Random bus riding experiences:

1. A young black man discussing his pressing need to urinate at 7:30am, vocalizing his deep desire to pull out his "man sprout". It made me nervous, not because he was black but because I am normally not ready to see a stranger's weenie that early in the morning. It would have been waay more appropriate on the way home from work. Or at least after my coffee had kicked in.

2. Sleeping hooker (I can only assume...who wears a gold lame tank top with no bra and a leather mini skirt with white thigh high boots these days?) nodding off on yuppie married business man's shoulder, who sat pretending to read his paper while staring down her shirt (what little of it there was), pausing only occasionally to glance guiltily around the bus to see if anyone is noticing. I notice, dude. And I don't think your wife would be pleased.

3. Short hispanic man with a HUGE BONER standing in front of me as I sit and try to read Milan Kundera. Being afflicted with the same vertical challenge, I usually hold on to the vertical bars while standing on the bus, but BONER man insisted on stretching his short little body out to grab the horizontal bar waaaaay above his head, lifting his shirt up enough to let me notice his hard crotch directly in front of my book.

4. A huge mother with seven children, each with his or her own seat during rush hour from Michigan Avenue all the freaking way to Damen and Chicago. My god, woman...a two year old does not need his own seat. You could easily fit 4 or 5 toddlers on one bench. Sheesh.

5. A man eating some Popeye's red bean's and rice, standing up, pushing on the back door to make that terrible buzzing noize to notify the driver that someone is trying to get off, the click of the door, the green light, the man opening the door, tossing his empty styrofoam container out, returning to his seat. Chicago's streets: terribly convenient trash receptacles.