i've been rather down lately. vague. blah. it's not that i don't know why, i just don't feel appropriate talking about it here. i try to keep myself occupied in other ways for fear of boring/annoying/shocking/offending. blah. so i sit. and the truth is, i'm not feeling very interesting/important/motivated.

i need a day or two to be different. to stop depending on the things i've grown used to depend on. to be rude and selfish. to be mean and obscene and disgusting. to be a complete and total bitch. to get out all of this poison floating around. this grump. to get out the grump so i can be an even balance again. blah.

we all know i'm emotional and up and down, but the point is that i shouldn't be. i should be normal and sane and happy. but blah still happens and i have trouble shaking it. i'm not getting excited and i'm not getting inspired. i'm beginning to be flaky and snappy and brittle. not good.

so if you're one of the people i see frequently (or infrequently, even) please pardon my blah. i know it's there, and why it's there, and i'm working on it. slowly, as my mood allows.