living gluten free has posed a few specific problems that i'm still learning to work around. the biggest challenge has been snacking while out. i have to keep food on me at all times, just in case i'm out and about and stuck in a situation where i can't find a safe gluten free snack or meal. little bags of nuts and apples are staples in my purse, but i've been craving granola bars, most market varieties of which aren't safe for me to eat. most ingredients in granola bars are inherently gluten free - oats, nuts, honey, sugar, fruit, peanut butter, etc. the problem is in the oats. although naturally gluten free, oats are most commonly processed in plants and on machinery that also processes wheat, so cross contamination is impossible to avoid. Bob's Red Mill makes gluten free oats, processed on machinery dedicated to the oats and nothing else. we love Bob's Red Mill.

there are some brands of GF granola bars out there, and they're good, but they are expensive and i go through them rather quickly. so i decided to make my own, with some of my favorite ingredients. the result is a delicious, hearty and healthy snack, inexpensive and pretty easy to make. enjoy!

gluten free cashew currant granola bars

yields 16 bars

2-1/4 cup gluten free rolled oats

1-1/4 cup cashews, lightly chopped

1/4 cup millet

1/3 cup ground flax seed

1/3 cup sesame seeds

1/2 cup honey

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

2 tbsp butter

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp kosher salt

1 cup currants

preheat oven to 350 degrees. toast first 5 dry ingredients for 15-20 minutes, until aromatic and lightly toasted, stirring a few times to make sure everything is distributed evenly.

meanwhile, heat the next 5 ingredients (honey - salt) in a large heavy bottom pan (big enough to hold and stir everything later), and stir until the sugar melts. let the mixture boil for just a minute then turn off heat.

line a 9x12 jelly roll pan with tin foil and lightly grease with butter or vegetable spray. set aside.

when the dry ingredients are toasty, remove from the oven and turn the oven down to 300. pour the oat mixture into the pot with the honey mixture, add the currants and stir until everything is well coated and evenly combined. pour everything into the jelly roll pan and spread evenly, using a lightly greased rubber spatula. press down while spreading to compact the mixture.

bake for 25 minutes until the top is lightly toasted. remove from the oven and let cool almost completely, then turn out onto a cutting board and peel off the layer of foil. cut the granola sheet lengthwise down the middle, then into 8 even sections across, making 16 bars. (save the crumbly pieces for your granola!) store in a jar, wrap in plastic wrap or wax paper, and enjoy! they should last for about 2 weeks.

i'm having trouble eating. i've been told to stick to a gluten free diet, a STRICT gluten free diet, and it's making me crazy. no wheat - no bread, bagels, flour tortillas, wheat pasta, pastries, cupcakes, english muffins, cookies, pizza, crostini, croutons, most cereals, granolas, etc etc etc. no soy sauce, no candies without checking the label, no prepackaged foods or dressings or mixes without thorough research.

i eat mostly whole foods. i am a chef. i love to cook. i have not had any trouble coming up with delicious menus that avoid all of the above ingredients. meats, vegetables, fruit, rice, quinoa, potatoes, eggs, dairy, beans - all on the A-OK list. pre-packaged foods have never been part of my meny planning, so that hasn't been an issue. my problem has been with the emerging collection of gluten free substitute foods out there - rice pastas, GF bread and cake mixes, GF tortillas, premade GF breads. i have not found one that i can enjoy. scratch that, i found a GF pizza crust at Rose's Bakery in Evanston that is pretty good - not the same as a chewy gluteny wheat crust - but passable. most GF baked goods taste off. the texture is usually a bit gummy, chewy, dense. the flavor is usually potato-y, bean-y, almost sour due to the replacement flours (tapioca, potato, garbonzo, rice, sorghum). i'm sure there are better options out there that i haven't found yet, but that's just the problem - i haven't found them. i've tried brands that other celiacs rave about, i've tried recipes that GF chefs have promised would be delicious. (the GF chocolate chip cookies were actually pretty tasty.) i just haven't found THE ONES. the staples that i can depend on.

it's not the same and i keep expecting it to be the same. that's probably just something i need to let go. it will never be the same. which is terrifying and tragic for someone who has turned her whole life upside down to pursue a career in the culinary field. i may never eat a piece of french bred again, and that kills me.

eating out has been a whole other experience. most restaurants have been pretty accommodating, willing to adjust menu items to exclude flour or bread, or going through the menu in detail with me to show me what i can and can't eat. gluten hides in all sorts of places. breading on fried foods, flour dredged fish, roux in sauces. i'm pretty savvy with a menu to decipher what i can and can't eat, but there's always something that sneaks up. and you can never be 100% safe from cross contamination. i had been winging it for a few weeks, but it's time to be more aware, which will probably mean eating out less. and probably, because of the misunderstanding of the disease and annoyance of having a guest with a complicated dietary restriction, being invited by friends to dinner less often as well.

at home i'm dealing with an annoyed stomach and stockpiles of tested pastas and bread mixes that i probably won't be eating except in extreme emergencies. i'm eating a lot of vegetables, lots and lots of rice, potatoes, and corn. i can live without most sweets, but all i've wanted for the last month is a tasty grilled cheese sandwich. and lasagna. and a hamburger with a bun.

learning to live without is proving more difficult than i thought.

life is funny. here i am, 30 years old, finishing culinary school while also learning to adjust my diet for a disease that i may or may not really have, working as a nanny, a personal chef, a caterer, and trying to help manage a shared use commercial kitchen. i never would have written this scenario for myself. but i've also never felt so right about the path i was on. funny how that happened.

i had the opportunity to cater a wonderfully smooth flowing dinner party for 20 people last weekend with joel, and i realized i've finally gotten to the point of relaxed confident chef. my tummy only fluttered once, as we pulled into the driveway, but the rest was smooth sailing. and we didn't end up with copious amounts of leftovers, we estimated everything just right. the menu was pretty simple: grilled spice rubbed shrimp with cumin cilantro sour cream, irish cheddar twice baked fingerlings with herb creme and prosciutto chips, and tomato and basil goat cheese bruschetta to start. then red hen rolls with herb butter, a filet of beef roulade with herb jus, creamy danish blue mashed potatoes, green beans and fennel with shaved parmesan (from my last post), and a spinach, grapefruit and pomegranate salad with a white balsamic vinaigrette. everything was great, and it was nice working an event that only involved myself and joel. and almost everything (except the bruschetta and rolls) were gluten free, which was reassuring to me as a chef who is redefining her repertoire.

i am going to florida this weekend to visit my husband's grandmother, and my brother in law is meeting us there as well. it's sure to be a teary and huggy weekend, full of jewish grandma kisses and dinners at 5pm. and 70 degrees and sunny. i am really looking forward to all of it, even though our crack of dawn flight home on monday is sure to leave me exhausted. i've been tired recently. i need to learn to sleep better, especially when traveling.

i ordered a selection of various flours from bob's red mill and am expecting them to arrive either today or tomorrow. once they do i'm going to try an altered version of a gluten free chocolate chip recipe i found, and i'll definitely post it here. if it turns out. which i hope it will.

my other site, which used to house my audubon bird painting updates and news, is going to turn into my personal chef and catering site soon. i'm working on some ideas and have enlisted the husband to help me prepare. once i'm live i'll let you know.

in the meantime, i'm going to keep thinking about this new life i'm living and how to keep the good times up and running.

life has become complicated. one week - two awful events.

1 - some bitch stole my wallet. right out of my purse. while my purse was sitting next to me. then she went to ann taylor loft (wtf?), the chicago cultural center (wtwtf?) and target (ok). my beautiful orla kiely wallet that i bought in san francisco last year. the best damned wallet ever. and my whole life - insurance cards, credit cards, my drivers license with the really great photo, chicago sanitation card, cash, lots of quarters, countless business cards, notes and memorabilia that i'll never be able to replace. a sweet little card that craig gave me years ago to cheer me up that i always kept with me. it's all gone. on one hand it's sort of a relief to be starting something from scratch. building back up my identity, my life. on the other it's a giant pain in the ass that i'm not thrilled about dealing with right now. as i wait for a new orla kiely wallet to show up (thank you, ebay!) and slowly acquire new credit cards, insurance cards and cash, i'm becoming more and more paranoid about my stuff. got a new big purse with a big zipper to keep my stuff safe, and i'm keeping it close.

2 - two days later my doctor called me to let me know that some blood work i had done suggested that i suffer from celiac disease, an intolerance to gluten. it is a hereditary disease, one that my maternal grandfather has, and in light of last fall's baking bonanza in culinary school, it makes sense that my symptoms started showing up around that time. i am slated to see a guts doctor next month, but in the meantime i have been advised to cut out gluten (hard) and alcohol (harder) all together until i feel better and we get this sorted out. so no bread, pancakes, pizza, tortillas, breaded fried things, pasta, etc etc etc. it hasn't been totally terrible - except for ordering at restaurants where there are delicious rillettes and pates and bone marrows on the menu that i can't eat the vehicles to take them to my mouth. toast crostini is going to be missed. but, i am feeling a lot better so far, despite the inability to cut alcohol completely out of my life so far.

but, things are looking up. we have a catering gig tomorrow - a big one - that i'm super excited about, and Team Awesome is rallied and ready to help us pull it off. once again, i'm so grateful for the culinary school friends i've acquired, and am thrilled to have their talent and excitement about this catering thing i'm trying to figure out. i've also started my first personal chef gig for a wonderful family i'm so pleased to know. i'm nannying for their 15 month old sweetheart of a little boy once a week as well, which has been both challenging and totally relaxing and rewarding. reminds me how much i am looking forward to having one of my own.

and since i'm cooking for a living now, and talk about food all the time, i'm going to try to leave a recipe here on a regular basis. today - the best side dish ever - green beans and fennel. try it. it's delightful.

The Best Green Beans You Will Ever Eat

1 lb green beans, trimmed

1 head of fennel

2 tbsp olive oil

1 garlic clove, minced

1/2 lemon

salt and pepper

2-3 tbsp shaved parmesan

- Cut the feathery fronds off of the fennel and reserve. Quarter the fennel bulb, core it, and slice it into strips roughly the width of the green beans. Roughly chop the fronds (discard the woody stems) and set aside.

- Heat a large saute pan (one with a lid - or set aside some aluminum foil to cover later) to medium high. Add the oil and the green beans and sliced fennel. Stir often - you want some caramelized edges on the fennel and spots on the green beans, but no burning - until beans are bright green and still crunchy.

- Add the juice from 1/2 of a lemon, the minced garlic, and a little water (2-3 tbsp). Cover. Steam for 3-5 minutes until the vegetables are softened but still have a little crunch....or to your desired doneness. But don't let the green beans get mushy and grey. Vegetables should never be eaten that way.

- Remove from heat and add salt and pepper to taste, the fennel fronds and the shaved parmesan, add a little more oil if desired and toss to combine. Enjoy!

wow, so it's been almost 3 months since i've visited here, it's safe to say i've had other things on my mind. introspective words aren't coming so easily to me anymore, as i've been spending more time writing recipes and catering proposals and emails apologizing to friends who i haven't spent much time with in the past year. i've finished my last kitchen class in culinary school - i only have one lecture class (nutrition) to take before completing my program. i feel torn about that. the last year went by so quickly and i'm still putting together what i learned from a year in culinary school. aside from the techniques, ratios, methods and recipes, i'm incredibly grateful for the lifelong friends and connections i've made - people with similar culinary views, tastes and visions as myself, as well as those with opposite ideas, strongpoints and goals who i will continue to be in awe of and learn from.

culinary school taught me more than i could ever put into words, and most of it not directly connected to cooking a piece of chicken or making a delicate sauce. being creative, understanding ratios, textures, traditions and the basic science behind cooking. being confident and adventurous and standing behind a vision. culinary school, for me, has been more about personal growth as a chef than about simply learning new skills and memorizing recipes. every one of my classmates is taking away something unique from this experience, and i'm glad to have been able to participate in it.

2009 was an incredibly life changing year for me. i am in such a different place today than i was one year ago. i'm 30. i'm being paid to do something i'm passionate about. i'm comfortable and enjoying life. i'm less stressed, more relaxed, and i have a much better vision of my future, both personally and professionally. life makes so much more sense to me now. i attribute that to many things - going to culinary school, meeting new people, quitting my full time job (and subsequently re-learning how to live on a budget), turning 30, and the continued support and guidance from my friends, family, and my wonderful husband. i couldn't have asked for craig to be more supportive of me during the last year of transitions, and after 11 years together, our relationship is the strongest it has ever been.

2010 is going to be equally epic, i can feel it. i've given up making new year's resolutions, but i will say that after everything i have experienced this past year, i vow to make each year subsequently better than the last. have new experiences, push myself, pursue happiness. life is proving to be so much more enjoyable that way.

i'm getting so bad at keeping this up. and to think, in two days it will be this blog's 6 year anniversary. can you believe it? it's so crazy. i've never done anything semi-consistently for 6 years. except be with craig. and be in elementary school. well, and live in chicago. but that's about it.

i am sort of laying low until i finish school, then i'll have lots more to share, lots more to do. and i think i'll reinvent this space. new colors, new template, new format. recipes to share, more photos. video? who knows. i think i've lost the meaning behind doing this, and i want to get it back.

in the meantime i'm planning a knock out thanksgiving menu, special canned christmas goodies, and trying to make the most of the last week or so of my 20's. i'm not sure how i feel about that right now. getting older. i contemplate that every year, but now i have a new number to get used to. three. oh.

xoxo. thanks for reading.

even though i've left the world of full time employment i find myself with less time to think about this blog and other blogs and websites i used to be so on top of. i guess it's because i'm out more - perusing farmers markets and visiting friends and cooking. (i even made a souffle for the first time the other day!) but i'm not parked in front of my machine for 8-10 hours a day. which is good for me right now. i've really honestly never been happier. i am so lucky to have the resources and the time to spend pursuing what i love - food and cooking. spending time with people who feel the same way. making (a little) money off of it. my good friend joel and i are starting a catering business. www.bermanpaige.com. frightening and exhilarating and we'll see where it goes. in the meantime i'm trying to soak in everything. and make connections and enjoy this time in my life when i'm able to take the time to do it.

also, i'm turning 30 in less than a month. i've known it has been coming, and i'm actually really excited. as much as i've enjoyed 29, 30 is only bound to be better. i'm not one of those people who reminisces about their early 20's as the best years of their lives. i didn't know who i was or what i wanted out of life then. in my 20's i married the love of my life, moved to a new city, started my culinary path by experimenting with dinner every night, which was all wonderful. but things have only gotten better since then, and i see them only growing from here on out. so 30, come on in. i have changed so much in the past year, this truly will be a new decade for me. i can't wait.

today was probably the most domestic day i have ever had. i did some laundry, tidied up the house, then trekked to the farmers market to do some shopping. honeycrisp apples, cranberry beans, heirloom tomatoes, pretzel rolls. met the husband for lunch - hannah's bretzel! came home and canned. canned a lot of jars of tomato based deliciousness. i've been intrigued by the idea for a long time, but have shied away from it (shied - doesn't that word look strange? i guess i've just never thought about how it was spelled, never typed it here, it's a funny word) for fear of botulism and exploding glass jars and who knows what. so i've been dabbling. i tried some watermelon rind pickles a few weeks back, and with my mother returning an empty jar with proclamations of "the best watermelon rind pickles ever" my confidence grew. pickled beets and onions were next - i had a few pounds of beets lying around that needed somewhere to live. i just ate one and...they're kind of great. i've been planning a massive tomato canning adventure and today was the day to make it happen. fresh farmers market heirlooms, you have met your match with me and my le creuset, my ball jars and my citric acid. boom! three pint jars of quartered homegrown tomatoes. nine eight-ounce jars of sweet and spicy tomato catsup (thank you, st john, for the beautiful recipe) and three pint jars of yellow heirloom puree, to give us some vibrancy to our winter menu. i'm ordering a pressure cooker/canner for lower acid vegetables and meats, and can't wait to try out some more recipes. i am looking forward to stocking our pantry with jars of farmers market finds. a few more weeks to go and we'll be in winter mode. i like to be prepared.

and now i'm preparing a dinner of cider glazed pork loin, braised cranberry beans, leeks and tiny sweet baby tomatoes with a simple green salad with some sort of vinaigrette that i have yet to decide on. life is good and i can't wait to see where it goes from here.

so i went to london last week, but my macbook is out of service (blue screen, not booting up) so i may have lost all of my photos from the trip, along with about 5 years worth of other photos because i am a moron and didn't back up my brand new 3 month old macbook because why would i need to?  macs are supposed to be awesome and trouble free and besides, it's brand new!  why worry!  because electronics hate me, that's why.  so i'm not going to write about london because i'm pissed that i can't access the awesome photos, well, at least a few awesome photos, and also because i didn't upload them to flickr monday or tuesday or yesterday when i had tons of free time.  so that's cool.  i'll just say one thing about the trip: eat at St. John.  i would move to london just to be able to eat there on a regular basis.  my meal there was the best meal i have ever eaten in my entire life.  and i have the photos to prove it.  oh wait, no i don't.  fuck.

so today i volunteered to help with a lunch for the Chefs Collaborative summit happening in chicago right now.  the lunch for about 180 chefs, food scientists, activists, writers and foodies was served at cafe brauer at the lincoln park zoo and let me just say, wow.  that is the most beautiful event space i have ever set foot in and i want to go there every day.  

ok, so the menu consisted of 12 courses by a lineup of some of the most amazing chefs in chicago right now with food from some of the greatest farms in the area.  the lineup: Mark Mendez (Carnivale), Brian Millman (Uncommon Ground), Andrew Zimmerman (Sepia), Liz Tokarczyk (Limelight), Bruce Sherman (North Pond), Sarah Stegner and George Bumbaris (Prarie Grass Cafe), Carrie Nahabedian (NAHA), Patrick Sheerin (Signature Room), Rick Bayless (Frontera, etc), Jason Hammel (Lula Cafe, Nightwood), Paul Kahan (Blackbird, Avec, Publican), and Mindy Segal (Hot Chocolate).  and they were all there.  in the kitchen.  making their dishes.  each chef brought their own team of cooks so i set up, served and cleared.  and ate.  and was amazed at the talent in that kitchen.  what an incredible experience to have the food of so many great chefs together on one plate.  i will never forget it.

my favorite dishes were by Carrie Nahabedian (white corn polenta with la quercia prosciutto, cavolo nero greens, zucchini, eggplant and mint), Andrew Zimmerman (sweet corn chaat salad with pickle strips, mustard and charcuterie that i think was a head cheese?) and Paul Kahan (grilled sirloin with marinated italian kale trio and grilled peaches).  Rick Bayless' dish was a delicious cochinita pibil with pickled onions, tortillas and the spiciest habanero salsa i have ever tasted.  all of the other dishes were delicious as well, and i am so so grateful to have been able to participate in such a groundbreaking event.  

and it helped me forget about my stupid brand new broken macbook for a few hours.

oh hi, 6 weeks are gone. and i am 3/4 done with school, 100% done with my part time job that i quit my full time job for, and about halfway closer to figuring out what i'm going to be doing in 2010. i'm working part part time for a shared use commercial kitchen, which is awesome because i get to meet a slew of entrepreneurial food business people, get to meet local celebrities (of bravo top chef fame) and occasionally cook in a kitchen that can handle catering gigs better than my own. it's good. and the extra time off is good too, to peruse the green city market, and the daley plaza market and sleep in a little and cook and experiment and hang out with other like minded people. i want to do this forever.

i've been working on a couple of catering gigs, small to large, low pressure to high, low pay to maybe thinking that i can make a living off of this thing. my good friend joel and i coordinated and pulled of an delicious feast for 60 people in michigan a few weeks back - we had an amazing opportunity to feed some wonderful (and wealthy) folks at their summer home just north of new buffalo. they put all of their faith in two culinary students with little catering experience, and we wowed them. it rained, was colder than we planned, there were a few last minute surprises and we forgot a laundry list of to dos, but we pulled it off. joel and i recruited 3 other classmates and my wonderfully supportive husband to help us out. i'm lucky to be surrounded by such talented and helpful people who let me freak out every so often and do what i ask them to better than i ever expect them to. judy, david and nick were awesome, every one of them with something unique to bring to the team, and throughout the planning joel and i realized we are a great team and can probably take this thing and run with it. and craig is the best errand runner and pee soaked napkin holder EVER! (i will tell you that story in person if you ask me...)

the menu included a flatbread with goat cheese and sun dried tomatoes, a quartet of salsas (pineapple, cherry basil, tomatillo and heirloom tomato pico de gallo), bacon wrapped chorizo stuffed dates, grilled flank steak with chimichurri sauce and horseradish whipped cream, grilled shrimp with adobo, a grilled summer vegetable salad, grilled potato wedges with truffle aioli, and grilled pineapple with lemon honey yogurt and chocolate chili mini cupcakes with cinnamon ganache for dessert. (the theme was summer grilling, as you may have noticed.) everything turned out so well, i couldn't have asked for a better first large scale catering gig. cash in wallet included.

my classes are over for this quarter, and i'm sad. this was probably my favorite quarter in culinary school so far, with more pressure and more reward than i have experienced cooking in my life. my catering class made me shaky and nauseous then elated and calm after pulling a meal together with no recipes and limited ingredients in 2 short hours. my nutritional cooking class taught me some of what i already knew - that healthy cooking can be approachable and delicious - but also introduced me to a slew of ingredients that i knew little or nothing about what to do with (amaranth, millet, wheat berries). and how to make tofu. and seitan. my beverage and dining room class taught me how to be a waiter. which i am now certified for. so there's that. but really, this quarter has been more about growth for me, giving me more confidence than i've ever had in my cooking abilities and making me realize that i really honestly am doing the right thing. i'm happy. really really happy.

i'm on break until the end of september, which is wonderful. hubb and i are taking a vacation (half of it is work for him) to london for a week. i'm really looking forward to two things: walking around by myself while craig is working in a town i have vague memories of from a visit 15 years ago, and this place. i will do a proper write up about the ox heart i plan to eat there. xoxo

hello from the land of working less and doing more. i've been working part time for a few weeks now, but i am not quite sure where my extra time is going. i'm still staying up late to do homework, forgetting to send birthday cards, and missing out on lots of get-togethers. i have, however, received my first sunburn of the season (i don't think i ever had a single one last year so that's an improvement in time spent relaxing), and i've had a beer at a liesurely lunch on a weekday a total of two times. it is nice being out in the daytime, and scooting around town is making me very very happy. (aside from the drunk assholes who holler at me for rides as i scoot past bars on milwaukee ave. )

school is off to a good start this quarter. i'm taking a catering class where we prepare surprise dishes (we learn what we are each making on the night of class) for other classes, a dining room class where i'm learning the difference between a fish fork, dinner fork, and entremet fork, and a nutritional cooking class where i'm learning low sodium, fat, sugar and vegetarian cooking. i'm most excited about that one.

my brother moved here last weekend (his apartment is about a block away from my house) so i've been spending a lot of time with my family. his lovely girlfriend is staying with him for the next few weeks as he gets adjusted, and i couldn't be happier to have them around for a while. my mom lost her job a few weeks ago so she's been around a lot, and i'm working with her to find a new job and a cheaper place to live. it's stressful, but i'm grateful that i have the free time to help out. on my day off tomorrow we look at studio apartments. yay! wish us luck.

being home a little bit more also allows me to cook more, which is wonderful. the other night i made a boneless pork roast, which was "the best pork i have ever eaten in my entire life" according to my mom. she is probably a bit biased, but it was really good. here's the recipe:

"the best pork i have ever eaten in my entire life"
or
bonless pork roast with apple cider gastrique

for the pork:
one 2-3 pound boneless pork roast (mine was from trader joe's)
1 tbsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried sage
2-3 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
(you could add a little chopped garlic, but i didn't. but do whatever you want. this isn't a science)

preheat oven to 500 degrees. (don't be scared) rub pork with oil, thyme, sage and s+p. place it on a roasting rack and pop it in the oven. after 10 minutes turn the oven down to 250, and roast until the center registers 150 degrees, about 1 hr 15 min to 1 hr and a half. pull out and cover with foil to let rest 10 minutes before carving. your pork will be moist and tender and delicious.

for the gastrique:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
3/4 cup apple cider
1/2 cup white wine vineger
2 sprigs fresh thyme
1 sprig fresh rosemary

combine sugar and water and bring to a simmer. reduce by half and then add herbs, cider and vinegar. reduce by half again, a little more or less to your most desired consistency. it should be syrupy but not too thick. not caramely, but more like a thin maple syrup. unless you want it thicker, but then it's like candy, so i don't recommend it. remove herbs. drizzle over sliced pork. enjoy!

for the last 5 years craig and i have participated in angelic organics, a community supported agriculture program located in caldonia, illinois. each year we sign up for a 20 week vegetable share, receiving a 3/4 bushel box of locally and organically grown vegetables every saturday throughout the summer and early fall. we share our box with another couple, and even splitting everything in half there is still always plenty of food. for the last three years we have also participated in an egg share, receiving a dozen beautiful golden free range, horemone free eggs along with our vegetables.

our share this year started on a weekend when both craig and our friends were out of town, leaving me with the entire box of vegetables to myself. i saw this as a challenge and decided to kick off a week or two of the raw diet, which i did last summer and really enjoyed. however, the week also coincided with me starting a new job with a caterer, and with that an unpredictable daily schedule.

i decided to stick to about 80% raw, incorporating one or two cooked elements every day. it is easy when i'm at home but difficult when i'm meeting up with friends and having to taste food i'm preparing at work. i think i'm at about 70% now, which isn't bad. at home i've made salads, spring rolls and raw marinara, but at work i've been eating whatever is available, and eating out with friends i've been tempted by too many dishes on menus to order simple salads. so when i can't be strict to raw dishes, i at least follow the following pairing guidelines for healthy digestion:

fruit - always eaten alone, at least 45 minutes before eating anything else.
vegetables - try to stick to raw veggies, or lightly steamed or stir fried. can be eaten in combination with any of the other groups (except fruit!)
meats - i'm eating just one dose of animal protein a day (if that), usually it's just an egg or two. meats can be eaten with vegetables, but not with any other group.
starches - trying to stay away from processed bleached white starches and sticking to whole grains. can be eaten with vegetables, but not with any other group.
dried fruits and nuts - can be eaten alone or with vegetables, but not with any other group. trying to stick to naturally dried fruits and raw nuts.
dairy - trying to stick to minimal dairy. goat cheese is the main cheese i'm eating, or ricotta. no milk or cream in my coffee - i'm using almond milk at home or rice or soy milk if i can get it at a coffee shop.

so that's it. it's pretty easy if you can be creative. i make a raw marinara by processing onion, garlic, tomato, carrot and fennel and can eat that over ribbons of raw zucchini or a whole wheat pasta, or as a base for a whole wheat pizza. i can eat a seared piece of fish or some scallops or shrimp over a bed of spinach with a carrot slaw on the side. a big salad with a poached egg on top and a little lemon juice, or a salad topped with almonds and sun dried tomatoes. vietnamese spring rolls - rice paper wrappers filled with tons of fresh herbs and veggies and a honey soy dipping sauce. yum. for breakfasts i'll use my juicer and make an awesome liquid breakfast with ginger and apple and lemon and some romaine lettuce. then fruit until lunchtime. then a raw lunch, a snack in the afternoon of nuts or raw granola or fruit, and dinner with a cooked element.

vinegar is one of my best friends - it tenderizes veggies while giving them a tart flavor. one of my favorite dishes, one that i've been eating at least once a day and most of the time twice a day, is what i call bruised greens. i've used kale, chard, totsoi, spinach, and the tops of beets, radishes, or turnips. take a few big handfuls of your greens, wash them, chop them and put them in a bowl. drizzle about a tablespoon of olive oil on top, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. squeeze half of a lemon over top and massage the greens with your hands until they wilt and tenderize. top with a poached egg, a piece of fish, or put it over brown rice or pasta. or simply eat it alone. it's that good.

i'm feeling energized and healthy, and i've lost a pound or two (although that wasn't my main goal in doing it this year.) mostly i'm doing this to challenge myself, to learn new recipes, to remind myself to follow guidelines and to get out of the carb loaded winter diet i've gotten used to. to kick start the summer by eating healthier and treating my body better, and to enjoy the veggies in our box every week. and really, massaging greens is kind of theraputic.

ok, so school is out for summer (straight A's!) - which for me is only a mere 3 weeks until classes begin again. during that time i plan to catch up with friends (hi, friends!), eat a little healthier (made easy by coinciding with the start of our angelic organics CSA share), and relax. and i have one week left of my full time job until i join the ranks of people with flexible schedules and time off in the middle of the day. although i really am going to have a hard time leaving the company i've been with for the past 4 years, i am really looking forward to the next few months' lighter schedules.

i'll also be taking more photos now - i've taken an unplanned hiatus for the past year or so, posting mostly iphone photos to flickr. after taking (and doing very well in, i might add) a food styling and photography class, i've reconnected with my love for my nikon, and i'll be keeping it with me more often now. i'll also be experimenting with more food photography if anyone wants to invite me over for dinner...

so today i purchased a scooter to get me in between home, school and my two new jobs. it is a 2003 yamaha vino, a little 50cc scooter that i don't have to get a motorcycle license to ride. he's a brownish/greenish/grey (i have gendered him to be a boy) with beige accents and fabulous custom leather saddlebags. i am waiting on the title to get him registered, plated and stickered, and i have to get one of the side mirrors replaced, but i should be up and running in less than 2 weeks. i tootled around the neighborhood today and wondered the whole time why i didn't buy a scooter before now. riding is an instant pick me up, and i can't wait to start commuting between my various destinations on something other than the bus.

he has amazing pick up, and i've found it easy to adjust to the balance and control of the bike. it will be such a great way to commute between home, work #1, work #2 and school. more realiable, faster, and safer than the walking + bus riding i would be doing otherwise. and way more fun.

change is good. i've had to keep telling myself that every time i've had a mild panic attack while dwelling on all of the changes happening in my life right now. i've been sort of quiet about it all, but everything is in place and i feel comfortable telling everyone now.

i quit my job last week. i have been an office manager/travel arranger/accounting admin/general behind the scenes do it all lady for the past four years for a really great company full of really great people. i've watched the company double in size, move locations, have supported the staff and celebrated with them. i have seen coworkers come and go, get married, have babies, and have formed relationships that will last a lifetime. i am leaving behind friends, my own huge desk, daily snack time, a beer fridge, a steady salary, a company matching retirement account and being on my own health insurance policy for a future filled with unpredictable part time jobs. and i couldn't be happier.

since i've been in culinary school for the past 5 months i've learned a lot. a lot about food and cooking, the culinary industry and my own strengths and weaknesses and how they will eventually come together. i've also learned that going to school part time on top of working full time and also managing a personal and family life is really really hard. i've neglected some of my reading for class, have pushed away some of my friends, and have become stressed and easily irritated at work. i decided a few months ago to start thinking about working part time while i finish school, and things just happened to all fall into place in the last couple of weeks.

i have signed a 6 month contract with a caterer to help her get her business organized and poised to double in size next year. i'll be creating a recipe database, organize and take photos of her food, help with some marketing, employee training and occasional food prep. it is such a great opportunity to learn a catering business from the inside out, and i can't wait to start. i am also going to be working for a shared use kitchen, a inspected and certified commercial kitchen where entrepreneurial chefs can go to make food for sale (rather than illegally making it in their home kitchens). i also have a few other occasional opportunities that i am working on to fill the gaps. a few of these positions have the potential to turn into something more secure once i've graduated at the end of the year, but for now i have no idea where i'll be come january. but i'm convincing myself that the change is good and it will all be ok.

i'm really looking forward to learning from all of these opportunities, to learn more about myself and where i want to be. and to have a weekday or two off each week to study, relax, and cook. and see where this change will take me.

things have been really busy these last few weeks. between work and school i've had little time for much else. hopefully things will calm down soon.

in addition to class 3 nights a week after work i now have class on saturdays, which is going to be both exciting and challenging. i'm taking a food styling and photography class - a part of the industry that i am really excited about and am eager to learn more about and experience firsthand. this saturday i'll be shooting a still life (i'm leaning towards onions and garlic and fennel) and a glass of red wine. sounds awesome, yeah?

in other news, my brother has decided to move to chicago for law school this fall. i'm so excited to be able to have him nearby, to see him more than twice a year. as long as i can squeeze him into my crazy schedule.

things are going to fall into place soon, i can feel it.

i've decided that i'm not fit for the professional kitchen. i can't get comfortable with the stainless steal, high heat and impersonal banged up pots and pans. i just don't fit in. i am looking forward to seeing where i fit in outside of the commercial kitchen once i'm done with school. in the meantime i need to try harder to thrive and learn and cook well in a the kendall college kitchens.

i'm half way through my methods of cooking class, where we're learning to sear (not "boil") meats, poach fish, braise more meats, and sautee, among other things. we made pasta last week and now i'm on a kick - i can't stop thinking about rolling out dough and making crazy ravioli. last weekend we had some friends over for dinner and i finally followed through with my threat to duplicate Schwa restaurant's famous quail egg ravioli. the results were fantastic.

schwa on the left, me on the right (test ravioli with a chicken yolk, but you get the idea). not exactly identical, but still worth the effort. the secret is the truffle oil ricotta - a little ring of it keeps the yolk in place as you make the ravioli.

last night in class we braised. lamb, veal, beef. braising is one of my all time favorite cooking methods (is it totally nerdy that i have a favorite cooking method?) but the braising i do at home - rustic, loose, le creuset dutch oven - and the braising we do in class - exact, uniform, shitty bent pans - are worlds apart. it's hard to learn to do something differently when you already feel like you have it down.

i have a few big projects coming up, i have to come up with a business concept, name, logo and tagline for my foodservice business planning class and i'm having trouble with it. i know it's just an assignment and i can do absolutely anything, but i can't help attaching meaning to it, approaching it as if it were my final say in what i am going to do with this adventure. and that is still a big fat unknown.

in other totally unrelated news, two new babies came into my life this week - little tyler was born on sunday night to a good friend from college and yesterday, my stepsister made me an aunt again with little lizzie. i can't wait to meet them.

today craig and i celebrate our six year wedding anniversary. six years. it feels like it has been so much longer, yet the time has just flown by. six years ago today we used the words "forever and always" to promise our hearts to each other for eternity. and i wore a dress that was every so slightly too big with 4" heels and he had a soul patch on his chin. we were two 23 year olds who didn't know any better than that we loved each other and always would. we had no idea that it would only get better as time went on.

last year we celebrated five years with a trip to chile and had an amazing experience. five years is big. five years is a milestone. five years is worth celebrating. six - six years is just six years. but it's one more year than five, so i guess it's a big celebratory milestone plus one. the traditional six year wedding anniversary gifts are candy or iron and the modern gift is wood. so we're finally buying a proper wood bedframe. it seems appropriate.

there are millions of reasons i love my husband, but here are six that strike me as special at this moment:

1. he has never, ever, refused to eat something i have cooked. even the sticky massive tasteless rice noodle disaster of 2003. he is also an incredibly adventurous eater - sometimes more than me. (hoof tacos? craig tried them.)

2. he never fails to give me at least one compliment a day. he can tell when i want someone to tell me i look cute.

3. he always looks great. he's a very handsome man. and he lets me cut his hair the way i like it.

4. he let me help my mother move half way across the country to be closer to us. he hasn't complained once.

5. he keeps doing things that make me proud of him and excited for his (our) future.

6. everything is meaningful to him. even the little things. i love that.

my second quarter of culinary school started this week. i am taking three classes - foodservice business planning for ten weeks, and methods of cooking for 5 weeks, followed by intro to garde manger for the second 5 weeks of the quarter. so far we've cooked vegetables (why do the french boil everything?) and starches - rice, risotto, potatoes and pasta.

i had to be a smart ass and hand cut my pasta instead of using the cutter attachment for the pasta roller. i keep forgetting how easy pasta is to make - i'm definitely going to reincorporate it into my rotating dinner menu.

it feels great to be back in class- i really missed my classmates and the experiences we share in the kitchen. it also feels like time is slipping away too fast. i've already technically completed 1/4 of my studies - and although i have learned a lot, i'm not sure i've absorbed as much as i had wanted to. i'm also feeling overwhelmed, like i don't have enough time to myself anymore. i'm working on ways to deal with that, and hopefully i'll come up with a solution soon...

i'm getting the spring itch - i keep wearing clothes and shoes that probably aren't quite ready to

i don't know if i've mentioned this before, but my company has been amazingly supportive of my cooking school venture, and has given me a budget to cook for the office about twice a month. i've been cooking soups exclusively so far - chicken noodle, split pea, minestrone, tortilla, lentil, chicken and rice, cream of chicken, and today: matzoh ball. one of my jewish coworkers brought in her grandmother's incredibly vague matzoh ball recipe ("omi's matzoh balls") for us to decipher, and although i had never even tasted matzoh ball soup before, i think we figured out the quantities allright and made a damned tasty soup.

so here is the recipe - my interpretation of Omi's matzoh balls soup.
serves 15-20.

ingredients:
for the matzoh balls:
1 box matzoh, broken into smallish pieces
1 large onion, small dice
2 oz butter
6 eggs
1 tbsp garlic salt
2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp salt
2 tsp ground nutmeg
1 cup matzoh meal

for the soup:
1 pound of carrots, sliced
2 large onions, small dice
2 oz butter
8 quarts of chicken broth
1 small bunch parsley, finely chopped

• to start the matzoh balls: soak matzoh in warm water for about 5 minutes until soft. drain and squeeze out excess water.
• sautee onion in butter over medium heat until translucent. add drained matzoh and cook, stirring to break up the matzoh, for about 5 minutes. turn off heat and cover. let sit for 10 minutes or so to steam.
• spread matzoh and onion mixture on a baking sheet or platter to cool, stirring every few minutes.
• for the soup, while the matzoh mixture is cooling heat butter over medium heat and sautee onions and carrots until onion is translucent. add chicken broth and bring to a simmer.
  
• to finish the balls: combine eggs, garlic salt, pepper, salt and nutmeg. get yourself a bowl with some cold water to dip your hands in - this will prevent the matzoh ball mixture from sticking too much. when matzoh mixture is about room temperature, add eggs and use your fingers to combine. add matzoh meal.
• roll balls with the palms of your hands to about ping pong ball size, dipping your hands in the water occasionally to keep the sticky mixture from sticking to your hands. your mixture should make about 75 balls.
• add balls to simmering broth and simmer for just under 5 minutes. when they're done they will float to the top.
• serve 3-4 matzoh balls per person and sprinkle with a bit of finely chopped parsley.

i am currently on spring break, which feels odd, like i should be woo-ing and drinking and sleeping late. or traveling. i'm doing half of those - i'm going to VA to see a large portion of my family and one of my friends this weekend. and i've been celebrating with friends quite a bit in the past week. tonight i'm looking forward to going home and relaxing. take a bubble bath. maybe start packing for my 4 day weekend trip to the east coast.

i'm in a lull, feeling slightly out of place and trying to figure out where i'm going. i can't really describe how i'm feeling right now, except that i'm slighly lost. i need to gain some clarity before i move forward on this new path of mine, establish some rules and deadlines and plans and redefine my dreams. they're a little fuzzy right now, for a number of reasons. i feel scrambled.

but everything is good. i'm having some exciting encounters, meeting some amazing people, overreacting to some crazy half baked ideas. i keep expecting something to fall in my lap, bite me on the ass, shine down on me from the heavens. it may have already done it, but i've been too caught up in everything else to notice.

if i could take a month sabbatical i would. in a heartbeat. how come month long sabbaticals aren't standard in american business? time off to redirect, regroup, reload. the past three months have been harder on me than i thought.

to change the subject, we are in the process of refinancing our mortgage, which feels oddly more permanent than buying our home in the first place. maybe it's the returning to zero on our 30 year mortgage, perhaps its the knowledge that we need to definitely stay another 3 years to make it worth it. but we are pretty sure our place has appreciated, which is a good thing right now.

i'm sleepy today. neighbors with habits of blaring tvs at 5 am are not my favorite people.

i passed my sanitation exam with flying colors - i got a 91%, well above the 75% required for certification. i am a sanitation expert, people! now go wash your hands.

i have my final on monday for my kitchen course - we reviewed the material this week in class and i'm a little nervous of all of the memorization i have to do, french terms and ingredients i have to remember (does a choron sauce have tomato, or lobster? what is the mother sauce again?) (interestingly, when you google "choron sauce" the first link that comes up is for obscure.org. that pretty much sums up a lot of what i'm learning.)

i have almost three weeks off before i come back to an increased class schedule for the spring quarter. i'm taking food service business planning (sounds thrilling, right?) and i will continue my kitchen courses with the same classmates and instructor for intro to garde manger (the "cold" kitchen - salad, platters, etc) and methods of cooking. i'm anxious about having class three nights a week instead of just two, so bear with me if i don't see you for a while between april and june.

i am considering taking the summer off to have some time to relax and enjoy chicago when it's warm out, and practice cooking. maybe think about where i'm going with this thing. i'm still young, i have plenty of time to figure it out. that's one of the great things about cooking - you can teach yourself quite a bit just by practicing. doing it right just means it tastes good. that's an easy qualifier. there are so many ways to build your skills.

my evenings and weekends seem to be double booking quite often - tonight i have two drink dates, one after another. saturday and sunday i have both brunch and dinner plans. i'm cooking so much less now that i'm in school. i might need some time off to remedy that.

the past two weeks have been a whirlwind for me, without much time to think. the combination of full time work, part time school, and obligations to friends and family is finally getting to me. it hit me when i realized i haven't seen three couples that we used to be quite close to in roughly 3 months - and they all live in our neighborhood.

craig and i took a weekend trip to san francisco two weeks ago. it was our second visit to the west coast town, and definitely won't be our last. we ate a ton of fabulous food and after an eye opening weekend i finally admitted out loud that i could live there someday. we spent weeks planning and researching, and armed with a list of about 30 restaurants to pick from for the 7 meals we were to eat there, we ended up eating at two. we didn't make it to luna park, slow club or bakery tartine, but we did eat and drink at a number of fantastic establishments, including canteen (this is the restaurant i would own someday), bar tartine (brunch = heaven), beretta (lardo and sopressata and mortadella. oh my.), and bourbon and branch (the password is books.)

we spent time at the farmers market at the ferry building where i had an oyster for the first time in 10 years - when i decided i wasn't a fan - but this time i loved it. adored it. wanted to stay there and eat them all day.

i could so get used to living with a farmers market like this. we would, of course, need someone to give craig an incredibly well paying job so i could spend my time shopping and eating and cooking, but we can figure that out later.

aside from eating and drooling over produce and jarred goods i couldn't bring back home with me we spent some time shopping, gazing at artwork, and reuniting with friends. i came home with a new orla kiely wallet, a full belly and a heart that has made room for my new favorite city. (after chicago, of course.)

then i came back to real life. for school i had a two day sanitation class last weekend, to clock the required 16 hours necessary for certification with the state. i'm surprised i survived it - the instructor was one of these hyper intense people - full of so much energy and enthusiasm about sanitation and food borne illness that he talked about a mile a minute, making it difficult to understand him at points. after 13 chapters, a myriad of stories about bacteria and rats and people dying and foods rotting, we took the exam. i'll find out in a few days if i passed. honestly, i was so exhausted and overwhelmed i'm not confident how well i did. but, i did walk away with a few business cards - new friends and contacts - and some information that may prevent me from ever purchasing ground beef, fish, or deli meat from a grocery store ever again.

in class we're learning the nuances of mother sauces and their derivatives, the biggest challenge for me being memorizing the french names. i feel like we're slowing down a bit - but really, i think we're just all getting better and moving faster.

tonight i'm practicing some original recipes - i'm starting a portfolio of foods, a database that will someday help me begin my new career. wish me luck.