Oct 23, 2003

ok, now i've calmed down from all of the excitement of starting this dumb thing, and have used my amazing intuitiveness to figure out how to change the html to customize my colors. now it is reminiscent of pepto bismol, instead of pea soup. we'll go with that. i think i'll put it on my resume. "highly intuitive, creative and possess "blog" html knowledge."

i am feeling seriously down today. i am reminded time and time again how much time and money i wasted on my college education. i wish someone would have told me that i was throwing it all away when i became an art major. there are no "jobs" in "art". i currently am employed by a huge institution, working at less than 25% capacity, doing menial tasks capable of a 12 year old, and getting paid accordingly. i'm lost. i have no idea what i want to be/do when/if i grow up. last weekend i saw Lost in Translation with my husband, brother in law and brother in law's girlfriend. i cried. it really hit home with me. not in the upset-with-my-marriage-and-contemplating-an-affair-with-bill-murray-who's-old-enough-to-be-my-dad sort of way, but the i'm-metaphorically-lost-and-saddened-by-it-because-i-am-in-this-really-awesome-place-and-can't-appreciate-it-and-i-don't-know-what-i-am-meant-to-be-doing-with-my-life-and-don't-know-how-to-start-figuring-it-all-out sort of way. it makes me want to cry again. and/or throw up. hence the pepto pink.

my life's not all that bad. i have a job, my husband has a good job. we're making ends meet, paying off debt (despite my attempts to put us in deeper with my shopping addiction.) we have a place to live, we live in an amazing city. we're happy. i love him. we have two cats and we love them. i have good friends and a good family (even though they're a little odd. who's family isn't?) anyway, life is good. i'm just unhappy. i think it all stems from my job and the people i work with.

i keep getting huey lewis' i want a new drug stuck in my head. except i sing it "i want a new job. one that doesn't suck. one that pays a whole lot more. one that isn't a huge bore." maybe i should be a songwriter.

that's my deep and meaningful entry for today. i'm searching for the meaning of my life if anyone's interested in helping me out. thaaaanks.

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