5 things i'm looking forward to this weekend:

1. finally cleaning out our storage space
2. finally storing my ceramics supplies and our christmas decorations in the basement rather than our entryway and dining room
3. dinner at sushi arigato
4. finally seeing lord of the rings
5. the superbowl menu i plan to prepare for our 2 person party

My janitor, Ben, and I have a special relationship. We always talk about the weather and about our families; he tells me how hard it is to have a wife and four kids while he works two jobs, and I tell him how my cats sleep in my bed with me and my husband. He gave me a special pep talk right before my wedding, fatherly advice and encouragment, but also mentioned that I still had time to get out before it was too late. His native tongue is Spanish, and he sometimes has a hard time saying what he means in English, and doesn't always understand what I am asking him for. We're working on breaking down the language barrier with small talk. His daily visits are one of the few things I look forward to at work every day.

He came in today and told me it would be warm tomorrow - six degrees. Then he says "You know, I wake up this morning at four-thirty and sheesh (shivers), and I say 'Jesus Christ.' I really called him out on it, you know. Is too damned cold." I couldn't have said it better myself.

i need to have a screaming session tonight. maybe i'll to tae bo and pull my groin again and have to go the hopsital for pretend appendicitis. why are people so effing stupid? i hate them all. [steam shooting out of ears] i didn't pack a lunch so i may go for some theraputic indian buffet today. if i don't turn into a pissed off chunk of ice before i make it to the car, which won't even heat up before i get there. so many people are morons, it's a damned good thing i'm smarter than everyone else. damn good thing.

currently chanting "life's too short; do unto others...; it takes all kinds; be the better person."

0 degrees, feels like -12. Is it spring yet?

Random things I worry about:

1. All of my neighbors' dogs. Upstairs - the owner is never home, resulting in her tiny dog constantly jumping up and down and up and down at the front door waiting for her to come home. He's going to end up neurotic. Downstairs - two big dogs in a tiny apartment who aren't taken outside enough, resulting in huge puddles of piss at the very bottom of our back stairs. Either they can't even hold it long enough to get to the grass or they aren't ever given the chance to go anywhere else. Either way is abusive.

2. My downstairs, next door neighbors. All they do is fight and scream, and I'm worried for their children. Last fight I heard mom tell dad to pack his bags. I'm not an advocate for divorce, but I honestly think that would be best at this point.

3. My brother and my mom. My brother for his legal troubles, my mother for her money troubles.

4. Homeless people in Chicago. It's cold and they don't have heat.

My current reading list:

~Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris I heard he was hilarious, but I'm not too impressed. Currently on page 201/272
~Psychology - Dan Baucomb Reading this to catch up before my Developmental Psychology class starts on Monday. 138/319
~Holy Blood, Holy Grail - Richard Leigh After reading The DaVinci Code, (along with 98% of the rest of the world) I became interested in the topic. For some reason I am intrigued by text debunking Christian beliefs. 64/496
~Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson I am a nerd and I love to learn. 82/560
~Everything's Eventual - Stephen King I've been reading this for a year. I love Stephen King, and I always like to have a book of short stories on my current bedside table reading stack. 212/464

I'm in a pretty good mood today despite the snowy slushy death trap outside. Where else can one be nearly side swiped, rear ended, plowed into a ditch, and spend more than half an hour traveling less than two miles? Chicago in the winter. I love it. I think more people come out during treacherous driving conditions than any other time here. My favorites are the ones who somehow manage to get into their snow covered car without disturbing a flake, turn on the windshield wipers to get the snow out of their immediate line of sight, then speed off stupidly and obliviously into the blizzard, looking for a deadly accident. When I say survival of the fittest, these are the people I'm talking about.

Top three people I would rather not associate with:
3. Laundromat owners
2. Idiotic foul weather drivers
1. George Bush

Creativity = Therapy I need a new job. According to Craig, I need to join the "creative class." I must say that I agree. Any ideas?

Five reasons I love my husband:

1. He supports me in all my endeavors.
2. He eats anything I cook, without question.
3. I can see myself growing old with him, and he'll be a really attractive older man.
4. He apologizes when it's not his fault.
5. Because every night is like a slumber party.

5 worst things about this past weekend:
1. spinning out on the snow and slush, almost plummeting to my doom into frozen lake michigan
2. scheduling a root canal for next month
3. the lack of productivity
4. taking a double dose of b.c. and feeling nauseous all day sunday
5. when it ended

5 best things about this past weekend:
1. sushi wabi with craig on friday (1 more sushi restaurant to go and we'll have hit the top 5 in chi-town)
2. staying in, staying warm
3. watching the snow fall
4. craig cooking dinner on sunday
5. not killing myself on the road in the snow and slush

I have the worst craving for fried chicken. Somebody help me.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but can someone tell me why every female in Chicago is knee deep into knitting? I tried once and failed miserably. I'd love to knit cute little flapper girl hats with knitted flowers on them, but I'm not talented when holding needles, and don't have enough patience for it anyway. Is this just a Chicago phenomenon? Because it's colder than cold here, does every woman feel the need to craft her own scarves and sweaters? It's not a bad thing, just something random I've noticed recently.

Craig and I did laundry last weekend, and while transferring clean wet laundry to the driers, Craig found a ten dollar bill in the pocket of his soaking wet jeans. We dried the cash with my dainties and Craig made the required comment about laundering our money. Of all the things to find unexpectedly, money is my favorite. I once found a $100 bill at a gas station. I love to tell that story, though it isn't really much of a story. I found the crumpled up bill in a puddle of automobile fluids in front of a vacant pump. I shoved it in my pocket, bought my coffee with the fiver I brought in with me, and went back to work. After an hour or so I pulled the bill out of my pocket surprised to see two zeros at the end of the number one I was expecting. After deciding that finders were indeed keepers, I spent it at WalMart on back to college supplies.

I still scan the ground when I pump my gas.

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We ordered delivery last night, from a restaurant that advertises as "lite" Chinese food. Now I don't know about that, but it was pretty tasty, right down to the fortune cookies.

My fortune: You will have a very pleasant experience.
Craig's fortune: You will be the best.

Who knew that fortune cookies could be so accurate??

damn starbucks and their calorie laden cranberry dream bars and vanilla lattes. damn them straight to hell.

Following my husband's lead, here are a few of my current lusts preceded by a probability rating of 1 (on my way to purchasing) to 10 (no way in hell):

-1- Puma Speed Cats, size 6.5 womens, 5 mens, 37 euro, Black/white.
-3- 8 oz California Mango scrub. Best Exfoliant Ever.
-8- Alora Due. Expensive, but it lasts a year.
-6- Kai perfume oil. Delicious.
-4- Du Wop I gels for tired eyes. My eyes are sleepy.
-3- A monogrammed silk robe. Size sm/med. "E".
-10- Kate Spade Pia bag in black.

If I ever have a daughter I am going to do my best to persuade her to elope. The wedding business is such a racket. Tack "wedding" to any noun, and you've got yourself a 300% increase in price. Take wedding photos for example. $28 for an 8x10. $28! $9 for a 4x6! I can get reprints at Walgreens for .39 cents each, but I won't. It is ridiculous: wedding cake, photo album, flowers, dress, manicure, jewelry, invitations, thank you notes, et cetera, et cetera. Never in my life did I imagine being expected to pay so much for a piece of tulle attached to a plastic comb, proudly displayed and marketed as a wedding veil.

According to my calculations, our wedding will be paid off in three years. All this for one day; 5 hours to be exact. If we ever finally purchase our wedding album, I am going to pull it out each time I pay the bills.

I love you, Honey. You're worth every penny and then some.

I hate the smell of Windex.

It is now 6 degrees out. My sinus cavities froze on my way in to work this morning.

I'm tired. I was spoiled yesterday with my laziness. Despite a raging hangover from hell, it sort of felt good to stay in bed until 1:30pm.

I have some weird red spots under my eyelids. I am the devil. There's no other explanation.

I want it to be 5:00 already. I have already had at least 25 pop up screens alerting me that a virus has been found on my computer. Goddammit. At least it's a 4 day work week.

Grump grump grumble grump.

Resolution Update:

1. Get in shape: I'm feeling great. Been working out, eating sensibly (most of the time.) Down a few pounds, looking in the mirror and saying "hmm....pretty good." Was able to purchase the smallest pants size....ever.
2. Be nice: Have regenerated relationship with coworker, have not been nasty to anyone.
3. Budget: I might scratch this one off the list. At least temporarily. But I did go through our debt and income and estimated that we will be able to purchase a house in 2007.
4. Employment: Slowly but surely I'm working on it. It seems that I have someone interested in me, but I don't think she wants to pay me sufficiently, so the search continues.
5. Adventure: I stood on the shore of Lake Michigan for a minute last night. It's frozen and beautiful. And cold. I might be adventurous and go out on the beach and try to walk on the ice one of these days. (might being the operative word here.)

I thought it couldn't happen, but I've actually been busy today! It's been rather exciting and invigorating, having actual work to do, and looking back on a long list of accomplishments crossed off the to do list. I used my creative genius to interpret and maneuver around an unintuitive acquisitions program uncovering information deemed lost forever and solving a massive problem for a patron. And nobody patted me on the back.

In other news: after voicing my complaint against poor customer service from a company I hold near and dear, I am rewarded with a complimentary item I have been coveting for months. Tip of the Day: the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

add:
7. not getting the credit I deserve
6. scratchy bra straps

5 things that irritate me most:

5. ill fitting underwear
4. constant noise
3. cigarettes
2. poor customer service
1. ignorance and neophobia

Under a guise of all day doctor appointments, I am taking a well deserved day off next week. Granted, I do have an appointment to see an endodontist, but one dentist appointment is well worth having a four day work week, I say.

I admit that I haven't been working myself very hard in the exercise department, but I am feeling quite good. A twenty to thirty minute (almost daily) custom workout has added an aching back and sore abs to my long list of gripes, but I'm willing to endure it. I know there's a trim young vixen under my skin somewhere. She detests these lovehandles and is aching to wear way-too-superlow jeans in public at least once. Unfortunately she has a soft spot in her heart for all you can eat Indian buffet lunches, which she gives in to all too often. Ah well, you win some, you lose some. I prefer to lose more, but pound for pound I'm still pretty happy with myself, and I'm still feeling as fit and slim as I've ever been. As long as the lighting is dim I'll wear those jeans, lovehandles or no.

While wasting time at work I sometimes stare out the window and think it would be nice if I had a sugar daddy and stayed home and watched movies and did sit ups and crossword puzzles and shopped and attended an herb garden all day long, with ample time to cook savory meals and gourmet sweet treats for my loving husband to enjoy after a hard days work. Then I remember that #1 - I do not have a sugar daddy, #2 - I would be bored silly with nothing productive to do, other than the above mentioned tasks, and #3 - I'm at work. Then I start to get really depressed thinking of all of the things I want to accomplish in life, or at least a list consisting of at least a few possible life accomplishments and many many quite possibly unattainable dreams. This list goes on and on and on and on since I am indecisive and fickle and can never make up my mind about anything, least of all my life, except with whom to share it with. I made that decision almost five years ago and haven't looked back since. Well, maybe a slight turn of the head once or twice, but it's been smooth sailing for my love and I for at least our whole "Chicago Life", despite appendicitis, a stolen car, a long distance wedding, debt, a broken toenail, cats, employment depression and a few extra pounds. Most of all I want to be happy, which I usually am, except for every few days at work when I look out the window and start thinking about my future, not that my future is going to be bad, but because I don't know what my future will hold and I am scared for what it will become, but not so much scared in a "oh-my-god-there's-a-man-wielding-a-knife-and-I-have-nowhere-to-run-to-in-this-dark-and-spooky-haunted-house" way, but scared in a "I-don't-know-what-I-want-out-of-life-and-I-don't-want-to-wake-up-when-I'm-50-and-realize-that-I-never-accomplished-anything-important" sort of way. I want to do so much, and I am terrified of failing. Failure isn't something I handle well, be it failed craft projects, cooking, relationships (especially relationships), dancing, decision making, even daily things like shopping. I hate buyers remorse. That means you made a mistake, and a mistake is akin to failure. It does not always = failure, but it can. Failing in life is my all time worst fear, other than being completely and utterly alone, or lost in a foreign country with no money, or falling down a large flight of stairs, or dying. I've recently been thinking about dying, not in a morbid fascination sort of way, but in a way that I am trying to cope with the fact that we're all going to die some day, and I have an increasing fear that I'll die before I do things I'm proud of, or that I'll be stripped of people I love before I can fully develop my relationships and experience life with them. So I stare out the window and think about things I would like to do, places I would like to visit, people I want to be, experiences I want to have, even things I want to own, before I die; lists which are always changing, but are steadfast in that they are always there.

Places I'd like to visit:
~ Hawaii
~ Paris
~ The Egyptian pyramids
~ Stonehenge
~ Ireland
~ Scotland
~ Easter Island
~ Africa
~ Japan
~ New York City
~ The Grand Canyon
~ Niagara Falls
~ Mexico
~ The Louvre
~ Rome

Experiences I'd like to have:
~ Pregnancy
~ Childbirth
~ Motherhood
~ Being on a cruise ship
~ Speaking another language
~ Running a marathon
~ Being loved every day
~ Building a snowman with my kids
~ Visiting a winery
~ Celebrating my 75 year wedding anniversary
~ Touching ancient ruins
~ Watching my friends succeed
~ Watching the sun rise on Lake Michigan again and again
~ Time with my best friend
~ Seeing my brother graduate college and get married
~ Seeing/Tasting/Feeling things for the first time. Forever.

People I'd like to be:
~ Faithful wife
~ Loving mother
~ Loyal friend
~ Travel partner
~ Chef
~ Art therapist
~ Floral designer
~ Beauty boutique owner
~ Grandmother
~ Wine connoisseur
~ Artist
~ Potter
~ Happy person
~ Healthy woman
~ Successful gardener

Things I'd like to own:
~ The deed to a house with a yard and a garage
~ A bikini
~ A successful beauty boutique
~ A pottery studio
~ Another college degree
~ A baby stroller
~ A sufficient retirement fund
~ A dog (or two)

My comment links are missing and I'm too lazy to try to figure out why. (edited 3:46: Oh wait, they're back.)

Countdown to next vacation:
5 months give or take

Impending boredom is narrowly averted this week with the addition of yours truly to a project allowing the use of one previously useless art degree. I sit in anticipation as I anxiously await the arrival of a brand spanking new Adobe Creative Suite Premium Package to be purchased especially for me and installed on my computer posthaste.

As exciting as this new project may be, I still find many means of wasting time online, and will not hesitate to put in two weeks notice should a new situation allow it.

5 Most Recent Frivolous Purchases (directly disobeying Resolution #3):
1. Chocolate Vivace lip gloss (A little disappointing considering how amazing the coconut flavor is)
2. Demeter Creme Brulee Pick Me Up Spray (Every bit as delectable as I dreamed)
3. An adorable little cowgirl magnet (I can't resist kitsch)
4. What Einstein Told His Cook, a book about kitchen science (This may actually prove useful, therefore not frivolous)
5. A future purchase this afternoon of some cosmetic product from Nordstrom (My coworkers and I are going on a makeup mission after work, and I can't be the only one leaving empty handed)

hyp·o·crite ('hi-p&-"krit) noun: (1) a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion (2) emily

Last night I buy this book and today I succumb to the wonderland-like weather and overwhelming urge for something sweet into buying an adorable, albeit huge, snowflake shaped cookie with white frosting and purple and pink sprinkles. It must have weighed at least three pounds, and was still the smallest baked good in the coffee shop case. This fact alone proves that gluttony is openly acceptable in our society. And I, participating in this unhealthy afternoon snack ritual, can continue to be labeled as truly "American." I fear that the massive snowflake cookie will be my eventual downfall. It was a very tasty cookie, even if it was larger than my head. I have no remorse.

January 9th is off to a good start: I found $1 in front of my car this morning, just before Craig found $1 on his way to the mailbox! Luck is in the air, mingling with the lake effect snow. It can only get better from here.

Resolution Update:

1. Get in shape: I have done my crunches, leg lifts and weights every day this week. Except yesterday when I ate a bag of M&Ms instead.
2. Be nice: I haven't openly said anything mean about anyone. At least that I can remember.
3. Budget: Don't ask.
4. Employment: See previous entry.
5. Adventure: I ate Thai last night, danced at a club last Saturday, and have plans to go out two nights in a row this weekend. That's adventure, I tell you.

I've applied for three jobs so far today. At this rate I'll have my pathetic pleas for employment on at least 50 desks by the end of the month. There has to be an opportunity for me in there somewhere.

Top 5 things I will to when I win the lottery:
1. Tell Craig "I told you so."
2. Quit my job.
3. Pay off my debt.
4. Give a considerable amount of money to charity.
5. Go HERE

Sunny, 2 degrees, feels like -16. Remind me again why I live here?

Top 5 reasons that today is no good:
1. See above.
2. The heat is not working in my office. It is 58 degrees and dropping as I type.
3. I have to go to the dentist today.
4. One of my favorite cosmetics has been discontinued and it not available anywhere.
5. The company that makes a similar product to the cosmetic mentioned above (my backup cosmetic) has gone out of business.

There are homeless people outside and I am complaining about 58 degrees, having healthcare, and not being able to buy my favorite facial powder. I'm going straight to hell. Unless it's frozen over and I'm already here.......

I have some serious issues with my precious overweight America. Over 80% of Americans over 25 years old can be classified as "overweight." This disgusts me. America revolves around the "bigger is better" thought, resulting in unnecessarily large cars, triple and quadruple serving sizes resulting in more pounds per capita than any other country, massive housing complex eyesores, and ever increasing personal debt. Fast and big. That's the American dream. It is terribly unfortunate that so many uninformed lazy people are killing themselves with saturated fat and unhealthy fad diets while buying bigger and bigger cars to carry their fat asses to Sam's club for 25 pounds of taquitos. Fad diet after fad diet, and 80% of us are still gigantic. I won't harp too much, but this whole no carb thing makes me sick. Sure it works fast with big results, but forcing your body into the starvation state is not a healthy way to live. Most people on this program aren't informed on how it is supposed to actually work. Forever eliminating carbohydrates from your daily intake is not good. I wish more people could see that. Now I'm not perfect, toned and slim and ready to wear a bikini, but I understand, at least on a basic level, how the body works and how to be healthy. Manipulating your body and tricking it into thinking you are dying is not a smart way to be healthy. Americans are stupid. I want to move somewhere people aren't so gluttonous. The whole of America is going to hell, I surely believe.

The best verbal exchange of the '03 holiday season:
"The best things in life are free."
"The worst things in life are free, too. You don't have to pay for cancer."

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas and everything else. I can honestly say that this year has been great so far....

The Holidays went off without a hitch (well, maybe just a hitchette or two) and I returned Tuesday to my cold and windy home relatively unscathed. Using a crowbar to pack our tiny VW with all of our goodies, we left our families in a frenzy to return home, only to spend the next few days frantically unpacking, cleaning and finding homes for our new toys. Our kitties were thrilled that we had returned; I could see in their eyes that they thought we had left them forever. They just can't get enough attention now that we're back. No matter what we do, we'll always have the love of our pets.

In my family the purpose of the holidays is to over-consume to the greatest extent. This includes purchasing all manner of frivolous items for anyone you've ever met, over eating as much as humanly possible, and not ingesting a single sugarless food item from roughly December 20 through January 2. I am proud to say that I have upheld this family tradition quite nicely. If only my pants and my credit card bills were as forgiving as our pets, I'd be in good shape.

So it goes, a day late I start my New Year Resolutions:
1. The Universal New Year Resolution: get in shape. This will be accomplished by limiting my fast food and unhealthy snack intake, exercising on a regular basis (once a week is still a regular basis, mind you), and taking the stairs whenever possible. I might also start riding my bike when the weather lets up.
2. To be less judgmental, less critical, and more accepting of others. I've been working on this for some time, and will begin chanting a silent mantra whenever I'm tempted to be nasty if necessary.
3. Stick to my monthly budget. No more frivolous purchases......within reason. Note: makeup, kitchen gadgets, food and clothes are NOT frivolous.
4. Find better employment. At first this requires waiting on my part on the applications I've sent out in the past two months. If nothing comes through by the end of January, a full blown search will begin.
5. Be more adventurous. Thanks to Craig, I've decided that this wouldn't be such a bad thing. Spur-of-the-moment has not traditionally been attached to my middle name, but I'm willing to work on it.