five things i need

a job offer
a hair cut
sleep
a back rub
tums

five things i don't need but am getting anyway

more makeup
more underwear
dinner out
a cold
a huge zit on my cheek

Our president is flaming. A flaming asshole.

What on earth does the marriage of two men or two women have anything to do with my husband and me? How is it that a lifelong union between two gay men is destroying the sanctity of marriage, but a gameshow on tv resulting in the marriage of two strangers for money is ok? Oh wait, those tv show marriages were between men and women........right, I get it. That makes it holy and sacred, unlike those gay men who are just marrying each other because they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. 48 hour celebrity marriages a la Britney Spears are ok because they are between a man and a woman, too. Goddam those homosexuals, being happy and committed and faithful and all. I'd rather have a cheating, lying, abusive hate filled marriage between a man and a woman than a disgusting loving marriage between Melissa Etheridge and her wife any day. While we're at it, let's ban interracial marriages and interclass marriages, and hell, shy not also ban interreligion marriages. We can't continue to have our holy institution of marriage defiled by all of this crap.

God bless the USA, land of the free, home of the brave.

HMO plans are pure evil.

Last week I made an appointment with my primary care physician for tomorrow. I get a letter in the mail yesterday telling me that she has been kicked out of my HMO plan, so I have an appointment tomorrow with a doctor who no longer can accept my insurance. After calling every doctor in Illinois I find one who is accepting new patients, and the soonest I can see her is April 19. April 19! It's a damned good thing I'm not in seriously bad health here. I could die by then. Previous to these shenanigans, last fall I visited my "female doctor" for my annual visit and was told that she was dropping out of my HMO plan. I was devastated, having finally found a doctor I love, and now I can't see her anymore. I still haven't found a new replacement for her. It's too hard.

I think the people who run my HMO are secretly working for the Grim Reaper. They are hatching an evil plot to kill all of their subscribers by denying them health care.

Five things I am looking forward to this week:

1. Turning in my ass kicking research paper in class tonight. I will get an A.
2. Cooking pork chops tomorrow night.
3. Thursday night dinner and sample sale at Isabella ! Yay!
4. Friday when all of our bills should be paid off.
5. Saturday when I finally go back to my natural haircolor and get a haircut.

Here I am, at work on a Sunday. Yes, a Sunday. It's all fine and good though, because this is giving me ample time to work on my project that is due tomorrow. (And I am working hard, I swear.) I am finding some pleasure in being here, in the dark and quiet with no coworkers around to bother me. It's nice. It took me this long to figure out that working extra can actually pay off.

Earlier today my ever loving husband Craig was on the computer browsing through some old photos from right after we moved to Chicago, the late summer of '02. We saw what a shambles our apartment was in, how crappy our first futon was, how tiny our first kitten was, and how humongous I used to be. I can't believe how heavy I looked, and I almost passed out when I saw the photos. 20 extra pounds can do a lot to a 5 foot tall frame. I just wish someone would have told me what a plumper I was, and how unflattering my clothes and hair were. Sometimes a woman just does not need to see her "fat pictures." I would burn them if they weren't digital.

I've learned a lot in a year and a half.
1. Working overtime isn't so bad if it means you don't really have to work.
2. Futons suck.
3. Hindsight is always 20/20.
4. If you go out to eat 4 times a week you will gain lots of weight.
5. Losing the weight is easy with a well rounded diet, moderate exercise, and having a major bout of food poisoning as a starting point.

My office: 80 degrees and rising. I guess when this building was built in the 70's they didn't have any idea how to build a decent heating/cooling system. I cannot continue to work under these conditions. I am feeling very sleepy.....

We are approved!! In less than one week our credit cards will have zero balances and we'll have a simple low monthly loan payment. Yippee! A lower interest rate and an end date on our debt! Borrowing more money to pay off debt. It's the American way.

Lamb chops with balsamic cherry mint sauce

2 lamb chops with excess fat removed
salt, pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1 chopped shallot
3/4 cup thawed frozen cherries (pitted) coated with 1 tsp sugar to juice
2 tsp balsamic vinegar
3/4 cup beef stock
1 tbsp butter
one large handful fresh chopped mint

-heat 1 tbsp of the oil in a large skillet, to medium high.
-saute chops 3 minutes each side for medium rare, and remove from pan.
-reduce heat to medium and add other tbsp of oil.
-cook shallot until light brown and then add cherries (with juice), vinegar and beef stock. let simmer 3-5 minutes until slightly reduced.
-add butter and 1/2 of the mint. stir until butter is melted.
-serve chops topped with sauce and the rest of the mint.

I made this last night and it was absolutely heavenly. I'm obsessed with food, I'm not afraid to admit it.

Things I don't believe in:

1. Taxes
2. Getting up before 7 am
3. The Atkins "diet"
4. Gee Dubbaya Bush
5. The theory that the best things come to those who wait. I'm waiting.

My lunch ended quite unexpectedly today. In an effort to find some mindless reading and pictures I grabbed the nearest magazine on the rack in the staff lounge. I had never opened an Adbusters before, and it looked interesting. I finished my broccoli and half of my yogurt and strawberries reading about a man who discovered his dead mother's body in her apartment. I took a deep breath, finished my yogurt, turned a few pages page and saw a photo of two African children playing with pieces of a dismembered body of another child. A bloody hand lay nearby, next to an arm complete to the shoulder where it abruptly ended in grisly strings of flesh. A burned and bloody torso could be seen to the right behind one of the crouching children, and two mangled legs appeared to the left, which I assume were still attached. There was no head. I quickly slapped the magazine shut, placing it face down on the table so I could concentrate on keeping my recently eaten food in my stomach. I glanced down to see the back cover presenting a photo of a blackened charred corpse with white glistening teeth smiling up at me. Needless to say broccoli, strawberries and yogurt are not so delicious the second time around.

Maybe I'm just sensitive, maybe I'm weak and vulnerable to these harrowing images. I understand that these things happen in the world, but I have no desire to look at them, especially with a mouthful of thick red yogurt with huge chunks of softened strawberries.

I'm crying and shaking and nauseous and I want to go home and throw up some more.

Five things I'm happy about this morning:

1. I only woke up once last night (at 5:11 am), finally getting a well deserved good night's sleep.
2. Breakfast of champions, a thick slice of ham and a piece of lorraine swiss. It was incredibly satisfying.
3. I bought this adorable brooch. I like to support the indie crafters.
4. (Knock on wood) I found a great job to apply to. The resume goes out today.
5. My little bro called me last night. He's coming to visit in June. I can't wait!

Mirai. Best......Sushi.......Ever. I swear to God I can still taste the otoro. Not the best "deal" in Chi-town, but definitely worth the hundred bones we spent on our Valentine's Day dinner. Craig picked a delicious red wine, and to start we had the Kani Ebi Korokke (Alaskan crab wrapped in seaweed with a spicy mayonnaise), and the Tuna Tuna Salmon (tuna and Salmon wrapped around a roll of rice with a creamy sauce), both which were amazing. Our waiter told us the Tuna Tuna Salmon is what most people come back for, and I believe him. We then had the tuna combination sashimi, consisting of two pieces each of akami (not very fatty), chutoro (medium fatty), and otoro (very fatty). They were such amazing cuts of fish they just melted in our mouths. We also had two unagi nigiri (fresh water eel is my absolute favorite). For dessert we had three mochi cakes with ice cream centers, in mango, green tea, and red bean. Yum. The perfect ending to a perfect Kissy-Day meal. I almost could have had another piece of otoro for dessert, it was so creamy and smooth. This meal was honestly the best sushi dinner I've ever had. Absolutely amazing. You definitely pay for this kind of quality, at our local casual sushi joint (which is still pretty good) we can get stuffed for under $50. At Mirai we spent twice as much on half as much food, but I came away with my tongue on cloud nine.

Before dinner, Craig surprised me with an appointment for a pedicure and massage at a local spa. I had my pedicure first, and while seated directly across from the massage room I noticed the door opening and closing constantly during another woman's massage. I kept getting flashes of a naked women under a white sheet and it made me quite nervous. I wondered how that woman felt, and thought about how mortified I would be knowing that someone was staring at my thin-white-sheet-covered butt while they got their toes painted. I decided to forgo the massage, and immediately fudged up my toe polish by putting on my shoe. Craig came to pick me up, with a bouquet of tulips and a box of chocolates from Marly. I have the best husband in the world. I bought a massage book a couple of weeks ago, and now he owes me to read it and give me a belated Valentines massage.

So needless to say I had a great Valentine's Day this year. I can even say this was the best Valentine's Day.........ever.

Thank you, honey.

I've given up on a job search, at least until my class is over. It's going well, at least as far as I can tell. I've gotten past the point of struggling with my concentration, and am reading my textbook at a fast pace. I am finding it fascinating, and feel that I am grasping the concepts nicely, until I get to class and the professor completely confuses me with her examples. This is going to take some getting used to.

I'm going to buy a canvas, some paint, some fabric, vinyl, etc., and make some stuff soon. I'm feeling quite crafty.

Never trust a woman in a full length rabbit fur coat asking to buy the angora bunnies at the pet store. True story.

I am going to make a tee shirt that says "I survived the root canal." $800 later my tooth hurts more than it did before they started drilling. I can get full dentures for $400. I'm thinking about it.....

Craig took me to a couple of galleries in the West Loop yesterday while meeting for lunch after my root canal. (With the right side of my face drooping like a stroke patient, I still managed to eat a large meal.) We saw an exhibit of gorgeous landscape paintings by a Japanese painter who uses beeswax to cover his finished canvas, giving the scenes a glowing luminous effect. They were absolutely stunning. We peeked into the storage room of the gallery, and I saw a set of paintings that further inspired me to pull out my dusty brushes. I can't wait to get started. Making my own art is a lot more practical right now than dropping $25K at a gallery. I'm up for the challenge, and am thinking that a little creativity might just be good for me.

The Grammys exhibit a wealth of knowledge. "Without lyrics we would all be singing 'la la la la la'."

Hey Yah.

Some snowstorm we had. Sheesh.

Top five things to do at work to waste time:

1. update blog
2. play the rsvp game on lifetime.com
3. shop online
4. stare out the window
5. apply for new jobs

I finish writing a long and detailed post, only to have it vanish into midair when Blogger freezes. Fantastic. I need to relax, after all, it's just a blog. It's not the end of the world. The following is my attempt to recreate what I have been writing over the past two hours.

I love the grocery store, but I am about the worst person to send to buy food alone. I rush to the supermarket because we don't have a backup can of anchovies, and I come back with 4 pounds of turkey sausage, a package of pork chops, 6 different types of rice and two bags of frozen shrimp, none of which I plan to serve in the immediate future. My freezer contains enough meat and fish to make up a small farm and fishery. Needless to say my cabinets contain an orgy of canned vegetables, fruits, beans, meats, and coconut milk. I am always prepared for a weeks worth of delicious meals. Try me.

Anyway, while at the grocery store yesterday, I made my way over to the bakery to satisfy my husband's carbohydrate craving with some fresh bagels. I could see from afar that they were on sale 3 for .99 cents. Hurrah! I love when things are on sale, especially when they are on my shopping list. On my way to the bagel bins I was cut off by a large older Polish-looking man in a dirty jumpsuit who parked himself smack dab in the middle of the aisle, creating a bakery road block. I grabbed a plastic bag and waited. I watched in awe as he displayed a blatant lack of respect for health and cleanliness by fondling and squeezing each and every sesame bagel in the bin. I quickly decided that fresh bagels were no longer on my list and threw my plastic bag to the side, made a grunt of disgust to match the look on my face, and prepared to quickly leave the bakery area. However, I misjudged the space he had left me to maneuver through and promptly hit a table stacked high with boxes of banana nut muffins. As more than a dozen boxes hit the floor with a crash I recoiled in horror and embarrassment. To show the Polish bagel squeezer the meaning of courtesy, I bent down to pick up my mess (luckily none of the boxes came open to spill clean fresh muffins on the floor.) I looked up as I placed the last box carefully back on the table, only to hear a grunt of disgust paired with the same look on the face of Mr. Bagel Molester as he swept past me with his cart, which happened to be absent of any newly tainted bagels. Life is just not fair at the grocery store.

Hubb and I had a delicious dinner last night consisting of whitefish with an olive, anchovy and tomato relish, creamy parmesan risotto and steamed broccoli. I carry a souvenir of this meal with me today in the form of a fish bone stuck in my throat. This is paired with the new blister on my left hand from absent-mindedly touching the broiler pan, which matches the new scar forming on my right forearm from an encounter with a roasting pan last week. I should be locked away alone with a room temperature liquid diet.

This increasing accident-proneness is starting to worry me. I have tried to wreck my car each and every time it has snowed here this season. I keep successfully managing to lose control and fish-tail, once spinning a complete 180 in the middle of Sheridan Road. We are supposed to get 2-6 inches tonight, and I am worried about what my drive to work tomorrow might bring. I have no choice but to come in, with my coworker out I am left to manage our department by myself. I have been told to buy 50 pound bags of sand for my trunk to make my lightweight plastic Volkswagen as heavy as a real car, but I have a problem paying for something that is readily available on the beach near my house, (albeit underneath two feet of snow.) Maybe I should free up some room in my freezer and store all of those bags of shrimp, chicken, fish, sausage, and pork chops in the trunk of my car until the snow and ice has thawed. Or maybe I should just leave it empty because another uncontrolled spinning may dislodge this fish bone in my esophagus.

For some reason I feel a pressing need to get this out of the way.

Who I am, in 100 statements or less.

1. I am five feet, one inch tall and I absolutely hate shorty jokes.
2. I weigh an average of 123.5 pounds, and am working on getting down to a healthy doctor recommended 115. Sort of.
3. I am self conscious about my lovehandles and my boobs. I would have a reduction if it wasn't so painful.
4. I have a lot of work done to my teeth, even though it is painful.
5. My favorite food is sushi. Unagi, saba, and smoked salmon in particular.
6. I don't like electronic music, much to the dismay of my husband.
7. I have been married for almost 10 months to the best man in the world.
8. My two cats, Eva and Stella, are my babies.
9. I love to cook. I like to think I'm pretty good at it. Everything except asian food, that is.
10. I can't bake. I make a good apple pie, but that's about it.
11. My favorite dessert is creme brulee.
12. Reading is my main hobby. I always have at least 4 books in process at a time.
13. I was a ceramics major in college. I haven't been in the studio for more than 6 months.
14. I would like to have a home studio some day.
15. When I was 12 I broke my pinkie toe on my left foot. It now bends weird.
16. I have two tattoos, a star on my right foot and a swallow on my lower left back.
17. I'd like to get my husbands initials in a banner in the beak of the swallow.
18. One of my other hobbies is shopping. It's an addiction and I often spend too much money.
19. I own a lot of makeup.
20. I have issues with my hair. I wish it were straight but it is frizzy and wavy. And currently an unnatural few different shades of brown.
21. I work in a library. My office door actually says "Librarian." (I don't have an MLS)
22. I am a product junkie.
23. I own a 1930's men's armoire, a piece of furniture called a compactum.
24. I am drawn to art deco and art nouveau furniture, jewelry, and art.
25. My engagement ring is an art deco piece from the 1930's.
26. I don't like flashy jewelry unless it is antique.
27. My favorite movies are Amelie, Waking Life, Monty Python's Holy Grail, and True Romance.
28. My parents are divorced, all of my grandparents were divorced, and I don't believe in divorce.
29. My dog, Chester, has addison's disease. He lives with my dad and step mom.
30. I have a younger brother who is 18. Even though he has been in some trouble I am still very proud of him.
31. I worry about my mother sometimes.
32. I have a phobia about walking on open grates in the sidewalk.
33. I can't stand people who drive like assholes.
34. I have a problem relaxing sometimes.
35. I ripped my left big toenail off in September, on my husband's first day of work at his new job.
36. My toenail is now grown back. It hurt like crap.
37. I once went to the hospital thinking I had appendicitis. I really had a pulled muscle.
38. I am a hypocondriac sometimes.
39. I grew up in Virginia just south of Washington D.C..
40. I am never moving back to Virginia.
41. I have a bad habit of being very easily annoyed.
42. My very best friend lives in Hawaii. We've been friends for almost 19 years.
43. I am a very picky person.
44. I can't wait to be a mother someday.
45. One of my favorite memories is of catching crayfish in the creek that ran through my backyard as a kid.
46. I miss being a kid.
47. I also miss all of my friends who don't live in Chicago.
48. Oh, I live in Chicago. Well, actually Evanston, but I'm less than a block from the Chicago border.
49. I will become an official Chicago resident in April.
50. Cinnamon ice cream is one of my favorites.
51. I wear glasses, though I can see fine without them. My prescription is very minor.
52. I used to have a lot of trouble trusting people.
53. Sometimes I overestimate or underestimate my friendships.
54. I am highly organized and very detail oriented.
55. I like to file things.
56. I can't stand unorganized spaces.
57. I once had a hampster names Sammy who died on the fourth of July.
58. I enjoy fresh basil, and want to have a huge garden of it someday.
59. My car is a 2001 VW Golf. It is silver. It has four doors. It is the newest car I've ever owned.
60. My husband and I share said car.
61. My husband's nose is crooked. Wait, that's not about me.....
62. I have a small collection of porcelain salt and pepper shakers, some of them vintage.
63. I like lists and surveys.
64. My nickname growing up was "Emyduck" because my first word was "quack."
65. I have a retirement fund.
66. My first boyfriend was in the 7th grade.
67. My first kiss was also in the 7th grade. I bit his tongue.
68. I lost my virginity to a boy who cheated on me the very next day. He never graduated high school and he now has at least two kids.
69. I am a huge hypocrite sometimes.
70. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of my favorite books.
71. I constantly dream about winning the lottery.
72. I have no musical talent whatsoever.
73. My favorite conversation hearts are the white ones.
74. I hate Dave Matthews.
75. I really like to eat red meat. Rare.
76. I am a huge romantic.
77. My birthday is the day before Halloween, which makes me a Scorpio.
78. I used to get strep throat and lose my voice every year when I was a teenager.
79. I am obsessed with the Food Network.
80. My eyes are hazel-green. They are my favorite feature.
81. My first concert was Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson when I was in 9th grade.
82. I smoked between the ages of 13-15.
83. I am very lazy and have trouble getting up on weekdays.
84. I'd rather not have to go to work every day. At least not have to go to a job I don't like.
85. It took me five years to get a four year college degree.
86. I took one semester off to work full time at a hair salon. That was my favorite job ever.
87. My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, marshmallow fluff and bananas.
88. I don't eat much fast food.
89. I wish I had not gone to community college before transferring to a real university.
90. I am very indecisive.
91. My sense of humor sometimes involves making fun of people. I feel guilty about that.
92. I wish I made friends more easily.
93. I treasure the friends I do have and I am very loyal.
94. My biggest fear is to be left alone.
95. I am afraid of death, for myself and for others.
96. I have trouble admitting I was wrong.
97. My biggest flaw is that I am a control freak. I just can't help it and I think it scares people sometimes.
98. I have a scar on my left butt cheek from when I fell onto the open dishwasher on a knife when I was 11 or 12.
99. I like to watch old movies.
100. I sort of feel like this was a waste of time.

Another day begins another week begins another month. Took Eva to the vet this morning; she has a bacterial infection and is on antibiotics for the next 5 days. I was late to work then burned my tongue on my chicken soup at lunch. I'm tired and I wanna go home. Today is the first day of my developmental psychology class, and I at least finished the developmental psychology chapter in my review book. I'm a little bit nervous. We are existing under a winter weather warning today, with an expected 2-4 inches of snow.....again. I got my hair cut on Saturday, and I'm actually pretty happy about it. I was shaking uncontrollably with a bucket of tears ready before she took the first snip. But she did ok. She (my stylist Janet) is preggers and is due in two months. So I'll only get one more haircut (and help getting back to my natural color) before she leaves to give birth to her son. She is going to name him Nickolas. He was an accident. I'm not ready for an accident like that. Dropping my knife on the floor at the Indian Buffet, sure. Baby, no. I'm too selfish. I wonder if that will ever go away. I asked my dad for money yesterday. My brother goes to court next Monday. I saw Janet Jackson's boob during the SuperBowl halftime show. I was shocked, and am saddened by her pathetic need for publicity. Justin Timberlake looks like my little brother. I have a constant list of things I want:

1. A real sofa
2. A vintage travel poster of Washington DC
3. A frame for one of our wedding presents
4. An appointment at the vet to declaw my evil cat Stella
5. A plane ticket to Hawaii to visit my best friend Gina