Nov 23, 2010

i was just thinking i hadn't written here in a while, and then i see that it's been 6 weeks. time flies when you're preoccupied with your infant. i've been prioritizing.

i'm going to take a break from here for a while, see how it goes. i've been keeping this blog for too many years to give it up entirely, though i'm not sure many people read it anyway. it's stubbornness on my part, i hate giving up.

henry is so great and i love being a mom. staying at home has been wonderful but also challenging as i don't have many other stay at home mom friends to share my days with. i've felt totally on the outside as most of my friends have gone back to work or are hiring nannys, staying at home isn't the norm. i get mixed responses from people about my decision to stay home, from "that's great" and huge smiles, to "oh, really?" and confused crinkled foreheads from people i least expect. it was a decision i'm happy we made, one we made before i was even pregnant, and one that has definitely come with some amount of hardship, but for me, i couldn't imagine anything else. for our family it just made sense. i miss the extra income, the adult interaction, the professional fulfillment, but i'll get that all back some day.

so many things make so much sense to me now that i'm a mom. i understand the hardship of caring for an infant and trying to maintain an identity, to keep some sense of self and not get lost in motherhood. i understand unconditional love more than i ever thought i could. i understand why so many women stop breastfeeding (it's hard!). and how large families happen (i already miss the first few weeks of infancy and dream of having another baby just to experience it again).

i also know that this is both the hardest and easiest thing i have ever done. hardest with the sleep deprivation, the length of time it's taking to get a handle on breastfeeding, the responsibility and fear related to raising this child right. easiest in that it is all coming naturally to me, and i've never been so happy, fulfilled and calm. i'm surprising myself every day.

we'll be updating with photos, videos and tidbits from our henry's little life, and i'll probably post here every once in a while. after i get a bit more settled i might start a cooking project i've been kicking around for a while, but i am going to distance myself from the internet a bit and spend more time with my flesh and blood and less time with my laptop.