When it comes to pain and death I'm overly (and appropriately)...scared to death. I'll hopefully have 60 to 80 more years to come to terms with the idea, with the help of psychologists and drunk conversations with my ever loving husband. But who knows where science will be in 60 years, maybe scientists will figure out what makes us tick, what makes us individuals, where this "soul" thing comes from, and find a way to capture and preserve it when our earthly bodies poop out. When I'm 100 I could be existing inside a gorgeous youthful robot with beautiful flowing waves of auburn hair, a flat smooth tanned tummy and legs that won't stop. Or I'll be old and grey and pleased with the life I've created. If the robot thing doesn't work out I'll settle for contentment.

Craig thinks that my fear of death comes from the uncontrollability of it. The fact that I can't dictate when and how I and the people I love will pass freaks me out. I suppose there is some truth to that, but I think it is also the insignificance of it all, and the eternal life question and all that. Most people live selfishly, fulfilling their own desires and needs before thinking of others, which is absolutely normal and fine with me, but if we're all doing that just to survive then what's the point? I imagine everyone leaves some little mark on every person they interact with, but if I never existed would the world really be any different? I need to review Back To the Future.

Then there's the eternal end-all finality of death. There are so many experiences I want to have before I'm gone, so many ways I want to impact other people's lives, so many ways I want to be impacted by others, I can't wrap my mind around the idea of being deprived of these things. Oops, there's that uncontrollability again. Maybe that's my problem. I just can't handle things I can't control. Death, traffic and taxes. It's all beyond my grasp.

5 ways you can get me to work for you: a list.
- Pay me 5-10k more per year than I make now.
- Provide a creative and stimulating work environment.
- Do not make me work with passive aggressive bitches.
- Locate your office within an hour's commute of my home.
- Just offer me a goddamn job. pretty please.

Chicago Tribune | Discoveries Show How Obesity Kills

Change IS good, yet I sometimes have a hard time acclimating. Why do you pull me out of my comfortable mindless Monday morning routine, Blogger? Damn you.

Best weekend ever:

Sleeping in on Saturday (much needed), shopping with the husband (without complaint), a successful 3-bottles-of-wine dinner party (with a complete menu change at the last minute), a new dining room table (we are grown up now!), gorgeous weather, brunch outside at the Milk and Honey Cafe, and being able to start off the week with clean laundry and new shoes.

The highlights outweight the lowlights. Good week.

Highlights of the week thus far:

- The word "Pimpumentary" coming out of the mouth of my boss.
- Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" playing appropriately in the Home Depot. It made me smile.
- Purchasing a grown up dining room table.
- Craig's well deserved bonus, allowing said dining room table purchase.
- Buying shallots from the fruit market.
- Ice cream sandwiches for dinner.
- The amazing weather. (You were dead wrong, weatherman!)
- Deciding on an anniversary trip to Paris next year with my best friend of almost 20 years.

Lowlights of the week thus far:

- Construction on every possible route to work.
- Sore throat/allergies/headache.
- STILL no internet at home. Boooo.

Who knows what tomorrow may bring.

For some reason I associate purchasing large pieces of furniture with being a mature and responsible adult. I'm going to grow up tonight and buy me a dining room table.

But for now I'm taking advantage of my sore throat and headache to go home and take a nap. Maybe I'll also play some Nintendo and watch Saved by the Bell.

Self-conscious girly weight rant begin:

I've been losing weight recently, which is starting to worry me as I really haven't been doing anything special to achieve this result, but rather eating things like disgustingly cheezy pizza and chocolate bars from the vending machine at work. Not that I'm really complaining, as summer is nearly upon us and I now have a roof top deck on which I plan to sunbathe and I am the only female in my building so I feel that I have some sort of womanly ideal to try to represent. But on a short person such as myself, 10 pounds is quite a lot, and I am learning all of my clothes fit oddly while I'm shrinking.

I first noticed my pants fitting more loosely, which immediately posed problem in that baggy clothes make one look unproportioned and oddly shaped, and do not adequately represent a new svelte bum. So I bought a new pair of pants and have been wearing the other two pairs of previous labeled "tight butt pants" that I had saved for special tight butt demanding situations. So now with pants that fit appropriately I have discovered some other issues related to my recent thinning out, things I hadn't counted on that are now starting to really annoy me and are making me contemplate pigging out on fried chicken and nachos for a few weeks just so I don't have to deal with them anymore. The biggest of these concerns is that my underwear is too big. For most women there is nothing more annoying than ill fitting bras and panties. Not to mention nothing more unflattering. And right now I have neither the energy nor the finances to go on a lingerie spree. Maybe this freakish weight loss thing will just as quickly and mysteriously reverse itself so I can complain about how tight everything is again.

I'm not complaining about being thinner, and I'm not trying to sound all snotty and unappreciative ("Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"), but I do want to complain about baggy panties and share too much information with the three of you who read my ramblings.

Self-conscious girly weight rant over.

We've moved. We need new STUFF. Some of it we really do need, like a dining room table, a place to put the telephone other than the floor and a toilet scrub brush, but other things we could really live without. We could find these things anywhere, yet we decided to punish ourselves with the Hell that is Ikea. We visited Ikea at least a dozen times when we first moved here, each time vowing to never return. We stay away just long enough to forget how the long drive, the insane crowd, the long lines, and the cheap products aren't worth it, but then we move again and we say "Hey, I we need a _____, and I bet Ikea has one." And inevitably they do. And we don't like it. And we buy a hundred other things instead and swear we will never go back.

We started our adventure on Sunday by taking the wrong highway and turning a would-be 45 minute trip into an almost two hour tour of the Northern Illinois suburbs. We arrived in Shaumburg (the most typical name for a suburb if I've ever heard one) and prepare for battle in the poorly designed SUV packed parking lot. Millions of angry Sweedish design loving drivers stalk the first few parking rows, ready to fight to the death for the closest available space rather than (God forbid) WALK an extra 25 yards from the (gasp) back of the lot! After escaping a near-fatal parking spot duel with a fat angry man in an Expedition, we decided we could stand to stretch our legs and parked at the end of a row and walked to the inviting yellow and blue door (while fat Expedition man was still waiting for the spot).

The three levels of plastic, metal and wood are a madhouse of confusion and excitement. Every man, woman, and child must have their own shopping cart, and they all must walk in opposite directions, irradically stopping and going. We were exhausted before we'd even made it to floor two. We had a list of 20+ pieces of furniture and items we "needed", but managed to leave the store confused, tired and poor with a mere two items crossed off. Ikea seduced us with her inexpensive and brightly colored housewares, and then kicked us out with no money for a cab-ride home. We still need that telephone table, a couch and a dining room table, but at least Hubb has an alarm clock that records his voice and we have a bright red dot of a rug in the middle of our kitchen. And the toilet bowl brush. At least we didn't forget that.

I swear we're never going back.

Chicago is the place for movie sets this spring, with Ocean's Twelve, and The Weatherman crews taking over the streets of the town. Since I have recently moved into the city I have had the chance (along with thousands of other Chicagoans) to experience one of these sets while trying to decide on my new commute to work. Division Avenue has been selected as the site for an Ocean's Twelve scene and has been backed up for the last few days with gapers trying to catch glimpses of celebrities between the massive 16 wheelers and countless numbers of crew members lined up along at least 4 blocks on the north side of the street. After getting thoroughly irritated at the delay preventing my timely access to the Lake Shore Speedway, I became one of the slow moving distracted drivers myself and caught sight of Bernie Mac. Although I would have preferred Mr. Pitt or Mr. Clooney as my celebrity sighting of choice, I have had a lifelong lack of celebrities encounters, so I can't be picky. Bernie Mac was born and raised right down the road from the set, in Cabrini Green, the worst public housing failure of all time, and one of the landmarks on my new scenic one hour commute to work. (UPDATE: I'm a liar. This is false. Mac was raised in Woodlawn, not Cabrini.)

Who knows, maybe I'll run into Brad or George this weekend.

You know you've made a good choice in moving when on the last night in your old apartment the toilet won't stop flushing itself until the building engineer comes to replace some gasket, and in the process floods your bathroom with toilet water. Yes, I'm glad we moved.

Other than the outrageously painful pulled muscles and a ding right at eye level in the only piece of furniture we own that I care about, the move went surprisingly smooth. Everything went out of the old and into the new in about 6 hours, much better than the 9 hour marathon move in Craig and I experienced when moving from Virginia two years ago. Of course, we hired four extra large biceps to assist us this time, which was the smartest thing we've done in a while.

Five of the most memorable events of the last week:

5. Eva managing to hide in a closed cardboard box in an otherwise empty apartment, resulting in our assumption that someone had broken in and stolen one of our cats.
4. Stella shitting in the car on Lake Shore Drive.
3. The toilet flushing for half an hour while Craig and I sat in a boxed up living room eating Chinese food on the last night in our old apartment.
2. After 90 minutes of Brillo padding the kitchen, handing back the keys to our first apartment in Illinois.
1. Using the new dishwasher for the first time.

Five reasons the blog has recently been demoted to last on the to do list: (though I did add the nifty little image to your right after figuring out some convenient web space, and if all goes well, said space will become the future home of work in progress)

1. Moving day in T-minus two days
2. Packing for take off
3. Research projects and papers for the class I'm not getting credit for
4. Hectic work environment due to absent injured coworkers and lazy staff
5. Bloggers block

I have been frantically reading Fat Land by Greg Critser in preparation for a developmental psychology paper about obesity in children. I have become increasingly depressed about the state of our nation from learning statistics like more than 20% of all adults in the US are considered obese, a number which is consistently on the rise. Thanks to the abundant snacks, fast foods, fad diets and empty calories available to Americans, we are slowly killing ourselves. Cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart disease and high cholesterol are more prevalent now than ever. But people are starting to take notice, and hopefully we'll all start to live longer as America slims down.

The United States Department of Health and Human Services has recently sprung the Small Step campaign to promote health and fitness through simple changes in daily life, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator, doing sit ups in front of the tv, drinking plenty of water and leaving a few bites of dessert on the plate.

McDonald's is in the process of eliminating the "super size" option, reducing the number of calories in a combo meal drastically. This step may have been spurred by one man's eye opening film experiment.

As much as I hate to admit it, the Atkins craze of late may be a good thing, but only for the attention to health and weight it has spread across the country. In 2003, Atkins books outsold other non-fiction books three to one, which shows in increased awareness of obesity and a desire to slim down. [Disclaimer: I am most definitely not promoting this idiotic unhealthy diet plan, I'm just noting it's effect on the state of mind of the American people.]

Happy one year anniversary, to my favorite husband.

Five reasons Craig wins the Best Husband Ever award:

1. Planning a surprise anniversary weekend
2. Sofitel with a view of Lake Michigan
3. Nacional 27 with creme brulee
4. Work day floral deliveries
5. This.

Tom Heinl is the best opening act EVER. Friday night hubbers and I went to see the Decemberists at Schubas. We walked in to Heinl's "IHOP". I must admit that I arrived in one of my bad moods but after ten minutes I was laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. He is a petite man, rather handsome, with a boyish face and a deep mountain man voice who reads from his 5th grade journals and sings exaggerated songs about his crummy car and being a child in a department store hiding from the kid eating escalator. If I had an iota of musical talent and were in a band Tom would be our only opening act. Between his Johnny Cash voice and absurdly funny lyrics, he had everyone's attention for the duration of his set and left us with a 100% increase in mood. Tom Heinl is musical pot.

I don't know what it is about Fridays that always gets me depressed, but it never fails. Maybe it's the exhaustion of wading through the stupidity of the work week, maybe it's something to do with a lack of sleep or malnutrition. Whatever the cause, I am grumpy and I wanna go home. I have no appetite so I still haven't eaten breakfast, but maybe that's a good thing. Or maybe not.

Sometimes I dream up an elaborate plan to fake my abduction and run off to Aruba or Atlanta or somewhere equally exotic. I could resurface in a couple of weeks, claim amnesia, and start over. Of course my husband would be privy to my plans, and would wait patiently for me until I returned. He would be the pity of Chicago, having a missing wife, then only to have her return with amnesia, forgetting all details of their wonderful life together. He could hold press conferences explaining how difficult it was trying to remind me of my past, all the while we could be frolicking and enjoying my new calm relaxed sense of self resulting from my hiatus. I would have to time it perfectly, in order for me to be able to avoid particularly unpleasant projects at work, and to allow for a slow period at hub's place of employment so he could take a suitable amount of time off to care for me and imaginarily nurse me back to mental health. And maybe some rich person would take pity on me and buy us a house and pay for our groceries because having endured such a traumatic event as to elicit amnesia, I would be in no state to ever work again.

I actually feel a lot better now. A little bit of fiction is awfully therapeutic.

So it turns out that the story that the quote I loved so much is from, about the mind's eye not being able to see everything, is about lesbians and pot. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just found it interesting for some reason.

Three reasons today may be the best April Fools Day ever:*updated

1. Bi Bim Bop for breakfast. I'm not so much a doughnut/sticky bun/omelet/pancake person in the morning. I'd much rather have some beef and rice.
2. Winning a round trip ticket on United Airlines simply for filling out a survey. I'm promised it is not an April Fool's joke, and am scheduled to pick up my certificate at 11:30 am this morning.
3. Free case of Snapple from Jewel because it didn't scan the sale price.

One reason it may not be:

1. The Golf might be burning oil. Yikes!

Number three is completely unrelated.

1. I love discount stores. Marshalls and TJMaxx are weekly stops for me. Once you've spent years sorting through the crap you kind of get an eye for what's good. For example, the $125 Le Creuset dutch oven for $60. If that's not a dreamy deal, I don't know what is. Every time I pull out the credit card at one of the two local Marshalls or the local Maxx, I use my impeccable mental math skills to add up all of my savings. If my savings outweigh what I'm spending, I can guiltlessly label myself a savvy shopper.

2. I hate rude retail salespeople. As much as I love M & M (Maxx and Marshalls), they do not seem to have a strict hiring policy. It seems to me that you can get a job at either of these two bargain meccas as long as you can keep your eyes open and stand up straight for a few minutes at a time, and even then they will make an exception if you have a stunning I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you-and-I-hope-you-die personality. Yesterday I decided to cheer myself up by taking a quick trip to Marshalls during my lunch hour to shop around for some miscellaneous kitchenwares and a bra top camisole. I found both and headed to the registers. You could have seen the sagebrush roll by, the check out lines were so desolate and empty. Happily drugged on deal-finding uppers, I peppily bounced over to the "Customer Service" counter and stood there. Two elderly ladies were standing behind the counter, each with a piece of merchandise in hand, waving their free hands at each other and shooting the shit about who didn't come to work today and who took a leisurely 19 minute break yesterday. I made a peep to get the attention of the nearest "customer service employee" who lowered her head to look at me over her glasses, took an emphasizing pause and in a way so as I could not mistake the fact that I was interrupting her important conversation, said "Yesssss?". I ask, "May I buy these items, please?" smiling pleasantly. Head still down, blank stare still in place, "Honey, no. This is RETURNS. You can't pay for that at RETURNS, you need to go to a register." Turns to her hard working fellow employee, "Shit, people think they can just pay for their stuff here, and naw, this is RETURNS [looking over her shoulder to see if I've left yet] but they can't buy things here. Shit." I am still standing there, for there is no cashier in sight and I, being a lowly customer, don't know what to do. "There's a cashier right over there [waves hand nonchalantly] but you can't pay for those here. This is RETURNS." As if I didn't hear her emphasis on the words the first two times. A young pissed off girl pops up magically from behind register 2 from eating? sleeping? pooping? who knows. She quietly rings me up without ever making eye contact while the two RETURNS desk employees gripe just loud enough for me to hear them about how I had dared to ask them to do their job. My bargain induced high was gone, and I came back to my office to immediately file a complaint with the Marshalls headquarters. I get a reply today with the usual blah blahs and I'm sorrys, explaining how Customer Service is such an important quality to them. Call me crazy but I simply do not believe it.

3. This is my new favorite quote of all time: "We're all blind to something - the mind's eye can't hold everything at once." - by Laurie King from the short story, Weaving the Dark.

Lawyers aren't all bad. As soon as she graduates I'm hiring this woman as my lawyer.

Getting ready to move always makes me become reflective about my belongings, family and friends. What if I leave something important at the old place? What if I break something that means a lot to me? What if I forget to tell someone I moved and lose touch with them forever? What if I win some grand prize and they don't know how to contact me? I've been having this sudden pressing need to contact everyone I know, just to make sure they know where I am. On a related note, I miss being in the same state as the majority of my friends. I hate playing phone tag, especially when it's my only means of communication with someone. It makes me sad.

I just realized that we need fireplace tools for our new apartment. What fun.

Word to the wise: don't put garlic oil in anything you plan to eat while at work. Bad news.

The week is almost over, and as I reflect on the week in work I realize, this week I liked my job. Amazing. I guess it's the creative accomplishments that made it worthwhile and meaningful for me. First I published our new website which I redesigned and received positive feedback from my coworkers. Second I worked on more graphic design work for the committee I have recently joined, and have come up with a great looking new pamphlet for an upcoming exhibit. I finally got through to someone that we need to hire professional cleaners for our public space at least once a year instead of the two of us doing a poor dusting job every once in a while. (I did not go to college to dust.) I also finished up some simple yet time consuming projects that I've been procrastinating on for some time, and it feels great to have it all done. All of this and only one or two games of spider solitaire. The moral of this story: When I actually DO my job, I sometimes find I like it. Add "hard working" to resume.

I was creative and handy this week at home when I put together a kids toy box to make a new litter house for the cats. Now we have a tasteful natural wood cat out house instead of a huge plastic catbox. Add "ability to re-purpose children's furniture" to resume.

In order to come up with an obscene deposit for our new apartment, I am trying to stay on a month and a half long shopping fast. If you know me at all, you will know that this is not something I do well. The only thing I have succeeded in doing in this non-shopping state is create the longest list ever of things I absolutely beyond a doubt NEED TO HAVE. Among this list are queen sized sheets for the bed we don't have yet, new towels to aid in a new relaxing bathroom decor, perfect jeans (they never leave the list), and a really good massage. May first cannot get here fast enough.

5 things I'm thankful for today:

1. Even though my husband didn't get home from work until after midnight last night, he made it home safe and sound.
2. Eva was thrilled to see me when I went home for lunch today. My kitties make me smile.
3. The grocery store has Peeps out for Easter already.
4. It is amazingly quiet in my office.
5. I won the lottery. In my mind.

Meant for no one person in particular:
Please don't do these things:

Procrastinate when it directly effects me.
Sense my bad mood and be an ass just to make it worse.
Be overly sensitive, easily offended and super touchy just so I have a million chances to piss you off.
Be spiteful towards me. More than anything I hate that.
Be territorial about shit that doesn't matter.
Ignore me.

Please do these things:

Forgive me for doing/saying stupid things.
Listen to me when you're talking to me.
Be sensitive to my feelings.
Say thank you when I do something nice for you.
Don't complain when I ask you for a favor, especially if I have or will do the same favor for you.
Tell me you love me.

My best friend from kindergarten found me after being out of touch for almost a decade. It feels good to hear from her again. I feel like a fool for jumping to conclusions about why we lost contact and it means a lot to me to know that we still think about each other after all these years. It's interesting to see how people change and grow apart after being so close. I hope we can continue to stay in touch now.

We will be official Chicago residents starting April 22. Wicker Park, here we come!

Why I love our new place:

5. Wood burning fire place
4. Roof top deck with view of the city
3. Neighborhood with historical status
2. Dishwasher
1. Can walk to favorite bars and most importantly, our favorite sushi joint.

...I would be a millionaire

We're going tonight to see "THE" apartment again just to be sure this is really where we want to live our lives for a while. It's kind of like a love relationship: it's a lot of work initially, and you may have to give more than you expect, and you're afraid to commit because something better might come along, but you are also scared that you might just lose a good thing forever if you try to keep holding out. The outcome of our decision could last anywhere from 1 to 5 years, a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but the pressure to make the best decision is weighing heavily on our hearts and our checkbook. I wish these decisions were easier, and rental deposits were smaller.

I wrote two more cover letters today for job transfers and once again have that naive little girl optimism that things will go through this time. A new job with a new salary would help to make our engagement to the new apartment that much easier to go through.

Just when I thought it was springtime it snowed again. It's only March, I don't know why I thought it would be warming up so soon. I flexed my US citizenship today and voted, and have decided that the electoral system could use some major redesigning. The whole paper ballot system is outdated and confusing, no wonder the old folks in Florida had so much trouble last presidential election. I, being young and intuitive, was able to vote in under 10 minutes, whereas my coworker spent an entire hour trying to figure out how to push the stylus through the holes. I kid you not.

If I had a nickel for every complaint I make...

Dear Wicker Park,

Lovely beautiful Wicker Park, how I love thee. With your especially delicious sushi restaurants, your exciting bars and trendy shops, your trees and your park, your historic neighborhoods and grey stone three flats, I yearn to reside on your streets. Particularly in a king sized apartment with the roof top deck. I want to call you home, Wicker Park. Please accept us into the apartment with the double parlor and the dishwasher, the ample storage space and dual closet bedroom, the wood burning fireplace and gorgeous stained glass. I love you and want to be with you always. At least for the next few years anyway.

Forever yours,
emily

Newly added to my wishlist: a custom created purse from 1154 Lill Studio. I already have colors and styles in mind for a bag and a matching coin purse. This could be bad for me.

Thank you, Caffeine, for making my headache go away. God bless Diet Vanilla Coke.

DC area sniper John Allen Muhammad has been sentenced to death. See the stories from the Chicago Tribune and the Washington Post. (The sites may require registration, but they are both fast and free.)

Lee Boyd Malvo will be formally sentenced to life in prison tomorrow, although I personally feel that he should receive the same fate as his partner.

I am an "A" student. I got a 92.5 on my exam last Monday! Woohoo! I am going to celebrate by taking a trip to the infamous communal dressing rooms (a major pet peeve of mine) at Loehmann's after work. In addition to rewarding myself for a job well done, a conservative shopping spree may be just the thing to boost my mood.

Why I need some cheering up:

1. I am STILL looking for a new job.
2. The dog upstairs is STILL jumping up and down every morning to wake me up.
3. I STILL have a headache from last week.
4. I am stressed over this whole apartment search thing.
5. My husband isn't coming home tonight after work.
6. I am having the worst cramps of my life. Being a woman is just not fun sometimes, so I will shop to make up for it.

Bitch session over. I promise.

Bucktown provided no serious possibilities in the way of apartments, but we did manage to figure out exactly what to ask when calling about listings from now on. Next weekend: Lakeview, Lincoln Park and lofts.

Our perfect apartment (that probably doesn't exist):

- Under $1200/month
- More than 650 square feet
- 2 bedrooms or 1 bedroom and office (master at least 10x10)
- More than 2 feet of kitchen counter space
- Pantry
- Must allow our kitties to live with us
- No noisy backwards hat party boys living upstairs (or downstairs)
- Parking either easily accessible on the street or including a garage spot or lot space
- Washer/dryer in unit, or else shared between no more than 4 units
- separate dining/living rooms
- Direct sunlight in at least one window
- Ample storage/closets
- If possible: exposed brick/woodwork, built in hutch, dishwasher, stainless appliances

A highlight of the apartments we are not renting:

- Neon green/turquoise walls craphole
- "Awesome" Nacho smelling drafty back door house
- Attack dog 6'x6' bedroom apartment
- Teeny carpeted speed walking engineer un-loft
- Unstable deck coach house
- Gay lawyer tiny kitchen apartment
- Ugly stove/no laundry/no dining room but otherwise gorgeous garden apartment

I am obsessed with birds. Someone should buy this for me.

I'm most definitely staying home from work tomorrow. I'm feverish.

The sanctity of marriage, being preserved and celebrated in Scotland.

Emily and the morning of HELL

After a small tiff with my ever loving husband, I go to bed last night with a slight headache and a teensy weensy sore throat that I had been nursing all day. I wake up an hour early this morning to the little shit miniature pinscher (appropriately named Bruiser) upstairs jumping up and down relentlessly above my bedroom. I roll over and pull the covers over my ears and realize that my teensy weensy sore throat has mutated into a full blown pain and that sleep did not cure my aching head. As if sensing my pain, the little asshole upstairs starts yipping his little pointy head off. I stare at the ceiling with my sore throat and throbbing brain while Bruiser violates my ears. After contemplating calling in sick for twenty minutes I decide that work will be quieter and more restful than the kennel I apparently live beneath. I make it in and out of the shower, and as I painstakingly try to fix my hair, hub points out to me that our angry weightlifting downstairs neighbor is now blasting Outkast so loud that we can hear the "hey yah"s clearly as if they were being hollered right in our own dining room. Apparently the fight he had last night with his live in girlfriend has made him wake up this morning with a new sense of energy. Sick and tired, I am forced to listen to fuck-head upstairs jumping and barking, the steroid-oaf downstairs shaking it like a Polaroid picture, all before 8:00 am. I make it to my office (I was even early amazingly enough) to a message that my boss called in sick with a sore throat and headache. My coworker comes in late (as always) telling me that she nearly called in sick as well. As I sit here I contemplate how nicely a miniature pinscher would fit into my oven, how I can't wait to find anew job and a new apartment, and how baked beans aren't such a good breakfast food.

Hello Thursday.

fun fun fun. googlisms I have narrowed the list down and have highlighted my favorites. I swear I didn't make these up.

emily is very sneaky
emily is here
emily is bored with no list
emily is commander
emily is home
emily is always desperate
emily is making me ill
emily is cool
emily is everything
emily is better than martha stewart
emily is silly
emily is a massive chewer
emily is doing fine
emily is awesome
emily is the coolest
emily is queen of her domain
emily is forced to consider her own financial situation
emily is optimistic and hard working
emily is my favourite character
emily is an 8" bunny dressed in a sailor suit
emily is a wonderful novel for children aged 9 and up
emily is the empathic listener
emily is about 4'9"
emily is quite advanced for her age
emily is looking odd
emily is my very special person
emily is an eastern anmatyerre speaker and one of the senior artists of the utopian art movement
emily is a nurse
emily is a bitch
emily is such a cutie
emily is a character that is normal enough so that the audience could relate to her; and yet be different in little ways that makes people love and adore her
emily is most the talented and modest athlete that i have ever come across
emily is also crazy about sweden
emily is industrious and extremely dependable
emily is a clinical hypnotherapist
emily is a dreamer
emily is an accomplished fly fishing instructor
emily is coming next weekend
emily is gone
emily is a real inspiration
emily is currently airing repeats weekdays in the usa on wam
emily is an heiress
emily is a young heroine who many can relate to
emily is a beautiful woman
emily is unique
emily is my favorite chick
emily is a bikini model
emily is everything
emily is finding it difficult to describe what she's seeing
emily is a feminist at a time when women's roles were defined by men
emily is so nice
emily is where she is supposed to be
emily is such a cutie
emily is remarkable
emily is a warm and wonderful child who has a small scar under her chin
emily is industrious and extremely dependable
emily is officially gifted and talented
emily is doing fine
emily is up in the stars as she mixes it with celebs
emily is all cutsie and stuff
emily is short
emily is a writer
emily is still alive
emily is hiring
emily is uncomfortable with there being sexy girls in bikini tops
emily is a flower girl
emily is a star
emily is the coolest person
emily is on her way home
emily is cigarette perverted porn ?????
emily is on the road to recovery
emily is very open about a lot of things
emily is growing like a weed
emily is ____
emily is viewed by the town as being among the ranks of the union and confederate soldiers
emily is forced to compete against athletes who have no idea of what it is to have downs syndrome
emily is off to school
emily is right
emily is like every other quartermain
emily is "wednesday's child"
emily is a winner
emily is so confused
emily is due in a couple weeks?
emily is my favorite friend
emily is my name fo shizzle
emily is happy doing nothing
emily is officially a crackhead
emily is running all over the place and just happy to be a little girl
emily is just dazzling
emily is the only regular poster to have been consistently nice to all
emily is the name of an angel
emily is such a fantabulous person who is one of *the best* people to build websites with
emily is a very rare male name
emily is full of fun

The short tease of springtime is slipping away.

I want to sleep until sometime next month.

Ahhhhhh......60 degrees and partly cloudy. I'll take that for now. There's nothing like a little warmth and a gaze over Lake Michigan to brighten up the spirits. I can't wait for official springtime.

My top 7 favorite things about warm weather in Chi-town:
(I just couldn't narrow it down to 5, as hard as I tried.)

7. The smell of growing, blooming plants and warming lake water.
6. The infamous wind. I just love how I can get chilled goosebumps when I'm sitting in the shade on the lake on a 90 degree summer day.
5. Flip-flops. I absolutely lived in my Mella's last summer. I have a few fresh pairs waiting for spring and summer '04.
4. Festivals galore. From Halsted to Old Town, there's an outdoor festival for everyone.
3. Sunset euro-picnics with my hubby on the lakeshore.
2. Walks to and from work. (*note to self: must take full advantage of any and all fair weather before we move to a desolate and far away land outside of walking distance to my current place of employment.)
1. Weekday lunchtime - sitting on the lakeshore. It's a slow-going soothing temporary escape from work and life.

New underwear, a new hairdo, and Monday is still nearly unbearable.

What keeps making me smile this dreary Monday? Michael Moore's appearance in the opening sequence of the Academy Awards last night.

I haven't studied half as much as I should have for my test tonight, but I'm actually feeling quite capable of doing well. Maybe I'm just hopelessly optimistic, but in my current Rosie-the-Riveter-esque state, I feel like "I can do it".

Craig and I looked at a single apartment yesterday while driving around aimlessly looking for our new future neighborhood. I am getting more and more excited about moving, and decorating, and buying new furniture. The landlord at the lone apartment we looked at told us he had a good gut feeling about us, which really does us no good unless he is willing to drop $300 a month off the rent. Ah well. We still have time.

Is it Friday yet?

five things i need

a job offer
a hair cut
sleep
a back rub
tums

five things i don't need but am getting anyway

more makeup
more underwear
dinner out
a cold
a huge zit on my cheek

Our president is flaming. A flaming asshole.

What on earth does the marriage of two men or two women have anything to do with my husband and me? How is it that a lifelong union between two gay men is destroying the sanctity of marriage, but a gameshow on tv resulting in the marriage of two strangers for money is ok? Oh wait, those tv show marriages were between men and women........right, I get it. That makes it holy and sacred, unlike those gay men who are just marrying each other because they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. 48 hour celebrity marriages a la Britney Spears are ok because they are between a man and a woman, too. Goddam those homosexuals, being happy and committed and faithful and all. I'd rather have a cheating, lying, abusive hate filled marriage between a man and a woman than a disgusting loving marriage between Melissa Etheridge and her wife any day. While we're at it, let's ban interracial marriages and interclass marriages, and hell, shy not also ban interreligion marriages. We can't continue to have our holy institution of marriage defiled by all of this crap.

God bless the USA, land of the free, home of the brave.

HMO plans are pure evil.

Last week I made an appointment with my primary care physician for tomorrow. I get a letter in the mail yesterday telling me that she has been kicked out of my HMO plan, so I have an appointment tomorrow with a doctor who no longer can accept my insurance. After calling every doctor in Illinois I find one who is accepting new patients, and the soonest I can see her is April 19. April 19! It's a damned good thing I'm not in seriously bad health here. I could die by then. Previous to these shenanigans, last fall I visited my "female doctor" for my annual visit and was told that she was dropping out of my HMO plan. I was devastated, having finally found a doctor I love, and now I can't see her anymore. I still haven't found a new replacement for her. It's too hard.

I think the people who run my HMO are secretly working for the Grim Reaper. They are hatching an evil plot to kill all of their subscribers by denying them health care.

Five things I am looking forward to this week:

1. Turning in my ass kicking research paper in class tonight. I will get an A.
2. Cooking pork chops tomorrow night.
3. Thursday night dinner and sample sale at Isabella ! Yay!
4. Friday when all of our bills should be paid off.
5. Saturday when I finally go back to my natural haircolor and get a haircut.

Here I am, at work on a Sunday. Yes, a Sunday. It's all fine and good though, because this is giving me ample time to work on my project that is due tomorrow. (And I am working hard, I swear.) I am finding some pleasure in being here, in the dark and quiet with no coworkers around to bother me. It's nice. It took me this long to figure out that working extra can actually pay off.

Earlier today my ever loving husband Craig was on the computer browsing through some old photos from right after we moved to Chicago, the late summer of '02. We saw what a shambles our apartment was in, how crappy our first futon was, how tiny our first kitten was, and how humongous I used to be. I can't believe how heavy I looked, and I almost passed out when I saw the photos. 20 extra pounds can do a lot to a 5 foot tall frame. I just wish someone would have told me what a plumper I was, and how unflattering my clothes and hair were. Sometimes a woman just does not need to see her "fat pictures." I would burn them if they weren't digital.

I've learned a lot in a year and a half.
1. Working overtime isn't so bad if it means you don't really have to work.
2. Futons suck.
3. Hindsight is always 20/20.
4. If you go out to eat 4 times a week you will gain lots of weight.
5. Losing the weight is easy with a well rounded diet, moderate exercise, and having a major bout of food poisoning as a starting point.

My office: 80 degrees and rising. I guess when this building was built in the 70's they didn't have any idea how to build a decent heating/cooling system. I cannot continue to work under these conditions. I am feeling very sleepy.....

We are approved!! In less than one week our credit cards will have zero balances and we'll have a simple low monthly loan payment. Yippee! A lower interest rate and an end date on our debt! Borrowing more money to pay off debt. It's the American way.

Lamb chops with balsamic cherry mint sauce

2 lamb chops with excess fat removed
salt, pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1 chopped shallot
3/4 cup thawed frozen cherries (pitted) coated with 1 tsp sugar to juice
2 tsp balsamic vinegar
3/4 cup beef stock
1 tbsp butter
one large handful fresh chopped mint

-heat 1 tbsp of the oil in a large skillet, to medium high.
-saute chops 3 minutes each side for medium rare, and remove from pan.
-reduce heat to medium and add other tbsp of oil.
-cook shallot until light brown and then add cherries (with juice), vinegar and beef stock. let simmer 3-5 minutes until slightly reduced.
-add butter and 1/2 of the mint. stir until butter is melted.
-serve chops topped with sauce and the rest of the mint.

I made this last night and it was absolutely heavenly. I'm obsessed with food, I'm not afraid to admit it.

Things I don't believe in:

1. Taxes
2. Getting up before 7 am
3. The Atkins "diet"
4. Gee Dubbaya Bush
5. The theory that the best things come to those who wait. I'm waiting.

My lunch ended quite unexpectedly today. In an effort to find some mindless reading and pictures I grabbed the nearest magazine on the rack in the staff lounge. I had never opened an Adbusters before, and it looked interesting. I finished my broccoli and half of my yogurt and strawberries reading about a man who discovered his dead mother's body in her apartment. I took a deep breath, finished my yogurt, turned a few pages page and saw a photo of two African children playing with pieces of a dismembered body of another child. A bloody hand lay nearby, next to an arm complete to the shoulder where it abruptly ended in grisly strings of flesh. A burned and bloody torso could be seen to the right behind one of the crouching children, and two mangled legs appeared to the left, which I assume were still attached. There was no head. I quickly slapped the magazine shut, placing it face down on the table so I could concentrate on keeping my recently eaten food in my stomach. I glanced down to see the back cover presenting a photo of a blackened charred corpse with white glistening teeth smiling up at me. Needless to say broccoli, strawberries and yogurt are not so delicious the second time around.

Maybe I'm just sensitive, maybe I'm weak and vulnerable to these harrowing images. I understand that these things happen in the world, but I have no desire to look at them, especially with a mouthful of thick red yogurt with huge chunks of softened strawberries.

I'm crying and shaking and nauseous and I want to go home and throw up some more.

Five things I'm happy about this morning:

1. I only woke up once last night (at 5:11 am), finally getting a well deserved good night's sleep.
2. Breakfast of champions, a thick slice of ham and a piece of lorraine swiss. It was incredibly satisfying.
3. I bought this adorable brooch. I like to support the indie crafters.
4. (Knock on wood) I found a great job to apply to. The resume goes out today.
5. My little bro called me last night. He's coming to visit in June. I can't wait!

Mirai. Best......Sushi.......Ever. I swear to God I can still taste the otoro. Not the best "deal" in Chi-town, but definitely worth the hundred bones we spent on our Valentine's Day dinner. Craig picked a delicious red wine, and to start we had the Kani Ebi Korokke (Alaskan crab wrapped in seaweed with a spicy mayonnaise), and the Tuna Tuna Salmon (tuna and Salmon wrapped around a roll of rice with a creamy sauce), both which were amazing. Our waiter told us the Tuna Tuna Salmon is what most people come back for, and I believe him. We then had the tuna combination sashimi, consisting of two pieces each of akami (not very fatty), chutoro (medium fatty), and otoro (very fatty). They were such amazing cuts of fish they just melted in our mouths. We also had two unagi nigiri (fresh water eel is my absolute favorite). For dessert we had three mochi cakes with ice cream centers, in mango, green tea, and red bean. Yum. The perfect ending to a perfect Kissy-Day meal. I almost could have had another piece of otoro for dessert, it was so creamy and smooth. This meal was honestly the best sushi dinner I've ever had. Absolutely amazing. You definitely pay for this kind of quality, at our local casual sushi joint (which is still pretty good) we can get stuffed for under $50. At Mirai we spent twice as much on half as much food, but I came away with my tongue on cloud nine.

Before dinner, Craig surprised me with an appointment for a pedicure and massage at a local spa. I had my pedicure first, and while seated directly across from the massage room I noticed the door opening and closing constantly during another woman's massage. I kept getting flashes of a naked women under a white sheet and it made me quite nervous. I wondered how that woman felt, and thought about how mortified I would be knowing that someone was staring at my thin-white-sheet-covered butt while they got their toes painted. I decided to forgo the massage, and immediately fudged up my toe polish by putting on my shoe. Craig came to pick me up, with a bouquet of tulips and a box of chocolates from Marly. I have the best husband in the world. I bought a massage book a couple of weeks ago, and now he owes me to read it and give me a belated Valentines massage.

So needless to say I had a great Valentine's Day this year. I can even say this was the best Valentine's Day.........ever.

Thank you, honey.

I've given up on a job search, at least until my class is over. It's going well, at least as far as I can tell. I've gotten past the point of struggling with my concentration, and am reading my textbook at a fast pace. I am finding it fascinating, and feel that I am grasping the concepts nicely, until I get to class and the professor completely confuses me with her examples. This is going to take some getting used to.

I'm going to buy a canvas, some paint, some fabric, vinyl, etc., and make some stuff soon. I'm feeling quite crafty.

Never trust a woman in a full length rabbit fur coat asking to buy the angora bunnies at the pet store. True story.

I am going to make a tee shirt that says "I survived the root canal." $800 later my tooth hurts more than it did before they started drilling. I can get full dentures for $400. I'm thinking about it.....

Craig took me to a couple of galleries in the West Loop yesterday while meeting for lunch after my root canal. (With the right side of my face drooping like a stroke patient, I still managed to eat a large meal.) We saw an exhibit of gorgeous landscape paintings by a Japanese painter who uses beeswax to cover his finished canvas, giving the scenes a glowing luminous effect. They were absolutely stunning. We peeked into the storage room of the gallery, and I saw a set of paintings that further inspired me to pull out my dusty brushes. I can't wait to get started. Making my own art is a lot more practical right now than dropping $25K at a gallery. I'm up for the challenge, and am thinking that a little creativity might just be good for me.

The Grammys exhibit a wealth of knowledge. "Without lyrics we would all be singing 'la la la la la'."

Hey Yah.

Some snowstorm we had. Sheesh.

Top five things to do at work to waste time:

1. update blog
2. play the rsvp game on lifetime.com
3. shop online
4. stare out the window
5. apply for new jobs

I finish writing a long and detailed post, only to have it vanish into midair when Blogger freezes. Fantastic. I need to relax, after all, it's just a blog. It's not the end of the world. The following is my attempt to recreate what I have been writing over the past two hours.

I love the grocery store, but I am about the worst person to send to buy food alone. I rush to the supermarket because we don't have a backup can of anchovies, and I come back with 4 pounds of turkey sausage, a package of pork chops, 6 different types of rice and two bags of frozen shrimp, none of which I plan to serve in the immediate future. My freezer contains enough meat and fish to make up a small farm and fishery. Needless to say my cabinets contain an orgy of canned vegetables, fruits, beans, meats, and coconut milk. I am always prepared for a weeks worth of delicious meals. Try me.

Anyway, while at the grocery store yesterday, I made my way over to the bakery to satisfy my husband's carbohydrate craving with some fresh bagels. I could see from afar that they were on sale 3 for .99 cents. Hurrah! I love when things are on sale, especially when they are on my shopping list. On my way to the bagel bins I was cut off by a large older Polish-looking man in a dirty jumpsuit who parked himself smack dab in the middle of the aisle, creating a bakery road block. I grabbed a plastic bag and waited. I watched in awe as he displayed a blatant lack of respect for health and cleanliness by fondling and squeezing each and every sesame bagel in the bin. I quickly decided that fresh bagels were no longer on my list and threw my plastic bag to the side, made a grunt of disgust to match the look on my face, and prepared to quickly leave the bakery area. However, I misjudged the space he had left me to maneuver through and promptly hit a table stacked high with boxes of banana nut muffins. As more than a dozen boxes hit the floor with a crash I recoiled in horror and embarrassment. To show the Polish bagel squeezer the meaning of courtesy, I bent down to pick up my mess (luckily none of the boxes came open to spill clean fresh muffins on the floor.) I looked up as I placed the last box carefully back on the table, only to hear a grunt of disgust paired with the same look on the face of Mr. Bagel Molester as he swept past me with his cart, which happened to be absent of any newly tainted bagels. Life is just not fair at the grocery store.

Hubb and I had a delicious dinner last night consisting of whitefish with an olive, anchovy and tomato relish, creamy parmesan risotto and steamed broccoli. I carry a souvenir of this meal with me today in the form of a fish bone stuck in my throat. This is paired with the new blister on my left hand from absent-mindedly touching the broiler pan, which matches the new scar forming on my right forearm from an encounter with a roasting pan last week. I should be locked away alone with a room temperature liquid diet.

This increasing accident-proneness is starting to worry me. I have tried to wreck my car each and every time it has snowed here this season. I keep successfully managing to lose control and fish-tail, once spinning a complete 180 in the middle of Sheridan Road. We are supposed to get 2-6 inches tonight, and I am worried about what my drive to work tomorrow might bring. I have no choice but to come in, with my coworker out I am left to manage our department by myself. I have been told to buy 50 pound bags of sand for my trunk to make my lightweight plastic Volkswagen as heavy as a real car, but I have a problem paying for something that is readily available on the beach near my house, (albeit underneath two feet of snow.) Maybe I should free up some room in my freezer and store all of those bags of shrimp, chicken, fish, sausage, and pork chops in the trunk of my car until the snow and ice has thawed. Or maybe I should just leave it empty because another uncontrolled spinning may dislodge this fish bone in my esophagus.

For some reason I feel a pressing need to get this out of the way.

Who I am, in 100 statements or less.

1. I am five feet, one inch tall and I absolutely hate shorty jokes.
2. I weigh an average of 123.5 pounds, and am working on getting down to a healthy doctor recommended 115. Sort of.
3. I am self conscious about my lovehandles and my boobs. I would have a reduction if it wasn't so painful.
4. I have a lot of work done to my teeth, even though it is painful.
5. My favorite food is sushi. Unagi, saba, and smoked salmon in particular.
6. I don't like electronic music, much to the dismay of my husband.
7. I have been married for almost 10 months to the best man in the world.
8. My two cats, Eva and Stella, are my babies.
9. I love to cook. I like to think I'm pretty good at it. Everything except asian food, that is.
10. I can't bake. I make a good apple pie, but that's about it.
11. My favorite dessert is creme brulee.
12. Reading is my main hobby. I always have at least 4 books in process at a time.
13. I was a ceramics major in college. I haven't been in the studio for more than 6 months.
14. I would like to have a home studio some day.
15. When I was 12 I broke my pinkie toe on my left foot. It now bends weird.
16. I have two tattoos, a star on my right foot and a swallow on my lower left back.
17. I'd like to get my husbands initials in a banner in the beak of the swallow.
18. One of my other hobbies is shopping. It's an addiction and I often spend too much money.
19. I own a lot of makeup.
20. I have issues with my hair. I wish it were straight but it is frizzy and wavy. And currently an unnatural few different shades of brown.
21. I work in a library. My office door actually says "Librarian." (I don't have an MLS)
22. I am a product junkie.
23. I own a 1930's men's armoire, a piece of furniture called a compactum.
24. I am drawn to art deco and art nouveau furniture, jewelry, and art.
25. My engagement ring is an art deco piece from the 1930's.
26. I don't like flashy jewelry unless it is antique.
27. My favorite movies are Amelie, Waking Life, Monty Python's Holy Grail, and True Romance.
28. My parents are divorced, all of my grandparents were divorced, and I don't believe in divorce.
29. My dog, Chester, has addison's disease. He lives with my dad and step mom.
30. I have a younger brother who is 18. Even though he has been in some trouble I am still very proud of him.
31. I worry about my mother sometimes.
32. I have a phobia about walking on open grates in the sidewalk.
33. I can't stand people who drive like assholes.
34. I have a problem relaxing sometimes.
35. I ripped my left big toenail off in September, on my husband's first day of work at his new job.
36. My toenail is now grown back. It hurt like crap.
37. I once went to the hospital thinking I had appendicitis. I really had a pulled muscle.
38. I am a hypocondriac sometimes.
39. I grew up in Virginia just south of Washington D.C..
40. I am never moving back to Virginia.
41. I have a bad habit of being very easily annoyed.
42. My very best friend lives in Hawaii. We've been friends for almost 19 years.
43. I am a very picky person.
44. I can't wait to be a mother someday.
45. One of my favorite memories is of catching crayfish in the creek that ran through my backyard as a kid.
46. I miss being a kid.
47. I also miss all of my friends who don't live in Chicago.
48. Oh, I live in Chicago. Well, actually Evanston, but I'm less than a block from the Chicago border.
49. I will become an official Chicago resident in April.
50. Cinnamon ice cream is one of my favorites.
51. I wear glasses, though I can see fine without them. My prescription is very minor.
52. I used to have a lot of trouble trusting people.
53. Sometimes I overestimate or underestimate my friendships.
54. I am highly organized and very detail oriented.
55. I like to file things.
56. I can't stand unorganized spaces.
57. I once had a hampster names Sammy who died on the fourth of July.
58. I enjoy fresh basil, and want to have a huge garden of it someday.
59. My car is a 2001 VW Golf. It is silver. It has four doors. It is the newest car I've ever owned.
60. My husband and I share said car.
61. My husband's nose is crooked. Wait, that's not about me.....
62. I have a small collection of porcelain salt and pepper shakers, some of them vintage.
63. I like lists and surveys.
64. My nickname growing up was "Emyduck" because my first word was "quack."
65. I have a retirement fund.
66. My first boyfriend was in the 7th grade.
67. My first kiss was also in the 7th grade. I bit his tongue.
68. I lost my virginity to a boy who cheated on me the very next day. He never graduated high school and he now has at least two kids.
69. I am a huge hypocrite sometimes.
70. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of my favorite books.
71. I constantly dream about winning the lottery.
72. I have no musical talent whatsoever.
73. My favorite conversation hearts are the white ones.
74. I hate Dave Matthews.
75. I really like to eat red meat. Rare.
76. I am a huge romantic.
77. My birthday is the day before Halloween, which makes me a Scorpio.
78. I used to get strep throat and lose my voice every year when I was a teenager.
79. I am obsessed with the Food Network.
80. My eyes are hazel-green. They are my favorite feature.
81. My first concert was Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson when I was in 9th grade.
82. I smoked between the ages of 13-15.
83. I am very lazy and have trouble getting up on weekdays.
84. I'd rather not have to go to work every day. At least not have to go to a job I don't like.
85. It took me five years to get a four year college degree.
86. I took one semester off to work full time at a hair salon. That was my favorite job ever.
87. My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, marshmallow fluff and bananas.
88. I don't eat much fast food.
89. I wish I had not gone to community college before transferring to a real university.
90. I am very indecisive.
91. My sense of humor sometimes involves making fun of people. I feel guilty about that.
92. I wish I made friends more easily.
93. I treasure the friends I do have and I am very loyal.
94. My biggest fear is to be left alone.
95. I am afraid of death, for myself and for others.
96. I have trouble admitting I was wrong.
97. My biggest flaw is that I am a control freak. I just can't help it and I think it scares people sometimes.
98. I have a scar on my left butt cheek from when I fell onto the open dishwasher on a knife when I was 11 or 12.
99. I like to watch old movies.
100. I sort of feel like this was a waste of time.

Another day begins another week begins another month. Took Eva to the vet this morning; she has a bacterial infection and is on antibiotics for the next 5 days. I was late to work then burned my tongue on my chicken soup at lunch. I'm tired and I wanna go home. Today is the first day of my developmental psychology class, and I at least finished the developmental psychology chapter in my review book. I'm a little bit nervous. We are existing under a winter weather warning today, with an expected 2-4 inches of snow.....again. I got my hair cut on Saturday, and I'm actually pretty happy about it. I was shaking uncontrollably with a bucket of tears ready before she took the first snip. But she did ok. She (my stylist Janet) is preggers and is due in two months. So I'll only get one more haircut (and help getting back to my natural color) before she leaves to give birth to her son. She is going to name him Nickolas. He was an accident. I'm not ready for an accident like that. Dropping my knife on the floor at the Indian Buffet, sure. Baby, no. I'm too selfish. I wonder if that will ever go away. I asked my dad for money yesterday. My brother goes to court next Monday. I saw Janet Jackson's boob during the SuperBowl halftime show. I was shocked, and am saddened by her pathetic need for publicity. Justin Timberlake looks like my little brother. I have a constant list of things I want:

1. A real sofa
2. A vintage travel poster of Washington DC
3. A frame for one of our wedding presents
4. An appointment at the vet to declaw my evil cat Stella
5. A plane ticket to Hawaii to visit my best friend Gina

5 things i'm looking forward to this weekend:

1. finally cleaning out our storage space
2. finally storing my ceramics supplies and our christmas decorations in the basement rather than our entryway and dining room
3. dinner at sushi arigato
4. finally seeing lord of the rings
5. the superbowl menu i plan to prepare for our 2 person party

My janitor, Ben, and I have a special relationship. We always talk about the weather and about our families; he tells me how hard it is to have a wife and four kids while he works two jobs, and I tell him how my cats sleep in my bed with me and my husband. He gave me a special pep talk right before my wedding, fatherly advice and encouragment, but also mentioned that I still had time to get out before it was too late. His native tongue is Spanish, and he sometimes has a hard time saying what he means in English, and doesn't always understand what I am asking him for. We're working on breaking down the language barrier with small talk. His daily visits are one of the few things I look forward to at work every day.

He came in today and told me it would be warm tomorrow - six degrees. Then he says "You know, I wake up this morning at four-thirty and sheesh (shivers), and I say 'Jesus Christ.' I really called him out on it, you know. Is too damned cold." I couldn't have said it better myself.

i need to have a screaming session tonight. maybe i'll to tae bo and pull my groin again and have to go the hopsital for pretend appendicitis. why are people so effing stupid? i hate them all. [steam shooting out of ears] i didn't pack a lunch so i may go for some theraputic indian buffet today. if i don't turn into a pissed off chunk of ice before i make it to the car, which won't even heat up before i get there. so many people are morons, it's a damned good thing i'm smarter than everyone else. damn good thing.

currently chanting "life's too short; do unto others...; it takes all kinds; be the better person."

0 degrees, feels like -12. Is it spring yet?

Random things I worry about:

1. All of my neighbors' dogs. Upstairs - the owner is never home, resulting in her tiny dog constantly jumping up and down and up and down at the front door waiting for her to come home. He's going to end up neurotic. Downstairs - two big dogs in a tiny apartment who aren't taken outside enough, resulting in huge puddles of piss at the very bottom of our back stairs. Either they can't even hold it long enough to get to the grass or they aren't ever given the chance to go anywhere else. Either way is abusive.

2. My downstairs, next door neighbors. All they do is fight and scream, and I'm worried for their children. Last fight I heard mom tell dad to pack his bags. I'm not an advocate for divorce, but I honestly think that would be best at this point.

3. My brother and my mom. My brother for his legal troubles, my mother for her money troubles.

4. Homeless people in Chicago. It's cold and they don't have heat.

My current reading list:

~Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris I heard he was hilarious, but I'm not too impressed. Currently on page 201/272
~Psychology - Dan Baucomb Reading this to catch up before my Developmental Psychology class starts on Monday. 138/319
~Holy Blood, Holy Grail - Richard Leigh After reading The DaVinci Code, (along with 98% of the rest of the world) I became interested in the topic. For some reason I am intrigued by text debunking Christian beliefs. 64/496
~Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson I am a nerd and I love to learn. 82/560
~Everything's Eventual - Stephen King I've been reading this for a year. I love Stephen King, and I always like to have a book of short stories on my current bedside table reading stack. 212/464

I'm in a pretty good mood today despite the snowy slushy death trap outside. Where else can one be nearly side swiped, rear ended, plowed into a ditch, and spend more than half an hour traveling less than two miles? Chicago in the winter. I love it. I think more people come out during treacherous driving conditions than any other time here. My favorites are the ones who somehow manage to get into their snow covered car without disturbing a flake, turn on the windshield wipers to get the snow out of their immediate line of sight, then speed off stupidly and obliviously into the blizzard, looking for a deadly accident. When I say survival of the fittest, these are the people I'm talking about.

Top three people I would rather not associate with:
3. Laundromat owners
2. Idiotic foul weather drivers
1. George Bush

Creativity = Therapy I need a new job. According to Craig, I need to join the "creative class." I must say that I agree. Any ideas?

Five reasons I love my husband:

1. He supports me in all my endeavors.
2. He eats anything I cook, without question.
3. I can see myself growing old with him, and he'll be a really attractive older man.
4. He apologizes when it's not his fault.
5. Because every night is like a slumber party.

5 worst things about this past weekend:
1. spinning out on the snow and slush, almost plummeting to my doom into frozen lake michigan
2. scheduling a root canal for next month
3. the lack of productivity
4. taking a double dose of b.c. and feeling nauseous all day sunday
5. when it ended

5 best things about this past weekend:
1. sushi wabi with craig on friday (1 more sushi restaurant to go and we'll have hit the top 5 in chi-town)
2. staying in, staying warm
3. watching the snow fall
4. craig cooking dinner on sunday
5. not killing myself on the road in the snow and slush

I have the worst craving for fried chicken. Somebody help me.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but can someone tell me why every female in Chicago is knee deep into knitting? I tried once and failed miserably. I'd love to knit cute little flapper girl hats with knitted flowers on them, but I'm not talented when holding needles, and don't have enough patience for it anyway. Is this just a Chicago phenomenon? Because it's colder than cold here, does every woman feel the need to craft her own scarves and sweaters? It's not a bad thing, just something random I've noticed recently.

Craig and I did laundry last weekend, and while transferring clean wet laundry to the driers, Craig found a ten dollar bill in the pocket of his soaking wet jeans. We dried the cash with my dainties and Craig made the required comment about laundering our money. Of all the things to find unexpectedly, money is my favorite. I once found a $100 bill at a gas station. I love to tell that story, though it isn't really much of a story. I found the crumpled up bill in a puddle of automobile fluids in front of a vacant pump. I shoved it in my pocket, bought my coffee with the fiver I brought in with me, and went back to work. After an hour or so I pulled the bill out of my pocket surprised to see two zeros at the end of the number one I was expecting. After deciding that finders were indeed keepers, I spent it at WalMart on back to college supplies.

I still scan the ground when I pump my gas.

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We ordered delivery last night, from a restaurant that advertises as "lite" Chinese food. Now I don't know about that, but it was pretty tasty, right down to the fortune cookies.

My fortune: You will have a very pleasant experience.
Craig's fortune: You will be the best.

Who knew that fortune cookies could be so accurate??

damn starbucks and their calorie laden cranberry dream bars and vanilla lattes. damn them straight to hell.

Following my husband's lead, here are a few of my current lusts preceded by a probability rating of 1 (on my way to purchasing) to 10 (no way in hell):

-1- Puma Speed Cats, size 6.5 womens, 5 mens, 37 euro, Black/white.
-3- 8 oz California Mango scrub. Best Exfoliant Ever.
-8- Alora Due. Expensive, but it lasts a year.
-6- Kai perfume oil. Delicious.
-4- Du Wop I gels for tired eyes. My eyes are sleepy.
-3- A monogrammed silk robe. Size sm/med. "E".
-10- Kate Spade Pia bag in black.

If I ever have a daughter I am going to do my best to persuade her to elope. The wedding business is such a racket. Tack "wedding" to any noun, and you've got yourself a 300% increase in price. Take wedding photos for example. $28 for an 8x10. $28! $9 for a 4x6! I can get reprints at Walgreens for .39 cents each, but I won't. It is ridiculous: wedding cake, photo album, flowers, dress, manicure, jewelry, invitations, thank you notes, et cetera, et cetera. Never in my life did I imagine being expected to pay so much for a piece of tulle attached to a plastic comb, proudly displayed and marketed as a wedding veil.

According to my calculations, our wedding will be paid off in three years. All this for one day; 5 hours to be exact. If we ever finally purchase our wedding album, I am going to pull it out each time I pay the bills.

I love you, Honey. You're worth every penny and then some.

I hate the smell of Windex.

It is now 6 degrees out. My sinus cavities froze on my way in to work this morning.

I'm tired. I was spoiled yesterday with my laziness. Despite a raging hangover from hell, it sort of felt good to stay in bed until 1:30pm.

I have some weird red spots under my eyelids. I am the devil. There's no other explanation.

I want it to be 5:00 already. I have already had at least 25 pop up screens alerting me that a virus has been found on my computer. Goddammit. At least it's a 4 day work week.

Grump grump grumble grump.

Resolution Update:

1. Get in shape: I'm feeling great. Been working out, eating sensibly (most of the time.) Down a few pounds, looking in the mirror and saying "hmm....pretty good." Was able to purchase the smallest pants size....ever.
2. Be nice: Have regenerated relationship with coworker, have not been nasty to anyone.
3. Budget: I might scratch this one off the list. At least temporarily. But I did go through our debt and income and estimated that we will be able to purchase a house in 2007.
4. Employment: Slowly but surely I'm working on it. It seems that I have someone interested in me, but I don't think she wants to pay me sufficiently, so the search continues.
5. Adventure: I stood on the shore of Lake Michigan for a minute last night. It's frozen and beautiful. And cold. I might be adventurous and go out on the beach and try to walk on the ice one of these days. (might being the operative word here.)

I thought it couldn't happen, but I've actually been busy today! It's been rather exciting and invigorating, having actual work to do, and looking back on a long list of accomplishments crossed off the to do list. I used my creative genius to interpret and maneuver around an unintuitive acquisitions program uncovering information deemed lost forever and solving a massive problem for a patron. And nobody patted me on the back.

In other news: after voicing my complaint against poor customer service from a company I hold near and dear, I am rewarded with a complimentary item I have been coveting for months. Tip of the Day: the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

add:
7. not getting the credit I deserve
6. scratchy bra straps

5 things that irritate me most:

5. ill fitting underwear
4. constant noise
3. cigarettes
2. poor customer service
1. ignorance and neophobia

Under a guise of all day doctor appointments, I am taking a well deserved day off next week. Granted, I do have an appointment to see an endodontist, but one dentist appointment is well worth having a four day work week, I say.

I admit that I haven't been working myself very hard in the exercise department, but I am feeling quite good. A twenty to thirty minute (almost daily) custom workout has added an aching back and sore abs to my long list of gripes, but I'm willing to endure it. I know there's a trim young vixen under my skin somewhere. She detests these lovehandles and is aching to wear way-too-superlow jeans in public at least once. Unfortunately she has a soft spot in her heart for all you can eat Indian buffet lunches, which she gives in to all too often. Ah well, you win some, you lose some. I prefer to lose more, but pound for pound I'm still pretty happy with myself, and I'm still feeling as fit and slim as I've ever been. As long as the lighting is dim I'll wear those jeans, lovehandles or no.

While wasting time at work I sometimes stare out the window and think it would be nice if I had a sugar daddy and stayed home and watched movies and did sit ups and crossword puzzles and shopped and attended an herb garden all day long, with ample time to cook savory meals and gourmet sweet treats for my loving husband to enjoy after a hard days work. Then I remember that #1 - I do not have a sugar daddy, #2 - I would be bored silly with nothing productive to do, other than the above mentioned tasks, and #3 - I'm at work. Then I start to get really depressed thinking of all of the things I want to accomplish in life, or at least a list consisting of at least a few possible life accomplishments and many many quite possibly unattainable dreams. This list goes on and on and on and on since I am indecisive and fickle and can never make up my mind about anything, least of all my life, except with whom to share it with. I made that decision almost five years ago and haven't looked back since. Well, maybe a slight turn of the head once or twice, but it's been smooth sailing for my love and I for at least our whole "Chicago Life", despite appendicitis, a stolen car, a long distance wedding, debt, a broken toenail, cats, employment depression and a few extra pounds. Most of all I want to be happy, which I usually am, except for every few days at work when I look out the window and start thinking about my future, not that my future is going to be bad, but because I don't know what my future will hold and I am scared for what it will become, but not so much scared in a "oh-my-god-there's-a-man-wielding-a-knife-and-I-have-nowhere-to-run-to-in-this-dark-and-spooky-haunted-house" way, but scared in a "I-don't-know-what-I-want-out-of-life-and-I-don't-want-to-wake-up-when-I'm-50-and-realize-that-I-never-accomplished-anything-important" sort of way. I want to do so much, and I am terrified of failing. Failure isn't something I handle well, be it failed craft projects, cooking, relationships (especially relationships), dancing, decision making, even daily things like shopping. I hate buyers remorse. That means you made a mistake, and a mistake is akin to failure. It does not always = failure, but it can. Failing in life is my all time worst fear, other than being completely and utterly alone, or lost in a foreign country with no money, or falling down a large flight of stairs, or dying. I've recently been thinking about dying, not in a morbid fascination sort of way, but in a way that I am trying to cope with the fact that we're all going to die some day, and I have an increasing fear that I'll die before I do things I'm proud of, or that I'll be stripped of people I love before I can fully develop my relationships and experience life with them. So I stare out the window and think about things I would like to do, places I would like to visit, people I want to be, experiences I want to have, even things I want to own, before I die; lists which are always changing, but are steadfast in that they are always there.

Places I'd like to visit:
~ Hawaii
~ Paris
~ The Egyptian pyramids
~ Stonehenge
~ Ireland
~ Scotland
~ Easter Island
~ Africa
~ Japan
~ New York City
~ The Grand Canyon
~ Niagara Falls
~ Mexico
~ The Louvre
~ Rome

Experiences I'd like to have:
~ Pregnancy
~ Childbirth
~ Motherhood
~ Being on a cruise ship
~ Speaking another language
~ Running a marathon
~ Being loved every day
~ Building a snowman with my kids
~ Visiting a winery
~ Celebrating my 75 year wedding anniversary
~ Touching ancient ruins
~ Watching my friends succeed
~ Watching the sun rise on Lake Michigan again and again
~ Time with my best friend
~ Seeing my brother graduate college and get married
~ Seeing/Tasting/Feeling things for the first time. Forever.

People I'd like to be:
~ Faithful wife
~ Loving mother
~ Loyal friend
~ Travel partner
~ Chef
~ Art therapist
~ Floral designer
~ Beauty boutique owner
~ Grandmother
~ Wine connoisseur
~ Artist
~ Potter
~ Happy person
~ Healthy woman
~ Successful gardener

Things I'd like to own:
~ The deed to a house with a yard and a garage
~ A bikini
~ A successful beauty boutique
~ A pottery studio
~ Another college degree
~ A baby stroller
~ A sufficient retirement fund
~ A dog (or two)

My comment links are missing and I'm too lazy to try to figure out why. (edited 3:46: Oh wait, they're back.)

Countdown to next vacation:
5 months give or take

Impending boredom is narrowly averted this week with the addition of yours truly to a project allowing the use of one previously useless art degree. I sit in anticipation as I anxiously await the arrival of a brand spanking new Adobe Creative Suite Premium Package to be purchased especially for me and installed on my computer posthaste.

As exciting as this new project may be, I still find many means of wasting time online, and will not hesitate to put in two weeks notice should a new situation allow it.

5 Most Recent Frivolous Purchases (directly disobeying Resolution #3):
1. Chocolate Vivace lip gloss (A little disappointing considering how amazing the coconut flavor is)
2. Demeter Creme Brulee Pick Me Up Spray (Every bit as delectable as I dreamed)
3. An adorable little cowgirl magnet (I can't resist kitsch)
4. What Einstein Told His Cook, a book about kitchen science (This may actually prove useful, therefore not frivolous)
5. A future purchase this afternoon of some cosmetic product from Nordstrom (My coworkers and I are going on a makeup mission after work, and I can't be the only one leaving empty handed)

hyp·o·crite ('hi-p&-"krit) noun: (1) a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion (2) emily

Last night I buy this book and today I succumb to the wonderland-like weather and overwhelming urge for something sweet into buying an adorable, albeit huge, snowflake shaped cookie with white frosting and purple and pink sprinkles. It must have weighed at least three pounds, and was still the smallest baked good in the coffee shop case. This fact alone proves that gluttony is openly acceptable in our society. And I, participating in this unhealthy afternoon snack ritual, can continue to be labeled as truly "American." I fear that the massive snowflake cookie will be my eventual downfall. It was a very tasty cookie, even if it was larger than my head. I have no remorse.

January 9th is off to a good start: I found $1 in front of my car this morning, just before Craig found $1 on his way to the mailbox! Luck is in the air, mingling with the lake effect snow. It can only get better from here.

Resolution Update:

1. Get in shape: I have done my crunches, leg lifts and weights every day this week. Except yesterday when I ate a bag of M&Ms instead.
2. Be nice: I haven't openly said anything mean about anyone. At least that I can remember.
3. Budget: Don't ask.
4. Employment: See previous entry.
5. Adventure: I ate Thai last night, danced at a club last Saturday, and have plans to go out two nights in a row this weekend. That's adventure, I tell you.

I've applied for three jobs so far today. At this rate I'll have my pathetic pleas for employment on at least 50 desks by the end of the month. There has to be an opportunity for me in there somewhere.

Top 5 things I will to when I win the lottery:
1. Tell Craig "I told you so."
2. Quit my job.
3. Pay off my debt.
4. Give a considerable amount of money to charity.
5. Go HERE

Sunny, 2 degrees, feels like -16. Remind me again why I live here?

Top 5 reasons that today is no good:
1. See above.
2. The heat is not working in my office. It is 58 degrees and dropping as I type.
3. I have to go to the dentist today.
4. One of my favorite cosmetics has been discontinued and it not available anywhere.
5. The company that makes a similar product to the cosmetic mentioned above (my backup cosmetic) has gone out of business.

There are homeless people outside and I am complaining about 58 degrees, having healthcare, and not being able to buy my favorite facial powder. I'm going straight to hell. Unless it's frozen over and I'm already here.......

I have some serious issues with my precious overweight America. Over 80% of Americans over 25 years old can be classified as "overweight." This disgusts me. America revolves around the "bigger is better" thought, resulting in unnecessarily large cars, triple and quadruple serving sizes resulting in more pounds per capita than any other country, massive housing complex eyesores, and ever increasing personal debt. Fast and big. That's the American dream. It is terribly unfortunate that so many uninformed lazy people are killing themselves with saturated fat and unhealthy fad diets while buying bigger and bigger cars to carry their fat asses to Sam's club for 25 pounds of taquitos. Fad diet after fad diet, and 80% of us are still gigantic. I won't harp too much, but this whole no carb thing makes me sick. Sure it works fast with big results, but forcing your body into the starvation state is not a healthy way to live. Most people on this program aren't informed on how it is supposed to actually work. Forever eliminating carbohydrates from your daily intake is not good. I wish more people could see that. Now I'm not perfect, toned and slim and ready to wear a bikini, but I understand, at least on a basic level, how the body works and how to be healthy. Manipulating your body and tricking it into thinking you are dying is not a smart way to be healthy. Americans are stupid. I want to move somewhere people aren't so gluttonous. The whole of America is going to hell, I surely believe.

The best verbal exchange of the '03 holiday season:
"The best things in life are free."
"The worst things in life are free, too. You don't have to pay for cancer."

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas and everything else. I can honestly say that this year has been great so far....

The Holidays went off without a hitch (well, maybe just a hitchette or two) and I returned Tuesday to my cold and windy home relatively unscathed. Using a crowbar to pack our tiny VW with all of our goodies, we left our families in a frenzy to return home, only to spend the next few days frantically unpacking, cleaning and finding homes for our new toys. Our kitties were thrilled that we had returned; I could see in their eyes that they thought we had left them forever. They just can't get enough attention now that we're back. No matter what we do, we'll always have the love of our pets.

In my family the purpose of the holidays is to over-consume to the greatest extent. This includes purchasing all manner of frivolous items for anyone you've ever met, over eating as much as humanly possible, and not ingesting a single sugarless food item from roughly December 20 through January 2. I am proud to say that I have upheld this family tradition quite nicely. If only my pants and my credit card bills were as forgiving as our pets, I'd be in good shape.

So it goes, a day late I start my New Year Resolutions:
1. The Universal New Year Resolution: get in shape. This will be accomplished by limiting my fast food and unhealthy snack intake, exercising on a regular basis (once a week is still a regular basis, mind you), and taking the stairs whenever possible. I might also start riding my bike when the weather lets up.
2. To be less judgmental, less critical, and more accepting of others. I've been working on this for some time, and will begin chanting a silent mantra whenever I'm tempted to be nasty if necessary.
3. Stick to my monthly budget. No more frivolous purchases......within reason. Note: makeup, kitchen gadgets, food and clothes are NOT frivolous.
4. Find better employment. At first this requires waiting on my part on the applications I've sent out in the past two months. If nothing comes through by the end of January, a full blown search will begin.
5. Be more adventurous. Thanks to Craig, I've decided that this wouldn't be such a bad thing. Spur-of-the-moment has not traditionally been attached to my middle name, but I'm willing to work on it.