hot. this weekend was hot. and sweaty. but fun. and hot.

1. our annual office bbq. lots of eating, some swimming (i haven't been in a pool for ages!) and everybody seeing me in my swimsuit. which was great. but i got to make margaritas and blue cheese biscuits and i didn't even have any leftover at the end of the day. which makes me very very happy.

2. phoenix! at the double door! oh my god it was the best show i've ever been to. i want to go again tonight. and tomorrow. and every night forever! they put on a remarkably smooth and wonderfully dance-inducing show. and even though i sweated about 17 gallons directly from my face, i still had fun. and i don't like to sweat so that's saying quite a bit about how wonderful the show was. but i would sweat that much again just to have it be friday night at the double door tonight. plus, thomas mars is the cutest. i want to go to france and dance with him. while he sings to me as the rest of the band plays backup. sorry, hub. i haven't swooned after a rock show like that since i was 19. sigh.

3. pitchfork. eh. it was hot. the dj tent was super fun, but i didn't enjoy my sweaty self as much as i had the night before. plus, i bought a $5 necklace and it made my neck and chest break out in a dirty nasty rash, which was not flattering at all. not that my matted sweaty hair and sticky pants were flattering, but the rash didn't help one bit. so i went late sunday and was sort of off all day anyway. but riding bicycles there and home was nice. no sweaty smelly bus rides where my short stature makes my face about the height of everybody's armpits.

i've been pretending to start a food blog but haven't really gotten started yet...i can make tons of excuses about why, but here are just three:

1. i am very very busy.

2. i don't have a refrigerator in my apartment that works properly. and by properly i mean at all. our fridge died last week, filling our home with an awful burnt metal and plastic smell. we plum burnt the motor out, which i can't decide to attribute to a) the fact that it is to freaking hot in our kitchen when i cook that condensation immediately forms on all of the food when you open the door, b) we don't clean behind the fridge (do people really do that?) and it got clogged with cat hair, or c) we open and close the door so much that we just wore out the poor little thing. in any case, it died, and in a strange lucky turn of events our upstairs neighbors have moved out and we had keys to the apartment. so all of our food is in the kitchen above ours. so i haven't been cooking because i don't like to sweat and running up and down the stairs each time i need some chicken stock or cheese or butter really sucks. i've been drinking less, too. at home, anyway.

3. it is hot.

so, i will come up with a delicious recipe soon and my photographer (my husband, in return for eating the food that i cook) and i will put together a post shortly. until then, au revoir.

so, i went sailing.



and it was totally fun.

my great aunt Ve has cancer. it is in her lungs, and it is also in her breasts. she's been sick for about a year, in and out of the hospital, in and out of chemo, in constant discomfort and fear. recently her well trusted doctor discontinued her chemo and admitted her, indefinitely, to the hospital so that she may have 24 hour care. this greatly displeases her, but her kidneys are failing. she is uncomfortable and frightened. she is my father's mother's sister, who we've always adopted as our second grandma.

my paternal grandmother had three children, two boys and a girl. her eldest son (my father) had two children, remarried and adopted two daughters. my aunt had two daughters, one of which had one son recently, and the other of which recently birthed the second daughter of three children. my uncle, my grandmother's youngest son, married late and adopted his wife's daughter. my aunt Ve is a widow with no children. i get the feeling that aunt Ve always felt pitifuly adopted by us, by her younger sister's family. she often spent many holidays alone, of her own free will.

she is a feisty woman, decisive, stubborn, but also genuine and generous. today she is lying in a hospital bed in austin with friends surrounding her, the telephone ringing off the hook from family members in california, virginia, new jersey, florida..but not chicago. i haven't called. i don't call because i don't know what to say to this woman. this woman who has been nothing but kind to me, who has had a falling out at some point with everyone in the family except me, who has always stuck up for me and loved me like her own grandchild. i've sent flowers and cards and gifts, but i haven't called. i don't feel that i can convincingly convey the feelings of pain and hope and sadness and love that i have for her over the telephone, though i know that the calls cheer her up. i'd rather fly out and tell her in person, though i know i'd end up crying at her bedside. but i've been told not to come, i can't do much there. i have never had to give comfort to someone who is dying and i have no clue how to handle it. i have little comfort for myself, how can i give it to Ve? i feel like the worst person for letting time pass, when she has so little of it left. this woman who i love. but i just can't and it feels so awful.

i'm not writing this for pity's sake. i dont' deserve any. i'm writing to give homage to a strong and wonderfully alive woman who does not have long to live. i'm also selfishly writing this to give myself comfort. i love my aunt Ve with all of my heart, and even though i can't call, i think of her always. i hope she knows, i hope she reads my words in the cards that i send. i hope she knows that i love her. i love you, aunt Ve.

so i'm wearing a dress today (yes, a dress!) which is not my normal attire at work, or anywhere that is not a special catered event. it is poufy and a little hippyish, and makes my lovehandles look like a monster truck tire around my waist, but it's cute. and i feel girly. i may do this more often.

i got a haircut yesterday, and my wonderful stylist and i decided that next time we're going short. one of the other stylists at the salon (who was a girl) had this adorable haircut, wavy like mine, brown like mine, but short in the back and sort of bangy in the front. hard to communicate in words, but i'll post a photo of myself when i have her haircut in 3-4 months. my stylist is so wonderful because he loves my hair and asked me to make sure we have double time for my short haircut so he can make sure i'm really ready and that i totally 100% love it when i leave. he is so wonderful i hope he never leaves chicago or I WILL DIE. i had nearly 3 years of terrible unflattering haircuts after moving here from virginia, and i've finally found someone who understands my locks and makes me pretty every time i see him. he is my hero.

tonight i'm babysitting for my friend's sister who is in town for the weekend. the two couples want an evening out, so i offered to watch the 1 year old baby boy for the evening. so hubb and i have an exciting evening of watching tv, drinking wine, and constantly checking on a sleeping child that is not ours. should be fun.

if you're shopping for my birthday early this year, i really really really want this for my new bed. it is on sale and it is only $300. you should totally get it for me. thank you.

i had a very very productive weekend, which was nice. first, i ate dinner at cafe lula. and i nearly cried while drinking the most delicious beverage ever, their one of a kind rhubarb gimlet. oh. oh my. it is the most amazingly wonderful drink i have ever consumed. i must run there and have one right now. i wanted to pull a poor dinner etiquette move and pour some into my pockets to enjoy at home at a later date and time, it was that good. we also ate some food, which was equally beautiful and delicious.

the next day hubb and i went with some of our work folks and bagged one and a half tons of dry pasta for people less fortunate than ourselves at the chicago food depository. it was quite fun, and i really love how hairnets and plastic gloves can be so incredibly unflattering.

then we rode the train for almost an hour while i entertained myself with a normal homemade gimlet and some baked kettle chips. have you had those things? they are amazing. and hubb and i spent about 30 minutes coming up with new kettle chip flavors, none of which we could remember afterwards. except for chicago style hot dog. (they are crunchy and light, but they taste like chicago's signature food!) then we partied. and hubb played volleyball. and i watched because i am not so into physical things like sports. walking on the beach was enough for me, thank you.

then the next day we went to our new neighborhood (10 and a half weeks to go until closing, yay!), and we ran into the builder who is rehabbing our building and we got him to let us walk around our unfinished unit. even though it is concrete and raw brick and unfriendly wooden frame, it felt real. and i want to move right now and let them finish it around me. so what if there is no shower yet? we also ate the very best burrito at the second closest eatery to our new house. needless to say, i am thrilled at that discovery. i can't wait until the fall when i can have delicious burritos and rhubarb gimlets every single damned day. i may become quite large once we move.

so the weekend felt 6 days long and i rode my bike to work today and i feel like it is thursday. which would be great because i have a haircut appointment. i'm way overdue and i'm having trouble resisting the temptation to shave my head when i'm trying to sleep and it is 97 degrees in our bedroom and my hair is creating a thick warm blanket around my head. plus, i'm getting bored. i sort of want bangs.

and a rhubarb gimlet. right now.

not feeling very conversational, so i give you a few things that are absorbing my attention on The Internet lately:

design sponge. i am in love with the images and links and wonderful wonderful ideas for ways to spend my money.

fancy toast. new food blog that i've read completely at least half a dozen times. hilarious and educational and lots of great recipes. cucumber gimlets? i'm on it. chicken thighs? me, too.

go fug yourself. oh my god. my coworkers probably think i'm nuts laughing out loud and snorting as i do every time i visit this site. but i can't stop. i've not traditionally been a celebrity watch sort of girl, but i can't stand how hilariously snarky this stuff is. and really, what are celebrities for if not to laugh at?

greener grass design. just to look at the things i can't buy right now. beautiful stuff, especially the jewelry. they sell my precious long lusted after smallthings necklaces, and how freaking adorable is this little gem? beautiful stuff.

less links and more photos. now that i'm supposed to start really saving money for our new home, i've discovered there are way too many things that I MUST HAVE NOW.

that's just how it goes, i guess.