Today is the first day of winter. As if it hasn't been winter for the last month. cold. bitter. chapped. I finally got some great non-sausagey long johns, just in time for it to warm up above freezing. They come up to my armpits for super cold days, and can easily and comfortable fold down below the waist of my low rise jeans. Comfy and soft and warm. Take that, winter!

Today was also pretty much the best day ever. Bonuses at work...really wonderful bonuses at work, a bottle of wine, a sushi lunch...my company loves me. That makes me happy. I'm also putting together a Muji order for my Japanese coworker to fulfill during his holiday trip home next week. Japanese Ikea. Love it.

I want this purse.

And this belt.

And a small side table. And some silverware. And a lamp. And tons of other things I won't subject him to bring home to me. But the purse and the belt I must have. Happy bonus!

BEST WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVER

I have already received everything I wanted...including a protective sheath for my nano, a wonderful new case for my camera, and a fabulous romantic weekend of relaxation with the Hubb. Christmas has officially begun.

- a successful work holiday party last night. people stumbling into work late this morning, me included. ate too little and drank too much. i can still taste the liquor infused in my tongue. a fun fun time was had by all. especially by me. i love paying for things when the money's not mine.

- i have astigmatism and i need new glasses. so i got some.

they're sassy. mine are red. i will have them in two weeks. i am a little bit embarassed to admit that i totally wanted to get the prada frames, just because.

- i think i am done with my christmas shopping, which is good. but also a little bit sad because it is one of my favorite things to do; buy presents for other people. i'm sure i'll come up with a few extra goodies to purchase for hubb, though.

- i'm getting a cheeseburger for lunch. and the delivery guy just got here. thank god.

Things I am preoccupying myself with right now:

1. the baby in the office. she is soft, sweet, smiley, and adorably wonderful and warm. no matter how upset, angry, stressed, or sad, she brightens my day incredibly by smiling at me every time i say hi.

2. thoughts of my new oven. delivered this morning, she promises to cheer me up when i get home. and she is gorgeous.

3. shoes. for new year's eve.

they are quite beautiful, no?

Amidst shopping, drinking and eating during one of the busiest and most fulfilling weekends I've had in a while, I received two incredibly sad and difficult to handle pieces of bad news: a family member with a likely terminal illness and the loss of someone near and dear to my heart. I'm struggling to make sense of it all, and am having trouble keeping my mind on anything remotely resembling work. I'm trying to distract my brain with Christmas plans and end of year office comings and goings, but it's tough. Here I am worrying about little things, being superficial and materialistic, wasting my thoughts on shoes and a chubby midsection and a new oven and holiday decorations...all while others are frightened and hurting.

My instinct is to dive full into these silly trivial things, ignore the weight on my heart, keep concentrating on being happy and carefree. Survival mode for me. I can't fully comprehend the gravity of it all. This will take some time.

I'm on a path of destruction with my wardrobe right now...a grease stain on my favorite peacock blue deep v tee shirt, a pull in my brand new purple sweater, unattractive stretchiness in my favorite cardigan, a hole forming in my favorite jeans, pilling on my favorite black sweater. It makes me sad to see clothes go, especially when I'm not particularly in the mood to go shopping to replace them.

I made the most wonderful pair of earrings last night, all dangly and sparkly and wonderful opalescent glass bead beautiful. I will photograph them and post them soon. Along with some of my other pieces, I swear! Or maybe I'll just have Hubb do it with his brand new birthday camera.

I've about half of my Christmas shopping finished, and the rest of it selected and planned. I'm sending many people Frango mints, to celebrate the last Christmas of Marshall Field's. The limited edition peppermint bark mints are heavenly. This year is going to be rustic and understated and warm fuzziness, both in the gifts I am giving and the packaging I am giving them in. Brown paper and ribbon and twine. And simple graphic holiday cards. Lovely.

So today is Hubb's birthday; Happy Birthday, Hubb! We shall celebrate with margarits and guac.

I won a Nano! At the Wired event Wednesday at Enclave, I won the iPod Nano! Hurray for me! It is so precious, tiny and smooth and wonderful and light. I love it. Now Hubb and I have more iPods than people in our house. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Dressing up as a Nano for Halloween paid off! Next year I'm dressing up as a house. Or a private jet. Or a million dollars.

I'm sorry.

It has been brought to my attention that I may have said some things in this blog in the past about people that may be hurtful. My intention has never been to harm people's feelings, or to cause stress or tension between others, and I apologize. I am embarrassed and ashamed for complaining so openly about these people, and I know I would be incredibly hurt if someone said the same things about me. I'm sorry and I have deleted those comments.

That said, this blog is a place for self expression, for venting and for sharing, for being vague and at the same time being completely honest about who and what I am. I am not a mean spirited person, though I may come across that way sometimes. I don't want to turn this into a self-defensive rant.

I don't mention names, I don't mention places. If you know me, you know what I do, where I work, who I am friends with. You know where I live. I would be an idiot to think that my friends and coworkers wouldn't know this site was mine if they came across it, and apparently I have been pretty stupid by thinking that it was safe from the people I was talking about.

I'm sorry.