Jun 21, 2004

Patience is a virtue, although not one I can proudly boast about. As I've mentioned countless times before, I like to be in control of a situation, and when the seldom occasion presents itself where I have absolutely no say in the outcome I have trouble coping, to say the least. Such is this whole job interview thing. I get so worked up and expect a phone call the minute I step out the door, so when a day, and then a weekend, and then half a Monday morning pass with no word, my stomach turns into a churning volcano of unease, my feet tap uncontrollably and my fingers vibrate with nervous tension. All of this discomfort and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Goddammit.

And then there is my boss. Asking me over and over again to make sure I don't plan to be on vacation, on jury duty, sick, or dead for a select week in August, or else the department will go to hell with no full time staff around, and his outing cannot be cancelled, and co-worker's jury duty cannot be postponed again, and what will he do without me here to guard the fort? The guilt is already setting in and I haven't even had an offer yet.

The let down of not hearing anything on Friday made me not so much fun this weekend, and with my little brother in town asking to be entertained, I felt like a giant ass on Friday and Saturday. I don't handle my emotions well, especially when I'm unhappy with a situation. I love my little brother and I'm happy to have him around, but I need some time to decompress and relax during this blind emotional roller coaster of waiting to hear if I got the job...or not. Not knowing whether the next move will be going up the hill or cascading violently down is leaving me tense and unexcited about sightseeing.

I'm calling at noon. I don't want to make myself a pest, but I very well may fall onto the floor in convulsions if I don't hear anything by lunchtime.

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