Oh my god, so we were given the BIGGEST DAMN TURKEY THAT EVER LIVED in a wonderful serendipitous turn of events, and it is living in my fridge, frozen, hulking, no doubt frightening the carrots and the kale. I, too, am slightly afraid of this thing, this gigantic bird that will probably take ten hours to cook, and make enough drippings for seventeen gallons of delicious gravy. I can't even fit anything else in my oven when he's in there. Oh my god I can't wait. I'm sort of worried that I will a) drop him as I am transferring him into/out of the oven and ruin Thanksgiving; b) not have enough time for him to cook all of the way through and ruin Thanksgiving; and/or c) get completely sick of turkey before Thanksgiving dinner is even finished, and 20+ pounds of bird will end up rotting in my fridge until New Year's. But I'm also terribly excited. What a way to kick of being a "grown up" and hosting our first major holiday! With a huge fucking bird! I believe I will call him Archibald, Archie for short.

Thank you for your life, Archie. I will enjoy you, my guests (except for the vegetarians) will enjoy you. And Hubb and I will enjoy you in countless sandwiches, casseroles, soups, and stews for quite some time. Thank you for your sacrifice to make my holiday special.

Now I'm going home to begin cleaning and cooking. Yes, it is Monday and I'm already starting to cook dinner for Thursday. I LOVE this holiday!

Happy Turkey Day y'all.