(caution: may not be safe for work) oh. my. god. it is a trainwreck and i can't stop looking. i hate RR even more now as i imagine her nervous nasal laugh as she poses in her skivvies with the turkey there. oh god. turkey will never be the same for me. i might vomit.

sorry about that.



5 reasons i'm happy today:

1. i had a wonderful birthday yesterday, as hubb presented me with......A SMALLTHINGS NECKLACE! finally! i've only been hounding him for one or two years. it is beautiful and i love it.

2. hubb also took me to avec, which was amazingly delicious and wonderful. i literally dreamt about the chorizo-stuffed medjool dates with smoked bacon and piquillo pepper-tomato sauce. oh my god. but in a good way this time.

3. tord boontje for target. awesomeness at an affordable price. i want the wine glasses (like i need wine glasses...) and the multi-color dessert plates and the red mugs (like i need more mugs...). ooh ooh, the wine glasses can be used for little tealights! oh my god i'm ordering them right now.

4. speaking of tord, my wonderful bro in law, completely on his own with no hints, requests, or demands gave me a wonderful transglass vase for my birthday. i can't begin to express my happiness over it.

5. it's halloween. happy spooky day!

work in progress turned three this week. happy birthday, buddy.

holiday linky.

1. a holiday ornament swap! how much more fun could you have? it will be like receiving 8-10 little suprise gifts. i am so totally thrilled, i can't even put it into words. i'll post a photo of the ornaments i make...i'm thinking a nature theme and felt.... sign up now, the deadline is November 01.

2. i don't want to buy any more dishes, and i'm not very happy with west elm right now*, but i love Love LOVE these branch dessert plates from west elm. and the cute silver garland on the table next to them? a little tord boontje. a little retro. a lot of need to be in my house this holiday.

*we purchased a floating wall shelf recently to act as a fireplace mantle, and in the process of installing the nonsensical thing, three large holes were made in my wall. the shelf came with three huge metal anchors and screws that couldn't seem to keep the shelf secure and level, and even if we had secured it to the wall successfully, i would have fretted every day about the stability of it all. the shelf is on its way back to west elm, (along with a set of three "organically shaped" shelves that are nothing of the sort) and i will not be purchasing anything else from them that requires wall mounting.

3. i don't mean to keep referencing w.e., but i am inspired by this pillow, and the numerous references to needlepoint and cross stitch that i continue to run across. i used to do quite a bit of cross stitch as a youth, and i think i might take it back up by fashioning some sort of trendy patterned pillow for our living room to go along with this fabric i purchased for sofa pillow covers. if all turns out well, i might attempt some holiday gifts.

4. i'm already putting together my thanksgiving menu, which will include a roasted butternut squash and pumpkin soup served in a roasted pumpkin, inspired by this recipe. i also plan to make the port vinaigrette from the same show. yum. now i just need some port.

5. i'm sort of slow with my holiday shopping this year, as usually by this time i've already finished half of it. so far i have one item, a small trinkety thing for my step-mom. i need to get on the ball and come up with something creative and versatile and inexpensive (because we're responsible and have a mortgage now) that i can give to everyone. easy. ideas?

first of all, i don't have a tumor. my headache went away, then it came back, and now it's hiding behind my eyeballs somewhere, but my brain is healthy according to my doc. i have a healthy normal brain. that's a relief.

hubb and i ran around the city on marathon sunday to catch alex at various mile markers, at 10, 16 and 25.2. he finished in an awe-inspiring time of 3:09:44, just seconds before the cutoff to qualify for the boston marathon in the spring. watching our friend, and over 35,000 other runners was absolutely breathtaking and brought me to tears more than once. if i only had such strength, courage, and stamina. congratulations, alex. i am so incredibly proud of you.

now i will change tunes and talk about selfish materialistic bullshit.

holiday season is upon us and i need outfits for parties. i have at least 4 occasions planned that call for something cute, and i can probably recycle one outfit for two of them. i need a cute top to wear with a pleated semi-poufy cotton skirt, and two dresses. i really like these:

sensible chic black jersey with a flattering V and a fun empire tie waste. festive red, maybe too deep in the chest, maybe a little unflattering in the tummy? pretty pretty green. i can't decide.

i'm having trouble living in our unfinished apartment and i'm finding myself searching comfort in shopping, which is not so good considering we just paid a fortune with 3-day blinds to furnish our windows. on the up-side, i now have lots of jeans that fit me. and plenty of shoes for these holiday parties.

first: limbo. i'm ready for my house to be finished already! we still don't have vent covers, a top to our peninsula in the kitchen, or a working jacuzzi tub (which i am incidentally in desperate need of using.) i'm ready for the boxes to be gone, the shit to be put away, and the furniture to be purchased and put in place. i hate living in limbo.

second: oprah. i went to a taping and it was exactly what i expected and i left unsatisfied and jaded. it was interesting, and energetic, but oprah wasn't as friendly and talkative as she seems on the show. now i'm not a huge fan of any celebrity enough to jump up and down and scream as some of these women did, but i could have used a little wave and "thank you" and genuine smile. at least i got a free book.

third: tumor. i've had a headache for 5 days now, and my doctor has ordered me to have an mri. i'm a little freaked out about that, and i'm not sure i really want the test. would you want to know if you had a giant inoperable tumor? i wouldn't. now i'm sure it's nothing, just pain caused by stress as my doctor thinks, but still....what if. what if my brain is all funky and broken and diseased? i don't want to know the results unless my noggin is perfectly normal. although we all can tell stories about me that may prove contrary.....

fourth: stress. i'm under it and it's consuming me to a point where i just want to stay in bed for a few days while things sort themselves out and little old ladies organize and straighten and clean my house for me. and entertain my guests and cook my meals and maybe even go to the gym for me. i just want to stay in bed and drink tea and eat pizza. for a week. can i please do that? no. because work is busy and the house needs some love that i can't afford to hire other people to give it. and because i am the only one who can take care of my shit. and i can't even take a relaxing jacuzzi bath because the builder of my house is too busy. please pass the wine.

fifth: baby. the newest member of my family, my new little niece Brenae, was born on thursday in virginia. she is an adorable sweet little thing and i can't wait to meet her in person this holiday season. happy birthday, little angel! your antie em is looking forward to hanging out with you.

sixth: responsibility. we scheduled our first mortgage payment(s) and association dues, but i still don't feel like we've really purchased a house. i guess i thought we'd be acting more mature and knowledgeable and smart somehow just for buying a home. instead we just whine about how much blinds cost. (i am still in shock over the amount of money we gave away so that we can have a little privacy.)

seventh: 26.2. my good friend Alex (the guy that hubb and i owe our marriage to by introducing us more than 7 years ago) is coming into town tonight for the weekend. he's here to run the chicago marathon, so on sunday you'll find us bar hopping, drinking bloody marys in between screaming with 1.5 million other fans for our favorite runner. GO AL!

so. we are homeowners! yay! three cheers for responsibility and debt! and incomplete pipes and scratched floors and closets that won't close! our punchlist is at least three pages long, but we're promised that it will all be taken care of. in time. in the meantime, we absolutely adore our 2 bed/2 bath condo and i just want to stay home from work every day to hug the walls and kiss the counters. and cook. i haven't really made a proper meal in my new kitchen yet, and i'm dying to do so. namely, pozole rojo. man, that sounds delicious. and i think i might be the only person i know who always has hominy in my pantry. er...cabinet. what i wouldn't give for a pantry....

i've learned more in the past two weeks than in the previous two years, i think. about mortgages, homeowners insurance, inspections, sump pumps, garbage disposals, security systems, washing machines, the returns process at home depot. and what NOT to do next time. but it is all wonderful. and i can do laundry in my OWN HOUSE! and shower in my choice of two showers. and knock a hole in the wall if i want to because it's mine, all mine!

so i might be absent here for longer stretches than normal while i finish making my home and get over this cold/allergy/sinus infection thing that seems to have settled into my face. maybe i'll run into you at home depot or the container store.

i'm trying to keep my mind off of things, so here are a few things that i'm keeping myself busy with these days:

flickr: this bedroom series is fascinating to me.

etsy (still): i want some t-shirts.

the west elm sale.

back-reading designsponge.

these prints. i can't stop looking at them. i MUST have 2 or 3 of them for my new house.

work. seriously. it has picked up for me a bit over the last week or two and i couldn't be more thrilled.

i'm going to a fun (i hope) foodie event tonight. i even bought new shoes to wear for it.

aaaah we're moving on friday. we will OWN PROPERTY! it blows my mind so much i need a drink. good news because in about 3 hours i will get one. with gin. which is fine by me.

so hubb and i went to austin and spent four days with family, eating, drinking, remembering. it was great to see everyone, to meet my cousin's 5 month old, Sophie, and go through old photographs with my grandma. aside from all of the men in the family injuring themselves during the trip, the weekend was a success.

1-my uncle arrives in austin and promptly goes to the emergency room to have a foreign object removed from his thumb. (still not sure what happened there.)
2-my father pulls his shoulder while throwing the very first trash bag of garbage hauled from my aunt Ve's house into the dumpster. he was out of commission after less than 5 minutes of work.
3-my other uncle Ed bites the pavement stepping out of the van on day 2 of cleaning out Ve's house. many bandages later, his knee is covered but he's out of the worker bee army.
4-my little brother, who sprained his ankle a week or two ago, walks backwards off a curb outside our hotel, tumbles to the ground, and (we later learned) ended up fracturing his ankle.
5-hubb drinks a bit too much saturday night, spends sunday traveling and praying that his head will give him a break, and has now been dizzy for three days straight. there's no way it is can still be the alcohol, so he's off to the doctor to see why his head won't stop spinning.

as soon as we arrived in austin we also received news that our closing is pushed back a week to allow the builder to finish our unit properly. it probably works out for the best anyway, because now we have another solid weekend to pack. i'm still antsy, though. i'm ready to be in My Home.

i'm feeling a little lost. maybe it's the upcoming move and signing on the dotted line and all, maybe it's my great aunt's memorial this friday, maybe it's the rain and fog, but i'm sort of melancholy and self-doubting about everything lately. my skills, my job, my decisions, my style. just everything. it sucks, but i am not so sure what to do about it quite yet.

i keep deciding that i'm going to quit my job, sell all of my things, stop drinking, quit eating meat, and escape to somewhere in the mountains where i can be solitary and wear sweaters and no makeup and eat lots of potatoes and drink coffee on a porch. and maybe paint some more. but maybe just one of these things will improve my mental state.

i joined a gym but i haven't worked out yet. i may go after work if i can muster up some energy. but then again, i may not. i have to hem some dark jeans so i can wear them this weekend in austin.

we still have a lot of packing to do, but it is ever so stressful. i just want it to be over with.

now that i think of it, i bet the coming of fall is what's got me down and out of sorts. i love the fall, but the changing weather always does terrible things to me. plus the fact that all of my fall clothes are a size or two too small and all of my extra monthly moneys are now slated to paying for a mortgage rather than new pants.

plus, apparently i'm tick tocking away and i keep having dreams about being pregnant. (shh...don't tell hubb.) i know we're not ready but still...something is going on in there. my ovaries are whispering to each other while i sleep and it's making me think.

i also had a dream about my childhood dog, Chester, who died last thanksgiving. i dreamt i was holding him in my arms when he passed. i woke up crying and then couldn't fall back asleep for an hour, it was so real. which started my recent trend of waking up every night at 4:00 am on the dot and not falling back asleep until after 5. i want desperately to find some significance in that.

so if you know me and i become (or have already become) flaky and snappy, just ignore it. i'll hopefully make a turn for the better once one or two of my many stressors is behind me as i take another step up this mountain of my life.

so we had our yard sale, and we sold a ton of clothes to crossroads, and we sold our dining room table, and a printer, and still donated about $400 worth of stuff (probably more, we tend to underestimate). we made enough money to buy our new dining room table, but then we went on a date and bought a great danish modern buffet to use as a dresser and a huge mirror from a thrift store. now we only have about 75% of the money for our new dining room table, but that's a start. and it makes me happy.

i'm now off to a gym for an introduction and tour and a possibility of giving them a bunch of money so that i may be guilted into visiting said gym so that i will sweat and in turn, lose 10-15 pounds. wish me luck.

be forewarned...Longest Post Ever.

wow. i had a great wednesday. i got a terrific pair of shoes ON SALE at an EVEN GREATER DISCOUNT than marked because i haggled endlessly with the sales lady. (read: i said "there's an itty bitty speck of dirt right here on this shoe." she said "i'll give you an extra 20% off." i said "sold.") i love them and they are perfect and i will wear them and treasure them always. until it snows.

then i went to the k-mart to see the "Huge Makeover", which looked pretty much like the old k-mart, just with shorter shelving units. but i found the most adorable tea towels that will be a perfect christening to my brand new kitchen in the condo that we should be moving into IN LESS THAN A MONTH...which freaks me the hell out. but i'll have cute trendy fruity towels to have a nervous breakdown with after we move in. which will be comforting. and colorful. (look at the cute pears! and the scrumptious apples! oh my, and the oranges!) oh martha, you can sell me adorable housewares any day.

we are having sangria at work tomorrow to celebrate (i mean mourn) the end of summer (and our 3pm closing time on fridays), so i bought fruit and brandy and mixed all of that stuff up so it could sit overnight and ferment and absorb and become delicious. tomorrow is also a coworkers birthday, so i made him (dont' laugh) pigs in a blanket. (i couldn't help repeating under my breath the whole time "i've had it with these mother****ing pigs in these mother****ing blankets!") i realized that i don't think i have ever actually eaten a pig in a blanket, let alone made them, but i put together about 4 dozen of them last night. not like it's hard using two ingredients and all, as much as i like to cook. i love to spend time in the kitchen, hours at a time even, and i love love love complicated recipes, meals that require intense multitasking and hours or preparation. but i hate monotonous labor-intensive preparations for bite size food. why should i waste my precious time making pretty little things that you will devour in one bite? i find it maddening and i prefer to spend my time making apricot bourbon barbecue sauce or risotto or something that yields more than one mouthful. which is why i do not serve canapes or hors d'oeuvres (are they the same thing anyway?) at my parties. i have no patience for it. so anyway, i started to humor myself by naming my little piggies, then i dropped one on the floor and felt badly because i had just personified him by naming him boris.

i have to share my joy in finally finding a lipgloss to replace one i purchased probably in 1999 that was discontinued. it seems that all cosmetics that i fall in love with end up being discontinued, and this pink and gold shiny (NOT SPARKLY) gloss by revlon streetwear was the first to jump on that wagon and speed away from me. once i found out i could not purchase it at my local drugstore anymore i scoured the internet for backstock, only coming up with one lousy tube which has maybe two tiny thin applications left in but i continue to save it. i've purchased dozens of similar shades which have all proved to be no match for the perfect gloss. until now. ulta has, in their super shiny lip gloss line, a color called goddess (which is a perfect name, really) that is a perfect replacement. yay for ulta and yay for my steadfast searching for my perfect shade. now i need to buy a case or two, please. it will probably be discontinued by winter.

and finally, we're having a yardsale on saturday, so if you know me and you know where i live and you need some stuff that we don't need anymore, please stop by. we'll have coffee makers, dishes, tchotchkes, lamps, cookware, and lots of other crap too. for cheap. we also have a nice bamboo and glass dining room table with 4 chairs for sale for $200. i'll throw in a tchotchke or two for free. and a hug if you take if off my hands by the end of the weekend.

what's making me happy this week:

• blik Iron Vines on their way to me for my new bedroom. cocoa brown agains pale blue walls. i can't wait to decorate.
• this Amy Ruppel print aptly entitled "new home" because, as you can see, i have the upcoming move to the new condo on the brain. this print makes me smile. it makes me happy. i want it. alas, it is sold.
• a new necklace my friend Hillary of Sans Couture has made for me. i shall have it on friday and i can't wait.
• the new blue q line, hot and flashy. i purchased the pear lip balm and it is divine. and i simply adore the deco packaging.
• browsing through my great aunt's 1960 helen corbitt cookbook. she used it so much that the first 5 or 6 pages have fallen out and the spine is duct taped together. i can tell the recipes she loved from the amount of splatter on the pages. she also taped a recipe for brandied sweet potatoes to the inside front cover that i have to make at thanksgiving this year, it looks so delicious. the book is a fabulous read, and i plan to put a post together using recipes from the cookbook sometime soon.
• browsing through my great aunt's recipe box. i found her recipe for my great grandmother's pecan pie, and i am determined to become a master at it, even though i am really not a fan of pecan pie (unless a certain friend of mine made it and it is has bourbon and chocolate in it).
• i will be a homeowner in less than a month! woot!

my few days in austin: exhausting, overfed, inspiring, educational, depressing, hot. but it really us a dry heat. this was my first trip to the southwest. ever. i can't wait to go back, for a vacation rather than a family emergency. austin is huge and full of life and music and food, oh my god the food. i can never eat barbecue again unless it comes from texas. and i just may need to learn to like pecans.

my aunt ve had an interesting life. i learned more about her in three days than in an entire life of knowing her. like her name. it is leona vivian. i never knew that. it's too bad the name leona is forever tarnished in my mind from a rediculously large portioned local chain. it really is a beautiful name.

we found photos, albums, ancient memories from people i've never met. my great grandmother's pecan pie recipe, telegrams from my great uncle dale's days at war, cotton combs from days on the farm, my great grandmother's wedding ring. and probably a hundred pairs of scissors. we all feel secure by different means, i suppose. and photos of my father as a child. and my grandfather who i barely knew.

i hope ve is resting peacefully.

this photo was likely from the early 40's, when ve was around 20 years old.

ok, so the airport wasn't all that bad, until we had to come home and got delayed due to lightning and some stupid paris hilton wannabe cut in line and then tried to steal a cab from the rest of us patiently waiting in line at midway at 1 am. florida was hot and sticky and we ate too much and hugged too much and debated too much between different generations with different frames of mind and comfort levels and ideas of what is "right". and we went on the Diva Duck and while looking at d-list celebrity homes i received the phone call notifying me of my Aunt Ve's passing. it was a bizarre experience, learning such news while a tour guide on a bus in the intercoastal waterway danced to ricky martin and told us about how the guy who invented slim fast lived next door to cilene dion's mother. so i'm back to the airport (sans gels and liquids) tomorrow to go to austin to sort through thomas kinkade paintings and other precious belongings in my late Aunt Ve's condo. i think i'm through being upset and am mostly just sad and a little bit lost about the whole thing, not having seen my Aunt Ve in any state of distress over her condition as her health failed and her mind wandered. i remember her smiling and watching us play balderdash at our family reunion last october, before she found out she was going to die of cancer a month before her 81st birthday. we're not having a funeral, but a memorial next month, on the anniversary of her birth in 1925. we will celebrate her life, mourn our loss, then we'll spend the weekend together, as a family, one woman less and two babies more than last year.

short snippets, sort of in sync with my frame of mind right now:

1. i watched The Notebook last night. i'm still crying on the inside and my eyes are still puffy and sore from a solid hour and a half of bawling my eyes out. (but oh my god ryan gosling is dreamy.)

2. what is up with airport security, dude? just because somebody figured out a way to mix chemicals together to make something harmful (duh) and disguise them in everyday products doesn't mean that i should have to fly without my lipgloss. no toothpaste? no deodorant? no hand lotion? i might die on my trip to florida tomorrow with all of my gels and lotions and liquids stashed "safely" out of reach in my checked bag. my security blanket of just-in-case items won't be accessible, and i promise i will think about it from the time i leave for the airport until the time i pick up my suitcase (hopefully intact) from baggage claim in ft. lauderdale. i may need to drink heavily at the airport bar before i board my plane. it's a damned good thing i'm not taking more than a 2 hour flight anytime soon.

3. my great aunt ve is steadily and rapidly declining, and her doctor has given her less than two weeks to live. i am on call to fly to austin to help settle her estate and plan her memorial service, and it is tearing me apart. i'm not one for patience to begin with, and when you're playing the waiting game for the death of a loved one, it is heavy and emotional and terrible. it is hard to move forward with your life and take trips and host visitors knowing that any day you'll be mourning. so pardon me if i'm a little disconnected for the next few weeks. i'm trying to stay distracted.

4. i really really really don't like humidity.

5. i really really really wish it was october.

so i'm obsessed with Etsy lately. it's sort of like ebay for crafters, but without the worn shoes, cons, and shitty estate sale junk. i'm particularly enamored with these fine items:

on the left, cute cute precious metal clay pendants from SueQuigley. the leaf necklace is so hippie chic. in the middle, adorable silver metalgami by Hapa. man, i want the little catamaran so bad. on the right, intricate colorful pendants from Fiery Lion Designs. i will take one in each color, pretty please. these sort of remind me of my long time lust, Small Things. especially the original small necklace, both the deco poppy in jade green and the swallow in dark blue, please. thank you.

i've been lack with my jewelry making lately, but i am considering posting some items on Etsy. we'll see.

hot. this weekend was hot. and sweaty. but fun. and hot.

1. our annual office bbq. lots of eating, some swimming (i haven't been in a pool for ages!) and everybody seeing me in my swimsuit. which was great. but i got to make margaritas and blue cheese biscuits and i didn't even have any leftover at the end of the day. which makes me very very happy.

2. phoenix! at the double door! oh my god it was the best show i've ever been to. i want to go again tonight. and tomorrow. and every night forever! they put on a remarkably smooth and wonderfully dance-inducing show. and even though i sweated about 17 gallons directly from my face, i still had fun. and i don't like to sweat so that's saying quite a bit about how wonderful the show was. but i would sweat that much again just to have it be friday night at the double door tonight. plus, thomas mars is the cutest. i want to go to france and dance with him. while he sings to me as the rest of the band plays backup. sorry, hub. i haven't swooned after a rock show like that since i was 19. sigh.

3. pitchfork. eh. it was hot. the dj tent was super fun, but i didn't enjoy my sweaty self as much as i had the night before. plus, i bought a $5 necklace and it made my neck and chest break out in a dirty nasty rash, which was not flattering at all. not that my matted sweaty hair and sticky pants were flattering, but the rash didn't help one bit. so i went late sunday and was sort of off all day anyway. but riding bicycles there and home was nice. no sweaty smelly bus rides where my short stature makes my face about the height of everybody's armpits.

i've been pretending to start a food blog but haven't really gotten started yet...i can make tons of excuses about why, but here are just three:

1. i am very very busy.

2. i don't have a refrigerator in my apartment that works properly. and by properly i mean at all. our fridge died last week, filling our home with an awful burnt metal and plastic smell. we plum burnt the motor out, which i can't decide to attribute to a) the fact that it is to freaking hot in our kitchen when i cook that condensation immediately forms on all of the food when you open the door, b) we don't clean behind the fridge (do people really do that?) and it got clogged with cat hair, or c) we open and close the door so much that we just wore out the poor little thing. in any case, it died, and in a strange lucky turn of events our upstairs neighbors have moved out and we had keys to the apartment. so all of our food is in the kitchen above ours. so i haven't been cooking because i don't like to sweat and running up and down the stairs each time i need some chicken stock or cheese or butter really sucks. i've been drinking less, too. at home, anyway.

3. it is hot.

so, i will come up with a delicious recipe soon and my photographer (my husband, in return for eating the food that i cook) and i will put together a post shortly. until then, au revoir.

so, i went sailing.



and it was totally fun.

my great aunt Ve has cancer. it is in her lungs, and it is also in her breasts. she's been sick for about a year, in and out of the hospital, in and out of chemo, in constant discomfort and fear. recently her well trusted doctor discontinued her chemo and admitted her, indefinitely, to the hospital so that she may have 24 hour care. this greatly displeases her, but her kidneys are failing. she is uncomfortable and frightened. she is my father's mother's sister, who we've always adopted as our second grandma.

my paternal grandmother had three children, two boys and a girl. her eldest son (my father) had two children, remarried and adopted two daughters. my aunt had two daughters, one of which had one son recently, and the other of which recently birthed the second daughter of three children. my uncle, my grandmother's youngest son, married late and adopted his wife's daughter. my aunt Ve is a widow with no children. i get the feeling that aunt Ve always felt pitifuly adopted by us, by her younger sister's family. she often spent many holidays alone, of her own free will.

she is a feisty woman, decisive, stubborn, but also genuine and generous. today she is lying in a hospital bed in austin with friends surrounding her, the telephone ringing off the hook from family members in california, virginia, new jersey, florida..but not chicago. i haven't called. i don't call because i don't know what to say to this woman. this woman who has been nothing but kind to me, who has had a falling out at some point with everyone in the family except me, who has always stuck up for me and loved me like her own grandchild. i've sent flowers and cards and gifts, but i haven't called. i don't feel that i can convincingly convey the feelings of pain and hope and sadness and love that i have for her over the telephone, though i know that the calls cheer her up. i'd rather fly out and tell her in person, though i know i'd end up crying at her bedside. but i've been told not to come, i can't do much there. i have never had to give comfort to someone who is dying and i have no clue how to handle it. i have little comfort for myself, how can i give it to Ve? i feel like the worst person for letting time pass, when she has so little of it left. this woman who i love. but i just can't and it feels so awful.

i'm not writing this for pity's sake. i dont' deserve any. i'm writing to give homage to a strong and wonderfully alive woman who does not have long to live. i'm also selfishly writing this to give myself comfort. i love my aunt Ve with all of my heart, and even though i can't call, i think of her always. i hope she knows, i hope she reads my words in the cards that i send. i hope she knows that i love her. i love you, aunt Ve.

so i'm wearing a dress today (yes, a dress!) which is not my normal attire at work, or anywhere that is not a special catered event. it is poufy and a little hippyish, and makes my lovehandles look like a monster truck tire around my waist, but it's cute. and i feel girly. i may do this more often.

i got a haircut yesterday, and my wonderful stylist and i decided that next time we're going short. one of the other stylists at the salon (who was a girl) had this adorable haircut, wavy like mine, brown like mine, but short in the back and sort of bangy in the front. hard to communicate in words, but i'll post a photo of myself when i have her haircut in 3-4 months. my stylist is so wonderful because he loves my hair and asked me to make sure we have double time for my short haircut so he can make sure i'm really ready and that i totally 100% love it when i leave. he is so wonderful i hope he never leaves chicago or I WILL DIE. i had nearly 3 years of terrible unflattering haircuts after moving here from virginia, and i've finally found someone who understands my locks and makes me pretty every time i see him. he is my hero.

tonight i'm babysitting for my friend's sister who is in town for the weekend. the two couples want an evening out, so i offered to watch the 1 year old baby boy for the evening. so hubb and i have an exciting evening of watching tv, drinking wine, and constantly checking on a sleeping child that is not ours. should be fun.

if you're shopping for my birthday early this year, i really really really want this for my new bed. it is on sale and it is only $300. you should totally get it for me. thank you.