Oct 25, 2005

Oh, and happy birthday to work in progress. Two years old on Sunday. Still a bit awkward, but surely growing into its own.
Nana's funeral was nice. Short and sweet, and funny and solemn and tearful, and full of love and life. It is hard to talk about this woman without cracking a joke. She was full of the piss and vinegar, misunderstandings and teasable situations that old age can bring. It was lovely to catch up with some family members I rarely get to see, and to meet others for the very first time. And to spend an entire weekend cuddling with my baby nephew Justin, pretending he was mine. Until his diaper needed to be changed. Then it was back to mom.

I also got to meet my mom's new boyfriend, who I adore already. He has the same name as my little brother, and he has a daughter named Emily. Bizarre.

My birthday is Sunday, and I'm starting my oh-my-gosh-I'm-another-year-older-and-what-have-I-accomplished-since-last-year train of thought. And it is better than last year. This year I've accomplished alot. And I'm happier than I was last year. And more secure in who I am and what I am becoming. I have a lot going for me and I finally feel right about it. Like I deserve it.

In year 25 I:
got a new job that I adore. began working with my husband, who I adore. gained a new little nephew, who I adore. got a little bit more out of debt. went carless and loved it. helped a friend get married. lost a nana. gained a new hobby in making jewelry. bought lots of shoes. found an incredible hair dresser and an even more incredible doctor. saw nyc for the first time ever. saw hawaii for the first time ever. supported a friend through a divorce. learned how to go to sleep when my husband isn't there. finally purchased a real, grown up couch. got an ipod. celebrated two wonderful years with the hubb. began painting again. realized that being happy is ok.

Oct 17, 2005

My step-mother's mother passed away early this morning. We've all known this was going to happen for quite a long time. I saw her two weekends ago, bedridden, skin and bones, mumbling, unable to eat, barely alive. She had moments of lucidity, however, beaming and incredibly happy when introduced to her new baby great-grandson two weeks ago; telling her daughter, fully aware of what was happening: "I'm dying, aren't I? But I'm OK with that, I've made peace, I can go now." and "I can go now because I've paid my bills." and "I don't know what He is waiting for, I'm ready to go now." and "I'll tell your dad you say hello. I can carry a message from earth to heaven. I like that."

Now she's gone.

So another trip to the east coast, another visit with my family who is still living. Another celebration of this 90+ year old woman's life. Stories of Nana. Like when she said, in her southern drawl, "Emily, I didn't know YOU were going to be here!" to me at my own wedding. And when she asked who my handsom boyfriend was when I showed up to her house with my little brother. And when she would drink a holiday liquor and fall asleep on the couch with the TV blaring away at the loudest possible level. And when she would put shrimp and ham and biscuits in a napkin to feed to her little pomeranian, CB, who Nana referred to as "him" even though the dog was a girl.

She passed in peace, on her own time, from only her own body's refusal to keep living. In her own home. Surrounded by her family. Cared for by her children and grandchildren. Exactly the way she wanted.

Oct 13, 2005

it has been busy, and i have been uninspired, at least in the words department. i spent the weekend with my family in the mountains of virginia, and i'm still recovering from the love and the food and the lack of sleep. i love my relatives. that's a nice feeling.

my cousins carey and laura are both pregnant, so we had a surprise baby shower. i gave them both little tiny virginia tech onesies and tiny hokie bird booties to celebrate our alma mater. i can't get over how little babies are. except for my new nephew on my step-family's side. he is a huge fat little two and a half month old man. i just wanted to shove him in my suitcase and bring him back to chicago with me, how cute he was in his little cable knit sweater vest and cargo shorts. which reminds me: i don't understand the purpose of pockets on baby clothes. do they need a place to put their wallets and keys and spare change?

my favorite verbal exchange of the weekend: (backstory: laura is pregnant. she has two kids, 5 year old jake and 3 year old grace. their aunt is also pregnant.)

grace: (looking at her mom and her aunt) "you don't have a baby."
emily: "no, you are right, i don't have a baby."
jake: (evaluating me with a furrowed brow) "yeah, you are WAY too thin."

this will leave me with smiles for weeks, i tell you. except that today while holding my coworker's 4 month old, i realized that i kind of want a baby. a little bit. sort of. but at least after a weekend of eating and drinking too much toddlers don't mistake me for being pregnant.

i am obsessed with little comfy ballet flats and mocassins right now. i'm working on wearing my bronx flats out:
and i'm thinking about something new now....or else the same shoes in tan:

i plan to spend some time this weekend taking pictures of the dozens of necklaces and earrings i've made over the past few weeks. i have way too many to do anything with, so i may end up trying to get a booth at one of the many chicago craft fairs to sell some of it. i ordered some new beads yesterday, some pearls, more agate, jasper and amazonite. i can't stop.

vows i've made in the past week:
1. to never book a 6:30 am flight again.
2. to drink more water.
3. to dress my children well.
4. to bring a flask and some sedatives next time i travel, just in case my flight is delayed THREE FREAKING HOURS.
5. to overreact less.

Oct 5, 2005

In addition to being best friends, roommates, lovers, husband and wife, and parents to our future children, (among all sorts of other things to each other), Hubb and I now face the challenge of becoming co-workers. My small (20) person company has hired my husband (we're now 21). He starts on the 17th.

1. I'm thrilled to have this chance to get to know him in a different way. A professional relationship to tack onto all of the other kinds of relationships we have.

2. This is a great step for Hubb's career. I'm very happy for him, and for my company. We're happy to have him join the team.

3. All of our eggs are in one basket. Although I'm feeling positive about everything else, this is going to take come mental massaging to work through.

Congratulations, Hubb!

Oct 4, 2005

I just received my most recent jewelry supply order. Pretty pretty natural agate, fancy jasper and black onyx. And some silver chain, and gorgeous ghostly white tube beads, and silver 2 mm rounds. I can't wait to go home and play.

Oct 3, 2005

10 Things

1. Francesca's Forno is amazing. Simple, delicious, fun, beautiful and amazing. If you haven't been yet, go now. The risotto is divine.

2. Puppets are incredibly cool. Puppeteers on Milwaukee Avenue on a Friday night, even more so. I wish more street performers included puppets. It is a quickly disappearing art.

3. Weird coincidence: Last weekend I tripped on Damen Avenue's inconsistent east sidewalk. While walking home from dinner Friday, I noted to Hubb"Hey, this is where I fell last weekend," at exactly the same moment that another unsuspecting (and perfectly sober) girl took a spill on the same piece of pavement. We were all a little shocked at the bizarre coincidence of it all. I told her the bruised would heal in about a week.

4. Allergies and sniffly sinus crap has got to go.

5. In the days before we know where our future lies for sure (can't talk about it now, maybe tomorrow. And no, I'm not pregnant.) I cook for some relaxation and comfort. Tapioca pudding, cornbread, pumpkin butternut squash soup, and the stuffing and apricot bourbon barbecue sauce for my southern stuffed chicken. I cut up so much pumpkin and squash that I gave myself a blister. It was worth it, though. And I hope my dinner guests tonight will agree.

6. La Creperie is delicious. It inspires me to make more thick flavorful sauces. And learn to speak French again. And wear little berets, full skirts, and striped sweaters.

7. I thought summer was over? WTF?

8. After more than a year, I am still in love with this simple graphic jewelry. (hint hint)

9. Spring vacation: Southwest USA, Spain, Australia, or....?

10. My new centerpiece for my dining room table: