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dear internets, after 8 and 1/2 years and 606 posts, i’m leaving blogger and joining tumblr. in an effort to refresh my online self, i am going to start from scratch and post content more interesting than how just i feel about having a baby, though i’m sure there will be plenty of henry there. cooking, crafts, photos, who knows. friends, i hope i am able to introduce you something, inspire you, or otherwise occasionally entertain you.

i’m also going to quit twitter cold turkey, limiting my social media to tumblr and facebook so i can spend more time living my life and less time trying to update people about it. so many changes!

thanks for reading.

xoxo -emily
http://emilyberman.tumblr.com/

it's incredible to me how many of my friendships have been altered by having a baby, both positively and negatively. i knew dynamics would change, but the way the have has surprised me. as always, i'm saddened by the friends i'm drifting away from - i hate losing people. but it's putting things in perspective in a great way that i have never experienced before. really knowing who our good friends are and recognizing that there are people we are unintentionally letting go.

i've finally gotten a bit antsy about staying home, feeling a little bored and stuck in the house as temperatures remain low. i knew it would happen eventually, being indoors in our tiny little home day in and day out. henry and i try plan activities outside of the house at least a few times a week, visiting friends, running errands. we have playdates with his friend owen, 3 months his senior. we visit with sophie, 4 months his junior. but i'm looking forward to all of the fun things we'll do when the weather turns over and we can leave the house without bundling up quite so tight. when we can take the stroller out. when henry can stay awake long enough to enjoy the zoo and the nature museum and the lake shore.

but in the meantime i'm missing something. we read books and we sing songs and play with toys and henry sits in the highchair while momma cooks. we clean the house together, fold diapers, take lots of photos and videos and take a photobooth photo to email to poppa every day. and henry still takes 4 short naps a day. i guess now that we have a pretty good routine i have the luxury of getting bored with it. and since we converted our office/craft room to baby henry's room, my crafts are off limits while he's sleeping, which isn't working so well. i always think of something to create or to fiddle around with while he's sleeping, rather than planning and pulling out the necessary supplies before he goes down for his nap. i have made a few small things for him since he joined us, a pennant banner for his wall and...wait...i think that's it. i miss being creative, having the space and time to play with my crafts, fabrics, paints. my creative energy is itching to get out, i just haven't figured out how to make that happen yet.

at henry's last pediatrician visit, his doctor told us to start on solids at his 4 month adjusted age (from his due date rather than his birth date), and i'm reading up on baby led weaning. i am excited to introduce henry to real foods, and am even excited to start pureeing things, but letting him lead the way and experiment with textures right from the get go seems so natural to me. i don't know anyone who has done it this way, but i think i might like to give it a try. or at least do some combination of introducing foods, if possible.

in the meantime i'm trying to start experimenting in the kitchen more, trying new recipes, actually reading my cookbooks and cooking magazines that have been gathering dust for the last year. i've become so comfortable with my staple recipes that i've neglected searching for new options. but every time i make something new that we like, it ends up in our rotation, and the rotation is getting too big to allow for nights of experimentation. i'm going to have to retire a few things.

i remember a few staple foods from my childhood - taco night, meatloaf, grilled chicken and pork tenderloin, frozen succotash. i wonder what henry will remember - if i'll make the same dishes consistently enough for him to have his favorites that he'll ask for when he's home from college. i sort of hope not. i hope he just misses his momma's cooking in general.

year in review, 2010.

i worked in a kitchen all year, both helping to manage it and cooking in it for both myself and others. i put myself in difficult situations, i learned to work within budgets and constraints and without proper kitchen equipment. i learned more about my capacity as a chef, what i do and don't want for my future career. i learned a lot of new recipes. and i learned that i need to find a way to keep better track of them.

i did a lot of resting in 2010. i worked part time the entire year, having days off that i'd never had before. i became one of those people who do liesurely lunches with friends on weekdays. i explored selfish hobbies with my time off, doing a lot of reading, a lot of canning, a lot of planning for my future. and a lot of napping.

but still, 2010 was a challenge. and i was pregnant for the majority of it. and then i had a baby! anything else i accomplished in 2010 pales in comparison. it still seems so unreal to me that this perfect little creature belongs to us. henry is amazing and beautiful and more perfect than i could have hoped for. and motherhood has been so incredible, i've acclimated to it like it was always meant to be, and for the most part i always knew that. 2010 was the year my son was born. 2010 a year i will never, ever forget.

my hopes for 2011 rest mainly on my child's growth and happiness. to be a good mom, to raise a happy and well adjusted baby. 2010 was incredible, but i have no doubt that 2011 will be even better.

i was just thinking i hadn't written here in a while, and then i see that it's been 6 weeks. time flies when you're preoccupied with your infant. i've been prioritizing.

i'm going to take a break from here for a while, see how it goes. i've been keeping this blog for too many years to give it up entirely, though i'm not sure many people read it anyway. it's stubbornness on my part, i hate giving up.

henry is so great and i love being a mom. staying at home has been wonderful but also challenging as i don't have many other stay at home mom friends to share my days with. i've felt totally on the outside as most of my friends have gone back to work or are hiring nannys, staying at home isn't the norm. i get mixed responses from people about my decision to stay home, from "that's great" and huge smiles, to "oh, really?" and confused crinkled foreheads from people i least expect. it was a decision i'm happy we made, one we made before i was even pregnant, and one that has definitely come with some amount of hardship, but for me, i couldn't imagine anything else. for our family it just made sense. i miss the extra income, the adult interaction, the professional fulfillment, but i'll get that all back some day.

so many things make so much sense to me now that i'm a mom. i understand the hardship of caring for an infant and trying to maintain an identity, to keep some sense of self and not get lost in motherhood. i understand unconditional love more than i ever thought i could. i understand why so many women stop breastfeeding (it's hard!). and how large families happen (i already miss the first few weeks of infancy and dream of having another baby just to experience it again).

i also know that this is both the hardest and easiest thing i have ever done. hardest with the sleep deprivation, the length of time it's taking to get a handle on breastfeeding, the responsibility and fear related to raising this child right. easiest in that it is all coming naturally to me, and i've never been so happy, fulfilled and calm. i'm surprising myself every day.

we'll be updating henryberman.com with photos, videos and tidbits from our henry's little life, and i'll probably post here every once in a while. after i get a bit more settled i might start a cooking project i've been kicking around for a while, but i am going to distance myself from the internet a bit and spend more time with my flesh and blood and less time with my laptop.

xoxo

mr henry allen berman was born sunday, october 03, 2010 at 12:00 am on the dot, surprising us almost 4 full weeks before his expected due date. he weighed 6 lbs 2 oz and measured 19 inches in length, pretty good for technically being a preemie!

labor and delivery were fast and furious and everything i could have asked for, with a healthy baby and everyone recovering quickly. henry is now one week old, and craig and i are amazed at how amazing our life is with our little boy. i couldn't be more happy right now with my little family.

henry's uncle brett set up a website for us to keep our out of town family updated on his cuteness - henryberman.com. we'll be posting photos and videos there, mostly for the grandparents, but feel free to check in to see what he's been up to.

autumn has always been my favorite season, hands down. perhaps it's my tendency towards layering my clothes, my love for squashes of all sizes and colors, warm comforting braised dishes, and my late october birthday. perhaps it's the transition from wild hot summer fun to chilly holiday hibernation. either way, this autumn is sure to be the most memorable with the upcoming birth of my son.

my favorite things about autumn:
- scarves, cardigans and boots
- apple cider and maple syrup and butternut squash
- braised meats
- the changing leaves, however short the transition lasts
- caramel apples!
- brussel sprouts and bacon
- tights and light jackets and flannel
- the chill in the air that makes your nose cold but doesn't yet touch your core
- colors like brown and grey and mustard and rust
- pumpkins, pumpkin pies, pumpkin seeds, even the smell of smashed pumpkins on the streets
- candles and fires in the fireplace
- celebrating getting another year older, and from now on sharing that joy with my child

i'm so glad we are having a baby in the fall, before the snow and cold sets in, giving us two good reasons to settle in for the winter months.

i'm almost 35 weeks pregnant now, which means just about a month to go. i'm starting to get a touch nervous, not for the actual birth but for the changes our lives will suddenly as we turn into parents next month. one day we can be selfish and go to bed when we want and run out to dinner on a whim and the next day we have a little helpless baby who needs us to devote our entire selves, day in and day out, to him. with the overwhelming love i already feel for this little guy in my belly i'm more than happy to do it, i'm just nervous that even with our library of preparatory reading and talking to other parents we don't really totally know what we're in for.

i also had a realization recently about my wardrobe. i've been dreaming of getting my waist back (which i know will take some time) and fitting into my old clothes again (along with some new ones). in the meantime i've also been stocking up on nursing items and planning for breastfeeding, and i've realized that many of my old clothes aren't going to work so well for a stay at home breastfeeding mom. cute dresses and fitted tops are 100% impractical if i'm going to be trying to breastfeed anywhere i can't disrobe completely, not to mention that i'll be spending my days on the sofa and the floor with my little one (and my two cats - i have a serious thing against pet hair on my clothes...yuck!) so comfort and accessibility will be top priority over cuteness and fashion. how do i keep my style during this transition into motherhood?

i have finished all of my birthing books and am practicing stretching and relaxation techniques in preparation for the unmedicated birth that i'm planning for. we've taken the classes and i'm mentally and physically gearing up for the marathon experience. i'm actually really looking forward to it, and i've been able to let go of any fear i had of the pain and discomfort i will be going through. my only fear is in my ability to let go of control, to let the organic process take charge. i like to be in control - if you know me at all you are nodding your head right now - and though i'm controlling the parts that i can (my care provider, my labor support person, the knowledge i'm coming into this with), i know that things can go a different way than i have planned and i am not sure how to prepare for that. i guess accepting the fact that things can go differently is the first step.

i'm also preparing myself for the helplessness i will feel after birth, for letting friends and family in to take care of us and help us through the first few weeks. i'm a stubborn self sufficient person, so letting my mom cook for me and do laundry and help with the baby will be difficult for me. not to mention when my in laws and my other parents arrive - i'm a hostess and not being on my game is going to be a mental challenge for me. i know i'll have probably the only good excuse i'll ever have to not have a fully stocked fridge and a perfectly clean house, but it's still going to be tough to let go of who i am (hostess, entertainer) in order to concentrate on the more important person who i have become (mom).

i apologize that this has turned into my pregnancy therapy blog of sorts! it's easy to say a thing like pregnancy won't take over your life but the simple fact is that it does. becoming a parent is the biggest change most of us will ever go through in life, it's hard not to think about it day in and day out. there is so much planning that goes into these 40 weeks, new priorities, new experiences, new goals. this is the biggest part of who i am now.

i am an incredibly lucky woman. this has hit me more and more as i've grown older, and especially now, in my 7th month of pregnancy, as i reflect on the easy time i've had so far being with child. i've had a flexible work schedule with understanding employers, the freedom to rest and put my feet up when i really need it, a supportive husband who waits on me hand and foot and doesn't hesitate to give me a message at my slightest demand, and a body that so easily adapted to pregnancy i'm still in awe by it. other than the 6 or so weeks of constant nausea (that i have nearly forgotten the extent of by now), pregnancy for me has been a breeze. i'm incredibly happy with how i've been carrying this child, my body hasn't changed dramatically except for the basketball i'm carrying in front of me.

people keep asking me if i'm done being pregnant yet, if i'm exhausted by it and ready to have my body back. my answer: not yet. i'm still glowing and happy and comfortable with this baby in side of me. i love feeling him move, even at 4 am. i miss laying on my stomach, but it still makes me laugh when he kicks in protest as i inadvertently put pressure on my belly. i am looking forward to shopping for "normal" clothes again this winter - dresses with defined waists and shirts that don't have to be stretchy - but i'm loving my pregnancy wardrobe. (those full panel maternity leggings are the best invention ever!) i have been lax on the recommended food restrictions -i've really only totally avoided raw fish and shellfish and unpasteurized dairy (not that i come across it on a regular basis anyway) - but i do miss having a manhattan. i've had a half glass of wine or beer here and there, but bourbon, oh how i miss bourbon.

my motto for the past 7 months, and for the foreseeable future: keep it simple. don't overdo it. take it easy. i have to remind myself as i prepare for house guests, make plans with friends and family, plan for this baby and organize his nursery, and cook dinner. it's a good attitude to adopt in general, and i hope my logistics loving self can keep it after my son is born.

i love simple rustic food, sometimes with timely preparations, but using simple ingredients cooked in basic ways. roasting a chicken, braising a pork shoulder, simple grains and salads. these are the staples for the way that i cook. foods like these are comforting and casual, easy to share. and one of my favorite deceptively simple things to make is shortbread. 4 basic ingredients that everyone has in their kitchen, plus one or two extra if you want to be fancy. and who doesn't love a good shortbread cookie?

here's my basic recipe, with recommendations for just a few of the endless options for additions. i hope you enjoy it!

oh so simple shortbread

2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup cold butter, cut into cubes

dash of kosher salt

granulated sugar to top

optional flavor additions:

2 tbsp finely chopped fresh herb (basil, thyme, lemon balm, rosemary)

1 tbsp finely grated lemon or lime zest

a little more salt, plus flaky maldon sea salt to top (my favorite)

2 -3 tbsp cocoa powder

preheat oven to 400 degrees. throw everything into a food processor and process until dough comes together, just 2-3 minutes. from here you can do two things: press the dough into a parchment lined jelly roll pan, spread until smooth and chill for 30 minutes, or wrap the dough in plastic and chill for 30 minutes to roll out and use cookie cutters. if you decide to use the jelly roll pan, press it into the pan making sure it is about 1/4 inch thick. use a knife to score the top of the shortbread to make cutting or breaking apart easier after baking. if you decide to roll the dough out and use cookie cutters, make sure the dough is very cold, roll it out to 1/4 inch thick, using a bit of flour to prevent sticking, and a floured spatula to help lift the cookies from the work surface onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. sprinkle extra sugar on top of the shortbread and slide into the oven. turn the oven down to 350 and bake for 10-15 minutes, (a little longer for the jelly roll pan to allow the center to cook evenly), turning the pan halfway through, until ever so slightly brown. the cookies won't look done, but if check the bottom of the cookie and it is lightly brown, it's done. it is important not to overbake these. if you wait until the edges crisp and the top gets medium brown like a chocolate chip cookie, you'll have crispy crackly shortbread instead of the crumbly cakey shortbread we're after here. cool on a cooling rack and enjoy.

i like to serve mine with homemade ice cream or sorbet, but they're also great as sandwich cookies with a little buttercream or chocolate ganache.

...or more appropriately simply by themselves with a cup of coffee or tea.

enjoy!

my "6 hours to myself today to get a bunch of crap done" did not result in many items getting crossed off of my to do list. instead i 1) found a swanky 50's inspired resort for us to stay at in door county over labor day weekend, 2) showered, 3) located and purchased shelving for the nursery on the internet, and 4) had a successful dry run of my hairdo for my 60's prom themed costume for this weekend. i wish i had time for a nap, but my 6 hours are nearly up.

i did not manage to 1) put away the laundry, 2) return the phone call to my insurance company from last week, 3) can the pounds of tomatoes in that bowl on the counter, or 4) reorganize/clean out my kitchen cabinets. maybe tomorrow.

our plethora of birth/baby classes has begun with a cloth diapering class yesterday. we were 99.99% decided on using cloth, and now we're at 100% with a firm decision on the system we plan to use. it was super helpful to hear a mom of 3 talk about her experience, down to her daily diapering and laundry routine, making the whole process much less daunting. and the diapers themselves - there are so many options! regular old grandma's cloth diapers with covers, prefolds with covers (and then there are indian or chinese prefolds), pocket diapers, all-in-ones, combo cloth/disposable systems, etc etc. and they all do the same thing, keeping poop and pee off of you and your stuff. we're going with prefolds and covers for cost, ease of use, and minimizing laundry bulk. i'm actually really excited to be saving money and the landfill by using cloth, and to avoid putting synthetic materials and chemicals on my baby's genitals.

we had a lovely woodland themed baby shower on saturday, complete with leaves and acorns and little woodland creatures. it was loads of fun, and we feel so lucky and honored to have so many fabulous creative friends who love us. xoxo, you guys!

i'm having some wardrobe issues - i've always had this thing where i don't wear the articles of clothing in my closet that i really love very often for fear of wearing them out, and now that my body is changing every week, i'm missing the windows of opportunities to wear things. so this week i'm wearing everything i love, with no fear. pregnancy is too short to keep wearing the same t-shirts over and over.

the weeks have been slipping away as my stomach grows and my bookshelf overflows with dozens of books on pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, parenting and cooking. i'm trying to keep my life well rounded, but it's hard. we're excited and all i think about is this baby that kicks me nonstop. i'm not complaining, i love feeling him move around, and i'm going to miss it something fierce once he's born. though i'm sure i'll have lots of other things to love and think about missing as he passes from one stage to the next. i'm both happy and sad to be in my third trimester - so glad i've made it healthy and trouble free this far, so happy that we're closer to meeting our son, and so sad that pregnancy will be over in 12 weeks or so. i really love being pregnant.

the nursery has come together nicely, we just need to hang some artwork and buy a wall shelf. and finish filling out his wardrobe and make sure we have all those little things that one needs for a baby. like diapers. we're going to tackle using cloth diapers, we actually have a cloth diapering class on sunday. and a baby shower on saturday.

everything is babies right now.

except the cooking part. as soon as i'm finished working (just a few more weeks) i'm going to start canning and freezing food for after bb arrives. i have a list of ideas and recipes and foods that i know i'll want to have in the house but might not have the energy or time to prepare. and my christmas canning needs to happen early this year as well. i need to experiment with some new jams and spreads and sauces that might make good gifts. i'm looking forward to spending some time concentrating on something other than this tiny child growing inside of me. keep my mind off of labor and breastmilk and sleepless nights. and the excitement of meeting and caring for this little guy who i already love more than i thought i could love anything.

pregnancy hormones.

bb has been kicking and moving and flipping around for the past two weeks, feelings that are still new and novel to me and therefore still excite me each time i sense them. when i eat something sugary he is even more active, and it's funny to be able to feel that effect. we've been brainstorming more names, even though we have one that we adore, and now we have two full names that will be hard to choose between after he's born. but choices are good. i like to have options.

as my stomach has been pushing ever outward i've been forced to rework my wardrobe and rethink my summer fashion. a few pieces i thought i'd wear while pregnant are definitely not going to work, so i'm sticking with the few pairs of maternity jeans and shorts i've purchased paired with layering t-shirts, tank tops and cardigans, and a slew of stretchy jersey dresses. like this amazing dress i bought in navy on a whim from the gap last week. i think i'm going to wear it all summer. belts are definitely a pregnant woman's friend when it comes to looking flattering in a dress, it helps define the belly. i have a few tunic style dresses that i just haven't wanted to wear because they just make me look huge and round instead of just plain old me with a belly. i think tighter clothes that define my pregnant figure are definitely better for my small stature. i think i can handle the rest of the summer with my current wardrobe and minimal, if any more, maternity shopping, but if the weather chills too much before i deliver i'll be in trouble. i have zero jackets and long sleeve shirts that will fit me at 8-9 months pregnant.

angelic organics started last week with a bounty of greens and herbs, and after working the green city market yesterday for pasta puttana and coming home with even more bounty of fruits and tomatoes, we're definitely stocked with a healthy fridge. last night i made a swiss chard and shredded chicken gratin with garlic scapes and gruyere cheese. it was delightful.

swiss chard and shredded chicken gratin with garlic scapes and gruyere

1 tbsp butter

1/2 cup breadcrumbs

- melt butter in a small saucepan and add breadcrumbs. toss to coat and cook over medium heat for 2-3 minutes to lightly toast. set aside.

1 tbsp butter

1 tbsp flour

1 cup milk

dash freshly grated nutmeg

salt and pepper

- in another small pot, melt butter and add flour, stirring constantly for 2-3 minutes to form the roux. carefully add the milk and whisk every few seconds until thick. add nutmeg and s&p to taste. set aside.

1 tbsp butter (or chicken fat, if you have it)

3-4 garlic scapes

2 slices bacon (or some ham or pancetta, whatever you have)

1 cup shredded chicken (leftover roast chicken works great)

large bunch of kale

- saute garlic scapes and bacon in butter/fat until bacon has given up most of its fat. add kale and toss until wilted. drain any excess liquid from the pan. add chicken and stir until heated through.

1 cup shredded gruyere cheese

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

- add sauce to kale/chicken mixture, add half of the cheeses and stir. pour into a dish and top with remaining cheese and breadcrumb mixture. bake fro 20-30 minutes until top is lightly brown and sauce is bubbly. serve with a fresh tomato salad. enjoy!

i haven't been cooking much recently and it makes me sad. i've been working, socializing, ordering delivery (something we rarely if ever did before i became pregnant) and eating out way more than i probably should be. i've been preparing quick pasta and shrimp dishes, eating eggs for dinner and lots and lots of cereal. i've come back around to using cow milk instead of my old standby of rice or almond milk. whole cow milk. i would have never imagined i'd be drinking something that used to initiate my gag reflex so consistently. pregnancy does weird things to your taste buds.

we did visit our farmers market last week and i bought a bunch of green garlic for the first time, and a few stems of rhubarb that i've been contemplating what else to do with. the green garlic has been sauteed with heirloom tomatoes and tossed with pasta, scrambled with eggs, minced and folded into crabcakes and gently sauteed and mixed into a green garlic aioli. i still have 3 or 4 stems left, and i just might pickle them. i've had a hankering for pickled things, totally stereotypical for the pregnant lady. the rhubarb has been quick pickled and also simmered and mashed with apples, and i still have some left for a lovely balsamic braised dish i've been meaning to try. or maybe some rhubarb ice cream. or possibly a simple rhubarb syrup to mix with some club soda for a summer mocktail.

our angelic organic csa starts this saturday, and as we are taking the whole share for ourselves this year, i hope my inspiration to cook skyrockets as soon as i see the veggies. although we begin with lots and lots of salad fixins - which will probably be a good launch into summertime eating for us. i hope to can a good amount of our produce this summer to save for fall and winter months to allow us to spend more time with our baby boy than contemplating dinner ideas.

i'm feeling him kick a lot now, which is still more comforting and smile inducing than annoying because it is still so new. each time i feel him my hand flies to my stomach to try to catch movement from the outside. this morning i felt a nudge with my hand for the first time. my little guy is active in there. hopefully craig will be able to feel him soon.

we have a few names that we like, but we are waiting until he's born to decide on a permanent one. we have fewer boy names that we like than girl names, which makes it difficult. i feel all of this pressure to come up with a list of 4 or 5, just in case his little newborn face doesn't match the #1 name we have picked out for him. and we have two middle names - one to honor my mother and one for my father - we'll just wait and see which first name fits our little one to decide which middle name fills the name out best. it's a big decision naming a child. he will love it and resent it at different points in his life, i'm sure, no matter what we decide.

i've been working a bit more in the kitchen, and am quickly learning my pregnant body limits on standing and moving around. i'm so glad my schedule is fairly flexible to allow rest in between long cooking days, but i'm also happy to be keeping busy. i'm going to begin a prenatal yoga routine next week to help alleviate some of the backaches i've been having and hopefully reverse the sciatica that has returned after a 3 year hiatus.

other than minor aches and pains from standing in the kitchen i feel great. pregnancy is treating me quite well, and i am definitely feeling the glow. i'm 21 weeks today. over half way there!

IT'S A BOY!

we had our 20 week ultrasound today and confirmed, without a doubt, that we are having a son. i cried, which i think i would have done either way, but i think that deep down i really wanted a boy. so there you go!

everything measured perfectly, normal and expected. we couldn't ask for a more healthy pregnancy so far. blood test results come back with numbers as if i were in my 20's, no complications to speak of, i'm feeling great and thoroughly enjoying being pregnant. i am actually really sad that it's already half over.

it's funny knowing the gender of the little baby growing inside of me. now i can imagine how he will look, think about his personality, dream solidly about little boy things. it's also funny knowing that we won't have a daughter. for the last 20 weeks we have daydreamed about our little boy or girl, going through scenarios with each gender, loving both the son and the daughter we imagined at different time that we'd have. today one of those doors closed, and i'm mourning a bit for it. i think when i cried as the ultrasound tech finished up her measurements i was also crying for the death, so to speak, of the dream our future daughter. of the pink and ruffles and long curly hair and ballet and ponies and mermaids. i would have cried for the loss of a dream of a son as well. i guess i was destined to cry either way.

i think we will be a one child family, but only time will tell. maybe my dreams of teaching a little girl how to put on lip gloss and sewing party dresses will change my mind in a few years and we'll have another baby, hoping for a girl this time. but if we had another son, i don't think i can take the emotional baggage of knowing that i had a baby just to have a girl and it wasn't. i'm sure all parents go through this. life is complicated.

i am still sort of in shock, i keep forgetting that i know i am going to raise a little boy. then i daydream about tiny three piece suits with bow ties, and trains and tigers and playing in the dirt. of teaching my son to be a gentleman, to open doors for ladies and say thank you and please.

i have many hopes for him, and they grow every minute. i hope he is creative, like his parents. i hope he isn't a picky eater. i hope he has his daddy's smile. i hope he loves to learn. i hope he has hazel eyes like both craig and i do. i hope he loves to camp with his daddy and cook with his mommy. i hope we can teach him to be generous, kind, and thoughtful.

i could elaborate, but i won't write a book here. boy oh boy. a boy!!

and, i can eat wheat again! i had a second opinion with a new doctor and he doubts my original celiac diagnoses. since tuesday i have eaten pizza, bread, pasta, burger buns, crackers and cookies and i feel fine. no more eliminating fabulous gluten from my diet! yay!

i guess i'm going through a nesting phase, though it's probably been happening for months already. it's coming to a frantic height right now, i'm looking at painters, new furniture and reorganization in every room of the house. trying to fit everything into my measly home improvement budget is going to be a challenge, but it's fun to visualize and dream.

our microwave died a few weeks ago, so i'm replacing it with a microwave/convection oven. i think i'll use the convection more than the actual microwave, so it seemed like a worthwhile upgrade. now i can bake! and roast meat! at the same time! wish craig luck figuring out how to install the thing when it gets here next week.

i've started to feel the baby move a little bit. little flutters and bubbles. i can't pinpoint the exact moment i decided it was the baby and not my lunch, but it's comforting to finally feel movement in there. we listen to bb's heartbeat once a week, but little feelings on odd occasions are a nice reminder that there's actually a little person in there. i'm sure in a few more months i'll be saying otherwise as i'm kept awake at night, but for now it's all still new and exciting.

we find out in less than a week our baby's gender. we both have a feeling that it might be a boy, but that isn't based on anything very scientific. we keep referring to bb as "he", and i keep having images of a little boy in my head, but who knows. any bets on what we'll have?

i'm working on getting my canning mojo back now that summer is here. i processed a batch of chicken stock in the pressure canner this week, and am planning on a large batch of sundried tomato jam in the coming few weeks. our farmers market open this weekend and i'm going to see what's available to inspire me for some other canning projects. i want to have plenty of stockpiled food once this baby comes, pickled, preserved and pressure canned.