Jun 10, 2010


we had our 20 week ultrasound today and confirmed, without a doubt, that we are having a son. i cried, which i think i would have done either way, but i think that deep down i really wanted a boy. so there you go!

everything measured perfectly, normal and expected. we couldn't ask for a more healthy pregnancy so far. blood test results come back with numbers as if i were in my 20's, no complications to speak of, i'm feeling great and thoroughly enjoying being pregnant. i am actually really sad that it's already half over.

it's funny knowing the gender of the little baby growing inside of me. now i can imagine how he will look, think about his personality, dream solidly about little boy things. it's also funny knowing that we won't have a daughter. for the last 20 weeks we have daydreamed about our little boy or girl, going through scenarios with each gender, loving both the son and the daughter we imagined at different time that we'd have. today one of those doors closed, and i'm mourning a bit for it. i think when i cried as the ultrasound tech finished up her measurements i was also crying for the death, so to speak, of the dream our future daughter. of the pink and ruffles and long curly hair and ballet and ponies and mermaids. i would have cried for the loss of a dream of a son as well. i guess i was destined to cry either way.

i think we will be a one child family, but only time will tell. maybe my dreams of teaching a little girl how to put on lip gloss and sewing party dresses will change my mind in a few years and we'll have another baby, hoping for a girl this time. but if we had another son, i don't think i can take the emotional baggage of knowing that i had a baby just to have a girl and it wasn't. i'm sure all parents go through this. life is complicated.

i am still sort of in shock, i keep forgetting that i know i am going to raise a little boy. then i daydream about tiny three piece suits with bow ties, and trains and tigers and playing in the dirt. of teaching my son to be a gentleman, to open doors for ladies and say thank you and please.

i have many hopes for him, and they grow every minute. i hope he is creative, like his parents. i hope he isn't a picky eater. i hope he has his daddy's smile. i hope he loves to learn. i hope he has hazel eyes like both craig and i do. i hope he loves to camp with his daddy and cook with his mommy. i hope we can teach him to be generous, kind, and thoughtful.

i could elaborate, but i won't write a book here. boy oh boy. a boy!!

1 comment:

april said...

you articulated exactly how i felt when we found out. there's nothing better than a boy that grows into a great man thanks to a great mother.