Mar 30, 2005

Someone asked me if I was pregnant today. Not good. Hence, depression. And self-loathing. Damn him. Damn him straight to hell. I'm never wearing these pants again.

Before I was mistaken for being with child, I skipped out for a long walk at lunch. I ended up walking a two mile circle around my office, which was incredibly exhilarating and refreshing given the warmth of the day and the clear blue sky. I'm dreading the cooling off we're to expect in the next couple of days. I've enjoyed the short burst of jacket-free weather.

I'm feeling sick. My throat hurts and I have a headache. I always get sick when we have guests. I spent $30 on fancy supplements and drugs. I hope it works.

Hubb is leaving tomorrow night, just as one of my college roommates is coming in to town. My other college roommate is coming in Friday morning, and it will be Girls Girls Girls in my apartment all weekend. I am super excited to spend time with my girls, but I'm just grumpy today. Blah.

Mar 25, 2005

The Hubb took this great photo of me a few weekends ago. I think it pretty much sums up every superficial materialistic dream I've ever had.

I've been a busy busy bee this week. With the completion of my fourth (and final) cover for this week, my fingers need a rest. I plan to pick up the scissors and the thread again next week.

I made this one a little bit taller than the last few, to allow for room for the headphone cord. The interior is lined with the paisley-textured tan felt, and there is a simple flap with a black velcro closure. The cardinal is not only the state bird of Illinois, but of my beloved Virginia as well. So sentimental. I went back to the tree case, cutting a notch in the top and adding more leaves around the top edge. It's getting to where I'm in the middle of one case and am already getting bored and anxious to begin a different one. I think I may buy some larger pieces of felt and make some cute pillows for the sofa.

Days like today make me want to quit my job. Hubb has a wussy "Spring Skip Day" and gets to lounge around in his boxers all day while it's snowing and windy and I'm at work falling asleep at my desk. I had terrible trouble getting up this morning, but what else is new? My god I can't wait for tomorrow and sleeping in. Then it's crafts and shopping for patio furniture and maybe something Eastery. I haven't dyed eggs in years.

Mar 24, 2005

I've been lulled into a calming routine every evening this week, and extensive crafting has ensued. Tuesday night I finished a turntable inspired cover for the Hubb, and although I am not thrilled to the bone about how it turned out, it's still kinda cute, and it works well with Hubb's personality and love for all things music.

Last night I finished this one for my mini, which is my favorite so far:

This one was the most fun to make, and I'm super excited about it. I forgot to think about the headphone base, so I may cut a notch in the right top corner. The tree is made from an amazing paisley textured felt, that I have also made another simple pocket with. I was originally planning on putting a bird in the outer branches, but I got too carried away with the leaves. I stitched together an adorable cardinal which I'm sure won't go to waste.

I am still overflowing with ideas, but since I'm still rusty with my sketching, I won't embarrass myself by posting them here. I'm thinking of making something "baby" for my step sister who is due a little baby boy in July...I don't think he'll have an ipod, but I'm sure I'll come up with something to sew.

I'm feeling listy.

1. I love felt.
2. I finally learned how to make good stir fry! The wok should be proud of me.
3. I miss being in college. Only in the no-routine-sleep-in-skip-class-hang-out-with-friends-in-the-middle-of-the-day way.
4. I wish I could have slept longer today. However, getting up, ready, and out in 50 minutes was a record for me. The hair takes a while to dry.
5. I'm ready for some warming up. My body misses flip flops and skirts.

Mar 23, 2005

Dear 8th grade boyfriend who took my virginity and then denied it and slept with someone else after dumping me the very next day because I had a "Porky Pig stomach",

I forgive you. I am happy and I have a good life and a wonderful husband. The depression, anger and self-questioning that stemmed from that moment has made me a stronger person, equipping me to deal with a harsh, cruel world that you introduced to me. Thank you for that. I no longer blame you for my high school relationship and self-image problems. They weren't your fault, they were mine. Had I adopted your laid back attitude and your playboy lifestyle, I would have adjusted differently. I should never have burdened you with my heart, and for that I am sorry. Fortunately, the distrust I have felt towards all boys who have tried to be near me since you has nearly vanished, 12 years later. I want to thank you for hardening me with your selfish, closed-minded hateful words and actions. People like you have made me strive to be a better person, and I hope that you're happy with your high school drop out child-bride, 3 children, apartment in your mother's basement and all.

Love always,

Mar 22, 2005

I did it! I crafted! I ate dinner last night, sat down for an episode of CSI and decided, "hey, why not do something crafty?" So I did. Three hours later, and a thumb throbbing from pushing a needle through layers of felt, I had a new ipod pocket. The button is a little off, but I'm overall pretty happy about how it turned out. I have at least a dozen ideas for more pockets, and as I have a rainbow selection of felt to use up, I will probably be sporting a new ipod protecting design nearly every day. I love felt.

I was beginning to think I had lost The Crafting Ability, but it turns out that it just needed to be inspired and forced to get started on something. Now I can't stop thinking about what I will tackle next. Up, up, and craft away, emily!

Mar 21, 2005

Rarely do I lust after designer handbags, but Temma Dahan is my new obsession. With adorable names like Bambina and Graciella, and adorable chicky fabric, I am head over heels in love with them. I don't have an extra $300+ just for an adorable springtime purse, but I can dream. If I win the lottery anytime soon, one of these bags is added to my shopping list:

I'm numb from this year's tax-preparation Hubb and I discovered that we owe a ton this year, we decided to enlist the help of H&R Block to try and minimize how much of our money is expected to go to The Man. The huge smelly caveman at our local Block saved us a whopping $100, and immediately charged our Master Card $119 for his 30 minutes of work. Fantastic. I discovered that I had left off my student loan interest from my 2003 taxes, which, if amended, will produce a $350 check with my name on it. Can you guess what I'm doing tonight?

Spring is approaching a bit too slowly, and it needs to hurry it's flower-blooming bird-chirping ass up. Although still wrapped tightly in my wool jacket and knitted scarf, I was all smiles this morning, much like a crazy person, with the sun on my shoulders, The Wrens in my ears, and dreams of farmer's markets and evening walks with the Hubb. Come on Spring, work your magic and get here already!

Mar 18, 2005

This week has been too long. Way too long. I have a social obligation this evening that I am not so enthused about, and two more tomorrow. While it's fun and fulfilling to have people who like me and want to spend time with me, I secretly wish I could be alone for a weekend. Completely alone.

It's been a work week both from hell and from heaven; hell in terms of highly elevated stress levels and the amount of work I have done, and heaven in the pride and the joy of 200 people clapping for me, hugging me and thanking me for all of my hard work. I cried. It was nice. That was yesterday, and I am on autopilot today, zoning out and eating constantly to get enough energy to meet with my boss in this afternoon. An hour-long meeting, just the two of us. I had quite a bit on my agenda, but I'm scratching some items off because I simply don't have the stomach to deal with it right now.

It's also been a personal week both from hell and from heaven...learning of things like divorce (not mine), pregnancy (not mine), near-fatal accidents (also not mine), and that I must soon endure long absences from the Hubb has left me in a fragile state, and for once shopping isn't the therapy I crave. I need comfort and I need it now. Good news for the week includes rock hard plans for friends to visit, a bridesmaid dress not being as much as a hassle as previously thought, and discovering Peapod, my new money-draining vice. Beer and cat food delivered to my house? That's some comfort I can handle.

Mar 14, 2005

If only every day could be like this weekend. Event-filled Friday, Calm and productive Saturday, and crafty productive Sunday with rest and a fire and the most delicious homemade meal ever. Extreme Quality Time with the Hubb. Perfect.

Dinner: slow cooked pork with homemade barbecue sauce, sweet cranberry potato salad, carrot slaw and impromptu baked beans. Beer and smores and Quality Time. Deliciously perfect.

The productivity of the weekend was amazing. Cleaning the house, organizing, and in between I hit the sewing machine, fashioning a bedskirt out of a useless sheet, and am preparing to attempt two felt ipod covers for the Hubb and I tonight. Saturday landed us unplanned at a fabric store where I went wild on sale items, spending only $14 to keep me occupied for months. I'm not picky with my sales. I'd actually take a fabric store clear-out over a shoe sale any day.

Today wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be, and I'm actually excited to do it again tomorrow. The afternoon is winding down in slack relief of the pressure and insane excitement of mid-morning, and we're all staying off each other's backs. I was actually able to take a trip to the grocery store during a late-afternoon lunchtime for dinner items, and although I'm still not exactly sure what I will be eating tonight, I have an exciting array food items that will be sure to combine into something delicious.

I'm feeling rather lazy, as my adrenaline reserve is surely exhausted for the rest of the day. I feel much like my pretty girl Eva. Tonight that will be me, with a glass of wine and a plate

Mar 11, 2005

Lunchtime fortune extracted from cookie at Chinese restaurant yesterday: "A Thrilling Time is in your immediate future." That is way cool.

So the new bed arrived last night, and Hubb and I promptly put it together and were pyjama-ed and in it by 9:30 pm. New bed! New high thread count sheets! It was divine. It quite possibly was the Thrilling Time I was promised. I haven't slept that well in a very very long time. Maybe it's the fact that I've been pushing my brain to depend on a new bed for a good night's sleep, and maybe I just really slept like crap but am giving myself the illusion of a restful slumber, but either way I feel nice and non-back-achey today. The first thing I said as I sat up on my new mattress this morning was "I can't wait to go to bed tonight." I would have stayed in bed all day long if it weren't for this pesky work thing.

Hubb and I have a semi-busy weekend planned, and honestly I'd rather just stay in bed and watch my backlog of CSI episodes and eat home-popped pop corn. But then I'd get crumbs in the new bed, and we can't have that. Not yet anyway.

It has been a rough journey, but I'm finally getting used to actually being busy at work again. It feels wonderful to actually have things to do, and I love the little scratches through my lengthy legal pad To Do list. Next week will be hell, as literally 170 people's lives are depending on me, but I feel semi-confident that it will all turn out ok. At least I'll have a couple of good night sleeps behind me as I conquer the stress and frantic crap that is waiting to bite my ankles on Monday morning. I must remember to wear nice shoes.

I realize that I haven't posted any photos here in a while, and I'll try to do something about that in the very near future. I'm a visual person, and am boring myself with this plain text and pink. I promise some visual stimulation soon.

Mar 8, 2005

After two and a half years sleeping on a hand-me-down full-size mattress that makes my shoulders and my back ache and isn't long enough for Hubb's monkey legs, we are finally getting a new bed. A bigger, better queen size bed. This means new bed linens! I am so excited I can't stand it. I'm anticipating long restful nights and bright cheery mornings, comfort and relaxation on my new high thread-count sheets, cool, crisp and refreshing, cozy, snuggly and warm. Sleep! On a new bed! With new sheets! The excitement is making me sleepy. The new bed comes Thursday, and I have every intention of going to sleep at 8pm that night, and all weekend.

At a girlie birthday dinner Saturday I got into a pretty emotional 2-bottle of wine charged discussion about nature vs. nurture with one of my girlfriends when it hit me: despite my wacky family and not so ideal upbringing, I'm OK. I'm physically and (for the most part) emotionally healthy, and I've turned out OK. And that's nice. I still have my issues (and who doesn't?) but I can deal with them and be happy. Just a random realization that's had me floating for the last couple of days. I'm OK, people! Woohoo!

Random Rant: Can somebody explain to me why every couple of months another one of my beauty staples gets discontinued? I can't tell you how many PERFECT lipsticks, eyeshadows, lotions, face washes, bar soaps and lip balms have disappeared into oblivion, and how much time I've spent trying to replace them. And then I do. And inevitably they stop making it. Blasted cosmetic companies. Damn them. Damn them straight to beauty hell. Maybe it's a sign for high-maintenance emily to simplify her life...we'll see how well that goes.

Mar 3, 2005

I'm giddy with excitement and anticipation today, because: GIRL TIME! My two girlfriends from college are coming for a weekend when the Hubb will be out of town next month to have fun, drink LOTS of wine, shop, explore and just plain catch up. I can't wait. It's been so long since I've had honest to goodness girl time, and it absolutely thrills me to have two of my best friends with me...all mine!...for an entire weekend. And then, a week and a half later: wedding anniversary and then Hawaii to visit my best friend of 20 years. April will be fantastic. I also get three paychecks next month. I love it.

In the meantime, March is looking pretty dull. Not much happening except getting used to not having the car, trying to save a little bit of money for our trips next month, trying to lose a little bit of weight so I don't have to buy a larger wardrobe. Trying to get used to the Hubb working late ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Trying to get into a crafty frame of mind...I stopped by an art store last night on the way home from work and they were out of each thing I was shopping for. So I gave up and today I bought a pair of argyle socks for a craft project instead. Whatever. Trying not to let the little things upset me.

For some reason I've sort of fallen out of music over the past few years, but now with my tiny portable music collection, I am realizing how much I've missed it. I've missed you, music. Thank you Apple, for reopening my eyes, er...ears.

Mar 2, 2005

Got together with friends last night and saw the Futureheads at the Double Door. It was a great show, full of energy and liveliness, and worth the smoky late night sleepy hangover headache I have this morning. They're a fun band to see live if you ever have the chance. And cute. The lead singer wore white loafers and I think their drummer is a robot. Fun times. Except for dropping my favorite cocoa chapstick on the beer and cigarette strewn floor. Gross.

I've been tired this week...but just couldn't commit to "accidentally" waking up late this morning. I still made it to work on time, drifting on the fumes of five and a half hours of crappy sleep. If I don't get a full uninterrupted eight hours of sleep sometime soon I might become incredibly grumpy.

I'm ready for spring, flip flops and skirts and no freezing cold runny noses waiting for the bus. Please get warm. Four months ahead, but I think Hubb and I have decided to have a 4th of July BYOP (bring your own protein) barbecue on the deck. I want to share the amazing experience of 360 degrees of fireworks that my neighborhood delivers with people I like. Drink beers and sangria and eat hotdogs and corn on the cob and potato salad in the warm summer sun, enjoy frozen grapes and margaritas underneath a celebratory nighttime sky of illegal explosions. I'm focusing on the warmth and fun of the summer while suffering through these last few weeks of dreary winter blah.

I want so much not to be at work today.