this course.

6. lobster - butter poached lobster with brussel sprout leaves, parsnip puree, mushroom foam and black truffle shavings

easily just behind the ravioli in my favorites list, although the lobster was just a tad overcooked. craig said that two of his three pieces were perfect, but all three of mine were just a tad chewy. i quickly let that slide, though, because the mushroom foam, paired with the brussel sprout leaves and truffles made my mouth so happy i couldn't talk. it was a challenge not to lick the dish when we were finished.

7. rabbit- rabbit confit with pomegranate arils and puree, turnip puree and queso de valdeon

i found this dish rather unmemorable. it was delicious, don't get me wrong, but between the lobster and the beef it sort of got lost in my culinary memory. the turnip puree was a great flavor addition to the sweet/tart pomegranate puree and melt-in-your-mouth rabbit, but it was hard to get onto my fork as it was thinly spread about the undulating rim of the dish.

8. beef - trio of beef - tartare with quail egg, pickled tongue, braised short ribs with sweet potato puree

great presentation, the tartare was atop a plastic ice cube with the quail egg delicately balanced on top. it was the perfect temperature, very simple, not overseasoned, just the essence of beef and egg. the tongue was so tender, not too pickly, absolutely delicious. but the best was saved for last with the beef short rib. so tender it just fell apart when i touched it with my fork, and paired with the sweet potato puree it was just like heaven. we definitely lingered on this part of the dish for as long as we could. it was at this point during the meal that we both vocalized that we wished the meal would never end.

9. cheese - morbier cheese risotto with summer puree

wow, this was amazing. my #3 of the night. a little spoon with a bite of morbier cheese risotto, so strong and pungent with a tiny taste of an intense green summer puree to bring the taste buds back down. more than a taste would have been too much to handle, but still that one taste left me wanting more.

10. sorbet - rose water sorbet with raspberry puree

served atop another plastic ice cube, the sorbet was balanced in a little crater of the raspberry puree. it was so fresh and delicate, with the intense flavor of rose, it revived a flood of emotion in me, reminding me of my childhood. i couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was, but i shed a tiny tear as my feelings ran wild. i've never had a reaction to food like this, and it was a good thing, again, that it was only a taste or else it would have been too overwhelming.

11. dessert -me- chocolate brownies with some sort of ice cream, one of which was coated in finely crushed nuts (i'd had a lot of wine) -craig- pretzel crusted dates stuffed with caramel and mustard seed, anchor steam foam, pretzel sticks, tumeric ice cream

at this point we were offered some dessert wine that the table next to us had left behind, and we gleefully accepted. then the desserts came out. craig had the dates and i had chocolate brownies. craig's dish was a great flavor combo with the cooling creamy ice cream, salty pretzel, sweet dates and tangy mustard, but i felt that it was a bit too much for me. (though i've been salivating over the memory of the flavors ever since) at the time i very much preferred my chocolate brownies with ice cream, although unfortunately i don't remember the details. two+ bottles of wine will do that.

5 things i didn't expect from my dinner at schwa last night:

1. to really really REALLY enjoy the quail egg ravioli. i was hesitant about this course, and expected to be thrown off by the texture, slimy, raw and eggy....but instead it was delightful and probably the best thing i have ever put in my mouth. fo real. definitely the highlight of the dinner for me.

2. to overhear a conversation about glory holes.

3. to discover that the person discussing glory holes was someone we knew. in a 26 seat restaurant on a random thursday night, neither of us living in the neighborhood, and we see shylo, at the table next to us no less. it's a small small glorious world.

4. to be served the leftover south african dessert wine from the table next to us after they left. thanks shylo, it was delicious!

5. to shed a tear. the only course we forgot to photograph was a rose water sorbet palate cleanser. i got a little emotional tasting the rose water, it brought back memories of my childhood, of my mom, feelings of warmth and comfort and calm. considering how overwhelmed i got, it is a good thing it was only one bite.

i'll do the full round of photos and reviews this weekend after hubb adjusts the color in all of the pictures he took (it was really, really dark, and by the end of dinner all of our candles had gone out.) but it is safe to say that this was absolutely without a doubt the best meal i have ever had in my life.

this week has been a roller coaster. i went through this random bout of depression last week, which ran into this week making me rather useless and lumpy for a few days. i'm sort of back to normal, but it's taken a few major events to bring me back up. in no particular order: a new toy at work, a new dress...for DINNER AT SCHWA TONIGHT!, baking the most delicious muffins ever, joining my condo association board, and getting below my hump weight (the number i haven't been able to crack for 3 or 4 months....until this week. hopefully the downward trend on the scale continues). oh, and great news a large portion of my friends, which always cheers me up...a big fat congrats to the newly engaged, newly impregnated, soon-to-be homeowners, and all the other happy people i know.

one of my best friends is pregnant, 7-1/2 weeks. i have lots of other friends who are with child, but this one is my only local one, so i'll get to intimately observe her progress, the joys and the pains. she only found out two weeks ago, but with the sharing she's done so far, i'm beginning to question my desire to actually ever have children. really. the world is overpopulated anyway, and i don't have the strength to be nauseous all the time.

the seasons are finally changing, which is probably the impetus for all of these life changes people around me are going through. me, i'm sick to death of knee high socks and scarves, and the first few days of this week made me crazy with their cute shoe allowing warm temps. i am desperate for days of skirts and tank tops and flip flops and sweating because of the sun and not the sticky overdressed people on the bus. all i need is a change in wardrobe right now.

everything really is going just wonderfully for me right now, i just need to wrap myself around it all and stop dwelling on silly things. it's just silly. and silliness isn't going to get me anywhere. but that's probably my problem to begin with; right now i'm not going anywhere. just coasting. which is incredibly distressing to me.

10 things i've been doing rather than blogging:

1. watching the sopranos (we're on disc 2 of season 6!) and a few good movies (the science of sleep - LOVED it, babel - liked it...but am still depressed)
2. taking some photos, mostly of myself.
3. cutting my own hair because i can't get in to see my stylist to lighten up the back.
4. still trying to decide where to go next month for our anniversary. leaving the country is out because i'm not so sure i'll have a valid passport by then. everything is up in the air, and i'm almost considering a few days off work to just relax in chicago.
5. daydreaming about springtime and little cute shoes.
6. finally getting the office cleaned and decorated.
7. getting back into having cheap dates with the hubb.
8. getting amped up for schwa next thursday! (most definitely NOT a cheap date, but that's ok.)
9. ignoring the fact that my taxes need to get done.
10. starting posts then getting distracted and never finishing them.

so the d50 came yesterday (yay!), and i had a little bit of time to play with it last night. hubb gave me a 5 minute crash course in f-stops and apertures and ISOs, and then i realized i don't have a case for it so i can't carry it around with me just yet. and i only have a 256 card in my little elph (most of which is full with sentimental photos i keep on there all the time to look at longingly while i'm not near a computer....silly, i know), so i can't go around snapping a billion photos while i try to figure the new camera out. SO, we ordered me a fabulous neoprene case by zing, which are so incredibly phallic i can't stop giggling about them:

aren't they fabulously silly?! i am getting one more along the lines of the black one on the right. but the green one is just too disturbing, i had to share.

oh, i'm also getting a bigger memory card. which will be nice.

so until my d50 scuba suit arrives, i'll be elphing it for a few more days.

yeah, so it's been a little while. what's been going on?

-hubb received an honorable mention for his pinch salt and pepper set at the design within reach "Modern+Design+Function" exhibition last thursday. congrats, hubb!

-i didn't complain about his absence for two weeks of evenings while he was working on pinch and perforated (with our friend, hubwear founder, george aye) for the exhibition, and as a reward, i got a nikon d-50 for valentine's day. it actually just came today, and after i go to the gym tonight (ick) i'll start getting to know it.

-we finally got a storage space in our building, and have been slowly going through our mess of an office/studio/guestroom. we tackled a home improvement project of installing shelves in one of the closets, and now i have plenty of room for towels and sheets. (by "we" i mean hubb, actually.)

-i braised lamb shanks, and they were quite delicious.

-i baked zucchini bread, and it, too was quite delicious.

-i decided to can my short lived pretend-to-be-a-foodie-with-tons-of-time food blog, and merge the two here. food is a huge part of my life, after all. so why not celebrate food along side shoes and shopping and general ramblings? once i figure out how to merge the archives, the other site will be gone.

-we cancelled at least two planned lunches at hot doug's and now they're closed until march 5. damn. duck fat fries will have to wait.

-i've been busy (and have been really enjoying) work the past couple of weeks, which is nice.

-i've also been avoiding taxes. i know we have to do them soon, but i'm real scared.

at least i'm not pregnant.

randomness.

i'm still coughy and my throat has this sore spot that i just can't seem to kick. if i never get a cold again it will be too soon. at least i've lost 3 pounds while being sick with a very limited appetite for nearly 3 weeks. but don't fear, my snacktime urges and mealtime capacity are getting back to normal now that i can breathe again.

after a month of lackadaisically attempting to get my passport photos taken, i finally got it done this morning. mexico or montreal, get ready for a visit in april! i keep thinking that now i'm free to be whisked away to an exotic foreign location for a long weekend. (hubb, are you reading this?)

i have this (probably annoying) habit of relentlessly talking up products that i love to friends and family. i get called out all the time for sounding like a used car salesman trying to convince someone to try a new lotion, restaurant or service. here are a few that i've been feverishly selling lately:

• i-go car sharing service. i can't stress enough how much this car-sharing service has changed our lives. hubb and i have been car-free for about two years, and since embracing i-go, we don't see a need for our own personal vehicle anytime soon. our bi-weekly grocery/errand stints using our i-go membership run us about $60 a month, a fraction of what we were paying in car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance. (not to mention the occasional parking ticket for forgetting to move the car during street cleaning or some other nonsense.) it is so simple and convenient and worry-free. yay for i-go!
  
• the body shop body butter. i have had at least 3 people in the last three days complain to me about dry skin, and i sing about body butter every time. i used to have the most painful dry skin in winter, but now i use a body butter every morning and my skin is smooth and soft and moisturized, without the greasiness of shea butter and cocoa butter products. i particularly love the almond and satsuma scents.
  
• smith's rosebud salve. this stuff is magic. burns, chapped hands, rashes, tissue-rubbed noses, this salve works wonders on every skin ailment. it also makes a great lip balm. it doesn't smell mediciney, it is soft and non-greasy, soaking into skin without leaving shiny residue. and it's inexpensive. i can't live without it. in fact, i gave mine away a few weeks ago to a friend with a raw nose from a cold, and i've been going nuts without it. burt's bees makes a similar product, res-q ointment, but it has a medicine scent that i just can't deal with.
  
• pamela barsky's mid-century piggy bank. oh my god i love this thing. i bought one for myself, then i bought 6 more to save for gifts. it is so perfect for baby showers, housewarmings, birthdays, weddings, anything! it's small and discrete enough to blend in to nearly any decor, large enough to hold a good amount of change, adorable without being tacky, and it comes with starter money. what more could you ask for? i love love love it!
  
• jiffy mixes. in particular, the pizza and biscuit mixes. i love to cook, but hate to measure, and these are my savior at least once a week. i use the pizza crust all the time (last night, even!) and it's delicious. the corn muffin mix is totally yummy, especially if you mix some frozen corn into the mix (just reduce the amount of milk you use by a little bit). and the biscuit mix, though i hate to reveal it, are the secret to my mini blue cheese biscuits that i make all the time for parties. (with a little orange marmalade....delish!) and who can resist the 1950's packaging? not me. my cupboards are always stocked with jiffy. i know i've raved about it before, but i just can't stop talking about them!

i feel another coughing fit coming on. where is the end to this cold?

so i've been kind of down recently, i've been sick off and on for two weeks, and am currently fighting an ear infection (probably two, my other ear is feeling it now), a sinus infection, and a severe cold. i have spent 6 of the last 14 days in bed (or on the couch), and have pooped out on plenty of fun plans. it's a bummer. plus it's really damned cold and i badly need a haircut and i haven't done any proper grocery shopping in a long time.

nothing exciting here.

so here's a totally worthless story:

last night i ran an errand which ended up taking me to the front door of carson pirie scott that is closing downtown. i've been inside for the start of the liquidation sale, and only spent about $20, more than half of which was a gift. but the discounts last night had risen from 20-50% off to 50-70% off, so i thought i'd give it one more whirl. it was pretty desolate, lots of muddy diamond jewelry, damaged clothing, stacks of ugly shoes in sizes too big for me anyway. i tried on a vera wang nightgown, but decided against it as it was still more than i need to be spending on another piece of sleepwear. i picked through the kitchenwares, almost bought a $4 silicone angel food cake pan, when i remembered i have nowhere to put it in my overstuffed cabinets.

with empty arms i was tiring, wearing out. my last stop was in the dresses section, where a young girl and her trailer trash mom were trying on strapless aquamarine and hot pink floor length prom dresses to wear to a wedding next weekend. (not kidding.) trying not to listen to the mother's comments, ("it is floor length so it doesn't show off so much of your bod. maybe you should look for a shorter one.") i found a few cute pieces, and decided that at 60% off i could risk having one of them fit me perfectly. two did. it was a miracle. the first was a simple black jersey knit that i might go back tonight to buy. the second was a brown rough silk cocktail dress, with ruching (slimming!) at the bust and a gorgeous teal satin ribbon at the empire waist which tied at the back. it fit perfectly. perfectly. that means a ton coming from a petite but chubby girl who has probably never, not once, had an item of clothing fit exactly as it should right off the rack. this dress was a dream. a beautiful brown silk dream with a big snag in the fabric on the left boob. i didn't notice it as i pulled it off the rack, but there it was, staring at me in the dressing room mirror. i tried to smooth it out, i brainstormed how it could be masked, hidden, i literally shed a tear because it was so perfect except for this one major flaw in the finish. i pouted and i put it back, and also the cute black jersey dress, just to spite myself. and i went home, broken, beaten by the stupid sale. i tried so hard to find something to purchase, and i failed. i'm losing my shopping edge. it's really very sad.

so today i do a quick search for the maker of the dress and the word "brown". and of course google found it. or i should say found one. in my size. new with tags on ebay. i'm torn. and materialistic and self centered. i want the dress, and i could have it.

but really, what occasion do i have to wear a cocktail dress to? in february? even if it is a color that looks stunning on me, in a cut that is flattering to my figure and a price that is reasonable? i guess i'll pass. it only took me 20 minutes of typing to decide that. nor that it won't help me continue the little grumpy dump i'm in right now. bleh.

merriam-webster word of the day:

katzenjammer \KAT-zun-jam-er\ noun
*1 : hangover 2 : distress 3 : a discordant clamor
Example sentence: The morning after the wedding, Pamela woke up with a blinding katzenjammer.

i am in love with this word. i will be using it every chance i get from here on out. you've been warned.

i've been away, mostly because i had a terribly debilitating cold that really, really kicked my ass. i was in bed (on the couch) for three and a half days, and i'm still a little stuffy and weak. i think i read 7 cookbooks in between sleeping on the couch, and came up with some great recipes that i only had the energy to make two of on sunday when i was feeling a little bit better. i will post those soon.

speaking of which, i'm thinking of throwing in the towel to the uneducated chef, and just using this forum for my general bullcrap with some recipes and reviews and food stuff thrown in. i can't keep up with two blogs. i am so not cut out for web 2.0.

i am missing girltime and am getting a drink with a friend tonight (i sure hope i don't have a ripping katzenjammer tomorrow!) and maybe a girlie movie night next week. another friend of mine is pregnant (wtf is going on with all of these pregnant people right now?) and i need to hang out with some friends who are not reproducing for a while and drink wine and celebrate our empty wombs and ability to wake up with killer katzenjammers without the guilt of poisoning anyone but ourselves. woo!

random fridayness:

richard sweeney is incredible and amazing. and kind of cute.

in 24 hours i am FINALLY going to hot dougs. i'm already drooling in anticipation of the duck fat fries.

in two months, i am FINALLY going to schwa. finally. oh my god two months is so far away!

i just learned that there is a le creuset outlet in aurora. anyone want to take a road trip (after my credit card cycle starts over)?

i'm just glad it's friday and tomorrow i can sleep in.

so, in a little less than 3 months hubb and i will have been married for 4 years. for our 5-er we are planning a trip to europe (and an addition to my ring finger, hopefully), but for this year we're not quite sure what we'd like to do. at one year we were very very poor, but hubb still surprised me with dinner and a night at the sofitel. for year number two we were also very very poor and hubb was oh-so-inconveniently sent to italy for a business trip, on a plane that was scheduled to depart on our anniversary. so i sucked it up and popped on over to hawaii to visit my best friend for a week. we spent our wedding anniversary exactly half the earth away from each other. last year we made up for it by taking an amazing trip up the west coast, from los angeles to san francisco and had a blast. it will be hard to live up to.

this year there are four options:
1. portland, oregon. never been, great food scene, wine country nearby.
2. san diego, california. never been, it will be warm, the ocean is nearby.
3. montreal, quebec. never been, hear it is "paris of north america", out of the country!
4. guadalajara, mexico. never been to mexico, it will be warm, tacos, the town of tequila is nearby!

we're leaning towards hightailing it out of the us, though not far, so quebec and guadalajara are our top runners right now. unless a fifth option pops up, or someone (that's you, reader) gives me some pointers......

i had probably the most girly weekend ever. a friend came into town friday to suprise one of my closest chicago friends at her birthday dinner on saturday, then we suprised that friend AGAIN with a party with 20 of her closest friends at my house after dinner. then ANOTHER suprise with ANOTHER out of town friend and her fiance. THEN....pedicures and shopping and eating lots of food on sunday. which was also....a suprise for the birthday girl. it was really wonderful and smiley and happy, and now suprising people is my new favorite thing. i think we made her 30th birthday the most memorable one yet, which is exactly what girlfriends are for.

i ate way too much food, drank far too much champagne, wine and cocktails, and didn't get nearly enough sleep. so i'm a little out of it today, but at least i have freshly painted toenails and new boots.

in other news, i cracked a tooth and i have to get a cap. luckily my tooth is in good condition (other than the fact that it is falling apart) so a root canal is not necessary. i've done that once and i hope to never go through it again, thank you very much. in the meantime, my dentist has filed the edge of the chipped tooth so that it doesn't cut my tongue, (which it does anyway) so i now have a huge gap in between two of my teeth for food to get stuck in. so i'm getting shit stuck in there, which irritates my gums, so i floss, which irritates them even more, and i can't get into the damned dentist again to be fitted for the cap for another month. if i appear grumpy you now know why. and i will be much grumpier two weeks after that appointment when i have to go in to have the cap put on and then pay nearly $400 for the damned thing.

i had some other nice things to share, but i'm pissed off now thinking about my stupid tooth. maybe someone will suprise me and cap it for free while i sleep tonight.

so, in november 2004 hubb and i purchased a sofa from room and board. and we loved it. a year later the cushions started to pull apart at the seams. and we were upset. hubb called customer service to ask about the warranty, to learn that there is a lifetime warranty. yay! so they sent a sewer out to hand sew the cushions back together. a few months later they started to pull again. another phone call was made, and voila! we are now in the "reselection process" to exchange our 2 year old sofa for a new upgraded piece. room and board definitely knows what they're doing here. two years ago we purchased a low end sofa, what we could afford at the time, and now, on top of the credit we're receiving from our original purchase, we're spending nearly the same amount to upgrade to a nicer couch. but where else can you get all your money back for a piece of furniture TWO YEARS after you bought it? i don't know. which is why room and board has two loyal customers for life now.

we're going for a more vintage silhouette, and a louder color. we're not afraid of being vibrant anymore, and a bright paprika red sofa is just the thing to finish off our new living room.

we should have it by the end of the month! we may have to have a new sofa party to celebrate. so now, (not wanting to spend $200 on pillows,) i'm on a search for that black and white damask fabric so i can make some new pillows to put on my new sofa.

To carry on with tradition:

Top 5 things I learned in 2006:
1. i should not wear heels over 2" in height.
2. we CAN buy a house!
3. when you own your house, you have to fix things yourself.
4. i'm not ready to have babies, and that's ok.
5. not everybody has ulterior motives all the time. don't be so suspicious.

Top 5 most wonderful ingestions of 2006:
1. rhubarb gimlet at lula cafe. so good it should get 3 of the top 5 spots here.
2. Pan-Roasted Skate Wing, Peruvian Potato, Hericot Vert & Beurre Noisette at the underground restaurant.
3. pozole rojo.
4. milliondollarcheese (ash marbled chevre from Capriole).
5. goat cheese truffles.

Top 5 events I participated in in 2006:
1. seeing the west coast for the first time in about 15 years. visiting sf for the first time ever. napa, sonoma, san luis obispo, santa barbara. i couldn't have asked for a better anniversary.
2. swapping christmas ornaments with total strangers, knowing that my crafts are around the world and receiving some remarkable items in return.
3. hosting my second ever thanksgiving, this time in my own home. having unrelated family and friends from all three coasts meet to eat at my house.
4. Phoenix at the double door.
5. watching our friend from boston, Alex, run the chicago marathon.

Top 5 sad things of 2006:
1. the loss of my great aunt Ve. she will always be missed.
2. learning of Settimana's closing. it will be missed.
3. hubb getting hit by a car. he was ok, but it was terrible nonetheless.
4. the flood. very scary for first time homebuyers, less than a week after closing.
5. saying goodbye to four good friends that moved away. - chicago misses you guys!

Top 5 happy things of 2006:
1. buying a house! we. own. our. home. it's a feeling i'm still not quite used to, but i am in love with the fact that we can break or replace or paint or install whatever we want in our very own little piece of chicago. (and hiring movers. best decision we made during the whole process.)
2. 3 new babies in the family, my cousins having babies less than two weeks apart last spring, bringing us a little boy, Carter, and a sweet little girl, Sophie, and my sister having her first child in october, little Brenae.
3. hubb and i reaching a personal financial milestone. i won't talk specifics, but we're much better off than we ever have been and it's quite comforting to know so.
4. learning of friends' engagements (3), marriages (2), pregnancies (4), and births (1).
5. getting in better touch with my family. spending time together and making plans for the future.

Top 5 discoveries of 2006:
1. De Martino 2004-05 organic Cabernet
2. Wheach. oh my god, Wheach.
3. pozole rojo.
4. felt.
5. i-go.

Top 5 blogs of 2006:
1. go fug yourself
2. fancy toast
3. etsy
4. design sponge
5. tiny showcase

Top 5 excitements for 2007:
1. my girlfriend lindsay having her first baby this summer.
2. my best friend gina's commencement in atlanta in may.
3. losing 10 pounds. COME ON, EMILY, YOU CAN DO IT!
4. getting a new couch.
5. an addition to our little family.....maybe we'll get a dog?

Resolutions. (and how well I did)

2004
1. Get in shape. (Didn't actually gain much weight, but didn't get fit, either.)
2. Be less judgmental, less critical, and more accepting of others. (learned to forgive others, ignore faults, and accept people for who they are, but remained painfully critical.)
3. Monthly budget. (Nope.)
4. Find better employment. (Got a better job, quit exactly one year later for a better better job.)
5. Be more adventurous. (Moved into the city (gasp!), got a new job, tackled scary New York City.)

2005
1. Get in shape. (Actually gained 10 pounds)
2. Be less judgmental and less critical. (Got in trouble with my judgmental and critical self, hurt some feelings, and made a total ass of myself.)
3. Spend more money paying off loans and less on new crap. (Bought lots and lots of new crap, and paid the loans down just a little bit. Saved nothing.)
4. Be more crafty. (Learned to make jewelry.)
5. Be less controlling of my kitchen domain, and let Hubb do some cooking. (Let Hubb cook maybe one meal. When I wasn't home.)

2006
1. Lose 10 pounds. (Joined a gym. Gained another 5 pounds.)
2. Drop the snotty attitude and just plain enjoy people. (I actually think I did pretty well with this one.)
3. Buy fewer things, but nicer things. (Bought lots of things. And a nice house. And a Le Creuset soup pot that will likely outlive me.)
4. Make more jewelry and sell some of it. (Made less jewelery, but made a lot of things with felt. Which I gave away.)
5. Learn how to cook something fancy. (Learned that I can actually bake pretty well, that braising is not scary but actually pretty easy and wonderfully delicious, learned how to make truffles and biscotti, and discovered how to make the perfect pork loin.)

And now for 2007
1. Lost 10-15 pounds. (use my gym membership, eat less cheese, drink less wine)
2. Be responsible and more knowledgeable about the large purchase we made in 2006, especially the tax implications. (read our condo docs, talk to our lawyer)
3. Sell something I make. (etsy)
4. Travel somewhere new. (Montreal, anyone?)
5. Let things go. (keep reminding myself that I cannot possibly control everything, all the time.)

And a bonus: Watch my friends have babies and stop feeling guilty that I'm not ready.

So I think I did ok last year, except for the weight thing, but isn't that everybody's resolution every year? I'm pretty comfortable with myself, just a little camera shy sometimes, and I still refuse to throw away some of my favorite clothes that I know aren't particularly flattering on me. But I want to be in a better shape so that I do not get winded as I run to catch the train, pull muscles as I carry groceries or walk up more than about a dozen stairs. And fit into my skinny jeans again. I miss those guys.

Happy 2007, dear friends. Hubb and I had a wonderful (though long and tiring) holiday in Virginia, and we're glad to be back home to start the new year. This year will likely be less momentous than last year, but that's a-ok with me. A calm and uneventful year is just what we need, I think. That way I can concentrate on making time to go to the gym.

dear santa,

this year i've been really good. i haven't broken any laws (i think), i haven't stolen anything, and i haven't intentionally done harm to others. i donated money to charity at least twice, i've done a lot of nice things for friends, i've handed out compliments and homemade goodies with no expectation of anything in return, and i have given the panflute player at my el stop at least $10 over the course of 3 months. in return for being such a good girl in 2006, i have a few items on my wishlist that i'd appreciate it if you would take care of for me.

1. a new camera. i love my little cannon, but i would really love a digital slr. everyone else i know has one so i want one, too.

2. dinner at schwa. please see my previous post. it would be nice if it were a table for two so hubb could join me. but if you can't swing two seats, i understand.

3. can you make me like 2 inches taller? is that possible? if not, i'd like some pants that i don't have to hem, please.

4. the black pair of shoes in the center of the photo below in size 6.5.

5. a light blue eames rocker.

6. an all expenses paid trip to paris or rome or barcelona. i'd be happy with any of the three, i'm not picky.

7. any of these items from etsy.

8. a good wine shop/coffee shop/deli to open around the corner from my house.

9. a day at a spa in the mountins somewhere with a girlfriend or two.

10. a really nice bonus check on my desk at work when i get back from the holidays.

thank you and good luck delivering all those presents next week. if it's easier for you, i can wait until the new year for my gifts.

sincerely,
emily

lots of blah blah blah-ing, so watch out.

ok, so it's december and it's rainy and i hate it. i want it to be freezing cold and snowy and icy and fireplace-use-worthy. but alas, instead it just sucks. boo chicago. for shame.

we're heading out to virginia to see the family for the holidays, and though i'm excited about seeing lots of family members and friends i rarely get to see, and meet others for the first time (my 2 month old neice and hopefully my pregnant friend's tiny baby filled belly,) i'm less than enthusiastic about the driving. 2300 miles of driving. next week we'll make up for a year's worth of not owning a car.

we're ready for gifting in my house....almost. i've nixed a few crafts and have finished sewing, but i have a bit of baking/chocolating to do. i have a double batch of doublechocolate biscotti to dip in chocolate and almonds tonight, then bag and label for gifts. i'm going to take a break for a while from baking anything that requires two rounds in the oven plus an assembly session. last night i finished the last two teddies for the baby girls in the family. (they have little white button noses, though it's hard to tell from the photo.)

in other news, i am sort of obsessed with the idea of eating at schwa very very soon. does this post not make you drool? hubb and i decided that a dinner there would be one of our anniversary presents to each other this year, but i can not wait until april. someone could make a girl very very happy by taking her to eat a 10-course tasting at schwa in the immediate future. and they better have the sweetbreads on the menu when a visit finally occurs.

since wearing a pair of simple black pumps last weekend that are a tad too high for my little feet, i have lost feeling in two of my toes. this happens to me ocassionally, and i should take the message and stop wearing heels and start buying more cute flats. i like the second part of that remedy, but i really really love my simple black pumps, and the adorable retro red peep-toes, AND the d'orsay heels that i've really only worn once but pull out and look at every now and then. but the health of my feet should come first, and i simply should not venture into the above 2" heel range. i can probably live without most of my taller heels if i had to, with the exception of the simple black pointy pumps. they are a staple in my wardrobe, whether i can walk in them at the end of the night or not. so i've been trolling zappos for a new pair and have come up with three finalists:

the first pair are interesting, but maybe too low for little me and my "long pants" i like to wear. the second are by lumiani, a brand i adore and and a height i can wear with no pain. the third pair have little gel pads on the heel and the foot bed! how cool is that? i'm leaning towards the middle because i have a pair of lumianis that i can wear for days at a time with no problem. that would be a nice attribute for the little black shoe of my dreams.

while looking around i have also remembered my lust for a low or flat red shoe. again, i have three finalists:

so the first are cute and look comfy. the middle are adorable, and i like the orangy-ness. the third are super pointy so may not be so comfy. oh decisions. and self restraint. must save money for mortgage, must save money for mortgage. damned mortgage.

the christmas spirit has grabbed me today. even though we haven't officially decorated (our christmas boxes are at the bottom of a tightly packed closet awaiting a storage space) my dining room looked perfect this morning, so much so that i had to snap a picture. and also my little christmas tree, complete with a tiny bird topper.

merry thursday, everyone!

wow, so two weeks go by and i forget all about the internet. i've been busy. very very busy. i have been shopping, baking (yay!), getting over the flu (boo!) and making crafts for christmas. the other night i made an adorable stuffed felt christmas tree, complete with tiny strands of bead lights and glass ornaments. i will take photos tonight. i want to hug it and kiss it, it's so cute.

i'm usually way ahead of the game when it comes to christmastime, but this year i've been seriously slacking. i have most of my shopping done, but i still have two teddies to sew, a few snowman/penguin ornament families to assemble, and lots of biscotti to bake. (yes, i attempted biscotti last weekend and it is, in a word, CRAZYDELICIOUS. recipe to follow at the uneducated chef shortly.) i waited too long to get my tins and bags, and now i can't find cute packaging anywhere, so it will have be unpretentious parchment paper and twine. but that's more than ok by me, actually. i have yet to find anything at all for the hubb. we agreed on no gifts but he's already broken the rule so i have to now, too. what to get? i have not a clue.

i saw sean lennon last night at the park west. it was nice to be able to sit, and have my drinks brought to me, and not choke on cigarette smoke. sean had a cold, so his voice was off and he had to switch harmonies with the guitar player at one point, and he left the stage in a hurry in the middle of the encore, but it was a good show nonetheless. he has a soothing singing voice, even when phlegmy and tired, and it relaxed me. and best of all i was in bed and snoozing by 11pm.

the best news today: my house is finally being finished! workers have been invading my home for the last two days touching up paint, fixing closet doors and shelves, grouting, calking, and making my jacuzzi tub work. it should all be done by the end of the week, and then all we'll have to wait for is the storage space. i'm getting tired of seeing my boxes and bicycles in the hallways corners of my house.

back to the busy-ness. i'll try not to wait so long to update next time.