The last few days, a review:

:( Hubb got hit by a car. He's ok, but we're both shaken up by it.

:( Dentist appointment. I need a night guard. How sexy is that?

:) Gallery openings on Friday, inspiration by ceramics and book crafts. Names of artists I can't remember...visiting a friend's beautiful studio and gaping like a fool at the ceramics tools, wheel and kiln. Dreaming of getting something started. Handbuild in my basement? I need to buy a used wheel.

:) Shopping, museuming, dinnering, drinking with the Hubb. An all day date. Discovering Herman Yu, inspiring graphics. Absolutely stunning, and right up my alley. I want to wear his calendar instead of just using it at my desk at work. Then...dance hall party and Red Stripe. A burrito and passing out at 4am. I had never really been a night owl until very recently.

:) Trying on bridesmaid dresses for a wedding I am not in. It was fun, and I felt wonderful and frilly and girlie and I need more of that sometimes. I fell in love with a party dress, and next time I need to be semi-formal and cute, I might consider buying it.

:) Shopping and finding pants that fit! And the most wonderfully comfortable underwear and great sweaters, and buying more wine glasses, and tumblers that match. I've recently been obsessed with things matching. Now my wine glasses and daily glassware are by the same manufacturer, and follow the lines of my new dishes quite nicely. Matchy.

:( Being terribly tired today and wearing heels and walking too much already and my feet still hurt from a) new year's and b) dancing too much on Saturday. Dinner tonight, new restaurant, friends and martinis.

:) Busy week and finally meeting up with friends. Sewing. Beading. Cooking. Warm and fuzzy and not too cold outside. Winter...what?

Top 5 things I learned in 2005
1. It is ok for me to be snobby about a) cooking, b) wine, and c) decorating.
2. I will never stop buying shoes. But better to waste money on shoes than crack, I say.
3. How to make delicious potstickers.
4. I can make jewelry.
5. How to play mah jongg.

Top 5 most wonderful foods I ate in 2005
1. Lasagna roll thing that isn't on the menu anymore at Settimana.
2. Eggs benedict on a risotto cake at Settimana's brunch. Oh. My. God.
3. Mascarpone mac and cheese at Mod. (rip)
4. Kalua pork in Hawaii.
5. Roast duck with apricots at Francesca's Forno.

Top 5 things I am embarrassed about doing in 2005
1. Drinking too much on New Year's Eve 2004-5.
2. Eating close to 3 dozen homemade potstickers in one sitting.
3. Saying things I shouldn't have. (on more than one occasion)
4. Finally owning more shoes than will fit in my closet.
5. Watching Episode 1 of Party/Party and enjoying it. A total train wreck, that show.

Top 5 events participated in in 2005
1. Linny and Glenn's wedding.
2. Family reunion.
3. Trip to Hawaii to spend a week with my best friend.
4. Caribou at the Empty Bottle.
5. Preparing my first Thanksgiving dinner in my own home.

Top 5 terrible things that happened to me in 2005
1. Losing our 93 year old Nana, October.
2. Losing my dog, Chester, November.
3. Learning of my Great Aunt's lung cancer.
4. Losing track of two old friends.
5. Finding out that we owed a crapload of money to the IRS.

Top 5 wonderful things that happened to me in 2005
1. Landing a new job that I adore.
2. Welcoming a new little nephew into our family, July.
3. Exciting news of 2 more babies on the way, via my two cousins.
4. Selling the car.
5. Winning an iPod Nano.

Top 5 discoveries of 2005
1. Sudoku.
2. Angelic Organics.
3. Taylor Street Cheese Sprinkle.
4. Santa Ema 60/40 Cab/Merlot.
5. Philosophy The Present.

In 2005 I vowed to:

1. Get in shape.
2. Be less judgmental and less critical.
3. Spend more money paying off loans and less on new crap.
4. Be more crafty.
5. Be less controlling of my kitchen domain, and let Hubb do some cooking.

In 2005 I actually:

1. Gained 10 pounds.
2. Got in trouble with my judgmental and critical self, hurt some feelings, and made a total ass of myself.
3. Bought lots and lots of new crap, and paid the loans down just a little bit. Saved nothing.
4. Started making jewelry!
5. Let Hubb cook maybe one meal. When I wasn't home.

In 2006 I vow to:

1. Can you guess it? Lose 10 pounds.
2. Drop the snotty attitude and just plain enjoy people. I was pleasantly surprised by a turnaround in my opinions on one or two people last year, and I find that I enjoy people a lot more when I'm not trying to find faults in them.
3. Buy fewer things, but nicer things. Bargains are great, but they usually fall apart quickly. I also vow to make more of an effort to choose independent and local over chain and mass produced. And take more pictures. And post them. Ok, we're getting carried away here...
4. Make more jewelry and sell some of it. Depart-ment is calling my name.
5. Learn how to cook something fancy. Something with duck. And invite friends over to eat it.

Apparently I tend to repeat myself every year, so I'm obviously pretty bad with this whole New Year's Resolution thing.

Today is the first day of winter. As if it hasn't been winter for the last month. cold. bitter. chapped. I finally got some great non-sausagey long johns, just in time for it to warm up above freezing. They come up to my armpits for super cold days, and can easily and comfortable fold down below the waist of my low rise jeans. Comfy and soft and warm. Take that, winter!

Today was also pretty much the best day ever. Bonuses at work...really wonderful bonuses at work, a bottle of wine, a sushi lunch...my company loves me. That makes me happy. I'm also putting together a Muji order for my Japanese coworker to fulfill during his holiday trip home next week. Japanese Ikea. Love it.

I want this purse.

And this belt.

And a small side table. And some silverware. And a lamp. And tons of other things I won't subject him to bring home to me. But the purse and the belt I must have. Happy bonus!

BEST WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVER

I have already received everything I wanted...including a protective sheath for my nano, a wonderful new case for my camera, and a fabulous romantic weekend of relaxation with the Hubb. Christmas has officially begun.

- a successful work holiday party last night. people stumbling into work late this morning, me included. ate too little and drank too much. i can still taste the liquor infused in my tongue. a fun fun time was had by all. especially by me. i love paying for things when the money's not mine.

- i have astigmatism and i need new glasses. so i got some.

they're sassy. mine are red. i will have them in two weeks. i am a little bit embarassed to admit that i totally wanted to get the prada frames, just because.

- i think i am done with my christmas shopping, which is good. but also a little bit sad because it is one of my favorite things to do; buy presents for other people. i'm sure i'll come up with a few extra goodies to purchase for hubb, though.

- i'm getting a cheeseburger for lunch. and the delivery guy just got here. thank god.

Things I am preoccupying myself with right now:

1. the baby in the office. she is soft, sweet, smiley, and adorably wonderful and warm. no matter how upset, angry, stressed, or sad, she brightens my day incredibly by smiling at me every time i say hi.

2. thoughts of my new oven. delivered this morning, she promises to cheer me up when i get home. and she is gorgeous.

3. shoes. for new year's eve.

they are quite beautiful, no?

Amidst shopping, drinking and eating during one of the busiest and most fulfilling weekends I've had in a while, I received two incredibly sad and difficult to handle pieces of bad news: a family member with a likely terminal illness and the loss of someone near and dear to my heart. I'm struggling to make sense of it all, and am having trouble keeping my mind on anything remotely resembling work. I'm trying to distract my brain with Christmas plans and end of year office comings and goings, but it's tough. Here I am worrying about little things, being superficial and materialistic, wasting my thoughts on shoes and a chubby midsection and a new oven and holiday decorations...all while others are frightened and hurting.

My instinct is to dive full into these silly trivial things, ignore the weight on my heart, keep concentrating on being happy and carefree. Survival mode for me. I can't fully comprehend the gravity of it all. This will take some time.

I'm on a path of destruction with my wardrobe right now...a grease stain on my favorite peacock blue deep v tee shirt, a pull in my brand new purple sweater, unattractive stretchiness in my favorite cardigan, a hole forming in my favorite jeans, pilling on my favorite black sweater. It makes me sad to see clothes go, especially when I'm not particularly in the mood to go shopping to replace them.

I made the most wonderful pair of earrings last night, all dangly and sparkly and wonderful opalescent glass bead beautiful. I will photograph them and post them soon. Along with some of my other pieces, I swear! Or maybe I'll just have Hubb do it with his brand new birthday camera.

I've about half of my Christmas shopping finished, and the rest of it selected and planned. I'm sending many people Frango mints, to celebrate the last Christmas of Marshall Field's. The limited edition peppermint bark mints are heavenly. This year is going to be rustic and understated and warm fuzziness, both in the gifts I am giving and the packaging I am giving them in. Brown paper and ribbon and twine. And simple graphic holiday cards. Lovely.

So today is Hubb's birthday; Happy Birthday, Hubb! We shall celebrate with margarits and guac.

I won a Nano! At the Wired event Wednesday at Enclave, I won the iPod Nano! Hurray for me! It is so precious, tiny and smooth and wonderful and light. I love it. Now Hubb and I have more iPods than people in our house. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Dressing up as a Nano for Halloween paid off! Next year I'm dressing up as a house. Or a private jet. Or a million dollars.

I'm sorry.

It has been brought to my attention that I may have said some things in this blog in the past about people that may be hurtful. My intention has never been to harm people's feelings, or to cause stress or tension between others, and I apologize. I am embarrassed and ashamed for complaining so openly about these people, and I know I would be incredibly hurt if someone said the same things about me. I'm sorry and I have deleted those comments.

That said, this blog is a place for self expression, for venting and for sharing, for being vague and at the same time being completely honest about who and what I am. I am not a mean spirited person, though I may come across that way sometimes. I don't want to turn this into a self-defensive rant.

I don't mention names, I don't mention places. If you know me, you know what I do, where I work, who I am friends with. You know where I live. I would be an idiot to think that my friends and coworkers wouldn't know this site was mine if they came across it, and apparently I have been pretty stupid by thinking that it was safe from the people I was talking about.

I'm sorry.

I've had a headache all day, Hubb thinks it is because my computer monitor is too far away and I think it is from MSG or allergies or else I'm beginning to get migraines. Ouch. Maybe drinks will help me. Free drinks.

I'd forgotten about my obsession with Kai perfume...I went through three or four samples when it first came out, and just received another sample in the mail yesterday. I finally splurged and got myself a vial. It makes me feel simply, cleanly, naturally good. In a wonderful delicious way. Like I just want to go home and lay in bed with my head under the covers and smell the way it interacts with my body chemistry.

Christmas is in full swing and we still have a month to go. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I'm just busy thinking about New Year's.

He's finally gone. My beloved Chester passed away on Friday. I don't go home for Thanksgiving and my dog dies. Shows me. I miss him. We have known he was on his last leg for a while now...I got to see him twice in a month this fall, to say goodbye, even though I didn't really believe it. I was planning on doing the last and final farewell at Christmas but he couldn't hold on that long. My poor baby booper boy. But, as Hubb reassured me, Chester most definitely made it to doggy heaven. He was the best dog. Such a good dog.

I am sort of afraid to ever get another canine, because I'll expect it to live up to what Chester was. Smart, energetic, but still always ready to lay down and groan and sigh and put his head on my pillow. Always excited to see me, the only other man allowed between myself and Hubb in bed. My Chester bester booper boy. He will always be My Dog. Nobody will ever replace him.

1. My oven broke on Thanksgiving. No joke. As soon as the turkey was finished (timing which I am forever thankful for) the oven started wailing a god awful siren and flashing "F3! F3! F3!" in giant red terribleness. It was like a terrible sitcom as we ran up and down the stairs to my angel of a neighbor's oven to tend to the dressing, and watched the rolls expand in the toaster oven. I won't get a properly working oven for almost two weeks...so the turkey pot pie will have to remain a dream this year.

2. We still have at least 15 pounds of turkey left. And with no oven to make a casserole, and no taste for soup, I'm going to have to get creative.

3. I got a new cell phone. It is a camera phone. It is fun. And I get to keep the chirping birds ring tone. Fabulous.

4. I also got an absolutely fantastic vintage wool peacoat with fur trim. I checked it out a week ago at Una Mae's Freak Boutique, put it on hold, never returned to buy it, and returned to find it was still there on the rack a week later. It was a sign. I had to have this coat. It is fabulous.

5. Hubb and my brother found a huge stash of firewood, which we immediately began pilfering for ourselves. This winter is saved from a diminishing firewood supply! Yay!

5. And I got to spend a week with my brother and my mom, visit the Robie house, see a wonderful play, eat way too much food, buy tons of Frango mints, decorate my house for Christmas with my mom, and have lots of fires. It was the perfect Thanksgiving. And I'm thankful for that.

Oh my god, so we were given the BIGGEST DAMN TURKEY THAT EVER LIVED in a wonderful serendipitous turn of events, and it is living in my fridge, frozen, hulking, no doubt frightening the carrots and the kale. I, too, am slightly afraid of this thing, this gigantic bird that will probably take ten hours to cook, and make enough drippings for seventeen gallons of delicious gravy. I can't even fit anything else in my oven when he's in there. Oh my god I can't wait. I'm sort of worried that I will a) drop him as I am transferring him into/out of the oven and ruin Thanksgiving; b) not have enough time for him to cook all of the way through and ruin Thanksgiving; and/or c) get completely sick of turkey before Thanksgiving dinner is even finished, and 20+ pounds of bird will end up rotting in my fridge until New Year's. But I'm also terribly excited. What a way to kick of being a "grown up" and hosting our first major holiday! With a huge fucking bird! I believe I will call him Archibald, Archie for short.

Thank you for your life, Archie. I will enjoy you, my guests (except for the vegetarians) will enjoy you. And Hubb and I will enjoy you in countless sandwiches, casseroles, soups, and stews for quite some time. Thank you for your sacrifice to make my holiday special.

Now I'm going home to begin cleaning and cooking. Yes, it is Monday and I'm already starting to cook dinner for Thursday. I LOVE this holiday!

Happy Turkey Day y'all.

Winter is here...in case you haven't noticed. I've been wearing more clothes, enjoying my new earwarmers, drinking more in the evenings to warm myself up, and slowly fattening up to protect myself from the elements. Ah winter. How I've missed thee. And how I wish I hadn't gotten rid of all of my fat pants.

I'm antsy for a pair of suede pointy-toe wedge-heel boots but I can't find any anywhere. And I really really want them. I saw an incredibly large woman on the bus wearing them, and I swear I can do them better justice. Even though they were still super cute clinging tightly to her rather large ankles.

Although I hate the whole Ugg thing, and I'm not one for cowboy boots in the city, I am liking these right now:

I can't really explain it.

Tonight is full of social obligations, drinks with a former coworker who I miss terribly, dinner date at a new restaurant with the Hubb, bars with friends, etc. Sleeping in tomorrow is the gold at the end of this rainbow of a winter Friday evening.

So you know how every once in a while it seems like your attention it constantly drawn to something you've never really paid much attention to, like a certain type of food, a color, a word you never use but suddenly hear everywhere? Like there is a sudden surge of this thing, your mind catches every single instance of it, you feel like it is following you everywhere?

• Instance 1: when I learned that I didn't really like riesling, and suddenly everybody is giving it to us and bringing it to dinner parties and serving it to me everywhere I go. So I politely drink it, and in the end, wind up appreciating it a little bit more than when I decided I didn't like it at all.
• Instance 2: how in the past couple of weeks I can't escape the reference of "Small Wonder", that mid-80's sitcom about a robotic girl. She's everywhere! Referenced in bars, at parties, on television shows, myspace friend requests...I can't get away from the sudden and slightly disturbing Small Wonder resurfacing.

Random warm spot: I just realized that when my step-mother said "I love you" as I was leaving to come back to Chicago after her mother's funeral, it was the first time she had ever said it out loud to me. I am touched as I think about that.

Hubb and I spent the weekend with his parents, visiting the Farnsworth house, taking a Chicago Gangster bus tour, and eating out a lot. I also got to cook two wonderfully delicious meals (if I do say so myself) for them, which was an absolute pleasure. I love to cook to impress, especially when it is for the parents. In the process I came up with a recipe for cornbread stuffing that I plan to include in the Thanksgiving menu. Delish.

This week is cold, and slow, and unplanned...I ordered beads to make more necklaces for Christmas, and I have some pants I need to hem. I'd like to have the first fire of the season tonight, but Hubb won't be home until late, so I would end up getting drunk on hot brandy cider in front of the fire all by myself. Which wouldn't be entirely that bad, but not something I want to get in the habit of doing on a regular basis. It is a blessing that this week is so lame, I think I need some r&r in preparation for a week of my mom and my brother visiting for the holiday.

It is snowing and my nose is cold.

nonsense:

i have had a twitch on the lower lid of my right eye for three days. i haven't quite figured out what induces these things, these nervous stressed out ticks of mine, but there it is. it will probably go away sometime in january.

i've been a slacker, and, i admit, quite boring. nothing new. nothing of note. nothing fun. not exactly true, but i'm sticking with that excuse for not posting anything in some time. i have photos on my camera that deperately want to be transferred somewhere else...i just don't have the energy. i am at the computer all day long at work. the last thing i want to do when i get home is to-dos that make me sit at the desk. yep, pretty boring.

i'm excited at the upcoming winter months. i've pulled out the scarves and the knee high socks and stockings and even the boots. i'm totally ready except for the fact that i need a new cute coat. which will have to wait due to a suprise financial dilemma. but no worries.

my inlaws are coming tonight and i'm cooking them dinner. and we plan to drive to a cheese factory in wisconsin. and see the robey house. and visit a blues club. and hopefully relax a little bit this weekend. should be nice.

i got a new little moleskine datebook for 2006, and i've just finished transferring all of the birthdays, holidays and anniversaries that are meaningful to me. i love doing this silly little task because it makes me reflect on how lucky i am to have so many wonderful friends and family. and i love sending cards. it gives me reason to buy tons of stationary.

enough nonsense for now. maybe i'll post something of substance before another month goes by. maybe.

oooOOoooh...pretty

A girl can never have enough bags.

I am officially lazy. I tried to go to bed at 9 last night. I haven't uploaded any photos to flickr since July. I haven't cooked more than 1 or 2 decent meals in the last month. I've stopped reading, making jewelry, and even watching my beloved cooking shows. What HAVE I been doing? I have no idea. Working, I guess. And eating out. This needs to stop.

I got the BEST fortune last night with our thai food: "Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you." I tured to my left and smiled at the hubb. Yes indeed.

I found the BEST shoe site: solestruck.com. Cute cute cute. Though I'm once again on a shoe diet. On my birthday I bought a wonderful pair of exposed seam orange loafers. I'm really into orange everything right now. I want pumpkin colored sheets for my bed, orange serving dishes for Thanksgiving, orange pillows for the couch. Orange.

I'm preparing the menu for my first Thanksgiving in my own home. I think I'm serving only 6, which is a nice size for a practice Thanksgiving dinner. Here's what I have so far:

• pumpkin and butternut squash soup
• roasted turkey and homemade gravy
• ginger cranberry orange sauce
• apple sage stuffing
• roasted sweet potatoes with candied ginger
• garlic sage mashed potatoes
• sauteed kale with caramelized onions
• arugula, parmesan and cranberry salad with balsamic dressing
• ginger carrots
• a gingerale apple cider punch

For dessert I'm thinking either apple pie or pumpkin creme brulee. I'm leaning towards the creme brulee. Start and end the meal with pumpkin. Perfect.

Hubb treated me fabulously on my birthday this year, with a watch I desperately wanted, a tee shirt I didn't know I wanted, and a wallet I knew I needed but didn't know I'd love so much. Hubb is a wonderful gift giver, as is his little brother who sent me a delicious smoked salmon from Seattle. Best. Birthday. Ever.