So I decided to stop fighting The Hair, and let The Wave flow. My weekend was a drizzly frizzy suburb shopping Saturday, big hair sushi dinner, 6 hour pinned back fly-away bike ride/arts fest, laundry lazy Sunday...and I was all about rocking the natural hairstyle. So Monday comes and I decide to wow my office with The Wave, and lo and behold, a construction worker specifically stopped me in the hallway just to say, "If you don't mind me saying," (I don't, believe me, I don't!) "I think you are incredibly beautiful." Teehee. Giggled thank you and my day has been considerably brightened. Flirts on the bus, at the bagel shop, in the hallway, the office, the farmer's market...I'm never picking up a hairbrush again if it's going to get me this kind of attention.

I also finally purchased a pair of adorable red, pointy, buckled, adorable, punk-rock (sort of) shoes that I've been lusting after for some time. Hubb approved the purchase, much to my delight, and I wore them to dinner Saturday and again to work on Monday. Maybe it was a combination of the hair and the shoes that made me glow and drove the construction worker wild yesterday. I should do a study of hairstyle and shoe combinations and the number of smiles and flirtatious exchanges I engage in throughout the day. What with my growing collection of footwear slowly taking over my closet, this could take some time. God I love shoes.

In other news: Hubb and I have initiated Thanksgiving vacation plans to visit our friend in Boston. Along the way we will hopefully be able to stop through Maryland and New Jersey to visit my two girlfriends from college, the latter who just bought a house and got engaged (I'm a bridesmaid again, yay!) and the former who is about to buy a home. I feel so uncool and behind the curve, content to rent for another couple of years to save money and pay off our debts. (Weddings are expensive.) While hubb and I feel that we are mature enough to handle all kinds of other life decisions and obstacles, we don't feel quite ready to purchase something so big and grand that we don't know the first thing about caring for. (How to fix a leaky roof? Beats me! Toilet needs to be taken apart? Don't even ask.) It's just hard for me to see my younger friends taking bigger steps than I am ready for. I guess it's just jealousy of their courage and maybe a touch of anxiety thinking about the responsibility and demands (physical and emotional, not to mention monetary) of home-ownership, which I am too selfish to deal with. Either way...I'm excited to see my close friends grow and thrive and take fearless steps towards being a grown up, and I respect them for it. I'm not quite there yet. The Wave and I don't want to grow up, we just want to have fun. And buy shoes.

The twenty spot I thought I found in my pocket was actually money I completely forgot my boss gave me to run an errand for her. So it wasn't mine. Man I'm tired.

I went to bed at 9:30 this morning and still had trouble getting up when my alarm went off this morning. Coffee is only managing to make my stomach ache. Nap at lunch.

Checklist for the weekend:

Sleep. Eat healthy. Sleep. Exercise (ride bike?). Sleep. Bucktown Art's Fest. Sleep. Clean the house. Do some artwork. Sleep.

Now: back to work.

Wednesday Haikus

today has been hard
i found twenty-two dollars
i feel better now

somehow i will live
to see the end of the week
with help from caffeine

my grey pants pocket
what secrets it holds within
image of jackson

the cheeseburger calls
i fucking hate mcdonald's
mouth ignores brain

and now back to work
i am better at my job
than haiku poems

It's been a day, I tell ya. A DAY!
1. I've finally fessed up about my uncomfort about a few of the tasks I've been assigned at work, and am sweating while I wait to hear the outcome of my bitch session.
2. I spilled coffee on my white sweater at 7:45am, exactly 15 minutes after arriving at work.
3. I discovered the first big mistake I've made at my new job.
4. I cried in the bathroom at 2:15.
5. I ate Doritos.
6. I feel fat.

It's been a great day.
1. I got a free latte with my frequent buyer's card.
2. My boss expressed her never-ending appreciation for me in front of 250 people.
3. I listened to a relationship specialist spew out heart-breaking divorce statistics and research findings, and left feeling confident that my relationship is in perfect health.
4. I have finally broken in my two favorite pairs of new shoes; no more blisters for me.
5. My coworker bought me a Diet Coke with Lime.
6. I found out I get to work normal hours tomorrow and Thursday.

The universe is in perfect alignment.

I'm obviously terribly tired as I've been trying to figure out why I have an awful headache, and suddenly realize I've been up since 5am and haven't had any caffeine today. Yessir, I'm an addict.

And I'm feeling incredibly uninspired today, so I'll just leave you with this:

I can't say I was angry. And I can't say I wasn't jealous. But if the man sitting next to me on the bus tonight fell asleep on my shoulder one more time I can say I would have shoved as hard as I could to push him off the seat...if it weren't for The Unbearable Lightness of Being engrossing and shocking me with words of voiding bowels and sexing someone up with the crown of another someone's head. (I'm still trying to figure that out.) Completely against my character, I am thoroughly enjoying this book. It may be my favorite book ever. As long as the bowel-voiding talk ends soon. I may have had enough of that.

I've been waiting all week for tonight, if only for the chance to say "Thank effing god the week is finally effing over!" I've had a hard week, to say the least. Hormonal, tired, over-worked, not filling expectations...it's been emotional. MORE guests arrive tomorrow from Big 'Ol Texas, to stay until Wednesday. It will be fun, but I have the busiest and most demanding week of my entire employment history waiting for me come Monday, so we'll see how I handle THAT. My boss has been on vacation for the past 5 days, and Monday begins a week-long busy-fest that preparing for has been a huge bear. I'll have to get used to showing up to work at 6:30 AM, so I apologize in advance for a lack of posts, and/or incoherent blabbering bitching and moaning about how tired I am. I have a strict prescription for dealing with days like those to come...espresso, chocolate, fatty food, more espresso, more chocolate, and and wine once I am in my pyjamas. I think I might need some bigger pants by the end of August.

I'm going out tonight. I'm going to look at art, eat sushi, drink loads of wine and liquor, mingle with friends until the wee hours, and sleep a soundless sleep before the fun begins tomorrow. Clean, entertain, entertain, entertain, work work work work work. As much as I bitch, I must admit that I've never had more fun in my life.

P.S. - I've had already started the wine-drinking portion of my evening, so please excuse my rambling. Thank you. And goodnight.

I want a doggie.



A small doggie that I can put in a tote bag and take to the park. A scruffy doggie that I don't have to take to the barber more often than I take myself. A quiet doggie that won't bark all day while I'm at work. A potty trained doggie that maybe hub or myself can take to work with us on occasion and one that we can trust at home while we are out. A friendly doggie that won't terrorize my precious kitties. A lovable doggie that will curl up with me on the sofa at night and watch the Food Network with me and fall asleep in my lap. A ferocious doggie when I need it to be, that will protect me when hubb is away. A calm doggie that I can take in the car on long road trips.

I also want a yard for my doggie to run around in and poop in and frolic in all day long.

I also want a million dollars.

After I calmed down, the weekend went by unexpectedly and pleasantly slow. Friday night was a strange and chilly night at Ravinia with the Hub's workmates. Cold weather and cold food do not a happy emily make...unless you add about 5 glasses of free wine. And pizza bites upon returning home. Gourmet sandwiches, salads, cheeses and cakes are no match for toaster oven snack foods.

Saturday we went to an early dinner to Las Palmas, a local mexican restaurant we had been meaning to try and finally had the chance to. Hub had tickets to an outdoor event that started at 5:30, so at 4:00 we left to eat. We arrived to an empty restaurant, which didn't surprise us as much as the waitstaff's casual motion for us to enter the back patio, into what we immediately decided was a private party but ended up being an opening for the murals recently painted on the side of the building. A nice mellow band was playing, and all kinds of artsy characters were mingling and drinking. We sat down and were greeted by a waitress who asked us to help ourselves to the free buffet and asked which flavor of free sangria we would like. Free is always my favorite price, so we imbibed and ate the most amazing appetizers in the spirit of art. We also ordered some dinner, but got away completely stuffed and a wee bit tipsy (ok, a wee bit drunk) for about $21. Now that's a fantastic introduction to a delicious restaurant! Yay art! And yay free sangria!

Sunday, with long overdue gorgeous weather, Hub and I headed out on a two wheeled tour of our neighborhood. We rode around looking at the apartments we didn't rent, feeling confident that we live on the best street in Wicker Park. It felt good to get on the bike I bought a year ago and have ridden twice. I'm slowly losing my fear of getting hit by a speeding bus or running into an old lady trying to cross the street. We came home after two hours with no injuries to report. We decided to make bike rides weekly dates. That is, until winter gets here...

Something finally caught up with me, maybe it's the work, the caffeine, the alcohol, but my stomach is not in a good place today, so I came home early to nap and relax. It's going well so far, and I'm enjoying the quiet and absence of a "to do" list. My god I need a vacation.

So I'm seriously wired because I have just finished my fourth caffeinated beverage for the day, and I still have two and a half hours of work left because I have a shitload to do that I just can't get done with other people around (maybe I'm just too social, easily distracted, nosy, etc.) and I work better and get more done in the two and half hours after everybody has left the office than I get done in an entire day. Wait, that's not entirely true, I got quite a bit done today, and none of it was personal, a fact which I am incredibly proud of. And drinking lattes gives me calcium because I hate to drink milk unless it is caffeinated, and they are like .09 cents at the cafe in my building (ok, I'm exaggerating, but they're seriously really cheap) and most of the time they taste pretty good unless the blonde girl who can't froth milk is working, which is most afternoons. And four more espresso-based drinks to go and I get a free one. I'll be there by Monday, my friends.

I was craving mexican food and a margarita today, but ate my rice and homemade spaghetti sauce casserole instead. I still want a burrito and some tequila, and since the Hub is away tonight at a work retreat, maybe I'll gorge on some tacos from Picante and a six-pack of Tequiza on my deck this fine August evening...oh wait, it's 58 degrees outside, what am I thinking??...or maybe on the carpeted bedroom floor with the cats. Then I can sleep and wake up early enough to be back at work at 7:30 fucking am in the goddamned morning tomorrow. I love my job I love my job I love my job. Ohmigod I have to pee.

(pee break)

Ok...much better. I'm not crossing my legs and shaking my foot like a two year old that has to go potty anymore. I have been drinking liquids (none of them spiked, unfortunately) like crazy all week at work, because it keeps me busy and keeps the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups out of my mouth, so I've been running to the bathroom like crazy to keep the fluid moving. Now, the bathrooms in my building are for some reason heated to 90 degrees, even in "real" summertime, (not like this October-in-August we've been having lately) so I've learned to pee, wash and primp in record time, even without the aid of caffeine. The water faucets are those state-of-the-art hands free type, and I still reach for the knob EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now, I usually pick up things pretty fast, but for some reason I cannot grasp this daily hands-free faucet use. The water comes out at roughly 110 degrees fahrenheit, and since it is hands free there is no control over this temperature. So I scald my hands, successfully sanitizing them I'm sure, and book it back into the hallway, which is underheated at a good 60 degrees on a good day. It's a miracle I'm not sick yet. On a daily basis I run into women in the sauna...I mean bathroom...just chit chatting away about the day and who's sleeping with who and where's a good place to eat, and I just can't imagine how they're not sweat soaked through their business casual attire. Then there are a few ladies who BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH THE SCALDING WATER and I just want to puke up the nine Reese's cups I just ate because the heated scent of a ladies bathroom and warm water do NOT make me want to put ANYTHING in my mouth. Gag. By the way, the diet...going well thank you.

I am working so hard I want to nap at 10 am every day, and would give my favorite pair of shoes for a day off, but I can't do either because I have too much work to do. Friday August 27 is what I'm working towards, and after 5:00 on that day I can collapse into a comatose ball of emily on the filthy floor of the #66 bus. It's really sad that that's my light at the end of this working over-time tunnel.

I'm getting back to work now. I do believe a Chipotle burrito will be my reward for working so damned hard today. Mmmm.....1049 calories. (Has Fast Food Nation tought me nothing?? Apparently.) I've burned more than that by simply tapping my over-caffeinated foot today.

Side note: I've edited this post like 15 times since posting because I keep finding ill-flowing sentences, misspelled and misplaced words. I think I should go home and stop re-reading this over and over and over......

Reading Fast Food Nation has ironically, hypocritically, and disgustingly made me crave french fries. It has also made me stop eating beef temporarily. I may very well never eat ground beef again. But I feel no pity for the potato, and it cannot kill me with E. coli, so I've been craving McDonald's fries for weeks. I don't crave and eat fast food very often, but the two McDonald's I pass on my way to and from work every day were calling my name for a taste of deep fried spud. Despite my recent acknowledgement of an additional 5 pounds on my frame, and a vow to return to a healthier diet, I stopped by the McDonald's on Chicago and Damen on my way home from work yesterday. I've been working hard, and I deserve a french fry every now and then. I took a deep breath, told myself "This is a one-time treat. The diet starts tomorrow," and opened the door. An elderly woman in a wheelchair was ordering a hamburger, so I stood behind her and waited, marveling at her perfectly curled white hair. The 16 year old boy behind the counter handed her some change and her bag and then asked me for my order. My small fry totaled $1.04. I handed the boy my dollar and reached into my change purse for some pennies. He smiled and said "Don't worry about it," closed the cash drawer and turned to grab my bag. As he turned back around he looked at the wheelchair bound woman who was starting to wheel herself towards the door to leave. Without hesitation he ran over to her, opened the inner door, walked into the entry way and held open the outer door for her, smiling the whole way. He quickly realized he was holding my order and apologized while quickly running to the counter to hand it to me. The whole exchange took maybe two minutes, but it brightened up my whole day. Friendly and helpful employees are not what fast food restaurants are generally known for, and it made me smile. I ate my fries while walking home, savoring them one at a time and being happy for the unexpected kindness I experienced at McDonald's.

The diet started today.

I'm not away, just busy. Busy busy busy busy busy. I've never been so tired and busy. And tired. And irritable. And loving my job. And content. And happy. And hungry. I'm on a stress-filled roller coaster that is bringing my weight and my emotions along for an interesting ride.

We've had guest after guest after guest, with more on the way. I love seeing everyone, being the entertainer, going out, doing things...I'm just pooped. I know I'm not exerting myself to the point of not being able to handle it; I just need to get used to actually working for a living, being busy, doing things, and still living and enjoying life. Chocolate and coffee help.

My feet still hurt. I want to go to the beach. Anywhere. I miss my mom.

I'm definitely going to bed at 9 tonight.

Chicago is the land of street festivals. I don't know what it is about my city, but she sure loves her some fried food, cheap beer, jewelry and loud music in her neighborhood streets. And don't I always go, even though I know it will be the same thing time and time again? Sure. Because I love her and I trust she will entertain me with her crowded expanse of blocked off streets. Most recent festival experience: The Wicker Park Festival, sponsored by WXRT and the Subterranean Lounge.

Highlights of the festival weekend:

- discovering dangly earrings...again!
- no-bra-hip-pack-girl and greasy-Corona-shirt-guy
- The French Kicks.
- being out late on a Sunday night with the hubb.