Dec 12, 2005

Amidst shopping, drinking and eating during one of the busiest and most fulfilling weekends I've had in a while, I received two incredibly sad and difficult to handle pieces of bad news: a family member with a likely terminal illness and the loss of someone near and dear to my heart. I'm struggling to make sense of it all, and am having trouble keeping my mind on anything remotely resembling work. I'm trying to distract my brain with Christmas plans and end of year office comings and goings, but it's tough. Here I am worrying about little things, being superficial and materialistic, wasting my thoughts on shoes and a chubby midsection and a new oven and holiday decorations...all while others are frightened and hurting.

My instinct is to dive full into these silly trivial things, ignore the weight on my heart, keep concentrating on being happy and carefree. Survival mode for me. I can't fully comprehend the gravity of it all. This will take some time.

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