5 things i didn't expect from my dinner at schwa last night:

1. to really really REALLY enjoy the quail egg ravioli. i was hesitant about this course, and expected to be thrown off by the texture, slimy, raw and eggy....but instead it was delightful and probably the best thing i have ever put in my mouth. fo real. definitely the highlight of the dinner for me.

2. to overhear a conversation about glory holes.

3. to discover that the person discussing glory holes was someone we knew. in a 26 seat restaurant on a random thursday night, neither of us living in the neighborhood, and we see shylo, at the table next to us no less. it's a small small glorious world.

4. to be served the leftover south african dessert wine from the table next to us after they left. thanks shylo, it was delicious!

5. to shed a tear. the only course we forgot to photograph was a rose water sorbet palate cleanser. i got a little emotional tasting the rose water, it brought back memories of my childhood, of my mom, feelings of warmth and comfort and calm. considering how overwhelmed i got, it is a good thing it was only one bite.

i'll do the full round of photos and reviews this weekend after hubb adjusts the color in all of the pictures he took (it was really, really dark, and by the end of dinner all of our candles had gone out.) but it is safe to say that this was absolutely without a doubt the best meal i have ever had in my life.

this week has been a roller coaster. i went through this random bout of depression last week, which ran into this week making me rather useless and lumpy for a few days. i'm sort of back to normal, but it's taken a few major events to bring me back up. in no particular order: a new toy at work, a new dress...for DINNER AT SCHWA TONIGHT!, baking the most delicious muffins ever, joining my condo association board, and getting below my hump weight (the number i haven't been able to crack for 3 or 4 months....until this week. hopefully the downward trend on the scale continues). oh, and great news a large portion of my friends, which always cheers me up...a big fat congrats to the newly engaged, newly impregnated, soon-to-be homeowners, and all the other happy people i know.

one of my best friends is pregnant, 7-1/2 weeks. i have lots of other friends who are with child, but this one is my only local one, so i'll get to intimately observe her progress, the joys and the pains. she only found out two weeks ago, but with the sharing she's done so far, i'm beginning to question my desire to actually ever have children. really. the world is overpopulated anyway, and i don't have the strength to be nauseous all the time.

the seasons are finally changing, which is probably the impetus for all of these life changes people around me are going through. me, i'm sick to death of knee high socks and scarves, and the first few days of this week made me crazy with their cute shoe allowing warm temps. i am desperate for days of skirts and tank tops and flip flops and sweating because of the sun and not the sticky overdressed people on the bus. all i need is a change in wardrobe right now.

everything really is going just wonderfully for me right now, i just need to wrap myself around it all and stop dwelling on silly things. it's just silly. and silliness isn't going to get me anywhere. but that's probably my problem to begin with; right now i'm not going anywhere. just coasting. which is incredibly distressing to me.

10 things i've been doing rather than blogging:

1. watching the sopranos (we're on disc 2 of season 6!) and a few good movies (the science of sleep - LOVED it, babel - liked it...but am still depressed)
2. taking some photos, mostly of myself.
3. cutting my own hair because i can't get in to see my stylist to lighten up the back.
4. still trying to decide where to go next month for our anniversary. leaving the country is out because i'm not so sure i'll have a valid passport by then. everything is up in the air, and i'm almost considering a few days off work to just relax in chicago.
5. daydreaming about springtime and little cute shoes.
6. finally getting the office cleaned and decorated.
7. getting back into having cheap dates with the hubb.
8. getting amped up for schwa next thursday! (most definitely NOT a cheap date, but that's ok.)
9. ignoring the fact that my taxes need to get done.
10. starting posts then getting distracted and never finishing them.

so the d50 came yesterday (yay!), and i had a little bit of time to play with it last night. hubb gave me a 5 minute crash course in f-stops and apertures and ISOs, and then i realized i don't have a case for it so i can't carry it around with me just yet. and i only have a 256 card in my little elph (most of which is full with sentimental photos i keep on there all the time to look at longingly while i'm not near a computer....silly, i know), so i can't go around snapping a billion photos while i try to figure the new camera out. SO, we ordered me a fabulous neoprene case by zing, which are so incredibly phallic i can't stop giggling about them:

aren't they fabulously silly?! i am getting one more along the lines of the black one on the right. but the green one is just too disturbing, i had to share.

oh, i'm also getting a bigger memory card. which will be nice.

so until my d50 scuba suit arrives, i'll be elphing it for a few more days.

yeah, so it's been a little while. what's been going on?

-hubb received an honorable mention for his pinch salt and pepper set at the design within reach "Modern+Design+Function" exhibition last thursday. congrats, hubb!

-i didn't complain about his absence for two weeks of evenings while he was working on pinch and perforated (with our friend, hubwear founder, george aye) for the exhibition, and as a reward, i got a nikon d-50 for valentine's day. it actually just came today, and after i go to the gym tonight (ick) i'll start getting to know it.

-we finally got a storage space in our building, and have been slowly going through our mess of an office/studio/guestroom. we tackled a home improvement project of installing shelves in one of the closets, and now i have plenty of room for towels and sheets. (by "we" i mean hubb, actually.)

-i braised lamb shanks, and they were quite delicious.

-i baked zucchini bread, and it, too was quite delicious.

-i decided to can my short lived pretend-to-be-a-foodie-with-tons-of-time food blog, and merge the two here. food is a huge part of my life, after all. so why not celebrate food along side shoes and shopping and general ramblings? once i figure out how to merge the archives, the other site will be gone.

-we cancelled at least two planned lunches at hot doug's and now they're closed until march 5. damn. duck fat fries will have to wait.

-i've been busy (and have been really enjoying) work the past couple of weeks, which is nice.

-i've also been avoiding taxes. i know we have to do them soon, but i'm real scared.

at least i'm not pregnant.

randomness.

i'm still coughy and my throat has this sore spot that i just can't seem to kick. if i never get a cold again it will be too soon. at least i've lost 3 pounds while being sick with a very limited appetite for nearly 3 weeks. but don't fear, my snacktime urges and mealtime capacity are getting back to normal now that i can breathe again.

after a month of lackadaisically attempting to get my passport photos taken, i finally got it done this morning. mexico or montreal, get ready for a visit in april! i keep thinking that now i'm free to be whisked away to an exotic foreign location for a long weekend. (hubb, are you reading this?)

i have this (probably annoying) habit of relentlessly talking up products that i love to friends and family. i get called out all the time for sounding like a used car salesman trying to convince someone to try a new lotion, restaurant or service. here are a few that i've been feverishly selling lately:

• i-go car sharing service. i can't stress enough how much this car-sharing service has changed our lives. hubb and i have been car-free for about two years, and since embracing i-go, we don't see a need for our own personal vehicle anytime soon. our bi-weekly grocery/errand stints using our i-go membership run us about $60 a month, a fraction of what we were paying in car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance. (not to mention the occasional parking ticket for forgetting to move the car during street cleaning or some other nonsense.) it is so simple and convenient and worry-free. yay for i-go!
  
• the body shop body butter. i have had at least 3 people in the last three days complain to me about dry skin, and i sing about body butter every time. i used to have the most painful dry skin in winter, but now i use a body butter every morning and my skin is smooth and soft and moisturized, without the greasiness of shea butter and cocoa butter products. i particularly love the almond and satsuma scents.
  
• smith's rosebud salve. this stuff is magic. burns, chapped hands, rashes, tissue-rubbed noses, this salve works wonders on every skin ailment. it also makes a great lip balm. it doesn't smell mediciney, it is soft and non-greasy, soaking into skin without leaving shiny residue. and it's inexpensive. i can't live without it. in fact, i gave mine away a few weeks ago to a friend with a raw nose from a cold, and i've been going nuts without it. burt's bees makes a similar product, res-q ointment, but it has a medicine scent that i just can't deal with.
  
• pamela barsky's mid-century piggy bank. oh my god i love this thing. i bought one for myself, then i bought 6 more to save for gifts. it is so perfect for baby showers, housewarmings, birthdays, weddings, anything! it's small and discrete enough to blend in to nearly any decor, large enough to hold a good amount of change, adorable without being tacky, and it comes with starter money. what more could you ask for? i love love love it!
  
• jiffy mixes. in particular, the pizza and biscuit mixes. i love to cook, but hate to measure, and these are my savior at least once a week. i use the pizza crust all the time (last night, even!) and it's delicious. the corn muffin mix is totally yummy, especially if you mix some frozen corn into the mix (just reduce the amount of milk you use by a little bit). and the biscuit mix, though i hate to reveal it, are the secret to my mini blue cheese biscuits that i make all the time for parties. (with a little orange marmalade....delish!) and who can resist the 1950's packaging? not me. my cupboards are always stocked with jiffy. i know i've raved about it before, but i just can't stop talking about them!

i feel another coughing fit coming on. where is the end to this cold?

so i've been kind of down recently, i've been sick off and on for two weeks, and am currently fighting an ear infection (probably two, my other ear is feeling it now), a sinus infection, and a severe cold. i have spent 6 of the last 14 days in bed (or on the couch), and have pooped out on plenty of fun plans. it's a bummer. plus it's really damned cold and i badly need a haircut and i haven't done any proper grocery shopping in a long time.

nothing exciting here.

so here's a totally worthless story:

last night i ran an errand which ended up taking me to the front door of carson pirie scott that is closing downtown. i've been inside for the start of the liquidation sale, and only spent about $20, more than half of which was a gift. but the discounts last night had risen from 20-50% off to 50-70% off, so i thought i'd give it one more whirl. it was pretty desolate, lots of muddy diamond jewelry, damaged clothing, stacks of ugly shoes in sizes too big for me anyway. i tried on a vera wang nightgown, but decided against it as it was still more than i need to be spending on another piece of sleepwear. i picked through the kitchenwares, almost bought a $4 silicone angel food cake pan, when i remembered i have nowhere to put it in my overstuffed cabinets.

with empty arms i was tiring, wearing out. my last stop was in the dresses section, where a young girl and her trailer trash mom were trying on strapless aquamarine and hot pink floor length prom dresses to wear to a wedding next weekend. (not kidding.) trying not to listen to the mother's comments, ("it is floor length so it doesn't show off so much of your bod. maybe you should look for a shorter one.") i found a few cute pieces, and decided that at 60% off i could risk having one of them fit me perfectly. two did. it was a miracle. the first was a simple black jersey knit that i might go back tonight to buy. the second was a brown rough silk cocktail dress, with ruching (slimming!) at the bust and a gorgeous teal satin ribbon at the empire waist which tied at the back. it fit perfectly. perfectly. that means a ton coming from a petite but chubby girl who has probably never, not once, had an item of clothing fit exactly as it should right off the rack. this dress was a dream. a beautiful brown silk dream with a big snag in the fabric on the left boob. i didn't notice it as i pulled it off the rack, but there it was, staring at me in the dressing room mirror. i tried to smooth it out, i brainstormed how it could be masked, hidden, i literally shed a tear because it was so perfect except for this one major flaw in the finish. i pouted and i put it back, and also the cute black jersey dress, just to spite myself. and i went home, broken, beaten by the stupid sale. i tried so hard to find something to purchase, and i failed. i'm losing my shopping edge. it's really very sad.

so today i do a quick search for the maker of the dress and the word "brown". and of course google found it. or i should say found one. in my size. new with tags on ebay. i'm torn. and materialistic and self centered. i want the dress, and i could have it.

but really, what occasion do i have to wear a cocktail dress to? in february? even if it is a color that looks stunning on me, in a cut that is flattering to my figure and a price that is reasonable? i guess i'll pass. it only took me 20 minutes of typing to decide that. nor that it won't help me continue the little grumpy dump i'm in right now. bleh.

merriam-webster word of the day:

katzenjammer \KAT-zun-jam-er\ noun
*1 : hangover 2 : distress 3 : a discordant clamor
Example sentence: The morning after the wedding, Pamela woke up with a blinding katzenjammer.

i am in love with this word. i will be using it every chance i get from here on out. you've been warned.

i've been away, mostly because i had a terribly debilitating cold that really, really kicked my ass. i was in bed (on the couch) for three and a half days, and i'm still a little stuffy and weak. i think i read 7 cookbooks in between sleeping on the couch, and came up with some great recipes that i only had the energy to make two of on sunday when i was feeling a little bit better. i will post those soon.

speaking of which, i'm thinking of throwing in the towel to the uneducated chef, and just using this forum for my general bullcrap with some recipes and reviews and food stuff thrown in. i can't keep up with two blogs. i am so not cut out for web 2.0.

i am missing girltime and am getting a drink with a friend tonight (i sure hope i don't have a ripping katzenjammer tomorrow!) and maybe a girlie movie night next week. another friend of mine is pregnant (wtf is going on with all of these pregnant people right now?) and i need to hang out with some friends who are not reproducing for a while and drink wine and celebrate our empty wombs and ability to wake up with killer katzenjammers without the guilt of poisoning anyone but ourselves. woo!

random fridayness:

richard sweeney is incredible and amazing. and kind of cute.

in 24 hours i am FINALLY going to hot dougs. i'm already drooling in anticipation of the duck fat fries.

in two months, i am FINALLY going to schwa. finally. oh my god two months is so far away!

i just learned that there is a le creuset outlet in aurora. anyone want to take a road trip (after my credit card cycle starts over)?

i'm just glad it's friday and tomorrow i can sleep in.

so, in a little less than 3 months hubb and i will have been married for 4 years. for our 5-er we are planning a trip to europe (and an addition to my ring finger, hopefully), but for this year we're not quite sure what we'd like to do. at one year we were very very poor, but hubb still surprised me with dinner and a night at the sofitel. for year number two we were also very very poor and hubb was oh-so-inconveniently sent to italy for a business trip, on a plane that was scheduled to depart on our anniversary. so i sucked it up and popped on over to hawaii to visit my best friend for a week. we spent our wedding anniversary exactly half the earth away from each other. last year we made up for it by taking an amazing trip up the west coast, from los angeles to san francisco and had a blast. it will be hard to live up to.

this year there are four options:
1. portland, oregon. never been, great food scene, wine country nearby.
2. san diego, california. never been, it will be warm, the ocean is nearby.
3. montreal, quebec. never been, hear it is "paris of north america", out of the country!
4. guadalajara, mexico. never been to mexico, it will be warm, tacos, the town of tequila is nearby!

we're leaning towards hightailing it out of the us, though not far, so quebec and guadalajara are our top runners right now. unless a fifth option pops up, or someone (that's you, reader) gives me some pointers......

i had probably the most girly weekend ever. a friend came into town friday to suprise one of my closest chicago friends at her birthday dinner on saturday, then we suprised that friend AGAIN with a party with 20 of her closest friends at my house after dinner. then ANOTHER suprise with ANOTHER out of town friend and her fiance. THEN....pedicures and shopping and eating lots of food on sunday. which was also....a suprise for the birthday girl. it was really wonderful and smiley and happy, and now suprising people is my new favorite thing. i think we made her 30th birthday the most memorable one yet, which is exactly what girlfriends are for.

i ate way too much food, drank far too much champagne, wine and cocktails, and didn't get nearly enough sleep. so i'm a little out of it today, but at least i have freshly painted toenails and new boots.

in other news, i cracked a tooth and i have to get a cap. luckily my tooth is in good condition (other than the fact that it is falling apart) so a root canal is not necessary. i've done that once and i hope to never go through it again, thank you very much. in the meantime, my dentist has filed the edge of the chipped tooth so that it doesn't cut my tongue, (which it does anyway) so i now have a huge gap in between two of my teeth for food to get stuck in. so i'm getting shit stuck in there, which irritates my gums, so i floss, which irritates them even more, and i can't get into the damned dentist again to be fitted for the cap for another month. if i appear grumpy you now know why. and i will be much grumpier two weeks after that appointment when i have to go in to have the cap put on and then pay nearly $400 for the damned thing.

i had some other nice things to share, but i'm pissed off now thinking about my stupid tooth. maybe someone will suprise me and cap it for free while i sleep tonight.

so, in november 2004 hubb and i purchased a sofa from room and board. and we loved it. a year later the cushions started to pull apart at the seams. and we were upset. hubb called customer service to ask about the warranty, to learn that there is a lifetime warranty. yay! so they sent a sewer out to hand sew the cushions back together. a few months later they started to pull again. another phone call was made, and voila! we are now in the "reselection process" to exchange our 2 year old sofa for a new upgraded piece. room and board definitely knows what they're doing here. two years ago we purchased a low end sofa, what we could afford at the time, and now, on top of the credit we're receiving from our original purchase, we're spending nearly the same amount to upgrade to a nicer couch. but where else can you get all your money back for a piece of furniture TWO YEARS after you bought it? i don't know. which is why room and board has two loyal customers for life now.

we're going for a more vintage silhouette, and a louder color. we're not afraid of being vibrant anymore, and a bright paprika red sofa is just the thing to finish off our new living room.

we should have it by the end of the month! we may have to have a new sofa party to celebrate. so now, (not wanting to spend $200 on pillows,) i'm on a search for that black and white damask fabric so i can make some new pillows to put on my new sofa.

To carry on with tradition:

Top 5 things I learned in 2006:
1. i should not wear heels over 2" in height.
2. we CAN buy a house!
3. when you own your house, you have to fix things yourself.
4. i'm not ready to have babies, and that's ok.
5. not everybody has ulterior motives all the time. don't be so suspicious.

Top 5 most wonderful ingestions of 2006:
1. rhubarb gimlet at lula cafe. so good it should get 3 of the top 5 spots here.
2. Pan-Roasted Skate Wing, Peruvian Potato, Hericot Vert & Beurre Noisette at the underground restaurant.
3. pozole rojo.
4. milliondollarcheese (ash marbled chevre from Capriole).
5. goat cheese truffles.

Top 5 events I participated in in 2006:
1. seeing the west coast for the first time in about 15 years. visiting sf for the first time ever. napa, sonoma, san luis obispo, santa barbara. i couldn't have asked for a better anniversary.
2. swapping christmas ornaments with total strangers, knowing that my crafts are around the world and receiving some remarkable items in return.
3. hosting my second ever thanksgiving, this time in my own home. having unrelated family and friends from all three coasts meet to eat at my house.
4. Phoenix at the double door.
5. watching our friend from boston, Alex, run the chicago marathon.

Top 5 sad things of 2006:
1. the loss of my great aunt Ve. she will always be missed.
2. learning of Settimana's closing. it will be missed.
3. hubb getting hit by a car. he was ok, but it was terrible nonetheless.
4. the flood. very scary for first time homebuyers, less than a week after closing.
5. saying goodbye to four good friends that moved away. - chicago misses you guys!

Top 5 happy things of 2006:
1. buying a house! we. own. our. home. it's a feeling i'm still not quite used to, but i am in love with the fact that we can break or replace or paint or install whatever we want in our very own little piece of chicago. (and hiring movers. best decision we made during the whole process.)
2. 3 new babies in the family, my cousins having babies less than two weeks apart last spring, bringing us a little boy, Carter, and a sweet little girl, Sophie, and my sister having her first child in october, little Brenae.
3. hubb and i reaching a personal financial milestone. i won't talk specifics, but we're much better off than we ever have been and it's quite comforting to know so.
4. learning of friends' engagements (3), marriages (2), pregnancies (4), and births (1).
5. getting in better touch with my family. spending time together and making plans for the future.

Top 5 discoveries of 2006:
1. De Martino 2004-05 organic Cabernet
2. Wheach. oh my god, Wheach.
3. pozole rojo.
4. felt.
5. i-go.

Top 5 blogs of 2006:
1. go fug yourself
2. fancy toast
3. etsy
4. design sponge
5. tiny showcase

Top 5 excitements for 2007:
1. my girlfriend lindsay having her first baby this summer.
2. my best friend gina's commencement in atlanta in may.
3. losing 10 pounds. COME ON, EMILY, YOU CAN DO IT!
4. getting a new couch.
5. an addition to our little family.....maybe we'll get a dog?

Resolutions. (and how well I did)

2004
1. Get in shape. (Didn't actually gain much weight, but didn't get fit, either.)
2. Be less judgmental, less critical, and more accepting of others. (learned to forgive others, ignore faults, and accept people for who they are, but remained painfully critical.)
3. Monthly budget. (Nope.)
4. Find better employment. (Got a better job, quit exactly one year later for a better better job.)
5. Be more adventurous. (Moved into the city (gasp!), got a new job, tackled scary New York City.)

2005
1. Get in shape. (Actually gained 10 pounds)
2. Be less judgmental and less critical. (Got in trouble with my judgmental and critical self, hurt some feelings, and made a total ass of myself.)
3. Spend more money paying off loans and less on new crap. (Bought lots and lots of new crap, and paid the loans down just a little bit. Saved nothing.)
4. Be more crafty. (Learned to make jewelry.)
5. Be less controlling of my kitchen domain, and let Hubb do some cooking. (Let Hubb cook maybe one meal. When I wasn't home.)

2006
1. Lose 10 pounds. (Joined a gym. Gained another 5 pounds.)
2. Drop the snotty attitude and just plain enjoy people. (I actually think I did pretty well with this one.)
3. Buy fewer things, but nicer things. (Bought lots of things. And a nice house. And a Le Creuset soup pot that will likely outlive me.)
4. Make more jewelry and sell some of it. (Made less jewelery, but made a lot of things with felt. Which I gave away.)
5. Learn how to cook something fancy. (Learned that I can actually bake pretty well, that braising is not scary but actually pretty easy and wonderfully delicious, learned how to make truffles and biscotti, and discovered how to make the perfect pork loin.)

And now for 2007
1. Lost 10-15 pounds. (use my gym membership, eat less cheese, drink less wine)
2. Be responsible and more knowledgeable about the large purchase we made in 2006, especially the tax implications. (read our condo docs, talk to our lawyer)
3. Sell something I make. (etsy)
4. Travel somewhere new. (Montreal, anyone?)
5. Let things go. (keep reminding myself that I cannot possibly control everything, all the time.)

And a bonus: Watch my friends have babies and stop feeling guilty that I'm not ready.

So I think I did ok last year, except for the weight thing, but isn't that everybody's resolution every year? I'm pretty comfortable with myself, just a little camera shy sometimes, and I still refuse to throw away some of my favorite clothes that I know aren't particularly flattering on me. But I want to be in a better shape so that I do not get winded as I run to catch the train, pull muscles as I carry groceries or walk up more than about a dozen stairs. And fit into my skinny jeans again. I miss those guys.

Happy 2007, dear friends. Hubb and I had a wonderful (though long and tiring) holiday in Virginia, and we're glad to be back home to start the new year. This year will likely be less momentous than last year, but that's a-ok with me. A calm and uneventful year is just what we need, I think. That way I can concentrate on making time to go to the gym.

dear santa,

this year i've been really good. i haven't broken any laws (i think), i haven't stolen anything, and i haven't intentionally done harm to others. i donated money to charity at least twice, i've done a lot of nice things for friends, i've handed out compliments and homemade goodies with no expectation of anything in return, and i have given the panflute player at my el stop at least $10 over the course of 3 months. in return for being such a good girl in 2006, i have a few items on my wishlist that i'd appreciate it if you would take care of for me.

1. a new camera. i love my little cannon, but i would really love a digital slr. everyone else i know has one so i want one, too.

2. dinner at schwa. please see my previous post. it would be nice if it were a table for two so hubb could join me. but if you can't swing two seats, i understand.

3. can you make me like 2 inches taller? is that possible? if not, i'd like some pants that i don't have to hem, please.

4. the black pair of shoes in the center of the photo below in size 6.5.

5. a light blue eames rocker.

6. an all expenses paid trip to paris or rome or barcelona. i'd be happy with any of the three, i'm not picky.

7. any of these items from etsy.

8. a good wine shop/coffee shop/deli to open around the corner from my house.

9. a day at a spa in the mountins somewhere with a girlfriend or two.

10. a really nice bonus check on my desk at work when i get back from the holidays.

thank you and good luck delivering all those presents next week. if it's easier for you, i can wait until the new year for my gifts.

sincerely,
emily

lots of blah blah blah-ing, so watch out.

ok, so it's december and it's rainy and i hate it. i want it to be freezing cold and snowy and icy and fireplace-use-worthy. but alas, instead it just sucks. boo chicago. for shame.

we're heading out to virginia to see the family for the holidays, and though i'm excited about seeing lots of family members and friends i rarely get to see, and meet others for the first time (my 2 month old neice and hopefully my pregnant friend's tiny baby filled belly,) i'm less than enthusiastic about the driving. 2300 miles of driving. next week we'll make up for a year's worth of not owning a car.

we're ready for gifting in my house....almost. i've nixed a few crafts and have finished sewing, but i have a bit of baking/chocolating to do. i have a double batch of doublechocolate biscotti to dip in chocolate and almonds tonight, then bag and label for gifts. i'm going to take a break for a while from baking anything that requires two rounds in the oven plus an assembly session. last night i finished the last two teddies for the baby girls in the family. (they have little white button noses, though it's hard to tell from the photo.)

in other news, i am sort of obsessed with the idea of eating at schwa very very soon. does this post not make you drool? hubb and i decided that a dinner there would be one of our anniversary presents to each other this year, but i can not wait until april. someone could make a girl very very happy by taking her to eat a 10-course tasting at schwa in the immediate future. and they better have the sweetbreads on the menu when a visit finally occurs.

since wearing a pair of simple black pumps last weekend that are a tad too high for my little feet, i have lost feeling in two of my toes. this happens to me ocassionally, and i should take the message and stop wearing heels and start buying more cute flats. i like the second part of that remedy, but i really really love my simple black pumps, and the adorable retro red peep-toes, AND the d'orsay heels that i've really only worn once but pull out and look at every now and then. but the health of my feet should come first, and i simply should not venture into the above 2" heel range. i can probably live without most of my taller heels if i had to, with the exception of the simple black pointy pumps. they are a staple in my wardrobe, whether i can walk in them at the end of the night or not. so i've been trolling zappos for a new pair and have come up with three finalists:

the first pair are interesting, but maybe too low for little me and my "long pants" i like to wear. the second are by lumiani, a brand i adore and and a height i can wear with no pain. the third pair have little gel pads on the heel and the foot bed! how cool is that? i'm leaning towards the middle because i have a pair of lumianis that i can wear for days at a time with no problem. that would be a nice attribute for the little black shoe of my dreams.

while looking around i have also remembered my lust for a low or flat red shoe. again, i have three finalists:

so the first are cute and look comfy. the middle are adorable, and i like the orangy-ness. the third are super pointy so may not be so comfy. oh decisions. and self restraint. must save money for mortgage, must save money for mortgage. damned mortgage.

the christmas spirit has grabbed me today. even though we haven't officially decorated (our christmas boxes are at the bottom of a tightly packed closet awaiting a storage space) my dining room looked perfect this morning, so much so that i had to snap a picture. and also my little christmas tree, complete with a tiny bird topper.

merry thursday, everyone!

wow, so two weeks go by and i forget all about the internet. i've been busy. very very busy. i have been shopping, baking (yay!), getting over the flu (boo!) and making crafts for christmas. the other night i made an adorable stuffed felt christmas tree, complete with tiny strands of bead lights and glass ornaments. i will take photos tonight. i want to hug it and kiss it, it's so cute.

i'm usually way ahead of the game when it comes to christmastime, but this year i've been seriously slacking. i have most of my shopping done, but i still have two teddies to sew, a few snowman/penguin ornament families to assemble, and lots of biscotti to bake. (yes, i attempted biscotti last weekend and it is, in a word, CRAZYDELICIOUS. recipe to follow at the uneducated chef shortly.) i waited too long to get my tins and bags, and now i can't find cute packaging anywhere, so it will have be unpretentious parchment paper and twine. but that's more than ok by me, actually. i have yet to find anything at all for the hubb. we agreed on no gifts but he's already broken the rule so i have to now, too. what to get? i have not a clue.

i saw sean lennon last night at the park west. it was nice to be able to sit, and have my drinks brought to me, and not choke on cigarette smoke. sean had a cold, so his voice was off and he had to switch harmonies with the guitar player at one point, and he left the stage in a hurry in the middle of the encore, but it was a good show nonetheless. he has a soothing singing voice, even when phlegmy and tired, and it relaxed me. and best of all i was in bed and snoozing by 11pm.

the best news today: my house is finally being finished! workers have been invading my home for the last two days touching up paint, fixing closet doors and shelves, grouting, calking, and making my jacuzzi tub work. it should all be done by the end of the week, and then all we'll have to wait for is the storage space. i'm getting tired of seeing my boxes and bicycles in the hallways corners of my house.

back to the busy-ness. i'll try not to wait so long to update next time.

ooh, ooh, chronicle books is having a 40% off sale right now....i just stocked up on angela adams and lotta jansdotter stationary! and some gifts, too. oh my god i can't wait!

well, thanksgiving was an absolute joy, and i'll reference some pics once my busy husband posts them. i had a spatula, baster, spoon or fork in my hand nearly the entire weekend, so hubb took all the photos. my 20-pound monster turkey, who i lovingly named thor, was divine, and it still gracing us with delicious leftover mash-ups.

my family was wonderful, and i am so touched that they all decided to come out to spend the holiday with us in our new home. we had more fun than i ever expected shopping, playing games, cooking, and of course, eating. we also visited the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum, which was packed but enjoyable nonetheless.

once they left i needed something to keep myself busy in the evenings, so i began making some of my christmas gifts.

these little penguin ornaments will be for my cousins and sisters to represent their fast growing families, and the teddy bears will be for the kiddies.

this was my very first attempt at sewing a bear, and dispite his slight downs syndrome appearance, i think he is rather sweet. i made another one last night, with brown felt for his feet, inside ears and nose, and his little head looks much more proportional. i have 3 more bears to go, (#1 is a prototype and i'm keeping him!) and with my pink, blue, and wooden button eyes i'll be assigning them to my new little neices and nephews. i may even do a little monogram on the foot for each baby: carter, brenae, sophie and justin.

i'm getting more into the holiday spirit each day. yay for crafts!

one of my best friends from college, two years my junior, is pregnant. she's pregnant! and her two best friends are also pregnant, plus one of their sisters. and my boss just had a baby a week ago and my sister just had a baby a month ago, and someone else at work is pregnant, and a good friend's sister is pregnant with TWINS and i feel like i'm dwelling on this too much but i'm getting a little weirded out. i'm feeling out of the loop and i'm strangely jealous, not because i want a baby because god knows that i have no desire to handle THAT right now, but because if everyone else is doing it, i want in. it's like a secret society of reproducing women all around me and it makes my insides all smooshy. it's a middle child syndrome thing, older friends and younger friends are all having babies, and i'm stuck in the middle a little lost and not ready but jealous all the same. is that weird? now, nearly our entire regular social circle is child-less, but that almost makes it worse. it is all people i don't spend regular time with which makes it all that much more mysterious. it's interesting to reflect on how your environment can influence your life choices so dramatically. i'm rambling because i'm happy and excited and also feeling left out at the same time. but that's ok.

and i'm getting ready to host thanksgiving for the first time in my new home. i hosted last year for 6, which went of wonderfully except when the oven died as i pulled the just finished turkey from it. the toaster oven didn't really work all that well on the rolls, but our downstairs neighbor allowed the 3 inches of room in her oven to save our stuffing. i'm altering a few recipes this year, inviting a few more people, and am fretting over my simple yet delicious decisions. i feel the need to step it up, but if i'm going to i need to figure it out fast.

i'm making:
butternut squash and pumpkin soup
a 20 pound turkey spiced with orange and cinnamon
gravy
apple sage cornbread stuffing
maple sage roasted sweet potatoes
caramelized brussel sprouts
moroccan carrot salad
ginger apple pie

they're making:
rolls (in the oven this itme)
orange cranberry sauce
garlic mashed potatoes
goat cheese rice stuffing
pumpkin creme brulee (yum.)

i plan to document, and post a few photos and recipes here.

happy thanksgiving, everyone!

my comments got lost. boo.

ok, things might be a little wonky around here for a few days. i just reformatted to the google version of blogger and i lost a lot of my side content. i'm working on it, and it was probably time for a redesign anyway (note the new title bar).

woo! i received my list of swappers, i finished all but one of my pears (11 out of 12, but i only really need 9 to mail out), so it looks like i'm almost ready to mail! now i just need to attach my yarn for the "hook", determine which method of packaging will work best, and make little notecards. then it's off to the post office (or usps.com more likely). i have 6 US swappers, a swapper in canada, one in london, and one in south africa! i can't wait to see what everyone has made.

bummer. tiny showcase sells out every week before i get a chance to peek. this week i am devistatingly heartbroken.

lovely. wonderful huggable pears for the swap. i have some gnarbly brown yarn to add for an ornament hook.

i heart these guys so much. and apparently my cats do too. i accidently left the pears on the coffee table the other day, and when i came home they were strewn about the apartment. the kitties are jealous i am not making toys for them. that might be a little side project soon, catnip-filled felt fruit for eva and stella.

excited.

1. money. we were good loan-payers this year, so our credit union lets us skip a wedding loan payment. woo! one less check to write this month, and more money for presents.

2. ...presents for me: i've decided to finally splurge on a le creuset dutch oven. i might need a while to get over the excitement of this. i'm shaking.

3. i've also decided to learn to make more sweets. i saw this recipe and decided i must make them. if you come to any of my parties, please be advised that these will be there for all of them. as long as i don't eat them all myself.

4. i just received feast in the mail and it makes me want to stay home in bed until i'm done reading it. lovely, witty, britty, and beautiful. inspiring, too.

5. tonight i shall start sewing soft little chenille teddy bears together for my little niece, nephew, and cousins' christmas gifts. we have a one year old and three new little babies in the family this holiday, and i'm feeling amazingly wonderful and giddy about the whole thing. it means so much to me to give gifts made by hand, especially by my own.

6. similarly, i have finished 8 of my 12 christmas ornaments for the swap. i decided on adorable stuffed felt pears. i'll take some photos tonight. i might keep making them, and maybe some apples, too, to try my hand at selling rather than spending at etsy.

i got a rather large gift certificate to barnes and noble for my birthday, and for the past week i've been struggling with which books to buy. i have a list of "must reads" from like two years ago, but now i'm not so sure about some of my choices, and i honestly haven't been keeping up on what's new and what everyone is reading. i need to freshen my list before i can go shopping, and i need your recommendations.

i am definitely going to buy i like you by amy sedaris, and one or two jose saramago books because i love his writing. and i might get the 75th anniversary joy of cooking becuase i've never owned it and i feel like i should. other than that i'm a little lost. i've historically liked the-books-that-everyone-on-the-train-is-reading, but i'm not so sure that's what i'm looking for now. just good reads, or can't-live-without resources.

anyone? anyone?

(caution: may not be safe for work) oh. my. god. it is a trainwreck and i can't stop looking. i hate RR even more now as i imagine her nervous nasal laugh as she poses in her skivvies with the turkey there. oh god. turkey will never be the same for me. i might vomit.

sorry about that.



5 reasons i'm happy today:

1. i had a wonderful birthday yesterday, as hubb presented me with......A SMALLTHINGS NECKLACE! finally! i've only been hounding him for one or two years. it is beautiful and i love it.

2. hubb also took me to avec, which was amazingly delicious and wonderful. i literally dreamt about the chorizo-stuffed medjool dates with smoked bacon and piquillo pepper-tomato sauce. oh my god. but in a good way this time.

3. tord boontje for target. awesomeness at an affordable price. i want the wine glasses (like i need wine glasses...) and the multi-color dessert plates and the red mugs (like i need more mugs...). ooh ooh, the wine glasses can be used for little tealights! oh my god i'm ordering them right now.

4. speaking of tord, my wonderful bro in law, completely on his own with no hints, requests, or demands gave me a wonderful transglass vase for my birthday. i can't begin to express my happiness over it.

5. it's halloween. happy spooky day!

work in progress turned three this week. happy birthday, buddy.

holiday linky.

1. a holiday ornament swap! how much more fun could you have? it will be like receiving 8-10 little suprise gifts. i am so totally thrilled, i can't even put it into words. i'll post a photo of the ornaments i make...i'm thinking a nature theme and felt.... sign up now, the deadline is November 01.

2. i don't want to buy any more dishes, and i'm not very happy with west elm right now*, but i love Love LOVE these branch dessert plates from west elm. and the cute silver garland on the table next to them? a little tord boontje. a little retro. a lot of need to be in my house this holiday.

*we purchased a floating wall shelf recently to act as a fireplace mantle, and in the process of installing the nonsensical thing, three large holes were made in my wall. the shelf came with three huge metal anchors and screws that couldn't seem to keep the shelf secure and level, and even if we had secured it to the wall successfully, i would have fretted every day about the stability of it all. the shelf is on its way back to west elm, (along with a set of three "organically shaped" shelves that are nothing of the sort) and i will not be purchasing anything else from them that requires wall mounting.

3. i don't mean to keep referencing w.e., but i am inspired by this pillow, and the numerous references to needlepoint and cross stitch that i continue to run across. i used to do quite a bit of cross stitch as a youth, and i think i might take it back up by fashioning some sort of trendy patterned pillow for our living room to go along with this fabric i purchased for sofa pillow covers. if all turns out well, i might attempt some holiday gifts.

4. i'm already putting together my thanksgiving menu, which will include a roasted butternut squash and pumpkin soup served in a roasted pumpkin, inspired by this recipe. i also plan to make the port vinaigrette from the same show. yum. now i just need some port.

5. i'm sort of slow with my holiday shopping this year, as usually by this time i've already finished half of it. so far i have one item, a small trinkety thing for my step-mom. i need to get on the ball and come up with something creative and versatile and inexpensive (because we're responsible and have a mortgage now) that i can give to everyone. easy. ideas?

first of all, i don't have a tumor. my headache went away, then it came back, and now it's hiding behind my eyeballs somewhere, but my brain is healthy according to my doc. i have a healthy normal brain. that's a relief.

hubb and i ran around the city on marathon sunday to catch alex at various mile markers, at 10, 16 and 25.2. he finished in an awe-inspiring time of 3:09:44, just seconds before the cutoff to qualify for the boston marathon in the spring. watching our friend, and over 35,000 other runners was absolutely breathtaking and brought me to tears more than once. if i only had such strength, courage, and stamina. congratulations, alex. i am so incredibly proud of you.

now i will change tunes and talk about selfish materialistic bullshit.

holiday season is upon us and i need outfits for parties. i have at least 4 occasions planned that call for something cute, and i can probably recycle one outfit for two of them. i need a cute top to wear with a pleated semi-poufy cotton skirt, and two dresses. i really like these:

sensible chic black jersey with a flattering V and a fun empire tie waste. festive red, maybe too deep in the chest, maybe a little unflattering in the tummy? pretty pretty green. i can't decide.

i'm having trouble living in our unfinished apartment and i'm finding myself searching comfort in shopping, which is not so good considering we just paid a fortune with 3-day blinds to furnish our windows. on the up-side, i now have lots of jeans that fit me. and plenty of shoes for these holiday parties.

first: limbo. i'm ready for my house to be finished already! we still don't have vent covers, a top to our peninsula in the kitchen, or a working jacuzzi tub (which i am incidentally in desperate need of using.) i'm ready for the boxes to be gone, the shit to be put away, and the furniture to be purchased and put in place. i hate living in limbo.

second: oprah. i went to a taping and it was exactly what i expected and i left unsatisfied and jaded. it was interesting, and energetic, but oprah wasn't as friendly and talkative as she seems on the show. now i'm not a huge fan of any celebrity enough to jump up and down and scream as some of these women did, but i could have used a little wave and "thank you" and genuine smile. at least i got a free book.

third: tumor. i've had a headache for 5 days now, and my doctor has ordered me to have an mri. i'm a little freaked out about that, and i'm not sure i really want the test. would you want to know if you had a giant inoperable tumor? i wouldn't. now i'm sure it's nothing, just pain caused by stress as my doctor thinks, but still....what if. what if my brain is all funky and broken and diseased? i don't want to know the results unless my noggin is perfectly normal. although we all can tell stories about me that may prove contrary.....

fourth: stress. i'm under it and it's consuming me to a point where i just want to stay in bed for a few days while things sort themselves out and little old ladies organize and straighten and clean my house for me. and entertain my guests and cook my meals and maybe even go to the gym for me. i just want to stay in bed and drink tea and eat pizza. for a week. can i please do that? no. because work is busy and the house needs some love that i can't afford to hire other people to give it. and because i am the only one who can take care of my shit. and i can't even take a relaxing jacuzzi bath because the builder of my house is too busy. please pass the wine.

fifth: baby. the newest member of my family, my new little niece Brenae, was born on thursday in virginia. she is an adorable sweet little thing and i can't wait to meet her in person this holiday season. happy birthday, little angel! your antie em is looking forward to hanging out with you.

sixth: responsibility. we scheduled our first mortgage payment(s) and association dues, but i still don't feel like we've really purchased a house. i guess i thought we'd be acting more mature and knowledgeable and smart somehow just for buying a home. instead we just whine about how much blinds cost. (i am still in shock over the amount of money we gave away so that we can have a little privacy.)

seventh: 26.2. my good friend Alex (the guy that hubb and i owe our marriage to by introducing us more than 7 years ago) is coming into town tonight for the weekend. he's here to run the chicago marathon, so on sunday you'll find us bar hopping, drinking bloody marys in between screaming with 1.5 million other fans for our favorite runner. GO AL!

so. we are homeowners! yay! three cheers for responsibility and debt! and incomplete pipes and scratched floors and closets that won't close! our punchlist is at least three pages long, but we're promised that it will all be taken care of. in time. in the meantime, we absolutely adore our 2 bed/2 bath condo and i just want to stay home from work every day to hug the walls and kiss the counters. and cook. i haven't really made a proper meal in my new kitchen yet, and i'm dying to do so. namely, pozole rojo. man, that sounds delicious. and i think i might be the only person i know who always has hominy in my pantry. er...cabinet. what i wouldn't give for a pantry....

i've learned more in the past two weeks than in the previous two years, i think. about mortgages, homeowners insurance, inspections, sump pumps, garbage disposals, security systems, washing machines, the returns process at home depot. and what NOT to do next time. but it is all wonderful. and i can do laundry in my OWN HOUSE! and shower in my choice of two showers. and knock a hole in the wall if i want to because it's mine, all mine!

so i might be absent here for longer stretches than normal while i finish making my home and get over this cold/allergy/sinus infection thing that seems to have settled into my face. maybe i'll run into you at home depot or the container store.

i'm trying to keep my mind off of things, so here are a few things that i'm keeping myself busy with these days:

flickr: this bedroom series is fascinating to me.

etsy (still): i want some t-shirts.

the west elm sale.

back-reading designsponge.

these prints. i can't stop looking at them. i MUST have 2 or 3 of them for my new house.

work. seriously. it has picked up for me a bit over the last week or two and i couldn't be more thrilled.

i'm going to a fun (i hope) foodie event tonight. i even bought new shoes to wear for it.

aaaah we're moving on friday. we will OWN PROPERTY! it blows my mind so much i need a drink. good news because in about 3 hours i will get one. with gin. which is fine by me.

so hubb and i went to austin and spent four days with family, eating, drinking, remembering. it was great to see everyone, to meet my cousin's 5 month old, Sophie, and go through old photographs with my grandma. aside from all of the men in the family injuring themselves during the trip, the weekend was a success.

1-my uncle arrives in austin and promptly goes to the emergency room to have a foreign object removed from his thumb. (still not sure what happened there.)
2-my father pulls his shoulder while throwing the very first trash bag of garbage hauled from my aunt Ve's house into the dumpster. he was out of commission after less than 5 minutes of work.
3-my other uncle Ed bites the pavement stepping out of the van on day 2 of cleaning out Ve's house. many bandages later, his knee is covered but he's out of the worker bee army.
4-my little brother, who sprained his ankle a week or two ago, walks backwards off a curb outside our hotel, tumbles to the ground, and (we later learned) ended up fracturing his ankle.
5-hubb drinks a bit too much saturday night, spends sunday traveling and praying that his head will give him a break, and has now been dizzy for three days straight. there's no way it is can still be the alcohol, so he's off to the doctor to see why his head won't stop spinning.

as soon as we arrived in austin we also received news that our closing is pushed back a week to allow the builder to finish our unit properly. it probably works out for the best anyway, because now we have another solid weekend to pack. i'm still antsy, though. i'm ready to be in My Home.

i'm feeling a little lost. maybe it's the upcoming move and signing on the dotted line and all, maybe it's my great aunt's memorial this friday, maybe it's the rain and fog, but i'm sort of melancholy and self-doubting about everything lately. my skills, my job, my decisions, my style. just everything. it sucks, but i am not so sure what to do about it quite yet.

i keep deciding that i'm going to quit my job, sell all of my things, stop drinking, quit eating meat, and escape to somewhere in the mountains where i can be solitary and wear sweaters and no makeup and eat lots of potatoes and drink coffee on a porch. and maybe paint some more. but maybe just one of these things will improve my mental state.

i joined a gym but i haven't worked out yet. i may go after work if i can muster up some energy. but then again, i may not. i have to hem some dark jeans so i can wear them this weekend in austin.

we still have a lot of packing to do, but it is ever so stressful. i just want it to be over with.

now that i think of it, i bet the coming of fall is what's got me down and out of sorts. i love the fall, but the changing weather always does terrible things to me. plus the fact that all of my fall clothes are a size or two too small and all of my extra monthly moneys are now slated to paying for a mortgage rather than new pants.

plus, apparently i'm tick tocking away and i keep having dreams about being pregnant. (shh...don't tell hubb.) i know we're not ready but still...something is going on in there. my ovaries are whispering to each other while i sleep and it's making me think.

i also had a dream about my childhood dog, Chester, who died last thanksgiving. i dreamt i was holding him in my arms when he passed. i woke up crying and then couldn't fall back asleep for an hour, it was so real. which started my recent trend of waking up every night at 4:00 am on the dot and not falling back asleep until after 5. i want desperately to find some significance in that.

so if you know me and i become (or have already become) flaky and snappy, just ignore it. i'll hopefully make a turn for the better once one or two of my many stressors is behind me as i take another step up this mountain of my life.

so we had our yard sale, and we sold a ton of clothes to crossroads, and we sold our dining room table, and a printer, and still donated about $400 worth of stuff (probably more, we tend to underestimate). we made enough money to buy our new dining room table, but then we went on a date and bought a great danish modern buffet to use as a dresser and a huge mirror from a thrift store. now we only have about 75% of the money for our new dining room table, but that's a start. and it makes me happy.

i'm now off to a gym for an introduction and tour and a possibility of giving them a bunch of money so that i may be guilted into visiting said gym so that i will sweat and in turn, lose 10-15 pounds. wish me luck.

be forewarned...Longest Post Ever.

wow. i had a great wednesday. i got a terrific pair of shoes ON SALE at an EVEN GREATER DISCOUNT than marked because i haggled endlessly with the sales lady. (read: i said "there's an itty bitty speck of dirt right here on this shoe." she said "i'll give you an extra 20% off." i said "sold.") i love them and they are perfect and i will wear them and treasure them always. until it snows.

then i went to the k-mart to see the "Huge Makeover", which looked pretty much like the old k-mart, just with shorter shelving units. but i found the most adorable tea towels that will be a perfect christening to my brand new kitchen in the condo that we should be moving into IN LESS THAN A MONTH...which freaks me the hell out. but i'll have cute trendy fruity towels to have a nervous breakdown with after we move in. which will be comforting. and colorful. (look at the cute pears! and the scrumptious apples! oh my, and the oranges!) oh martha, you can sell me adorable housewares any day.

we are having sangria at work tomorrow to celebrate (i mean mourn) the end of summer (and our 3pm closing time on fridays), so i bought fruit and brandy and mixed all of that stuff up so it could sit overnight and ferment and absorb and become delicious. tomorrow is also a coworkers birthday, so i made him (dont' laugh) pigs in a blanket. (i couldn't help repeating under my breath the whole time "i've had it with these mother****ing pigs in these mother****ing blankets!") i realized that i don't think i have ever actually eaten a pig in a blanket, let alone made them, but i put together about 4 dozen of them last night. not like it's hard using two ingredients and all, as much as i like to cook. i love to spend time in the kitchen, hours at a time even, and i love love love complicated recipes, meals that require intense multitasking and hours or preparation. but i hate monotonous labor-intensive preparations for bite size food. why should i waste my precious time making pretty little things that you will devour in one bite? i find it maddening and i prefer to spend my time making apricot bourbon barbecue sauce or risotto or something that yields more than one mouthful. which is why i do not serve canapes or hors d'oeuvres (are they the same thing anyway?) at my parties. i have no patience for it. so anyway, i started to humor myself by naming my little piggies, then i dropped one on the floor and felt badly because i had just personified him by naming him boris.

i have to share my joy in finally finding a lipgloss to replace one i purchased probably in 1999 that was discontinued. it seems that all cosmetics that i fall in love with end up being discontinued, and this pink and gold shiny (NOT SPARKLY) gloss by revlon streetwear was the first to jump on that wagon and speed away from me. once i found out i could not purchase it at my local drugstore anymore i scoured the internet for backstock, only coming up with one lousy tube which has maybe two tiny thin applications left in but i continue to save it. i've purchased dozens of similar shades which have all proved to be no match for the perfect gloss. until now. ulta has, in their super shiny lip gloss line, a color called goddess (which is a perfect name, really) that is a perfect replacement. yay for ulta and yay for my steadfast searching for my perfect shade. now i need to buy a case or two, please. it will probably be discontinued by winter.

and finally, we're having a yardsale on saturday, so if you know me and you know where i live and you need some stuff that we don't need anymore, please stop by. we'll have coffee makers, dishes, tchotchkes, lamps, cookware, and lots of other crap too. for cheap. we also have a nice bamboo and glass dining room table with 4 chairs for sale for $200. i'll throw in a tchotchke or two for free. and a hug if you take if off my hands by the end of the weekend.

what's making me happy this week:

• blik Iron Vines on their way to me for my new bedroom. cocoa brown agains pale blue walls. i can't wait to decorate.
• this Amy Ruppel print aptly entitled "new home" because, as you can see, i have the upcoming move to the new condo on the brain. this print makes me smile. it makes me happy. i want it. alas, it is sold.
• a new necklace my friend Hillary of Sans Couture has made for me. i shall have it on friday and i can't wait.
• the new blue q line, hot and flashy. i purchased the pear lip balm and it is divine. and i simply adore the deco packaging.
• browsing through my great aunt's 1960 helen corbitt cookbook. she used it so much that the first 5 or 6 pages have fallen out and the spine is duct taped together. i can tell the recipes she loved from the amount of splatter on the pages. she also taped a recipe for brandied sweet potatoes to the inside front cover that i have to make at thanksgiving this year, it looks so delicious. the book is a fabulous read, and i plan to put a post together using recipes from the cookbook sometime soon.
• browsing through my great aunt's recipe box. i found her recipe for my great grandmother's pecan pie, and i am determined to become a master at it, even though i am really not a fan of pecan pie (unless a certain friend of mine made it and it is has bourbon and chocolate in it).
• i will be a homeowner in less than a month! woot!

my few days in austin: exhausting, overfed, inspiring, educational, depressing, hot. but it really us a dry heat. this was my first trip to the southwest. ever. i can't wait to go back, for a vacation rather than a family emergency. austin is huge and full of life and music and food, oh my god the food. i can never eat barbecue again unless it comes from texas. and i just may need to learn to like pecans.

my aunt ve had an interesting life. i learned more about her in three days than in an entire life of knowing her. like her name. it is leona vivian. i never knew that. it's too bad the name leona is forever tarnished in my mind from a rediculously large portioned local chain. it really is a beautiful name.

we found photos, albums, ancient memories from people i've never met. my great grandmother's pecan pie recipe, telegrams from my great uncle dale's days at war, cotton combs from days on the farm, my great grandmother's wedding ring. and probably a hundred pairs of scissors. we all feel secure by different means, i suppose. and photos of my father as a child. and my grandfather who i barely knew.

i hope ve is resting peacefully.

this photo was likely from the early 40's, when ve was around 20 years old.

ok, so the airport wasn't all that bad, until we had to come home and got delayed due to lightning and some stupid paris hilton wannabe cut in line and then tried to steal a cab from the rest of us patiently waiting in line at midway at 1 am. florida was hot and sticky and we ate too much and hugged too much and debated too much between different generations with different frames of mind and comfort levels and ideas of what is "right". and we went on the Diva Duck and while looking at d-list celebrity homes i received the phone call notifying me of my Aunt Ve's passing. it was a bizarre experience, learning such news while a tour guide on a bus in the intercoastal waterway danced to ricky martin and told us about how the guy who invented slim fast lived next door to cilene dion's mother. so i'm back to the airport (sans gels and liquids) tomorrow to go to austin to sort through thomas kinkade paintings and other precious belongings in my late Aunt Ve's condo. i think i'm through being upset and am mostly just sad and a little bit lost about the whole thing, not having seen my Aunt Ve in any state of distress over her condition as her health failed and her mind wandered. i remember her smiling and watching us play balderdash at our family reunion last october, before she found out she was going to die of cancer a month before her 81st birthday. we're not having a funeral, but a memorial next month, on the anniversary of her birth in 1925. we will celebrate her life, mourn our loss, then we'll spend the weekend together, as a family, one woman less and two babies more than last year.

short snippets, sort of in sync with my frame of mind right now:

1. i watched The Notebook last night. i'm still crying on the inside and my eyes are still puffy and sore from a solid hour and a half of bawling my eyes out. (but oh my god ryan gosling is dreamy.)

2. what is up with airport security, dude? just because somebody figured out a way to mix chemicals together to make something harmful (duh) and disguise them in everyday products doesn't mean that i should have to fly without my lipgloss. no toothpaste? no deodorant? no hand lotion? i might die on my trip to florida tomorrow with all of my gels and lotions and liquids stashed "safely" out of reach in my checked bag. my security blanket of just-in-case items won't be accessible, and i promise i will think about it from the time i leave for the airport until the time i pick up my suitcase (hopefully intact) from baggage claim in ft. lauderdale. i may need to drink heavily at the airport bar before i board my plane. it's a damned good thing i'm not taking more than a 2 hour flight anytime soon.

3. my great aunt ve is steadily and rapidly declining, and her doctor has given her less than two weeks to live. i am on call to fly to austin to help settle her estate and plan her memorial service, and it is tearing me apart. i'm not one for patience to begin with, and when you're playing the waiting game for the death of a loved one, it is heavy and emotional and terrible. it is hard to move forward with your life and take trips and host visitors knowing that any day you'll be mourning. so pardon me if i'm a little disconnected for the next few weeks. i'm trying to stay distracted.

4. i really really really don't like humidity.

5. i really really really wish it was october.

so i'm obsessed with Etsy lately. it's sort of like ebay for crafters, but without the worn shoes, cons, and shitty estate sale junk. i'm particularly enamored with these fine items:

on the left, cute cute precious metal clay pendants from SueQuigley. the leaf necklace is so hippie chic. in the middle, adorable silver metalgami by Hapa. man, i want the little catamaran so bad. on the right, intricate colorful pendants from Fiery Lion Designs. i will take one in each color, pretty please. these sort of remind me of my long time lust, Small Things. especially the original small necklace, both the deco poppy in jade green and the swallow in dark blue, please. thank you.

i've been lack with my jewelry making lately, but i am considering posting some items on Etsy. we'll see.

hot. this weekend was hot. and sweaty. but fun. and hot.

1. our annual office bbq. lots of eating, some swimming (i haven't been in a pool for ages!) and everybody seeing me in my swimsuit. which was great. but i got to make margaritas and blue cheese biscuits and i didn't even have any leftover at the end of the day. which makes me very very happy.

2. phoenix! at the double door! oh my god it was the best show i've ever been to. i want to go again tonight. and tomorrow. and every night forever! they put on a remarkably smooth and wonderfully dance-inducing show. and even though i sweated about 17 gallons directly from my face, i still had fun. and i don't like to sweat so that's saying quite a bit about how wonderful the show was. but i would sweat that much again just to have it be friday night at the double door tonight. plus, thomas mars is the cutest. i want to go to france and dance with him. while he sings to me as the rest of the band plays backup. sorry, hub. i haven't swooned after a rock show like that since i was 19. sigh.

3. pitchfork. eh. it was hot. the dj tent was super fun, but i didn't enjoy my sweaty self as much as i had the night before. plus, i bought a $5 necklace and it made my neck and chest break out in a dirty nasty rash, which was not flattering at all. not that my matted sweaty hair and sticky pants were flattering, but the rash didn't help one bit. so i went late sunday and was sort of off all day anyway. but riding bicycles there and home was nice. no sweaty smelly bus rides where my short stature makes my face about the height of everybody's armpits.

i've been pretending to start a food blog but haven't really gotten started yet...i can make tons of excuses about why, but here are just three:

1. i am very very busy.

2. i don't have a refrigerator in my apartment that works properly. and by properly i mean at all. our fridge died last week, filling our home with an awful burnt metal and plastic smell. we plum burnt the motor out, which i can't decide to attribute to a) the fact that it is to freaking hot in our kitchen when i cook that condensation immediately forms on all of the food when you open the door, b) we don't clean behind the fridge (do people really do that?) and it got clogged with cat hair, or c) we open and close the door so much that we just wore out the poor little thing. in any case, it died, and in a strange lucky turn of events our upstairs neighbors have moved out and we had keys to the apartment. so all of our food is in the kitchen above ours. so i haven't been cooking because i don't like to sweat and running up and down the stairs each time i need some chicken stock or cheese or butter really sucks. i've been drinking less, too. at home, anyway.

3. it is hot.

so, i will come up with a delicious recipe soon and my photographer (my husband, in return for eating the food that i cook) and i will put together a post shortly. until then, au revoir.

so, i went sailing.



and it was totally fun.

my great aunt Ve has cancer. it is in her lungs, and it is also in her breasts. she's been sick for about a year, in and out of the hospital, in and out of chemo, in constant discomfort and fear. recently her well trusted doctor discontinued her chemo and admitted her, indefinitely, to the hospital so that she may have 24 hour care. this greatly displeases her, but her kidneys are failing. she is uncomfortable and frightened. she is my father's mother's sister, who we've always adopted as our second grandma.

my paternal grandmother had three children, two boys and a girl. her eldest son (my father) had two children, remarried and adopted two daughters. my aunt had two daughters, one of which had one son recently, and the other of which recently birthed the second daughter of three children. my uncle, my grandmother's youngest son, married late and adopted his wife's daughter. my aunt Ve is a widow with no children. i get the feeling that aunt Ve always felt pitifuly adopted by us, by her younger sister's family. she often spent many holidays alone, of her own free will.

she is a feisty woman, decisive, stubborn, but also genuine and generous. today she is lying in a hospital bed in austin with friends surrounding her, the telephone ringing off the hook from family members in california, virginia, new jersey, florida..but not chicago. i haven't called. i don't call because i don't know what to say to this woman. this woman who has been nothing but kind to me, who has had a falling out at some point with everyone in the family except me, who has always stuck up for me and loved me like her own grandchild. i've sent flowers and cards and gifts, but i haven't called. i don't feel that i can convincingly convey the feelings of pain and hope and sadness and love that i have for her over the telephone, though i know that the calls cheer her up. i'd rather fly out and tell her in person, though i know i'd end up crying at her bedside. but i've been told not to come, i can't do much there. i have never had to give comfort to someone who is dying and i have no clue how to handle it. i have little comfort for myself, how can i give it to Ve? i feel like the worst person for letting time pass, when she has so little of it left. this woman who i love. but i just can't and it feels so awful.

i'm not writing this for pity's sake. i dont' deserve any. i'm writing to give homage to a strong and wonderfully alive woman who does not have long to live. i'm also selfishly writing this to give myself comfort. i love my aunt Ve with all of my heart, and even though i can't call, i think of her always. i hope she knows, i hope she reads my words in the cards that i send. i hope she knows that i love her. i love you, aunt Ve.

so i'm wearing a dress today (yes, a dress!) which is not my normal attire at work, or anywhere that is not a special catered event. it is poufy and a little hippyish, and makes my lovehandles look like a monster truck tire around my waist, but it's cute. and i feel girly. i may do this more often.

i got a haircut yesterday, and my wonderful stylist and i decided that next time we're going short. one of the other stylists at the salon (who was a girl) had this adorable haircut, wavy like mine, brown like mine, but short in the back and sort of bangy in the front. hard to communicate in words, but i'll post a photo of myself when i have her haircut in 3-4 months. my stylist is so wonderful because he loves my hair and asked me to make sure we have double time for my short haircut so he can make sure i'm really ready and that i totally 100% love it when i leave. he is so wonderful i hope he never leaves chicago or I WILL DIE. i had nearly 3 years of terrible unflattering haircuts after moving here from virginia, and i've finally found someone who understands my locks and makes me pretty every time i see him. he is my hero.

tonight i'm babysitting for my friend's sister who is in town for the weekend. the two couples want an evening out, so i offered to watch the 1 year old baby boy for the evening. so hubb and i have an exciting evening of watching tv, drinking wine, and constantly checking on a sleeping child that is not ours. should be fun.

if you're shopping for my birthday early this year, i really really really want this for my new bed. it is on sale and it is only $300. you should totally get it for me. thank you.

i had a very very productive weekend, which was nice. first, i ate dinner at cafe lula. and i nearly cried while drinking the most delicious beverage ever, their one of a kind rhubarb gimlet. oh. oh my. it is the most amazingly wonderful drink i have ever consumed. i must run there and have one right now. i wanted to pull a poor dinner etiquette move and pour some into my pockets to enjoy at home at a later date and time, it was that good. we also ate some food, which was equally beautiful and delicious.

the next day hubb and i went with some of our work folks and bagged one and a half tons of dry pasta for people less fortunate than ourselves at the chicago food depository. it was quite fun, and i really love how hairnets and plastic gloves can be so incredibly unflattering.

then we rode the train for almost an hour while i entertained myself with a normal homemade gimlet and some baked kettle chips. have you had those things? they are amazing. and hubb and i spent about 30 minutes coming up with new kettle chip flavors, none of which we could remember afterwards. except for chicago style hot dog. (they are crunchy and light, but they taste like chicago's signature food!) then we partied. and hubb played volleyball. and i watched because i am not so into physical things like sports. walking on the beach was enough for me, thank you.

then the next day we went to our new neighborhood (10 and a half weeks to go until closing, yay!), and we ran into the builder who is rehabbing our building and we got him to let us walk around our unfinished unit. even though it is concrete and raw brick and unfriendly wooden frame, it felt real. and i want to move right now and let them finish it around me. so what if there is no shower yet? we also ate the very best burrito at the second closest eatery to our new house. needless to say, i am thrilled at that discovery. i can't wait until the fall when i can have delicious burritos and rhubarb gimlets every single damned day. i may become quite large once we move.

so the weekend felt 6 days long and i rode my bike to work today and i feel like it is thursday. which would be great because i have a haircut appointment. i'm way overdue and i'm having trouble resisting the temptation to shave my head when i'm trying to sleep and it is 97 degrees in our bedroom and my hair is creating a thick warm blanket around my head. plus, i'm getting bored. i sort of want bangs.

and a rhubarb gimlet. right now.

not feeling very conversational, so i give you a few things that are absorbing my attention on The Internet lately:

design sponge. i am in love with the images and links and wonderful wonderful ideas for ways to spend my money.

fancy toast. new food blog that i've read completely at least half a dozen times. hilarious and educational and lots of great recipes. cucumber gimlets? i'm on it. chicken thighs? me, too.

go fug yourself. oh my god. my coworkers probably think i'm nuts laughing out loud and snorting as i do every time i visit this site. but i can't stop. i've not traditionally been a celebrity watch sort of girl, but i can't stand how hilariously snarky this stuff is. and really, what are celebrities for if not to laugh at?

greener grass design. just to look at the things i can't buy right now. beautiful stuff, especially the jewelry. they sell my precious long lusted after smallthings necklaces, and how freaking adorable is this little gem? beautiful stuff.

less links and more photos. now that i'm supposed to start really saving money for our new home, i've discovered there are way too many things that I MUST HAVE NOW.

that's just how it goes, i guess.

so it's already almost july, which i can't get over. july! summer is nearly half over! i don't even have a tan! i didn't even plant any tomato plants! this flying time is really getting to me. i need to start making better use of my days and weeks.

every time i start to write here i get an unbearable urge to write about the new house. and the decorating. and the furniture. and the colors and the fixtures and the neighborhood. i still have three months until we close and i'm driving myself batty. what if something happens? what if things fall through? i will be totally crushed and i won't know what to do. so i'm trying to find other things to obsess about, which isn't working very well.

i went to ohio last weekend to visit a friend, that lead to the discovery that i've been wearing the wrong bra size, probably for years. it never occurred to me to get sized again after gaining some weight last fall, but it appears that i should have. i've been wearing bras a cup size too small and a band size too big. so i've been shopping for new undergarments, but i'm feeling rather uneasy about the new cup letter. it feels weird to me to say it out loud. it isn't who i have always thought i've been, having the same boobs since college. or maybe i was wrong then, too? it pains me to think about it, and all of the undersized pretty underthings that i should put away, probably forever. at least my chest is keeping me from thinking about my new house.

it's beautiful outside today and i wish i was at home on my roof with my oversized beach towel, a margarita and Gourmet magazine. this month has some great articles that i'm dying to read, when i can find the time. but this weekend will be spent cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking in preparation for a bbq. can i have a week off, please?

and i got my new bike but i haven't really been riding it, save for a trip to the grocery store or a nearby bar every now and then. i need the sky to stop threatening thunder storms so i can get riding to work. i'm nervous about the bridges and the underpasses that spot the route, but i'm excited to leave the bus behind for a bit and get a little bit of exercise and wind in my face.

hubb and i are participating in an Angelic Organics share again this year, and we've been getting at least 5 pounds of lettuce and other mixed greens each week. so i've been eating lots and lots of salad, which is good because i've lost 2 pounds. i know that's not a lot, but it's a start to wearing a bathing suit in public. like at our office bbq next month.

update complete. back to not thinking about furniture shopping.

i've been rather down lately. vague. blah. it's not that i don't know why, i just don't feel appropriate talking about it here. i try to keep myself occupied in other ways for fear of boring/annoying/shocking/offending. blah. so i sit. and the truth is, i'm not feeling very interesting/important/motivated.

i need a day or two to be different. to stop depending on the things i've grown used to depend on. to be rude and selfish. to be mean and obscene and disgusting. to be a complete and total bitch. to get out all of this poison floating around. this grump. to get out the grump so i can be an even balance again. blah.

we all know i'm emotional and up and down, but the point is that i shouldn't be. i should be normal and sane and happy. but blah still happens and i have trouble shaking it. i'm not getting excited and i'm not getting inspired. i'm beginning to be flaky and snappy and brittle. not good.

so if you're one of the people i see frequently (or infrequently, even) please pardon my blah. i know it's there, and why it's there, and i'm working on it. slowly, as my mood allows.

so, i bought a bicycle, a vintage sears free spirit in robin's egg blue (i'll post photos soon). i also bought a lock, and am waiting on the arrival of a pretty white helmet and white front basket. i'll be cruising around town in style by the end of the week, hopefully. i'm terribly excited. and i lied....Hubb bought me the bike. and the helmet. i have the best husband ever.

i also went to milwaukee, for a weekend of drinking and drinking and drinking. i'm still recovering. i need a nap. all 8 members of our little group fully documented our trip, but you can start by looking at my photos here. the whole weekend was delicious, especially the frenchie bloody mary at the trocadero cafe. oh. my. god. dijon mustard and blue cheese stuffed olives. delish. milwaukee isn't so bad.

so i need some input...we're picking out colors/themes for our new place and i can't decide on a simple swatch for upholstering a 15" x15" cushion for a chair that will go in our bedroom. the walls will be a pale smoky baby blue, our furniture will be white (including this chair), and our bed linens are currently sage green (but i will be buying brown). we also plan to paint a brown graphic organic silhouetted image on the wall above the bed. so here are my swatches. i can't decide. they each could provide a totally different feel to the space. so what do you think?

left to right, top to bottom: sunbloom lotus lea, charm mosaic paisley sky, sofia garden light blue, graceful vine brown, honeycomb turquoise, and charm floral sky.

i'm leaning towards the lotus leaf or the sofia garden to add some pop. or the graceful vine to tie in the brown, or the honeycomb just because i love it. i need help.

so we picked out our finishes, cabinets, counters, paints, and are getting closer to feeling like we're going to be homeowners soon. of course, we wish the builder had more options for creative trendy individuals such as us, but we managed with the generic condo options given to us. paint was the hardest, but we finally agreed on a smoky pale blue (Take Five!) for our master bedroom, and an appropriately named "Agreeable Grey" for the rest of the house. we'll do some more painting once we move in, maybe a gold in the turret and an accent wall in the hallway, but at least we'll have something other than flat white when we move in.

i counted, and we have 16 weeks until our proposed closing. that's a long freaking time and i don't know how i'm going to live through it. i want to start packing and selling our unwanted furniture RIGHT NOW! and get into OUR house with OUR paint choices and OUR central air conditioning. ahhh. oh my god can you tell that i'm excited?

so every couple of weeks hubb and i get together with another couple for dinner and game night. we mostly play mah jongg, and last night i won. twice. i'm still on a high from my wins, and i'm antsy for some winds and bams and dots today. instead i'm super busy at work and i can't believe it's lunchtime already. tonight i'm attending a going away party for a dear girlfriend of mine who is moving to ohio next week. it has taken me so long to get real comfortable talk about anything girlfriends here in chicago, and they're already moving away. i give that a big thumbs down.

and can you believe that it's june already? my god how the time flies. pray for me that it will fly as fast to closing on my new agreeably finished home.